Thanksgiving came and went uneventfully enough. Mom and Jimmy were the only ones that came over for dinner that day. Melinda went to her husband's parent's home. Jams and May went to one of her sister's places while everyone else stayed with their own families so it was a lot quieter than I was expecting. I guess that was good thing considering the downer of a week it was here. Jimmy ended up losing Zeus along with Smoke that day the cougar attacked the cows. It was really hard on all of us. Him more, of course, because they were his and he's had them for years.
The next day, he found Bojangles dead in his stall. He said it was just old age and that it was his time to go, but I still took it hard. Harder than I thought I would take the death of any animal. I've been crying off an on a lot over him. He was my first friend here. I could talk to him about anything and everything. The last few months before the twins were born, I had spent nearly every afternoon with him. I can't really put words to how much I'm going to miss that horse. My heart hurts.
I'm sure Gram's does too because I caught her crying in the kitchen earlier. She blamed the onions, but I know better. Mainly, because she wasn't cutting onions. She wasn't even cooking. I just let her lie and went on with my own grieving.
The day after Thanksgiving, a delivery truck ran over Jackie. Poor guy got his ass handed to him for it by everyone who saw it happen. I didn't know Gram and May knew those kinds of words. They called him everything but white boy. I was just as upset about Jackie as they were. Had a few choice words in mind for the driver, myself but I kind of felt bad for him. I don't' even think he scanned the box before setting it down and backing his way back to his truck. Jimmy tried to apologize for the women's outbursts and explain what the skunk meant to us. The driver did apologize multiple times as he left.
I am fairly certain that Jackie's death was the straw that brought everyone to their knees because out of the four animals that died, Jackie was the one who got the funeral. It felt so right and but also too weird to be standing around a freshly buried, still stinking skunk and sing Amazing Grace. Nobody lied about cutting onions.
Today I woke up to a foot of snow outside. The twins have a checkup scheduled in town today, but I think I should reschedule. I found Gram in the living room reading a book to Bethany. I interrupted with my question. "You see the snow outside?"
"Yes." She said without looking up.
"We should reschedule. Don't ya think?"
"Roads are open, hun. The plows have already been through. It'll be fine. We'll just leave early." She looked at her watch. "Sarah will be here soon. We'll go when she gets here."
"It's just a lot of snow."
"Y'all never got snow in Reno?"
"Yeah, but…"
"Your mom never drive in it?"
"Well, yeah but…"
"But nothing. Roads aren't any safer when they're dry. In fact, more accidents happen during the summer months than any other time of the year."
I was going to argue more, but Mom walked in before I could. "Y'all better head out now. It's still snowing and it's the heavy, wet kind."
"That just means we take the Excursion. Let's get the babies buckled up." Gram kissed the top of Bethany's head and stood up. "Little one here will want a snack in about thirty minutes or so. Brittany said she'd bring Fish Stick over after nap to play for a bit, but we should be back in time for that."
"Got it, Gram. We'll have fun. Don't worry." She kissed my forehead and then the twins as we left the house.
Gram was right, as usual. The roads were clear and the closer we got to town, the less snow there was so my anxiety lessened a bit. We idlily chatted about life and loss. She explained that most of the negative things that she has endured have occurred in November around Thanksgiving starting with her first husband leaving her in November. One of her sisters died on Thanksgiving Day, thirteen years ago. My mom's mom and her sister, who were Gram's closest friends, died in November a year apart. She miscarried a child two years after having Jimmy in November. Mom took me away from here in November eleven years ago. And it was November when Pops was killed three years ago now. Man, November sucks.
"And yet, you still praise God. I don't get it."
"My husband and I were married for thirty-two years. We had an amazing relationship full of love. But we also had some gnarly fights. We didn't always see eye to eye. He was as stubborn as mule sometimes and he knew how to rile me up. But not once, did I ever stop loving him. No matter bad the fighting got. Not matter what he did or didn't do, as was the case so often, did ever speak an ill word about him to anyone. I might have yelled at him until the sun came up, but I still made him breakfast and told him I loved him. You give up a relationship just because things get hard sometimes. Same goes for God. His word says 'All things work together for the good to them that love God…' It doesn't ever say that all things ARE good. In fact, Jesus said we would suffer hardships and stuff so we shouldn't be surprised when life takes a dump on you."
"I guess that makes sense."
"If you want a beautiful rose garden, you got deal some rainy days and fertilizer."
I wanted to ask the age-old question about bad things happening to good people but the moment I looked over in her direction I got distracted by the next bad thing. A pickup coming in the wrong direction down the highway heading straight for us. Gram jerked the wheel to the right just before the truck plowed into us. Next thing I know, I'm waking up in an ambulance demanding to know where my babies were. They assured me they were fine, that they were being transported to the nearest hospital in an ambulance ahead of me, but I wasn't satisfied. I tried to sit up, but the straps were holding me down. I screamed in frustration and anger as I fought against the restraints. I felt a coolness through my veins and my whole body relaxed against my will. "What'd you do to me?" I seethed.
"It's just something to calm you down. You've been in an accident. We are transporting you to the hospital as fast as we can, and we need you stay calm so you don't hurt yourself worse. You're going to be okay."
"I want my babies." I cried.
