The USA. New York, 2028
These are not torrents of rain descended on the Ground, these are my tears. These are not thunderclaps, these are moans and screams of my soul. This, what is burning there, on the edge of the sky, do not take for the dawn. These are flashes of fire, that burst out of my suffering soul. Do not accept for a month my young neck, which is bent tight with grief.
From now on, your halls will be higher, than the heavens. The rope in the hands, woven from suffering, will become a ladder in them.
Admit it, the world is only an illusion. The air you breathe, the ground you walk on, the water you drink, the fire, that consumes you are just an illusion. It doesn't last forever, admit it. Those, who have fallen into this illusion, will wake up one day. Even if you're a Sultan, what's the point? We are all naked in the river of truth. And since there is no fragrance of permanence in the garden of this world, take the wounds on my body for roses in bloom.
O soul, you have seen all, that this world has revealed. Admit it, I've been all over this land, from end to end, like a Persian hero. I broke the claws of fear, admit it. Today, from the height of greatness I shoot arrows, wherever I want, holding a bow and pulling the string, called the Empire, admit it.
I will spend the years of my life, as Alexander the Great. I am, like king Solomon, who commands the whole world from his throne. Only at the end, there will be no throne, no crown, no Kingdom. Everything will disappear, just as the wind blows away the leaves during the defoliation. For the hour of death will come.
Admit it, the world is only an illusion. The air you breathe, the ground you walk on, the water you drink, the fire, that consumes you are just an illusion. It doesn't last forever, admit it. Those, who have fallen into this illusion, will wake up one day. Sultan or not, we are all naked in the river of truth.
(television series "Magnificent century" 2011-2014. Quotes are taken out of context)
The light was so bright and blinding, that Jungsuk covered his face with his hand and squeezed his eyes shut, seriously afraid, that he might go blind. But gradually the light began to fade, and Park saw, that he was standing in the middle of… a field, full of flowers and majestic trees. He looked around hastily and was simply amazed at the beauty, that surrounded him on all sides. The colors were so rich and bright, that it was blinding. But at the same time, it was so beautiful, that it was impossible not to be amazed at, what he saw. The variety of flowers and vegetation was amazing. Jungsuk looked around in admiration, trying to take in all the beauty before him, turning head left and right, unable to believe, what was happening. Some of the flowers, growing here, he had never even seen in his life, and others he had only seen in pictures. Long branches of trees hung almost to the ground, striking the density and brightness of the green. Lifting head, Jungsuk squinted slightly at the deep, bright blue sky with a hint of the orange hue of the setting sun. Its rays warmed skin softly, and he closed his eyes, letting the pleasant warmth wash over his face. The young man could not resist and tried to touch one of the flowers, which opened in bright large petals directly opposite. But as soon as Park took it in hand, the skin immediately turned blue, and Jungsuk widened his eyes at, what he saw. Paint. Unconsciously clutching the bud in his hand, Jungsuk realized, that bright acrylic-looking paint was trickling down his wrist. Looking around again, Park suddenly realized, that all, the splendor spread out before his eyes, was nothing more, than the painted canvas of a painting. Heart thumped in the chest, and eyes filled with tears. Jungsuk remembered, how Jonghyong had slowly and methodically painted one of his landscapes, while Park had inadvertently watched him, smiling, like a complete idiot. He always liked to look at Kim's process. During the creation of the next masterpiece, Jonghyong changed. He became different from himself, completely immersed in the atmosphere of his works. Jungsuk admired the way, the younger man carefully, but confidently moved the black pencil across the canvas. The seemingly, simple lines eventually turned into the likeness of a beautiful flower or a mighty tree trunk, a river, that flows between mountains, a blooming endless field, a bright sun in the vast sky. Seeing something like this in front of him, feeling the cool sticky paint on his palm, it was, as if he was back there… in the world of the living. Here he is, standing and watching Jonghyong, while he confidently, with his eyebrows in a line, biting his lower lip, leads the brush along with the canvas, a broad brushstroke recreating another sketch of what, he himself had planned. But when he opened his eyes and did not see his husband next to him, it hurt so much, that the pain turned into something tangible, heavy, literally alive, and tore him completely. Park tried to accept his position. Desperately tries to come to terms with his own death. He no longer belonged to the world of Jonghyong anymore. But then why does it still hurt so much? Why does he see all this? Why can't he finally accept his fate completely? Was this his eternal punishment – the world, in which he found himself, was almost the same as, what had surrounded him during his life.
