Okay, okay. The church's harvest party wasn't a total waste of time. It was more like a carnival of stupid games, that were mostly Bible themed and loads of candy. Bethany had fun; no doubt she'll be sugar spun for days. She dressed up as a fairy princess to no one's surprise. Gram bought the twins ragdoll outfits and painted their face to look like old Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls. May's kids dressed up as Ladybug and Cat Noir which makes me understand where all those cat pajamas came from in the beginning of my stay. Mom and Jimmy Dad came as scarecrows, Gram wore a leather dress and moccasin boots. May wore a Viking outfit, which is fitting for her. Jams got called in to deliver a baby. Lucky him.
I dressed as a Minnie Mouse, much to my dismay and Bethany's delight. I never felt so stupid. Backus I looked more like Multi-Mouse since I had put my hair up in two buns for the ears. I don't know who that character is but I'm going to assume it's from the Ladybug show. Mom, Gram and Jimmy Dad took turns taking Bethany around to the games and rocking the twins with me. I did my best to keep to the side lines and just watch only because it's pretty loud and chaotic with all the kids running around. That and it's easier to see all the silly costumes the bigger kids and adults put together. Hot stuff, Darren came as Prince Eric and his wife and kids came as mermaids. Considering she is a really pretty redhead, it's a fitting costume design. Mack and his wife came as warrior angels, while their son was a Roman soldier. I saw someone dressed as ramen noodles, a bottle of ketchup, a Hershey's kiss and Santa Claus. One little kid came as a pop tart. That's a kid after my own heart.
There was this one particular individual that was making me nervous. He was wearing a stocking cap that looked a bit like a sheep face and fleece cape over regular clothes and he was watching me. I could feel his eyes on me everywhere he went. I recognized him from church. He had tried to talk to me a few times at the potlucks and although I was nice like Gram told me to be, I made it clear I wasn't interested in any kind of relationship with him. I don't need friends and I certainly have no need to date. I'm busy. Besides, he just gives me the willies. Creeps me out for some reason. Like all my arm hair stands up when he gets to close.
And just like a predictable horror story, said individual made his way to my side just after Gram took Bethany and Mom and Jimmy took the twins, leaving me alone on the sidelines. I felt him draw close before I saw him as a shiver rattle my spine loose. "Hey, beautiful." He whispered a little to close to my ear.
I pulled away and scooted down the bench. "Hey." Trying to keep it polite. "Let me guess. Wolf in sheep's clothing?"
He slid closer. "Yup. Wanna know what makes me howl?"
"Not really." I push him back as best I could. "Do you mind?" He took my hand in his and leaned down to kiss it. I pulled it away. "Um, no. That's not okay with me." He straightened up without the hint of offense on his face, just determination. "Look…"
"Tyler."
"Tyler. Look, Tyler. I don't want to be rude. But I have told you before…"
"That's just because your scared of getting hurt. If you give me a chance…" He reached out and caressed my cheek, "I promise I'd be gentle." He smirked seductively.
I felt the need to vomit. Not before punching his lights out though. I curled my free hand into a fist and was about to swing when I familiar voice drew our attention away. "Hey Babe! Sorry I'm late." I locked eyes with Josh, slack jawed at his comment but chose to go with it. He leaned in and kissed my cheek sending it on fire. "I had to stop for fuel. You okay?" He looked at Tyler and then me.
"Umm, yeah. Tyler was just keeping me company for a minute while I was waiting for you. You know, keeping me safe from sexual predators and all."
"Yeah, dude. Sorry. I should go now."
"That'd be a god idea." Josh said with a wee bit of a growl. We watched Tyler leave the building before facing each other. "Sorry, Mags. You looked a little uncomfortable with him. Hope I didn't ruin anything for you."
"No! No. You save me. He kinda creeps me out and seems like the type who doesn't take no as an answer."
"That's what it looked like to me. You okay now?"
