This chapter doesn't mean it's the end of my journey; I am still standing at the beginning. 6 years have gone by, I am in Beirut, and more specifically I am currently in Shatila camp. When I first arrived here a year ago, I ran into a little child who looked at me innocently, smiled, and asked :
" Enti meen? Anti ali emi 7akt 3anha? 7aktli ra7 teji doctora 3eshn teshfi jroo7na"
Translation: "Who are you? Are you the one my mom told me about? The doctor who'll heal our wounds"
Over and over, I was running in the same circle of this confusing question. This little kid asked who I was. That day, I wasn't brave or confident enough to say who I am, my mind was scattered too. But now I know who I am. My identity is Palestinian not only in papers but in my heart too. I am a successful confident female doctor working in the Shatila camp to help my fellow Palestinian citizens. I am a daughter, a sister, and an aunt for great nephews and nieces. I'm also a loving caring person who loves, respects, and treats all those who deserve it with kindness. I spent my years writing letters to my beloved ones who passed away; my dad and my close friend. I studied medicine and I wanted to help people through my job that's why I chose to travel and help my fellow Palestinian people that suffered far from our homeland being subject to oppression and occupation. I hope you are watching me dad and you are proud of who I became. My job, here in Shatila, will end in a few weeks, I will miss this place, and the kind treatment I received; the aunt who checked on me when I was sick, the old man who brought bread for me every morning, the child who was my friend during the whole journey here in Beirut, and the noise of children who were playing around in the streets. I had many lessons throughout my journey and I still have loads of them waiting to learn. Life can be a lonely tiring long path and sometimes hard, not for everyone though. Those who cowardly choose to be followers instead of taking control of their lives and find who they truly are, but those who create then follow what they created, can discover the hidden meaning of life - the secret of those who could fly alone through rain and dark because they have the strongest directions. I'm not saying that you should go at it alone to gain strength; no it is about what you learn from it. In kindergarten, I had a pink backup, books, and toys but now I had a backup in the color of the sky as I always wished, I act just as I want. In elementary school, I was always told that I should respect and not discuss because that's what good girls do, but now I speak up my soul and mind anytime I want, I am a brave, proud female. I respect people who deserve but firstly I respect myself. I am not ashamed of showing my feelings anymore, sometimes I look messy when I feel sad or depressed but I don't care what others say about my appearance. I treat others with love and kindness. When I walk in the streets of the camp I smile at all faces that I meet. I try to spend my time with friends in happy moments to always remember them. I met a lot of friends. I know that they are all my lifelong friends but sometimes life conditions force us to be apart. I change my routine between time and time. I try to have some fun and craziness in my life, to not let my life be boring, it is not about working only. Some people don't accept me as the way I am, some reject me but I know my worth. I will never change myself because of others' opinions and comments on me, I know that I am good the way I am and I am not aiming to be a perfect person, we all make mistakes. My appearance isn't what defines me, because I believe it doesn't matter how I look from the outside, what matters is what I carry inside. In a few weeks, I will be back in Palestine, as I arrive, get out of the taxi, carry my luggage, open the brown door, the smell of the orange tree on my right side, altogether will bring up the precious moments I had spent at my house before going to Beirut, at the very same time which I was so confused, afraid, I look back on my life there and see my parents, sister and me walking at night and talking about various things or when my mom was shouting my name to tell me to be careful while I was riding the bike outside. When I step up and stand in the middle of the stairs here I will recollect the picture which included all of us for the first time, it was taken by me in my brother's engagement. And as I get to the next floor, on my right side there is a table with some chairs around. Here is where we used to gather all around my dad and mom drinking tea and chatting together. It was my favorite time of the day. Then after this flow of memories, I will knock on the door, and my mom will open it. Everyone will be there right with my mom; my sister, my brothers, their wives, and children looking proudly at the person I became, smiling, cheering, and welcoming. I'll be squeezed in a tight family hug and punched with kisses and tons of kids waiting for their gifts and chocolate . . A table with all the family will be sitting on, the smell of Palestinian delicious food that my mom cooked, chats about Beirut and the camp while all of this will be happening I will be drawn in the thought of how lucky and blessed I am to be surrounded by those kind people in this home which will be full of love and happiness where I belong. I will think and wish that you are here, dad between them sitting on the head of the table. Do you think if I knock on the door I will find those people who I belong to behind the door, or there will be no one to welcome me with kisses and hugs? I am scared of the thought itself. Not finding where or who I belong to.
I hope you learned throughout my book lessons that would help you in understanding your identity and who you are. After learning all those lessons, it's the best time now that you turn to the first page to answer the question, "How much are we satisfied with our lives out of ten?"