"They'll be there. I heard they are just fine. Just relax. We're almost there." I heard them discussing my condition over the radio, but I didn't pay attention. I didn't care about my blood pressure or my pulse. I didn't care about what medicine I have on board or anything else they were talking about. All I wanted was to know my babies were okay. And Gram. Was she okay? I knew we should have rescheduled, but No. 'The roads are fine' she said. 'We'll be fine' she said. Well, I'm not fine now! Everything hurts. I don't know where my kids are or if they're hurt. I don't know where Gram is. My tears are stinging my face. I can only assume it's because I have cuts on it. 'God?' I thought. 'Is this because you hate me? Is that why this happened? Because I don't believe?' I closed my eyes and let whatever drugs they gave me have their way. Just before I felt myself lose consciousness; I heard a whisper of a voice say. 'I will always love you. Even if you never love me back.'
*
I woke up at the hospital with my parents sitting in the room with me. Mom was the first to notice me and ran to my side. "You okay, baby girl? They said you would be, but are you in pain?"
"Where…" I squeaked with a dry throat.
"The twins are fine, Magpie. No injuries. Not even a scratch. Don't worry." Jimmy explained.
"Are they here?"
"No, baby. We took them home a few hours ago and left them with Brittany. I hope that's okay. Bethany is with her too."
"But they're okay?" They both nodded. I relaxed knowing they hadn't been hurt. I would have rather seen them for myself, but I know Mom wouldn't lie about something that important. "What about Gramma?" They looked at each other with pain etched on their face. I panicked. I remember her jerking the wheel to the right which made the oncoming truck hit us on the front quarter panel rather than head on. She would have taken the brunt of the impact. "She's not dead??!"
"No!" Jimmy assured. "No. She's just in surgery."
"Surgery?! Why? What happened to her? Is she going to be okay?" I raised up from the bed to get up. I felt a sudden need to find her; find a doctor. Or a nurse. Somebody to tell what happened to my grandmother.
Mom pushed my chest to force back down. "Calm down, sweetie. I'm sure she will be fine. We are waiting for the doctor to come and give us an update."
Jimmy sat next to me on the bed and took my hand up in his. I never noticed how large and rough his hands were before this moment. They were strong and calloused yet the comfort they gave me was greater than any hug I had ever gotten from Mom. Strange. "The other vehicle had wedged itself in the side of her truck, so they had to cut her out of the truck. She was awake and talking to them the whole time so I know she will come out of surgery just fine. I'm pretty sure they're just fixing a broken leg or something like that."
"She had to get cut of the truck?? And yet the twins are fine? I…" I felt my body with my hands and looked for injuries, finding only a few scratches on my arms and feeling stitches above my left brow. Nothing was broken. "I am okay? How does that even work?"
"It's just the way the other car hit you. It hit you in the front quarter panel on the driver's side so Mom got the worst of it. Had it hit y'all head on, you both would probably be in really bad shape, if not dead. That guy was going pretty fast."
I laid my head back feeling dizzy. "She did that on purpose." I realized why she jerked the wheel at the last second.
"She did what on purpose, sweetie?"
"She jerked the wheel to the right in the last second before we got hit. She did it on purpose. To save me and the kids." I looked over to Jimmy. "Didn't she, Dad?"
He drew his lips into a thin line and nodded. "Sounds like something she would do."
I turned my attention to the ceiling. "But why? I'm not worth saving." Jimmy squeezed my hand and Mom began to protest when the doctor walked in.
"Good to see you awake Miss Gabbard." Jimmy moved away from the bed to allow the doctor to inspect me. "I am Dr. Fisher, and you are a very lucky girl, Miss Gabbard. No broken bones, no internal injuries. No indication of brain swelling or injury. You came out of the wreck virtually unscathed. You and your adorable little babies. I'll have the nurse get your discharge paperwork in order so we can get home to your babies. Sound good?" He smiled as if the news was all good. I could only look at him with guilt.
"What about Gramma? Are you the doctor that takes care of her? How is she? Is she out of surgery yet? Is she out of danger? How bad is she hurt? Will I get to see her tonight?"
He smiled nervously. "Um, my college Dr. Foster is taking good care of her. I'm sure if she's out of surgery just yet but I will make sure he gets a hold of you the moment she is."
"Thank you, doctor." Mom replied politely, then he took his leave.
It took another two hours to get discharged and another hour after that to get the word that Gram was out of surgery and doing well in recovery. We weren't going to be allowed to see her that night, so we went back home to the kids. Mom and Jimmy stayed in the big house with me which I appreciated since I no longer had Jack to snuggle with.
I got the kids to bed later than normal because Bethany was full of questions and the twins seemed restless. I think we were all a bundle of nerves. Once they were finally asleep, I curled up in my bed and cried. Mars came and rested her head on my bed and whined a bit. She was missing Gram. "It's okay girl," I consoled. "She'll be home soon." I rubbed behind her ear and watched a single tear run down her snout. "It's been rough month, huh girl. You wouldn't happen to know if Gram keeps any sleeping pills in the house do ya?" I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep much without help. That and I had had about enough tragedy to last a lifetime packed in such a short time. The dog growled a little at my request which told that if Gram did have anything, Mars wasn't gonna let me have it. "Okay, okay. Forget I asked. You want sleep up here with me tonight?" Her ears perked up a bit, so I scooted over to make room. She gently got up on my bed and curled up next to me. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and fell asleep to the sound of her steady breathing.