"Yeah. I'm good." I looked him up and down noticing the single white sparkly glove, black loafers and sparkly black jacket. "What are you supposed to be?"
"You can't tell? I'm shocked."
"Seriously. I have no clue."
"Oh, come on. I'm Michael Jackson."
I laughed. "Aren't you a little white to be Michael Jackson? And young? Wasn't he big in the eighties?"
"One; no one is too young to dress up as the King of Pop. Two; he was big in the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. So, yeah. And three; He was white when he died." He laughed
I laughed. I like his laugh. "I can't believe you just said that. That's gotta be the most racist thing I've heard."
"Well, he was."
"Oh, my god, just stop." I lightly slapped him in the arm while I laughed. Then I had a thought. "So, can you moonwalk?"
He twirled in place, stopping on his toes, tipped his hat and proceeded to moonwalk for me. He then leaned over straight, bending only at his ankles, popped back up, twirled again and grabbed his crotch as he pointed with the other hand.
I applauded his performance. "Bravo, Mr. Jackson. I am in awe of your magnitude."
"Yeah, well, say what you will of him, the man was a legend." He looked me up and down and asked, "Multi-Mouse?"
"Minnie."
"Huh. Okaaayyy."
"What?"
"You don't look like Minnie much."
"I don't even know who Multi-Mouse is."
"You've never seen Miraculous?"
"Miraculous what?"
"Wow. You are now officially the first teenaged girl I've met that has not seen every episode of that show at least fourteen times."
"Nope. Haven't watched any of it. Never even heard of it before coming here."
"Hey, so, you wanna check out the ball pit with me. Last I heard, Bethany hasn't come out of it since she discovered it."
I felt my face flush and instantly my veins were on fire. "Umm. I-I don't know… I kinda…"
He raised his hands in surrender. "Purely platonic, I promise. No ulterior motives." He made an X sign across his heart. "Friends?" He held out his hand for me to take.
Friends. When was the last time I had a friend besides Jude? Do I even know what to do? And how does a girl stay 'just friends' with a guy this good looking? Something deep inside tells me this boy is a road I won't be able to turn off of. A slight tremble ran through my fingers as I reach for his hand. "Friends," I offered falteringly. I cleared my throat and tried to smile. The moment my hand touched his, my knees threatened to buckle, my stomach did a somersault and my breath hitched in my throat. Fairly certain my vision blurred for a second. "Sorry," I said withdrawing my hand from his. "I-I m-must have forgotten to um… eat… again. I think I'll g-go see if there is anything left on the s-snack table. Raincheck?" Lies, lies, lies. The dude set my whole being on fire. Like I wanted him in a bed, er, bad way. I was hungry, but not for food. Holy crow. I need a cold shower. Oh dear God, what is wrong with me?
"I could walk you…"
"No!" I spoke a little faster than intended. I smiled genuinely, this time. "I mean, no. It's okay. I'll see you later. Okay?" He smiled back, dipped his hat and headed for the ball pit. Okay, make that an ice bath. I need to be submerged in ice water. Pretty sure that if I were to look in the mirror, I would see steam rising from me. I passed up the snack table and headed for the bathroom because I was sure my make up was melting off. Naturally, Gram was in there, as was mom. Bethany had to go, and Jackie needed a diaper. One look in my direction and both of them started laughing. "What's so funny?" I demanded.
"Need to change your pants?" Mom asked.
"What?! No! Oh my god, Mom."
"Gosh," Gram corrected me while grinning at Mom. "Don't you remember when Jimmy could melt you like that with the touch of his hand?"
"Oh, he still does…"
"No! I don't want to hear this. Stop, please."
"You think his hands work magic, wait until he…"
"Mom!!" I yelled at the same time Gram hollered "Sarah Beth! She's just a child! There's plenty of time for that kind stuff later on."
"Yes! What she said, Mom. Thank you, Gram. Can we go home now?"