Jungsuk squeezed his eyes shut, to keep back the telltale tears, then opened them and took a few deep breaths, to clear his head. Looking more closely around, the young man realized, that he was not just standing in the middle of a field, but on a fairly high hill, that overlooked the river below. Wiping his soiled hand on his trousers, Park moved forward intending to find out, what else he might see in his path. The feeling of fear came over him again, but Jungsuk brushed it aside and continued to walk forward. He's already dead. It's not going to get any worse now, is it?
As neared the cliff, Jungsuk looked down warily, to where the blue river ran. It wasn't too high, but enough, to be damaged, if accidentally fell off the edge. Walking slowly along the edge of the cliff, Jungsuk followed the direction of the river in order, to get a closer look at the area. Each time his feet slipped on the acrylic paint that seemed to be everywhere, Park felt himself sweating with fear, as he tried to keep his balance and not fall headlong. The tracks of his feet were left behind, leaving streaks of footprints in the paint, like ski furrows. There was such indescribable beauty around, that it was impossible to imagine, and all this sight took away Jungsuk's breath, and the blood was pounding in his temples. Something about it all seemed eerily familiar, and the realization only made it worse. It seemed, that Park should feel calm and confident: he was here alone, no one was going to hurt him, there was no sign of danger, and the charm around him seemed right and natural. But Park felt only pain and guilt, forcing himself to move on with each step.
As neared the river, Jungsuk stood a little away from it and peered into the distance. His breath caught in his throat, and his eyes widened again in shock, as the young man realized, what he was seeing. On the other side of the river, near the bank, stood a small one-story house, unremarkable, but so familiar. A picture from the past flashed before eyes. Jungsuk saw one of Jonghyong's paintings, which he had painted many years ago, before the death of his relatives.
"What is it?" Jungsuk stood behind his boyfriend and gave him a little hug, while Jonghyong considered the finished composition. On the canvas, he depicted an intense blue river, that took its origin somewhere far away in the mountains, whose peaks almost touched the clouds. The blue sky with a slight tint of sunset was pleasant to look at. A beautiful bright landscape made consider every detail, as a whole and separately, marveling at the variety of colors. But most of all Jungsuk was attracted by a small house a little away from the river, on the bank. As a rule, Jonghyong painted only landscapes. Park's portrait was the only exception to the rule. Junior had never been interested in people, much less inanimate objects, which also included buildings of various types. Therefore, Park was very surprised to see a small but at first glance cozy house on the coast in the beautiful nature, spread out in all its splendor.
"You know, what I want more than anything?" Jonghyong ignored senior's question, leaning back against his chest and leaning head back on Hyong's shoulder. His hands, some of the clothes, even the tip of his nose was smeared with paint, and Jungsuk found it insanely sweet and appealing. He was terribly fond of such Jonghyong. The guy was so natural and relaxed, was in the familiar atmosphere, forgot about all his worries and fears, which still periodically covered him.
"Mm?" Jungsuk burrowed into the younger guy's hair, inhaling such a pleasant and familiar scent. It seemed that he had a special fetish for the smell of his boyfriend, although Jungsuk had not noticed this habit before. Of the two of them, the junior was the most sensitive to odors. But Jungsuk just couldn't control himself, when Jonghyong just stood next to him and smelled so delicious, that Park just didn't know, what to do: whether to lick his entire body, collecting the smell of junior from his tender skin with tongue, or just continue to stand next to him and inhale this insanely attractive aroma through his nose, trying to absorb completely into himself without a trace. No matter, what he did, no matter, how tired he was, even after a few hours of hard work or the most grueling hot and wild sex, he always smelled so good, that insides were cramped.
"Runaway with you somewhere. Just the two of us – you and me. And no rules, no bans or convictions. So that no one can dictate to us, how to live and what to do. So that no one looks at us with disapproving eyes, asks provocative questions, condemns or hinders. Just you and me. We don't need anyone else, hah?" Jonghyong whirled to face him and looked into senior's eyes with a kind of apprehension. The recent quarrel with his parents over his established relationship with Jungsuk, the tear-stained face of his younger brother, and his own furious screams and protests – all this still hurt and offensively Jonghyong's heart. Yes, he had made up his mind. Yes, he wasn't going to give up on Jungsuk. Yes, he broke off relations with his family for the sake of his loved one. He was sure of his choice, like never before. Still, a slight sense of dread lingered somewhere in the brain and slowly, meticulously drilled into the walls, as if trying to break out and manifest itself. Make him give up the decision. Make him give in to common stereotypes.
