Among the countless talks that Deen and Zirrius shared, there's this one particular memory that Deen can clearly remember as the two of them sat at the deck near the man-made lake where they feed the ducks while reminiscing some of their childhood memories.
"What's your happiest memory?" Zirrius once asked her. Most of her answers were brief and not really that detailed compared to how Zirrius talked about almost everything of his childhood.
The answer to his question is short, just like the others, "5 years ago. At the beach with the whole family." But if she tries to actually remember every detail of that day and not run away from the memories, the smell of the sea would be the first one to greet her. She has engraved every detail of that day in her mind that she can still remember the smell and the taste of the sand that she accidentally swallowed due to laughing so hard.
It was summer then, when the family agreed to go to the beach. The number of their family is quite large so they decided to rent a private beach where they all can enjoy for the whole day.
The moment they all arrived, the kids ran to the shore with their tubs and shovels to build a sand castle while the adults prepared the tables and foods. For the teenagers such as Deen and her womanizer of a cousin, they stayed at the area where the crabs are present and Deen watched with fascination at how the water tries to drag some of the crabs back to the water. Some of them collected seaweeds that would later be used as a hair when they all agreed to make a sand-tail for one of their younger cousins as a mermaid.
She helped the kids in building sand castles, played with the toddlers in the water as she sometimes jokingly let go of them, making them clutch in her arm so hard that she's sure is going to bruise later on but she didn't mind. She even went along with the adults who went to check the crabs and pick some sea shells and coral stones.
The day was one of Deen's most relax days in her life as she watched in contentment at the side as her cousins play around and the elders started to join the young ones in the water while some of them teaches the others how to swim.
It was then as she watches everyone that the thought of "I'm happy." Entered her mind and yes, she is happy. She can live forever like this; all of her family is here, the laughters that echo around her, she can hear them without getting tired. Her friends might be missing in the picture but she knows that once the classes start, she can still meet them, they all decided to attend the same university after all.
A ball of sand broke her reverie; she clutches her right shoulder as she looked at the person who threw the sand with a glare. That made her cousin laughed more and threw her the other sand ball that he is holding, with a shriek that Deen let out, he started running as she shouts at him and started running after him while collecting sands to throw at him as well. It's painful, of course, but the two keeps on throwing each other, ignoring the impending back pains that they will later feel all over their body and when it's Deen's time to run, her cousin made a big sand ball so she run as fast as she can but with a wrong footing due to the wet sand, she tripped.
Her cousin was running full speed so when she tripped, he wasn't able to stop on time so he tripped on her and so she watches her cousin fall at the sand face first as she laughs so loud that some of their family looked at their direction. It was also then that her cousin threw sand in her direction that some accidentally went in her mouth so she started coughing making her cousin laugh at her.
Deen might be a girl, but she can't be underestimated because she's quite strong for a girl, so while her cousin is still laughing, she wrestles him until the two of them started rolling over the wet sand that they sometimes get to have a taste if they landed face first to the ground.
After what feels like hours, the two got tired of playing around, only realizing then that they were way too far from where their family is so they started racing against each other that unfortunately for Rhenar, he lost. Deen has always been one of the special ones in their family anyways, being good with almost everything but never passionate except for her arts and piano.
"What a loser. Those long legs are only for show." Deen teases as they reached the stairs going up to their rented house's balcony. "I'm going to ignore you once I become famous." Rhenar grumbles.
"Your failing grades are disagreeing. You, being kicked out at the basketball team is also waving." She again teases as her cousin makes a face on her. She can hear him cursing under his breath but she ignored it when one of their older cousins saw them with a frown.
"Why are you two covered in sand?" he asked them and Rhenar huffs at this while Deen laughs. "Someone started a sand ball fight so I needed to fight back." She explains that their cousin only nodded as he pointed at the shower rooms. "Go and wash yourselves, the foods are all ready to eat." He says before going down to call for the others.
