I don't know how long I've been asleep, but it feels like I've been out for hours. I can't remember the last time I felt this rested. I vaguely remember the ambulance ride and getting checked into my room.
The babies were taken into the NICU by Rikki because they were so early and small. Jams made sure I was good before leaving for the night. I awoke to find Jimmy sleeping on the couch in my room and Gram reading in the chair. "Good morning," she whispered.
"Good morning." I sat up a little in bed surveying my surroundings. "What time is it?"
"Just a little before six. How are you feeling?"
"Rested. You guys been here all night?"
"We came as soon as we could get away from the barbecue. You were already asleep, so we decided to wait here and got comfortable."
"Thank you. For yesterday, I mean. And I'm sorry for ruining the blankets."
She laughed a little. "Blankets are washable. Besides, it's not the first time we've had to make impromptu accommodations for an impatient infant."
My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "I don't know what happened. I was sleeping, having one of those weird dreams with Jude and the next thing I knew the babies were coming. I didn't know it would happen so fast like that."
"It's not that uncommon. If memory serves, you came that fast too."
"Yeah?"
"It's been a while since you've had dreams of your friend, hasn't it?"
"A few months, yeah."
"Learn anything interesting?"
I scanned through the memory of the dream. Nothing stood out as new to me. Mostly it was just confirmation of what my mother had already told me in letters. Except... the grandmother. "Do you know the name, Hilda Jorgenson?"
"Hilda, yes. Jorgenson, no? Why?"
"A woman by that name came into his room while I was there. Said she was his grandmother and that she was going to take him back to New York with her."
"New York? Hmmm."
"Yeah. He was really excited to be going home with her."
She set her book on the table next to the chair. "Is your friend's name Jorgenson. I don't recall if you told me."
"It's not. His is Hipkins."
"Hipkins??"
"You know that name?"
"I knew someone with that name once. But I'm sure it's not the same family."
I looked at her warily because she seemed to be evasive. "Do you think his grandmother is your cousin? The one you told me about that ran away with your first husband." Yes, I was grasping at straws and I know I am way off base, but I just wanted to see if I could shock her. Though if it turned out to be true, I would be the shocked one. Imagine how awful it would be to find out I was related to Jude. I cringed at the thought.
"That is a stretch of the imagination, isn't it? I suppose it is a possibility, I guess. But only if his grandmother is in fact my cousin and his grandfather is my ex-husband, then yes, Jude would be your cousin. But only by marriage, there's no blood there."
"No blood? How's that."
"No. My cousin, Hilda is my uncle's stepdaughter. And since you are not in fact Jeremy's biological offspring, you wouldn't share blood with any of his father's kids either. So, you'd be safe. I wouldn't entertain that idea too deeply though. Hilda is not that uncommon of a name and New York is a big place."
"True. But still, that would be crazy, though."
"Small world, huh?" Jimmy said through a yawn.
"Morning, son."
"Morning, Jimmy Dad."
He blinked at my nick name then smiled. "Good one." He stretched as he sat up. "So, did I hear this correctly? That Jeremy's father is related the twins' father somehow?"
"Quite possibly." I said with a giggle.
Gram got a mischievous grin on her face. "You didn't happen to get a phone number for this woman in your dream, did you?"
"A dream? You guys are talking about a dream?" He stood, shaking his head as he headed for the door. "I'm going to get some coffee. Either of you two crazies want some."
"Please," we answered simultaneously.
Just as he left a nurse came into my room with a wheelchair. "Would you like to visit your beautiful babies? Dr. Matsumoto said you could as soon as you were awake."
"Yes. I would love to, but I thought you would just bring them to me."
"Normally. But your little girl needs a little extra help. It's easier for me to take you to them."
I felt a twinge of panic rise up. "Okay," Gram helped me into the wheelchair and followed us to the unit where my babies were being cared for. The nurse brought me to a large plastic case looking thing where my daughter was inside hooked up to monitors and a tube in her nose. She was so fragile and tiny looking. Lying right next to her was her brother though he was twice her size and not hooked up to anything. "Why are they together?" I asked.