Jungsuk gently took his boyfriend's hand and approached so, that the tip of his nose rested right in the nose junior, smeared with paint, from which a small portion of it gets on the skin senior.
"We don't have to run away, that to be together, Jonghyong. I will always be there for you, no matter, what happens. You are my destiny, my choice, my curse," junior just snorted in the face of his boyfriend, shyly averting his eyes. Who else whose curse…
"I love you more, than anything in the world. And nothing in the world will change that. You were made for me. You are meant for me. I literally live by you. Always remember that. Do you hear?" Jungsuk touched junior's lips with his own, which caused a slight sigh from the guy. Senior moved away from Jonghyong's face so suddenly, that maknae didn't even have time to react, almost losing his balance, and grabbed Park's hands.
"I really like your idea though. I would like to have a place, where I could go with you just the two of us, away from all this fuss. Special place. Our place! And this," Jungsuk pointed to the painting, "is very appropriate."
Jonghyong madly nodded, still holding the small hands of his boyfriend in his. One day they will be able to do it. Go away together, where no one will interfere with them. Where they can be free. Where they will be happy and will not hide and be ashamed of their happiness. In the meantime, it's enough, that a loved one is just around. Don't need more than that, right?
Now a flood of uncontrollable tears burst from the swollen eye sockets, and it flowed rapidly down his cheeks. Jungsuk felt a wild need to scream at the top of his voice, to let go of the sense of tearing pain, that had settled deep inside him and wouldn't let go. He knew exactly, where he was. Here, in this place, he and Jonghyong wanted to escape together. It seemed like only yesterday. Jungsuk could still feel the warmth of the junior's body on his chest. Felt a love, that could not accept the loss of a loved one. Felt the need for Jonghyong on the skin.
"Jonghyong-a," Jungsuk whispered and started to run toward the river. He was going to swim across it, jump over it, go around it, do anything, to get close to the house from the Jonghyong painting. The house, they considered their own. Home from their vision. Home of their dreams…
But as soon as Jungsuk entered the river, the thick paint covered his body to the waist, and Park was stuck in it, unable to move. The young man floundered his feet and swung his arms, but it didn't help. He's stuck in place.
"Jungsuk! What the hell are you doing there?"
Jungsuk heard a familiar voice and immediately looked in the direction, it seemed to come from. A figure appeared in the middle of the river. Male figure. The one, that followed him, before he got here. But now Jungsuk could clearly and accurately see the man before his eyes. Erik Miller! His mentor. His boss. He literally stood on the water, as if on the road, and danced towards Jungsuk with an uncharacteristic smile on his lips.
"Mr. Miller!" Jungsuk breathed out his mentor's name and tried to move again, but cursed when it failed again.
To be honest, Jungsuk was surprised not only by the appearance of Mr. Miller but also by the appearance of the man. When he was alive, he was much more sullen and distant, than he seemed now. Park had never seen even the hint of a smile on the man's lips. Besides, Mr. Miller looked at least fifteen or twenty years younger, than he was in life. Wrinkles in corners of eyes and mouth smoothed, making the man's face was much nicer and more natural, brows are clear and dark, the eyes did not express any hint of the former harshness, blonde hair was neatly arranged, no sign of graying or balding, which, sadly, but the chief had in life. Now this man looked almost the same age, as Jungsuk himself. Mr. Miller has dressed in casual clothes: plain cotton light trousers and a linen shirt of the same color, the sleeves of which were rolled up to the elbows. This view was completely different from, what Park was used to seeing. But despite the fact, that the man was much younger and seemed even more attractive, Jungsuk still recognized him. He would have recognized his boss even with his eyes closed. His voice had changed too: the same, but with an unaccustomed soft note, that gave a peculiar response of peace and security somewhere inside.
Mr. Miller grimaced and then smiled his new, uncharacteristic smile.
"Pfft, don't call me that, Jungsuk. In case you haven't noticed, I'm no different from you right now," Erik spun around to show off his full height. He was definitely happy with his current appearance.