"It's barely seven o'clock. You need a cold shower or something?" Mom's insinuation here wasn't funny in the least. No matter how right she was.
Or something, yeah. "What? No. I'm just tired and the twins are usually in bed by eight and Bethany by 8:30." That was true, those kids are on a schedule, but more than that I needed to get out of there before running into Josh again.
"Well, I have to stay until it's over, I'm afraid." Gram explained. "I could have someone drive you, I guess."
"Josh? Maybe." Mom giggled. Gram and I shot her a 'shut up' look. "What? It was only a suggestion. You know what? I'll go get James. We will take you home. And I promise, no more teasing." Holding Jackie, she put the diaper bag on her shoulder and left the room.
"Okay." I took Bethany from Gram and followed Mom out to find Jimmy. I looked towards the stage and found Jimmy, Josh, Mackerel and Darren dancing with about ten kids to the Monster Mash song. "Oh. My. Goodness gosh. What are they doing?"
"Dance contest." May announced from behind. "Funny, huh."
"I'll say. Who's got Gabe?" I asked.
"Susan. She's right over there by the face painting table."
"I was hoping Jimmy could take me home. I gotta get the kids in bed."
"Oh, I can do that! Just give me a sec to tell the kids to go home with Gram later. Cool?" Gram nodded. Mom was too lost in the show on the stage to pay attention to the conversation. May came back with baby Gabe in her arms. "Can we trade vehicles, Gram? Since you already have the car seats ready?"
"Absolutely." They exchange keys and we left before the men came off the stage.
May rambled on about various things that had happened at the party and asked all the usual questions about my experiences there. I evaded most of them with casual, no-committal answers like 'uh huh' and 'okay' and the like. Finally, I decided to ask her a few questions and say some things. "Do you know a guy named Tyler. I've seen him in church a few times. He was there tonight as 'a wolf in sheep's clothing' and he got a little too friendly, if you know what I mean. And tell me about Josh. You know Mackerel's little brother. What's his story? Is he an okay dude or is he trouble? Who is Multi-Mouse? DO think I could watch that Miraculous show that your kids like so much? If it's okay with Gram, that is. And do think Gram will let me stay with her after my year is up? I don't know if I want to live with Mom AND Jimmy Dad AND a new baby. OH SHIT! I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to say anything about that. Just pretend I didn't say that please. By the way, how old is Josh?"
"If you actually want answers, you're going to have to stop talking long enough for me to get a word in."
"Oh, sorry."
"Now, I don't know any Tyler, but I can do some digging if you want."
"No, that's okay. I think Josh scared him off when he pretended to be my boyfriend."
"Pretended?"
"Yes, pretend. He's not really my boyfriend." Though I could get used to the idea.
"Josh is good people. He's made some bad choices in the past that landed him in hot water for awhile, but then who hasn't. He's paid his dues, came back to Christ and has been doing well for about three years now. He just turned twenty last week."
"What kind of trouble did he get into?"
"Oh, come on, girl. You know better than that. That's his story to tell. As for Multi-Mouse. It's one of the superheroes in that Miraculous Ladybug show and yes, when it's cool with Gram, you can come over and watch it. My kids have seen every episode at least fourteen times."
"That what Josh was saying."
"And I didn't hear anything about Jimmy and Sarah having a baby. Did you?" She winked at me.
"Nope. Not at all. Thanks May."
"You bet. So, fess up Buttercup. You like Josh?"
"Honestly, I think it's just lust."
"Wow! Lust. Wasn't expecting that blunt of an answer from you."
"When have I ever sugar coated anything?" Seriously, has she forgotten nearly every conversation we've had? Not going to lie though, I'm impressed I finally got a shocked response out of her. It's a first.
"Touché. So, you don't like him. You just want to ride him for a minute?"
"Yeah. No. I mean." I sighed trying put all my jumbled feelings in some sort of order. "I don't know." I grumbled in defeat. My feeling for Josh were a jumbled mess that I couldn't get straight.
