It took three more days of avoiding everyone before Astra finally decided to meet one of her friends. The person who is best to open up with without receiving any judgement? It's Deen, so after a lot of internal battle, Astra finally decided to get up from her bed and go to Deen's apartment where she knows the other is hiding in a Thursday evening. She walks slowly to feel the breeze, or just really an excuse for her to stall the time of reaching Deen's apartment. It took her almost ten minutes to finally enter her friend's place, deciding between to knock or use the spare key that she has but at the end, she uses the key and silently entered the apartment. The peaceful melody of the piano keys greeted her in the doorway and so she took her shoes off and walks barefoot to reach where her friend is.
Deen heard the closing of her front door and already expects her friend to approach her so she scooch over, making a space for her friend to sit. She recognizes which friend visited her in a Thursday evening where everyone should still be busy when she saw Astra in her peripheral vision. The two of them stayed silent and just listened to Deen playing the piano but after she finished playing the song, Astra still stayed quiet so she again played another soothing song to wait for her friend.
"You played the truth untold by Ash and Zirrius, right? What's the second song? Can you play it again?" Astra started. Deen just hummed and played the second song again and noticed Astra closing her eyes and swaying with the music. The song's about to end when Astra's shoulder started to shake and when she played the song again for the third time that Astra let out a sob. She let her friend cry and when she finished the song, she didn't play it again and just stared at the wall with her hands still at the piano keys and after a while, Astra's sobs quietened so she hand her the tissue that is on the ground, she doesn't even know how that thing got there but still quietly grabs it and gave it to her friend before standing to get water for her.
"It's Lie to me." Deen said after Astra finished drinking the water. "What?" Astra asks. "The title of the second song, it's Lie to me." She answered. Astra let out a chuckle and playfully hit her shoulders. "I don't know if you're being serious about the title or that's your way of telling me to just tell you what's going on with me."
"I swear, the title's Lie to me." She said and smiled softly. "Do you want to talk about it now?" she continued and Astra nod her head before taking a deep breath.
"I really don't know why I'm feeling this way but, Tungsten's first love is back in town." Astra started. Deen didn't say anything but waits for her to continue. "Tungsten told me that he's going out with his friend one day and I later found out at that day that he went to meet her when I saw her IG post. At first, I didn't thought of anything because what if they coincidentally met while he's out with the guys but one of his friends told me that they didn't plan anything at that day, that happened a lot, them meeting each other with the excuse of meeting with the guys but I know that he's meeting her and Tungsten might have told everyone that he's out of town but didn't say with who and it's her. I waited for him to tell me about her but he didn't, he didn't even tell me that he's with Jia and I wouldn't know about it if it wasn't for Thyron." Astra started crying again and Deen can't do anything but to just slowly rub her back while thinking about the fact that yes, Tungsten's been MIA a lot lately. She didn't really think much about it since they're already in their last year of college and just thought that everyone's busy with their studies. "I don't want to overthink or to consider anything but as someone who knows us, do you think he's cheating on me?" That's a question she can't answer and she tells her friend about it. Humans are unpredictable. There are things that you think that they're not capable of doing but still ends up doing it. She can't say anything to her friend but an "I don't know" because she doesn't want to hurt her friend if she ends up wrong in her judgement.
"He might not admit it but I know that he still loves her. That's his first love we're talking about and it took him months to tell me he loves me because I know that he still loves her when we started dating. What if he leaves me for her? What if Tungsten's waiting for a right time to break up with me? Deen! I don't what to do. What if-"
"Hey, stop it! Stop thinking for a minute and breathe with me." Deen interrupted her friend's rumbling when she noticed that she's about to have a panic attack. Astra followed her silent inhales and exhales. "What made you think that he's going to break up with you?" Deen asks her when she calms down. "She went to see me at the clinic the other day before you went to see me at our dorm. She wants him back and how dare she say that after leaving him without any explanations as to why she broke up with him. You saw how broken Tungsten is when she left and now that he's okay, she suddenly came back and wants him back." Astra said angrily and Deen didn't show it but she's mad too. Mad for her friend for being left, wondering what went wrong, what he did wrong, she also remembers the late nights where he asks her to join him to the clubs and drink the night away or the worried calls she receives from Astra or Jrey asking for assistance because Tungsten's drunk and they can't carry him back to his place.
"But the painful thing about that meeting is Jia made it look like Tungsten will dump me for her and I kinda agree with her. I sometimes feels like I'm just a rebound and our relationship has an expiry date, that when his first love comes back, I'll be forgotten. She met him first, she loved him first and now she's back to have him back." Astra cried.
"Enough with that depressing thought." Deen started. "This isn't about who met him first or who loved him first. This is about who loves him in the right way and who he loves. I'm mad at him for keeping his meet ups with Jia from you and I too, don't want to assume anything as to why he's doing this but the two of you needs to talk." Astra shook her head at what she heard and whispers "I can't."
"It's scary, I know that but it's for the best. I don't want my best friends to be hurt in something left unsaid. The two of you needs to talk." Deen said, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. The words that are being said are always easier than actually doing it. She doesn't know if her friend would follow her advice but she doubts it because who would follow someone's words if they themselves can't even follow their own advice? Her sudden bitterness is not really connected to what's happening at the moment but memory is such a bitch sometimes and would just barge in someone's thoughts uninvited.