"The last time we saw each other, I was a grumpy old man, who did only stare at everyone from under lowered brows," Erik mimicked a menacing expression, that was now completely out of keeping with his current image, causing Jungsuk to burst out laughing. "Always fifty is too much, isn't it? I didn't want to be such an old wreck here either."
"So, it was You… I mean, you," Jungsuk corrected himself, still unaccustomed to addressing this man as an equal, "when I… died. I heard your voice. I saw your image next to me."
"Well, finally. I thought you recognized me immediately. Always called me 'Doc'," Erik smiled, as he neared Jungsuk, who was already stuck in the thick, colorful mud. "Come on, get out of there. Get walk," the man whirled around again, dancing and snapping his fingers, as if in time with the only music he knew.
"Dancing on the water?" Jungsuk chuckled, noticing again, that Erik was standing with his feet on the surface of the river. "Rather intriguing."
"Sure. Come on, don't be shy."
"I…" Jungsuk kicked his feet in the paint again, "I can't move. I think I'm stuck. Can you help me, chief," Jungsuk chuckled playfully, noticing the same funny smile on his mentor's lips.
"Jungsuk," Erik said, holding out the other's name, rolling his eyes, but still approaching the young man and offering his hand, immediately pulling him out of the thick of the paint with ease. "You don't change at all. You still throw yourself into the whirlpool with your head."
Jungsuk smiled and ran a hand through his hair, and then Erik gave him a sudden, tight hug, that took Park's breath away. After a couple of seconds, Jungsuk hugged his mentor in response more confidently, feeling a semblance of support and protection, which he always felt in life, despite the fact, that the boss never, under any circumstances, showed it.
Jungsuk knew, that Erik Miller was a good man, kind and considerate by nature, but his profession did not allow him to show weakness, so the man simply hid his real qualities. But Jungsuk always felt it. He always had a good sense of people, so after some time of working together, he had no difficulty understanding, what his mentor really was: outwardly cold and aloof, but inside completely different. He reminded him of Jonghyong. He was the same, only younger by a couple of decades.
The memory of his husband stung his heart, and Jungsuk gripped his hands even more tightly behind his mentor's back, closing his eyes, trying to banish the oppressive thoughts. He was glad, that Erik was the right person to be around. When he saw one familiar face, Park was ready to jump with happiness. He was always a tactile and sociable person, despite his rather complex and contradictory nature. The only thing, that scared Park, was the thought of being alone here for the rest of eternity. There, in reality, he had friends, colleagues, a loving family, and most importantly – Jonghyong. This guy was the meaning of his whole life, and after losing him, Jungsuk didn't know, what to do next. When he was completely alone, he was terrified. And Erik's arrival made things a little easier.
"At you so beautiful here," after dismissing his boss, Jungsuk once again looked around, still recognizing the beauty of the area. Despite the overwhelming pain of losing a loved one, he couldn't help, but agree, that his current world was simply beautiful.
"No, no. It's your place are beautiful," Erik moved his finger left and right, contradicting Jungsuk's words, and also looked around with an admiring smile as if seeing this place for the first time.
"What do you mean?" the other's words surprised Jungsuk. He had already realized, that this world was insanely similar to his husband's work, even to the use of real acrylic paints, but he could not think…
"This is your creation, Jungsuk," Erik turned to Jungsuk and put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a slight squeeze. "When we get behind the curtain, we all get scared at first and can't decide, what we want. Everyone strives for safety and comfort. Something, that was used to, when was alive. At least, for the time being. And then the person subconsciously draws, what he wants, a place, where he can feel at home. Only you took real paint for some reason. The same ones, that Jonghyong uses when creating his paintings. It's just incredibly beautiful!"
Jungsuk stood on the bank of the river and could not believe, what he saw and heard. It seemed, that with each new word his eyes widened more and more, ready to literally jump out of their sockets, like in the children's cartoons, that he and Jonghyong had watched before. Had he done all this himself? With the help of his subconscious? With the help of Jonghyong's creativity? Jungsuk came to indescribable delight from, what his husband did, so, apparently, it was his creativity, that became the basis for everything, that happened.
"But there's still something missing here," Jungsuk said, looking up at the nearest tree, its branches reaching thickly toward the sun. "For example, birds. They're not alive, are they?" Park noticed that a small bird crouched on a tree branch, not moving, just sitting motionless. "And everything else too."
