"Hey Mags?! Can you come up here for a minute?" Jimmy's voice came from the top of the basement stairs. I looked at Brittany who nodded letting me know she'd be okay by herself with the little ones for now. I kissed little Bethany's head, telling her I'd return shortly. I bounded up the stairs and followed him into the living room.
Gram sat in the large, overstuffed chair near the couch. May stood behind the couch where her husband Jams was sitting Jimmy moved across the room to join his wife on the couch. "What's all this?" I asked nervously. "Am I in trouble?"
"Not at all, Magpie." Gram smiled. "Come. Sit by me." She patted the smaller padded chair next to her. I sat still unsure of the purpose of this meeting. "As you know," she began. "Your sentence here ends today. You are officially released to the care of your parents. I am no longer your warden and these fine folks are no longer your guards."
I couldn't help but smile. Then my worries surfaced. "So, what now? Do I have to move out of this house? Do I go back to public school? What?"
"Worry ages you." Quipped Gramma
"You don't have to move in with us, Melissa. If you want to stay in this house, you can." Offered Mom.
"You are being given options, likes and wants now, Sweetness." Beamed May.
Clearly, I wasn't digesting the news in a way that satisfied the matriarch of the family. Gram reach to her side opposite me and retrieve the jars of jewelry she had taken from me when I arrived and set them on the side table between us. "You are no longer my ward, child. You are now and forever just my granddaughter. You have the freedom to choose what you will wear, what color or how long you want your hair, and where you wish to finish high school. We have decided to allow you to choose whether you remain here in this house with me or move with your parents. Although, you must understand that as a minor, you are still subject to the house rules. You have simply earned a level of freedom of choice today. Choose wisely."
I picked the jar up of my piercings, studying the contents intently. I could really put all these back on? No catch? "Wait. Are you saying I can my jewelry again? Even if I live with you here?" The question was posed to my grandmother. I knew my mother wouldn't mind. "I thought you hated these."
"I do. But then I never had any desire to dive face first into a tackle box like your generation seems to enjoy."
"A tackle box? Really." I laughed at her analogy. "I remember you calling it shards of shrapnel."
"Kettle. Pot. Same thing. But to answer your question. Yes, you can wear it all. I won't like it, but I don't have to because I love you and that's enough for me to tolerate it."
"So, think about what you want, Magpie. Really think about it. Don't choose to quickly. And don't let guilt or obligation sway your decision." Jimmy added. "We all love you and will support your choices." He was talking about my living arrangements. I know Mom wanted me back with her and a big part of me wanted that too. But then, there was Bethany. If I moved out, I couldn't take her with me and that made my heart ache.
Josh, Mackerel, Alexis and Backus had come in while we were discussing the terms of my release. "We just came in for lunch," Backus said sheepishly. "Should we go?"
"Go ahead, Backus. You're fine." Gram said.
I was about to say something when the doorbell rang. Gram pulled the curtains back to see the visitor's car. "Shit! Already?" She muttered getting up. I peeked through the curtains to see what had aggravated her. A police cruiser and a black SUV had pulled up. "Sarah, make sure kids stay downstairs, will ya? Jimmy? Take the boys out to fix a fence or something."
"Yes ma'am." They said in unison. Mom headed for the basement, Jimmy for the kitchen.
"I'll just go take our kids home." Offered Jams. "You stay here, dear." He gave his wife a quick peck on the cheek before retreating to the kitchen behind Jimmy.
I gave May a bewildered look and she just shrugged her shoulders. "Must be closure day." She crossed the room to put her arm around me as I walked to the foyer to greet whoever had Gram all tizzied up. Her brother-in-law, George stepped in full uniform followed by a small, but elegant elderly woman. I recognized her from the last dream I had of Jude. It was his grandmother. 'Hilda' I said under my breath and Gram exclaimed, "Hilda! My dear cousin! You are earlier than I expected. I take it, the roads weren't to bad, then?"
"The roads were fine, Gert. I just wanted to get this over with. It's a long and exhausting ordeal so far. I hope you understand."
"Of course. It's a tough season for all of us." She agreed. "Please come in. Mars!" Her dog came running up from the basement to sit by her side as she opened the door wide enough for the rest of the guests to come in. A large, bulky man dressed in black shuffled through the door ushering in a man in cuffs. Make that, boy. Oh my god, Jude! It's Jude. Jude is here! In person. My heart started pounding my ears and my lungs almost forgot their function. I stood frozen to the ground, unable to move from my spot. But why was he in cuffs? And ankle chains? What's happening right now? His focus was on his grandmother as she was speaking with Gram, but I didn't hear any of it. I couldn't make a single word out as I was mesmerized by his presence. I never thought I'd see him again. Especially not here. How did they even know how to find me here? Was he actually here for me? Oh, maybe he was being sentenced to a year here too! That would be cool. And weird.
May had walked behind them and whistled for her dog from the doorway. A gesture that snapped me out of inward mental meltdown. I drew my eyes from his cuffs to his face and found him staring at me apologetically. I thought maybe, he was embarrassed to be cuffed in front of us. Grams words broke through the pounding my heart in my ears. "You can take cuffs off for now," She said with brazen authority. "He's not going anywhere. Let him have his visit with Melissa alone. We can retreat to the dining room for coffee." The man in black protested. "George, help me out a little."