Rikki had walked while I was asking the question. He opened the case to withdraw my son. The moment he had been removed, the monitors on her started sounding frantic and my little girl started to flail her tiny arms. He carefully placed the boy back in the case near her. I watched shell shocked as the baby calmed and the monitors fell into a steady rhythm again. "That's why." He explained. "He's keeping her alive right now."
My cheeks burned with hot tears. "This is my fault isn't it. All the drugs I took in the beginning did this to her."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, dear. Twins are risky to begin with. She is just a little underdeveloped is all. She just needs a little extra time to catch up. She's 3 pounds 14 ounces, 17 inches long, so it shouldn't take too long for her to be well enough to go home."
"What about him? He seems okay."
"He is perfect. Six pounds, two ounces. 19 inches long. If his sister didn't need him to be near her, he could go home today."
"Can I hold her?"
"Thought you'd never ask," He smiled. He wrapped her up carefully and gently placed her in my arms. I couldn't stop crying. Scared. Happy. Scared. Angry at myself for being so stupid. In love beyond words. With her in my arms, Gram was able to hold my son.
"Have you decided on names?" she asked.
"Jacqueline Ann." I answered without looking away from my daughter's perfect little features. "And Gabriel James." I didn't look at Gram, but I could tell she approved. Rikki noted how calm the babies were while being held so he told us to stay for as long as we wanted and if the babies continued to do well. He left instructions with the nurses and left the room.
Jimmy came into the room on the heels of a nurse. "Somebody was wondering what happened to you two. Says he has coffee for the crazies." She laughed at her own joke and left him with us.
He walked over to me and set the coffee on the table nearby. Gram handed him Gabriel and let him take her seat. "I've got to use the little girl's room." It was an excuse to leave Jimmy Dad and I alone because she used the bathroom before we left my room. That woman always has something up her sleeve.
"What is it this time?" I asked him. He just looked at me quizzically. "She didn't really have to pee," I added. "And she took her coffee with her."
"You're getting pretty good." He laughed. "Six months ago, you wouldn't have recognized this as a set up."
"So, you admit this is a set up?"
"Absolutely. I have to talk to about something kind of important."
"Okay? Should I be worried?"
"It's sort of about your mom. I know you're angry with her for not telling you about me and I think maybe you should know the whole story before she gets here. She's on a plane as we speak."
"Will it make me mad at you?"
"Perhaps. I hope not, but... regardless."
"I'm listening."
"Your mother and I met when she came to live with Mom. She was seventeen and I was eighteen. Jeremy hadn't come home yet. He was injured the year before and was struggling with an addiction to pain killers from that injury but had not yet been discharged or sent home. Anyway, Sarah Beth and I were instant friends. Well, more like love at first sight. We were inseparable. We could talk to each other about anything and everything. The first six months she was here, she was my world, and I thought I was hers."
"Then Jeremy came home. He went through withdrawals much like you did when you first arrived. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen. There were more times than I can count that I thought we were going to lose him. He was more than just my brother; he was my best friend. Before your mom came along, honestly, he was only friend. I couldn't imagine a life without him."
"Sarah Beth and I helped Mom and Dad with Jeremy while he was coming off the drugs and, in that time, Jeremy fell in love with her. He told me that he was sure that she was the one for him. She was the reason he wanted to stay clean and do better. She was his reason for living."
"You never told him that you two were a thing?"