"You can finish the composition yourself," Jungsuk raised his eyebrows at Erik in surprise. "Jonghyong just had an idea. It's like setting the original position. Now you can create independently, Jungsuk. Use imagination. You can do whatever you want."
Jungsuk wasn't sure, what Erik meant, but he looked at the motionless bird and unconsciously closed his eyes. Suddenly he heard the faint rustle of leaves and the flutter of bird's wings. Opening his eyes, Jungsuk saw, that the bird take off from a tree branch and begin a smooth flight over the heads of the two men.
"It's…" Jungsuk just wanted the bird to come alive, and it seems to have succeeded. Erik tapped him on the shoulder, smiling.
"Can I do anything I want?"
Erik nodded, and Jungsuk narrowed his eyes at the beautiful bird above their heads. Bird immediately changed course, circling the sky, flapping wings, and chattering merrily.
"Is it possible to change the color?" Park asked his companion enthusiastically. There was a look of delight in his eyes, like that of a child, who has done something on his own for the first time in his life, without the help of his parents. Erik grinned without rancor, touched by this Jungsuk, and nodded, patting him on the back again.
Jungsuk changed the color of the bird's body from one to the other, each time shouting in triumph as if doing something indescribably unusual. Although it probably was. But suddenly the bird changed course and flew rapidly toward the ground, closer to the two standing men, and Park closed his eyes, afraid, that he had lost control of the situation, and the bird, perhaps, angry with him, would just peck him to death. Although he's already dead, isn't he? This thought helped breathe a sigh of relief for the first time. Jungsuk felt something wet and sticky on his shoulder.
When he opened his eyes, the bird was already sitting on the branch again, but this time was no longer motionless but was still chirping and brushing beautiful deep purple-tinged feathers. Park looked down at his shoulder and saw a huge blob as if a bird had given him her…
"I didn't mean to do that," Jungsuk said, looking up at his mentor and seeing him choking with laughter. Erik couldn't help but laugh out loud, and for some reason, Jungsuk didn't feel offended at all, and a second later he started laughing back.
"Sorry," Erik wiped a hand over the tears, that had gathered at the corners of his eyes, still unable to stop chuckling. "It was me. I couldn't resist and make a small correction to your idea. It was so funny."
Jungsuk snorted but still continued to giggle. Erik's presence and demeanor dispelled the anguish, and pain he had felt when he had just arrived.
"Do you want to go there?" Erik pointed in the direction of the opposite shore. "This is a special place for you, right?"
"Yes," sadness and sorrow returned, and Jungsuk closed his eyes, to pull himself together. "Very special."
"Then let's go. What are we waiting for?" Erik calmly and habitually walked straight toward the shore, and Jungsuk hesitated. He had no idea, what to do.
"Let's go on a river. It will be shorter this way. Come on, Jungsuk," Erik smiled teasingly and waved for Park to follow. "Follow me."
"I… don't know how," Jungsuk couldn't imagine walking on water like this, even though Erik seemed to be doing it completely casually and trivial.
As soon as Jungsuk set foot on the surface of the water surface, he immediately went under it with his head. It took him a moment to realize, that he was in real water, not paint, as before. It calmed him down. At least, he won't swallow the acrylic mass. But why is Erik so calmly walking on the surface, without even blinking an eye, and Park went under the water as soon, as he set foot in the river?
Park's body was still in one place under the water, but he didn't move again, either up or down. Just frozen. The water was blue and clear, and he couldn't help but open his eyes, to see something. It didn't sting, as usually do, and no air bubbles came out of his noses or mouths.
"That's it, took a shortcut," Jungsuk chuckled, knowing full well, that the other man probably wouldn't even hear him.
"It's easy, Jungsuk, come on," Erik danced around the spot, where Jungsuk had "drowned", and kept smiling. Suddenly Park froze in surprise. He knew, he hadn't said a word, but it didn't seem necessary. Erik could still hear him, even though the young man wasn't saying anything, just thinking in his head.
"Did I drown?" Park thought again, turning his head left and right, like a toy dog in a car at every extra push.
"Are you afraid? Jungsuk, you're dead. You can't drown or choked," Erik chuckled, trying to calm Park's agitation.
"Oh, right," Jungsuk smiled, but it still seemed strange. He didn't breathe, didn't speak, didn't feel the heavy weight of water on his lungs, only that he was drenched to the skin.