"She's right, Hank. She's got her guard dogs posted inside and out. No one is coming or going that ain't supposed to. You can trust her. Just take the cuffs off."
"Only the handcuffs," Hank blurted. "The ankle chains stay."
"As you wish," Gram relented. Once the cuffs were removed, Gram took his arm and led him to where I was standing.
"Hey," I said trying to grasp the reality that he was standing right in front of me.
"Hey," He said with awkward smile. "Surprise." He shrugged nervously.
I hadn't noticed that Jimmy and the boys were walking back through to go outside the front door until Josh stuck his face between Jude and I. "Hey," he said animatedly. "I'm Josh." He stuck out his hand toward Jude who took his hand gingerly. "And you are?"
Jude opened his mouth to answer but I interrupted him, annoyed by Josh's demeanor. "Jude! This is my bestest friend in the whole world." I said completely ignoring the childish huff that came from Josh.
"Yeah," Jude added, giving his attention to the intruder. "We've known each since kindergarten."
"Josh!" Jimmy called. "Let's go!"
"I'm her boyfriend, by the way. You know, love interest." Josh slithered as Jimmy dragged him to the front door. I could have killed him, had there not been cops present. I would definitely have words with him later.
"You may have your visit in this room." Gram said as she pushed us through the doorway and pulled the doors shut. I heard her tell Mars to guard the door.
"Boyfriend, huh?" Jude smiled, revealing his perfectly straight teeth.
"Who? Josh? Nah. It's not like at all. We just have the hots for each other. We don't know each other well enough to be boyfriend/girlfriend." I was mentally face palming and scolding myself for such a confession. I haven't seen my best friend, the father of my kids in over a year and the first thing I say is that I have the hots for a ignoramous that doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut?
"Still blunt as I remember." He laughed. "Can we sit for a minute?"
"Oh. Yeah. Of course. Pick a spot and cop a squat wherever you like." I plopped down on the couch, he sat of the coffee table in front of me.
"Part of me can't believe I'm really here." He admitted. "I never thought I'd get to see you again in all honesty."
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again, either." I ran my fingers through his soft blonde hair. "I've really missed you. I've missed my friend."
"Me too. I've been so lonely with you." I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. "I wish..."
"Hey, now. We got right now. Let's not ruin it with wishes and what ifs. Tell me what has happened to you since I got exiled to the boonies."
"Don't you know already?" She wanted to say 'yes' because of the dreams but she didn't want him thinking she had gone off the deep end, so she stayed silent. She watched his eyes search hers for something before surrendering to her request. "I was arrested on several counts of drug trafficking and other things. I took a plea deal to lessen my charges in exchange for testifying against my dad. Then he shot me. In the head. Right there." He pointed to a scar that was barely visible through his thick hair. I traced my fingers over it gently, silently cursing the man for doing this to him. Jude took my hand in his regaining eye contact. "I was in a coma for months. During that time I had dreams that felt like an out of body experience. Most of the time I was just chillin' in the hospital room watching myself lay in the hospital bed. Never got any visitors other than doctors and nurses. Until one time, you showed up. Not like you came to visit me or anything, but you were just there with me, watching me like I was."
My eyes widened in the realization that he remembered those dreams as vividly as I did. I sat with my mouth agape at his confession. "You were mad at me. And rightly so."
"I remember," I confessed. "You apologized and said you wished you could take it back."
"I still do wish that."
"I know. But do you remember when I forgave you and you to forgive yourself?"
"Yes, I'm still working on that." He took a deep breath taking my hands in his. "You saved me you know. By coming to me while I was in that coma. I don't how you did it, but your visits saved me. You gave me hope and gave me a reason to survive. I can't thank you enough for helping me though I will never understand how it was possible."
"Yeah, me either. Hey, remember the journals you told me about? Didn't they help you avoid prosecution?"
"From all the drug related charges, yes."
"Then why the cuffs?"
"I'm being extradited back to Reno."
"For what?"
He dropped his head in his hands and sobbed softly. "You remember when I told you to forget me? That I was a bad guy?"
"But you're not. You just got dealt a bad hand, that all." His dad was a devil and he was stuck in hell growing up. What can be expected of a kid like that? Sainthood?
"No. Melissa. I am a bad guy. I've done things. Awful things. To you..." He could hardly contain his emotions. It killed me to see him so tore up. My own tears threatened to fall.
"I didn't tell anyone. Well, Gram and them know, but I didn't file any reports. I won't. I wasn't innocent."
"You don't understand..."
"Besides. I got two beautiful babies out the deal, so I count that as..."
"Missypants, stop! Please." He held my arms tightly enough to send pain shooting through them.
"What are you in trouble for, Jude? How bad is it?"
The pain in his eyes was unbearable to see. "You weren't the only one." He confessed.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You weren't the only girl that I..."
"What, Jude? Had sex with. I know that. I'm not a jealous gir..."