"I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him once he comes back later tonight, I'm scared of facing him, and I'm scared of the thought that what if he'll break up with me once we get to talk it out?" Astra said as she hugs herself and let her tears fall freely and so Deen catches them in her fingers and gently caresses Astra's face. "What if Star tear disease is real?" she mindlessly said, watching the small smile that her friend let out. "I don't know what that is but why do you keep saying random things in serious matters?" her friend asks the noticeable thing she does after years of just brushing it off. "I don't know too, I just do it but, if star tear disease is real, you would be crying colored tears similar to stars if he doesn't love you back. It's beautiful and sad but if the disease is real, you would know if Tungsten loves you just how you love him."
Astra giggles upon hearing her explanation about the disease. "Will they start twinkling too?" Astra humors her friend and Deen smiles at this and nods as she wipes the last drop of Astra's tears. "There would be a crystalline sound when the tear shatters on a solid plan." She continues and faces the piano again to play a happier song. Astra sighs and placed her head in her shoulders as she closes her eyes and listens to what she's playing. She closes her eyes too and let her fingers do the work, relays the playing to muscle memory and play whatever song Astra requests. The two of them spends the rest of the night to playing random music and humming along with the melody.
It was when Deen's preparing for her meet up with Zirrius the next day when Tungsten ends up knocking in her apartment. She wants to groan at what this situation indicates, not only is she about to cancel on Zirrius but she's gonna help the two fix whatever is there to fix and it's bad. Despite everyone being aware about her lack of love life, her friends still asks for advice.
"You made this mess so fix it on your own." She said right after opening the door. She's about to kick him out of the building but she stops when she saw how red her friend's eyes are. "Do you want a hug? Cause surely I won't do that." She says instead. Tungsten chuckles at this, "Why are you always so mean to me?" he said and wiped a stray tear. "My apartment's not a crying shelter for your information." She said but still moved aside to let Tungsten in. He hurriedly went inside, afraid that Deen will close the door at his face, she did it before and he's not taking any chances of her doing it again. "You're the first person that came in my mind right after I got dumped." He said as he made himself smaller at the couch while Deen stands in front of him.
"You got what?" Deen asks, not believing what she just heard. Tungsten snorted at this and wipes another tear, "I got dump." He plainly said that made Deen's jaw drop. "We're talking about Astra right?" she asks again that earned her a glare. "Who else would dump me except my girlfriend?" he said sarcastically. "Jia?" Deen answered back as she crossed her hands and lifted an eyebrow.
Tungsten frowns at this, "Why would she dump me?" he asks. "You're meeting her secretly but Astra knows about your meet ups? She went to see Astra saying that she wants you back? Astra thinks that you still love her?" Tungsten's frown deepens at this. "Your ex might look like she's an angel but I know her too and her bitchy side, wouldn't shock me if she left you again." Deen continued and rolls her eyes when Tungsten stares at her. She knows that look, it means her friend's clueless and finally understands what just happened.
"When I told her that the two of you needs to talk I didn't mean it for her to break up with you." She whispers, getting frustrated at her friend's action. She sighs deeply as she removes her coat and put it at the couch and brought her phone out to call Zirrius about doing a rain check. "Are you going out?" Tungsten asks when he finally notices her get-up and she only nods because Zirrius answers her call. "I'm sorry but I have an emergency and-"
"It's okay." Zirrius interrupts and she frowns at this. "Won't you hear my explanation?" she asks. "It's an emergency. I understand that." He simply said and Deen don't know who she got lucky to meet an understanding person but she knows how hard the singer can get a free time so she says, "You can continue with our plan if you want but you're also welcome to come at my place if you want to visit." She invites knowing that Zirrius might be a great help if he decides to come because she's really not a romantic person so she has a zero idea about wooing someone.
"That sounds a better idea. Send me your address and let's check the museum together next time." They said their byes and she sends her address before looking at Tungsten who is waiting for her phone call to end.
"Now, what should we do with you?" She says as she put her hands on her hips. "Please don't murder me." Tungsten answers that made Deen roll her eyes.
"If you weren't stupid and told Astra about meeting Jia then this mess shouldn't have happened in the first place." She says and Tungsten pouts at her. She grimaces.
"You know how sensitive Astra is about Jia so I didn't tell her anything and the reason why I'm meeting her is because our parents are doing business together and they want us to spend more time together by setting up dates. I can't say no to my mom, but I made it clear to Jia that I love Astra and I don't want her back." He explains. "They don't know about Astra?" she asks and Tungsten answers her by a shake of his head.
"I was planning to introduce her to my family but the business happened and now they're trying to set me up in a date. My mom's very excited when she learned that Jia and I dated before." Deen groans at this and is about to talk when Tungsten talks again, "I tried telling her and dad about Astra, I really did, but she just won't listen to me and always gushes about the dates she and Jia's mom planned for us. And I just got to tell them about her yesterday when I had enough of them not listening to me but I'm already late, aren't I? Astra broke up with me already." he sniffs.
Deen sits beside him and knocks at his forehead. Tungsten catches her wrist and put it between them. "She's just scared." Deen says before leaning at the back of the couch. "She thinks that you're going to break up with her. Maybe, that's the reason why she did it. It's better her than you, you know? To save her pride or maybe because it will hurt less that way, hearing you breaking up with her is more painful so she did it instead."
"I love her." Is the only thing that Tungsten said.
"She doubts it tho, right when Jia came back and you didn't tell her the truth. She doubts that you love her enough to stay once Jia asks you to be together again."
"Why are you so good at this?" Tungsten asks with a chuckle. Deen hits his shoulders. "I'm not. I'm only telling you the things I see and it just happens that both of you are stupid." She mocks.
"Again, why are you so mean to me?" He says as she hits her back. "You just happen to be the easy target." She says and stands up when she heard a knock.
"Now, let's just hope that this guy has a good idea to get the love of your life back."