"I'm under water," Jungsuk stated, just to make sure, he wasn't delirious or asleep. Although it seemed, like after all, that had happened, it was time for him to stop being surprised, right? In this world, everything happened differently, then in "that".
Erik frowned, thinking for a moment, and put a finger to his chin. Jungsuk still did not fully realize his abilities, only partially mastering them, and such amusement is still hard for him. He is a novice, and it is not surprising, that the walk on the water did not succeed immediately as easily, as Erik himself. But Miller knew, that Jungsuk was a persistent guy and always got, what he wanted. Junior as long, as Erik could remember, had been able to grasp everything on the fly, while others, for example, had taken months, that understand anything.
"What do you mean by 'I'? Your hands or feet?" Erik decided to take a different angle. He had to make Jungsuk understand, that his body didn't matter anymore. Despite the fact, that Park saw himself, as he was used to, when he was alive, he wasn't really like that. Its material shell is just a familiar form of awareness, that a person gets used to. Getting here, everyone is faced with this. Hell, Erik had been through something like this, when he'd first been on the other side. To accept, what has happened to you, to learn to adapt to this world, and most importantly, to use the experience gained here, you need to understand, that you are "here". Jungsuk still didn't understand. Not until the end. And Erik was going to help him do that.
"Partly, yes," Jungsuk nodded, then checked himself away, as he realized, that Erik couldn't see him, only hear him. He didn't quite understand, why the senior was asking such questions. Would be better, if he helps get the hell out of here.
"And without them not 'you' anymore?" Erik continued.
"Why not?" Jungsuk asked, automatically looking at his limbs. "Still me."
"So, what means 'I'?"
Jungsuk thought seriously. Erik had asked him about it for a reason. Perhaps, this is some kind of puzzle, a problem, that should be solved. Jungsuk liked this kind of logic puzzle, but not when his body was floating under the water, while he was trying to feverishly figure out, what exactly the other person wanted from him. It was like madness.
"It must be my brain!" Jungsuk exclaimed in his head. The brain, along with the heart, is the most important part of our body, right? Without it, a person cannot think, feel or perceive information. He can't even move. All impulses of the human body pass through the brain. It seemed like a reasonable solution.
"Really?" but Erik didn't seem to appreciate junior's guesswork, because his voice was slightly mocking as if he was explaining the same thing to an incompetent teenager for the hundredth time. "Your brain is part of your body. Like a nail or a heart. Why is this part 'you'?"
Jungsuk was beginning to get annoyed. He was tired of playing this stupid quiz called "Make Park mad". In general, Jungsuk was a rather short-tempered person by nature, and he started up half a turn when something or someone annoyed him. And now, no matter, how much he liked and respected his boss, Erik Miller irritated him terribly! Why doesn't senior just tell, what Park needs to do, to get to the surface, instead of making fun of him? But Jungsuk was a stubborn son of a bitch, so he feverishly collected all his thoughts in his head, which was ready to fall apart from the itching pain, and tried to figure out, what it was trying to get out of him.
"It's like…" Jungsuk paused for a moment, "the voice in my head. An intangible part of me. It thinks, feels and knows, that I still exist," Jungsuk said thoughtfully now. He could not speak, but his thoughts were still there. After death, the human brain stops working and cannot function. But the memories, that remained with Jungsuk, did not disappear. It still remained with him, allowing him to feel fear, pain, anger, irritation. It allowed him to see himself, as he was. It kept from going crazy with the unknown. It was the memory, that had brought him here!
As all these thoughts came flooding back to him with a sense of relief, Jungsuk felt himself slowly rising to the surface. The body emerged from the water with ease, as if doesn't weigh anything, and Jungsuk, looking down at himself, realized, that his clothes and himself were completely dry.
"If you know, that you exist, then you do. That's why you're here. That's why we're here," Erik smiled and put a hand on Jungsuk's shoulder in support. He knew the guy could handle it!
"Thank you," Jungsuk smiled, copying the movement of Erik, and tentatively took a few steps, inspired by the realization, that now he was moving calmly and confidently right on the surface of the river. Jungsuk kept his eyes on his feet, watching the fish and the floating colored algae on the surface of the water. He was smiling like a boy, and Erik couldn't help but smile, as he watched the guy.