She laughed. "Funny. That's exactly how I felt about Jams when I first got to know him. I mean, I always found him attractive, but the first time we actually spoke to each other turned me into a puddle of pudding. I couldn't make sense of anything for a long time."
"What did you do about it?"
"Nothing. Everything. Did a lot of praying. Went out on group dates with him. Got to know him better. Took a lot of cold showers."
"Oh my god, May."
"What can I say? He turned me on."
"Did you ever sleep with him before you got married."
"Like I said. I took a lot of cold showers."
"So, no? Really?"
"Really. We both had strong convictions about abstinence until the wedding night. It was a promise we made to God and each other so no matter how difficult or tempting it was, we waited until we said our vows."
"That's cool, I guess. I never wanted to have sex in the first place. Now I have twins and certainly don't want any more kids on my own but…" The memory of his kiss burned against my cheek.
"He got your blood boiling tonight, did he?"
"To put it mildly."
"He's a good guy. Just don't ever let yourself be alone with him."
"You think he'd try something?" I let a little panic rise up.
"He wouldn't. But you might." She winked again. I wanted to slap her. Mainly because she was right. X-rated dreams, here I come.
"That's why we need a savior, honey pot. Left to our devices, we'd be doing whatever felt good in the moment. It is in Him we find our strength to reign in our desires and think things through. In Him we find the power to resist the strongest of temptations. In Him we find the will to take those cold showers when our bodies would rather take a hot ride."
"Dear God, May. Stop with the visuals, please." I laughed. She laughed. I think May is the first person I have been able to confide in about this kind of stuff. She hasn't teased me about anything, nor has she skirted details. She gives it me straight and I appreciate that. She helped me get the kids cleaned up for bed and then read Bethany a story before leaving.
I lied awake thinking about my life and how I got to where I am. Where did I want to go from here? Should I live with Mom and I guess, Dad? How will that work with Mom's baby and mine in the same house. What about Bethany? Granted she is technically Gram's now, but she stays with me. She started calling 'Mom' recently and even when we try to correct her, she still does it. If I were to live with Mom, I couldn't take her with me. Wouldn't that hurt her?
And school. Am I going to have to go back to public school when my year is up? I got ahead in my classes so I could graduate a year early, but I still have a year to go. I've gotten used to being homeschooled and I like being able to stay with the twins. What about college? Is that even an option for me now with the twins?
Oh my gosh, daycare. If I went to school, or college, or got a job, would they go to daycare? I don't like that idea at all. Where would I be right now if I hadn't come here? That's easy. I'd either be in jail or dead. For certain the twins would have never been born.
Jude would probably be dead too. What about Jude? Do I have any romantic feelings for him? No. Even now with his kids on my hip, I have no physical desire for him. Do I love him? Yes, dearly, but like a brother, not a lover. His last letter mentioned a girlfriend and it didn't spark the least bit of jealousy. You think it would have if I had those kinds of feelings for him. No, he is my old friend, not my lover.
Lover. Interesting word, lover. I hear the word and Josh comes to mind. Yes, I definitely have the hots for Josh. All kinds of romantic feelings there for him. My body heats up and all types of naughty thoughts circle around in my head at the mere thought of him. Do I love him? I don't even know him. He's a good-looking acquaintance that plays a mean violin and dances like Michael Jackson. An extremely good-looking acquaintance. So, I had better do one of two things. One, get to know him well enough to know whether I could love him or two, forget all about it and keep him in the acquaintance circle and just enjoy the view when he comes around.
Being sixteen kind of sucks sometimes. Too old be a kid climb up in Mom's lap for snuggles. Too young to be an independent adult with full freedom and responsibility. Adulting scares me a lot. Already doing some of it by being a mother, but I don't have to deals with having a job, or husband, or bills. I'd really love to be six again. Back before hormones took over.