"No. I mean." He pulled at his hair like his insides were on fire. "I mean. You weren't the only girl I forced." He let the words sink in before he continued. "What I did to those girls... It was me, Melissa. I didn't just get girls for him. I got them for me, too. You were different. I was protecting you, but them... Them I just hurt, and I didn't care. Not until you. What I did you broke me inside. I realized that I had become the monster I hated and couldn't stand it. The night we got busted, the night that sent you here and me to jail? We got busted because I called the cops. I wanted to go to jail. Or get shot. I deserved what ever they wanted to throw at me. I wanted to die, Melissa for what I did to you."
"But I have forgiven you," I cried.
"But they haven't. Nor should they." He moved to his knees on the floor in front of me. "When it was made public that I wasn't being charged in all the other stuff and that I had survived my dad's murder attempt, a few of the girls came forward to press charges. That is what I am going back for. To face those girls I hurt and pay for my crimes against them."
"But you're still just a kid, Jude."
"Who committed very adult crimes against girls younger than me. I deserve this. I just wanted to see you one last time and apologize in person."
I couldn't help myself. I pulled him into a hug. The gravity of his confession weighed heavily on my heart. "Maybe you do deserve punishment," I said stroking his hair. "But you deserve a little mercy too." He tightened his grip around my waist and sobbed into my chest.
"All the mercy I could hope for, you've already given me." He pulled back to look at me. "I want you promise me something."
"Is it legal?" I quipped trying to lighten the mood.
"Yes, but seriously. Promise me that you will tell the kids the truth about me. When they're old enough to understand, promise me you won't lie about how they came about."
"That's crazy talk. Why would I tell them anything bad about you?"
Clearly frustrated, he implored. "Please. It's important to me that they know the truth. They deserve that much."
"Why? Why is it s important? Why does it matter how they came about? They're here and they're beautiful and perfect. You should meet them."
"No!" He said a little hastily. Clearing his throat, he continued. "No. I can't do that. Maybe when they're older and know the truth. Please, Missy." I folded my arms in defiance. "You know what I've always loved about you, Missy?" I shook my head. "Your brutal honesty. Your bluntness. You have never lied to me about anything. Even when you knew the truth was going to hurt, you were honest with me. A bitter truth is better than a sweetened lie." I let my tears fall. "That is what you always said. That's why. I just want you to love them as much as you have loved me, in truth. Ugly or not. Don't hide this from them. Please."
"I want them to know you."
"I know. But I want them to want to know first. Promise?"
I nodded leaning my forehead to his. "This sucks."
"I know."
"Do you remember the last visit I had with you in the hospital dream?"
"Yes. That was the day my grandmother came to visit and we..." He looked into my eyes a gave me a tired smile.
"And we kissed..." I finished for him.
"It was unfinished kiss, if I remember correctly. You disappeared at the beginning of it." He whined a little.
I blushed at the memory. "Yeah, well... I woke up in labor. The twins were born that day."
"It was your birthday, too."
"Yes, it was." I bit my lip trying to gage his expressions. "You think we could finish it before you have to go?" He didn't waste any time at all to think over my proposal. He merely closed the gap between us and covered my lips with his. It was nice kiss. A friendly kiss. It didn't start a fire within me like that not-so-innocent peck from Josh on New Year's. It was passionate but not seductive. It was simply good-bye. "I love you, my friend." I squeaked through the lump in my throat. "I will really miss you." I through my arms around his neck and hugged him like my life depended on it. He buried his face in my neck and wept. "Please write to me."
"I don't think Josh or any other guy you end up with will appreciate you being pen-pals with an incarcerated sex offender."
"Well, if you being my friend is problem for Josh or any other guy, then I guess they don't really love me, now do they. Write to me. I mean it."
The door opened and the big man dressed in black stepped inside. "Time to go, son." He said with a little more compassion than earlier.
"I will write, Missypants. I promise." He kissed the top of my head as he stood up. He walked over to the big man, turned his back to him and put his hands behind him so the man could cuff him. "I love you, Melissa." He said as he was being led away. "Always and forever."
"Always and Forever, my friend." I whispered as I watched him be led from the house. May came and sat by me on one side and gram on the other and let me shed what tears I had left. This visit was closure for us both.
Josh came in a rush when he saw the cars leave. He seemed relieved that Jude was gone as there a slight grin on his face. I was livid. I glared at him through my spent tears. I got up and crossed the distance in a few strides. "Where do you get off?" I seethed. Jabbing my finger in his chest.
"What did I do?" He asked wide eyed.
"Attraction doesn't give you ownership rights. And that jealousy bit you pulled in front of my friend today was by far the most unattractive side of you I have yet to witness. My boyfriend, my ass! Jude is not just the father of my children but, he is my friend. ONLY my friend. He will ALWAYS be my friend and if you have a problem with that, then you should direct your sexual attraction and affections in someone else's direction because I'm not the one, Josh. I have been through too much and come too far to be manhandled by childish possessiveness!" I could see his repentance in his eyes, but I wasn't satisfied with my insults just yet. "And her, I thought you were the adult in this little wanna-be romance." I stomped past him and ran to my room before he could respond. It seems Mr. Perfect had a flaw after all.