Reaching the shore, Jungsuk felt, like a real hero from the anime, who has a fucking cloud of abilities and walking on water it turned out to be one of them. Erik couldn't stop making fun of junior, who was gradually accepting his position and learning to live a different life.
When they reached the house, Jungsuk suddenly froze in place. He had seen it a thousand times, looking at it carefully in a Jonghyong painting, but somehow it still seemed unreal to watch it like this in person. Another twinge of pain gripped Jungsuk's heart, and he put a hand on his chest, closing his eyes. He got here because of Jonghyong. They were going to do it together when Park was alive, but Jungsuk left him alone. Their cherished dream, to escape from everyone to their own special place, remained a dream. Impossible dreams. Jungsuk stood directly in front of the house, but he felt incomplete, partial, broken in two. Kim was literally his other half, and only the two of them could make up one whole. Park should have been glad, that his world turned out to be something of an echo of his past life with Jonghyong. But why then did it hurt him so much?
"Let's go," Erik seemed to realize, that Jungsuk was thinking of something again. He thinks about his past life, can't let go of it and accept the present one. Everyone goes through this: someone faster, someone, like Jungsuk, slowly and painfully. But, in the end, the understanding still comes. And then there is peace. This path is long and difficult, so newcomers were never left alone for the first time they arrived here. And Erik was glad, that he was the one, standing next to Jungsuk now. After all, a familiar face is much better, than someone else.
"Just think of it as coffee. It will be."
Sometime after Park had looked around and walked around the house, inside and out, he and Erik sat down on small chairs, and in front of them were small colored cups with a brown drink inside on a small coffee table. Erik sipped his hot black coffee slowly, trying to force junior to follow his example. Jungsuk was doing a good job: everything around them now seemed real, not a landscape painted on canvas, as it was outside. Either Park gradually became aware of, what was happening around them, which made it easier for him to accept the reality of the essence of things as a whole, or this place was so important and dear to him, that everything inside became "real" for Jungsuk in the first place.
"All right," Jungsuk took a deep breath, slowly raising the cup to his face, "let it be coffee," but as soon as he touched his lips to the edges and took a sip, he immediately grimaced and spat the contents out of the way, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand in disgust. "Paint!" cursing, he got up from the table and started to empty the cup, but Erik called out to him.
"Why don't you believe yet?" Erik frowned and looked at Jungsuk as if he couldn't understand, why junior was acting like this. After all, he clearly recreated all the space around him on his own, and even some things have already become real. But Park was still stubborn, unwilling to accept the situation completely.
"Into what?" Jungsuk asked with incomprehension. After all, he tried to do everything, that Erik told him to do. Despite the fact, that the memories of the world of the living were still fresh and painful, the young man desperately tried to accept the present, to accept and finally find at least a semblance of peace of mind.
"Understand, that your brain is flesh. It rots and dies. You try to act out of habit, thinking, that your brain is still functioning, perceives information, processes it, and produces a result. But this is not the case. Everything works differently in this world. Just imagine, that everything is real here. Don't try to think rationally. This is a dead-end, Jungsuk. And don't think, that all you see in front of you – is yourself. For example, your house," Erik got up and walked around the small room, circling it with his hand, "is part of, what you were, part of your memories, but not the other way around. The house will collapse or disappear at your own will, and you will move on. It's simple."
Jungsuk tried to process the information received but did not quite understand, what exactly the mentor wanted to convey to him. Yes, he was aware, that he could not think and act like a living person, but he had created all this, hadn't he?
"But I was able to build something…" Jungsuk looked around the room, then turned his hands in the air to indicate, that he was still material. Erik nodded, smiling slightly.
"That's what I'm talking about. You see your body because you want to. We only see, what we want to see. You reproduced all this," Erik spread his hands, "because you wanted to. This is where you wanted to be. In a place, that is important to you. So, why can't you believe, that everything here is as real, as you are?" Erik raised an eyebrow, and Jungsuk frowned.