"I couldn't. His love for her gave me back my brother and didn't want to risk losing him again. And she didn't seem to mind. She seemed to like him just as much, if not more than me, so I bowed out. I told her, I was happy for her and wished them both the best. I left home before they were married. It hurt too much to see them together, you know." He blinked back a few stray tears. "When I heard Sarah Beth was pregnant, I thought it was more than possible that I was the father, but I said nothing. Jeremy was so happy at the news. Then you were born, and I knew. We all knew. There was no question in anyone's mind whose daughter you were. Jeremy seemed to be hurt at first but then he thanked me. Told me that you were the best gift I had ever given him, and he would be forever grateful and would do his best to be worthy of you. Of both of you and your mom. He really loved you, Magpie."
"And so, did I, baby girl. More than my next breath. The funny thing about your latest nick name for me is that it's exactly what Jeremy called me whenever I was around you. Your mom seemed happy with him, but she also stopped talking to me at all. When he died, I offered to take of both of you. I wanted to take care of you, but she refused. She didn't give me a clear reason, but I think she was just too hurt and I came on too strong, too soon after his death, so she ran away from me. From all of us."
"Still doesn't excuse her for hiding it from me."
"Maybe not. But give her a break, she did what she thought was right given the circumstances."
"Why are you defending her when she kept me away from you for so long? Why aren't you angry?" He didn't have to answer. I saw it in his eyes. "You're still in love with her. Aren't you?"
"Doesn't matter. I lost my chances with her years ago. But I don't want to lose you again now that I have back in my life. And I don't want to lose my grandchildren when your time here is up, but I also don't want you to lose your mom to hurt feelings, so I thought it best you knew the whole truth." Gabriel started to squirm a little in his arms, so the nurse took him back. Jacqueline's monitors started making a weird sound which caused Rikki to come rushing back in. I surrendered her to him, and the nurses ushered out of the room. I was scared beyond belief, but Rikki assured me they would be fine.
Gram was waiting out in the hallway for us. "Maybe a visit to the chapel would be prudent."
We just nodded and followed her down the hall.
**
The next couple of hours were spent in the chapel praying. At first, I didn't know what to do and I felt incredibly out of place while Gram and Jimmy were on their knees. Gram's dad, Pastor Marquee arrived within the first ten minutes along with Darren, his wife, Erin, the oldest daughter Amelia, Tuna, Mackerel, Josh, Susan, Harold, May, Jams and their kids, Melinda and her family, other folks from the farm and the church. That little church was packed, and everyone was on their knees praying. Some put their hands on me, and some put hands on Jimmy and Gram. I was overwhelmed. I was never so uncomfortable and comforted at the time before. For the first time in a really, really, long time, I felt loved. I was sure this is what Gram had been talking about when she mentioned the love of God washing over her because that's what it felt like. I felt different. Enveloped. I didn't know how to pray or anything like that, so I just cried silently as everyone around me prayed.
I'm not sure how long we were all there when she came in, but I recognized her scent the moment she touched my shoulder. All the anger and resentment I had built up for her vanished that instant as I melted into my mother's arms. She held me for the duration of the prayer service and even prayed over me herself which was weird because I don't remember her ever praying before. Church was never on our list of things to do but this was nice. I could get used to this.
Jimmy's voice brought us back to the moment when he breathed Mom's name like he'd seen a ghost. She stood up to face him and squared her shoulders. "James." She replied coldly. "I trust you kept your word."
"I know, Mother," I interjected. I watched fury cross her eyes as she drilled him with an icy glare. "And before you neuter him, I figured it out. He didn't tell me. Neither did Gramma. I figured it out." I stood up, placing myself between them. Yes, I lied to her, but in all fairness, she lied to me first and I didn't that hospital chapel was a good place for her to start a fight. "I look forward to hearing your side of the story later."
"But how?"
"Seriously, Mother? Look at us. We're practically twins."
"That doesn't mean..."
"And I met Missy Ann." That shut her up. She stared at me for a long minute as the others started to leave the sanctuary. Many of them said they would continue to pray at home as they left. Gram and her dad remained at the altar in the front. "Walk me back to my room?" I asked. She nodded and took my arm. Jimmy followed.