Too much was keeping him out there, beyond the line. And even here, on the other side, he still clung to the past, even though, he knew it was stupid. He's dead, right? Nothing will change. No matter, how hard he tries, no matter, how much he wants to go back, no matter, what he does, he can't change anything. But this place… Erik was right, it was of great importance to Jungsuk. He wasn't here for nothing. If at least this way he could feel a connection with Jonghyong, with all, that was dear to them, he would believe anything. After all, it was faith, that led him all his conscious, albeit short, life. If it wasn't for his faith in Jonghyong, junior's love for him, and the trust between them, it wouldn't have worked. Jungsuk wouldn't be standing here right now. Yes, perhaps, his life would have been different, but Park could tell, that, if he had gone back to the moment, when he first saw Kim, knowing, what he knew now, he would still have done the same. Even the road, they had taken together and which had eventually brought him here, would not have made him turn from the original route. Jungsuk loved Jonghyong more than life. And his current position proved this absolutely precisely and clearly. Erik said that the path of Jonghyong is not yet over, unlike Park himself. Well, Jungsuk was always a patient and persistent person. He will wait as long, as it takes, to reconnect with his beloved. After all, time passes differently here. And Jungsuk hoped, that soon Jonghyong would be able to see, what he was seeing: the very place, they had "rebuilt" together. A place, they had always dreamed of. The real place!
Erik watched, the emotions change on Jungsuk's face, and smiled.
"Come on," Erik nodded toward the door. "Let's see, what happened."
Jungsuk blinked, swim out from the stream of his own thoughts, and followed Erik. The man opened the door, and Jungsuk sighed, dumbfounded. It was a real live image of, what he had seen just a few moments ago. The paint, that had previously covered everything around him, the basis for his recreated world, was gone. The birds, which had been sitting motionless on the branches of the same inanimate trees, now flew freely and circled above the surface of the earth. Vegetation breathed life into the environment, swaying in the light wind. The light played enchantingly with the surface of the water, and the sun seemed to warm even more, than before. The richness of colors remained the same, which made the splendor of this place simply striking in its beauty and picturesqueness. But it was the realization of the reality of, what was happening, that so strongly stirred the impressionable soul of Jungsuk.
"That's all… real?" Jungsuk came out on the threshold, looking around, still dazed by, what he had seen. Did he do it all by himself?
"Where's the paint?"
"You don't need it anymore," Erik said, calmly following Park, standing a little apart, to give him enough space. "You see now, all your memories are real. All your thoughts are real. But the matter is just an illusion of your once-functioning brain. The beautiful thing is, that you can imagine anything you want. And if you just blink, it will become as real, as your physical shell," Erik reached out and lightly pinched Park's shoulder.
"Where is God?" Jungsuk raised his head, gazing at the boundless expanse of sky. Wonder, what could be even higher up there? To be honest, the young man had a hundred similar questions in his head: was he alone here, where the others were, like him, what happened to those, who went to heaven, what was their future path, were there any other similar places, why was Erik there with him on that fateful day of his death, would he leave later, leaving Jungsuk alone, or would he be there all the time? All these questions were so complex and inexplicable, that Jungsuk did not dare to ask them, given, that he had not yet fully learned to cope with being here in principle. But couldn't help himself from probably the most common and probably stupid question in the entire universe.
"Somewhere up there," Erik copied Jungsuk's movement, looking up with a slight smile. "Shouts, that loves us and is surprised, that we can't hear him even here."
Jungsuk nodded, not hoping to get a more clear answer. Of course, God will not follow every person, who gets here and comes at his first call, to answer all the questions, that interest him. This is probably, why Erik was there, playing the role of messenger, guide so that Jungsuk could understand and accept his position.
"Drink your coffee," Erik said, nodding toward the table, where the cup of Jungsuk was once again filled with coffee as if nothing had happened. Park went back into the room and picked it up, peering warily inside. After tasting the contents, the young man closed his eyes, but not from disgust, but from the pleasant taste of the drink. The coffee was sweet and slightly cool, just the way Park liked it. He went out on the porch again, joining Erik. Slowly sipping the brown liquid, Jungsuk closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He died, got to the other side, and has no way to go back. He was still afraid. He still has so much to learn, so much to understand and accept. But Jungsuk will try. He will try to do this not only for himself. Park sincerely believed, that one day he would meet Jonghyong again. And he wanted to be the one, to guide him along that path. Until then… he had to go through it himself, even though the memories, that were still fresh and so beloved were still in his mind. It brought pain and despair, but Jungsuk tried to reassure himself, that this was not permanent. He didn't get here by accident. He and Jonghyong are connected, Jungsuk felt it with all his soul, even being on different sides of the world, and he will use this connection, will do anything, to make Jonghyong feel it too. They had always felt each other.