Once we got back in my room, Mom found her voice. "Why is Missy Ann even here? Doesn't she live in Japan? I bet your mother flew her out here just to blow this mess out in the open! She promised she wouldn't tell you so, no doubt she got devious. I should have known she would do something like this. It's just like her."
"SHUT UP!" I yelled. She blinked. "Just shut up." I took a deep breath to calm myself. "And don't you start either," I snapped at jimmy. "Missy Ann's husband is a neonatologist. Yes, Gram invited them, but not blow up your stupid little secret. She invited them because weirdly she knew that my daughter would need his expertise."
"That's bullshit. There's doctors like that in the states that I'm sure are just as good."
"Yes, but HE is family and family fights harder for family. At least they should. And don't care how many secrets get discovered as long as my baby is given the best chance at survival."
"And f course, Gram just so happens to have a neonatologist in the family. Convenient."
"You think she planned this? I was pregnant when I got here. She may have figured it out before me, but it didn't happen here. And it hadn't happened yet when you two planned on me coming out here. So, explain the true convenience to me. Please." She offered no words, just huffs of frustration. "If you ask Gram, it was all ordained and orchestrated by God anyway. She said He knew who and what I was going to need and when I was going to need it. I didn't believer her at first but it's true. I needed your sister, May and her OB/GYN husband, Jams, who took care of me and delivered the twins. I needed Missy Ann's husband, Dr. Riku Matsumoto who is now taking care of the twins. I needed my grandmother who has loved me unconditionally and taught me so much in the last six and half months. And, whether I want to admit it or not, I've needed my sarcastic, smart allecky, prank pulling, obstinate, crass father."
"Don't be shy, Magpie. Tell her how you really feel." Jimmy laughed.
"Yeah, well... We're a lot alike."
"No!" Mother yelled pointing her finger at Jimmy. "No! You don't get to magically be Dad just because. You walked out on her before she even born. You never cared about her then."
"I have always cared about her! And I didn't know you were pregnant when I left."
"You still left." She seethed.
"You were with Jeremy! What was I supposed to do?"
"You pushed me into him."
"How? I never pushed..."
"You constantly left us alone. Told him I was perfect for him. Told me you were happy I was with him. And we weren't even together at that point!"
"He said he was in love with you. And you looked happy with him. I was just trying to give you what you wanted."
"And would you know what I wanted when you never asked me what I wanted?"
"Well, if you didn't want him why did you marry him?"
"What was I supposed to do? You left me alone. Pregnant at seventeen and scared to death. He offered to take of me."
"I offered to take care of you."
"You offered me your pity when my husband died. I never wanted your pity."
"It wasn't pity. I wanted to take care of you."
"Don't you get it? I didn't want to be taken care of anymore. I wanted..." She sighed in frustration on verge of tears. "Doesn't matter. I knew I wouldn't get it so I left. I took the one and only thing I ever got from you and left."
"No. What did you want? Tell me. I would given anything you could ask for."
"Except the one thing I wanted."
"Which was?"
"You. I wanted you." She sucked a breath to calm down. "I never wanted to be with your brother."
"But you loved him."
"Yes, but I was never IN love with him. My heart belongs to you. Belonged, I mean." She apologized to me for the outburst, then excused herself from the room. Jimmy stood there dumbstruck. Gram walked in as Mom walked out in tears. She looked at us with a question on her face that needed no words.
"If'n you don't go after now... Dad, well then you're a bigger idiot than I would've thought." Gram stepped out of the doorway to let him pass as he ran out of the room calling after Mom.
"What was that about?" Gram asked.
"I thought You knew everything." I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Ah! Heart confessions?" I nodded. "So, you'll have a sibling in about nine or so months?"
"More than likely. You see Rikki lately?"
"Yes, Jackie and Gabe are doing well. The alarms were faulty machinery and not an actual emergency."
"Oh, thank God."
"Exactly. I do have a question for you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Why did you name your daughter after the skunk?"