Deen might be dreaming or hallucinating when she enters the shower room, her hands started to shake right after she opens the shower head because instead of water and sand mixed together, she can only see blood covering her hands as the water flows above her head.
There's a ringing in her ears and when she looks up, she can see the starless sky and the rain pours softly above her head. She didn't notice it earlier but her heart is beating so hard in her chest that she can't seem to catch her breath.
There's a loud siren in the distance and instead of the dark place she once found herself in, the color red and blue dances in her vision, a memory that she can never get to erase in her memory because that night was what changes everything. It was at that night when she felt like her whole world crumbles and when she woke up the next morning, she wished that it was her who died.
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She woke up with a scream. She jolted out of the bed when the heat of the comforter suffocates her and she accidentally trips over the floor. Her right hand aches at the sudden movement but she ignores it as she hugs her knees and when the voices in her head can't seem to quiet down, she started pressing so hard in her ears while whispering to herself that it's okay and that she's alright, it's just a dream, it's just a dream ..
She again jolted when a pair of arms hugs her but immediately relaxes when she heard him, "You're fine, I'm here."
She cried herself to sleep that day.
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Ash worriedly approaches Zirrius as he tucks Deen in his bed.
"Will she be alright? Should we call her family? Her friends?" he asks. Zirrius only gestures over the door as an answer so the two of them went to the living room to talk.
"She rarely talks about her family and her friends think that she's busy with some projects. I don't know if she'll appreciate me calling them over."
"They could still be worried tho. They deserve to know what's happening to Deen." Ash says.
"I know." Zirrius sighs. "But Deen has always been a secretive person. Her friends might know something but I'm pretty much sure that she will deny anything if her friends confronts her. So for the meantime, let's just wait for her to wake up and let her decide what to do next." Zirrius says that even tho Ash seems reluctant, still agrees. It's Deen's right to share what's happening to her anyways and he is just a stranger at the moment.
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The second time that Deen wakes up; it's in the middle of the night. The grumble of her stomach wakes her up and when she opens her eyes that she only realizes that it's been days since she last ate a proper meal. She was about to ignore her stomach and continue sleeping but she notices that she's in a foreign bedroom so she sat up alarmingly while looking around to make sure that she's in a safe place.
She stood up shakily and inspects the whole room. The room is wide and everything is organized except for the table where a few paper is scattered so she went there and notices the few scratches in the papers that she soon realizes as music sheets. There, in the corner of the table, safely tucked in a place that is sure to not accidentally fall, is the cactus she once gifted to Zirrius when they decided to visit that plant nursery they saw in one of their evening walks. It's then that her shoulder relaxes when she knows that she's in a safe place.
When she's sure that she can finally walk steadily, she decided to go out and look for food, it would be shameless to just go over someone's kitchen but she's famished and Zirrius would understand so she went out and tried her luck in finding the kitchen.
The room and the hallway are dimly lit by the few lamps decorating the walls so she has no trouble in walking in the dark. She startled when a voice spoke behind her when she reached the middle of the living room. "How are you feeling?" the person asks. She doesn't recognize the voice so she alarmingly looked behind her but she relaxes when she recognized the person as Ash, what with Ryu's constant fan-boying over the man and the fact that he once painted that face.
"Fine." She says. "Are you thirsty? Hungry?" Ash asks as he went and holds her arm lightly and guides them towards to what she assumes as the kitchen. Her stomach grumbles as an answer and Ash chuckles at this as he helps her sit at the island counter's chair and went to open the fridge to get some water before giving it to Deen and going back to open a few drawers to grab some things and started chopping some vegetables and other stuff that Deen guesses to be ingredients for a soup that she once saw that Jrey made when Astra got sick.
The two stays silent as Deen watches Ash cook.
"Where's Zirrius?" Deen says after a while, breaking the comfortable silence that they created.
"Sleeping." Ash answers before looking at her and goes to get a bowl and prepares the food he made for Deen.
"I'm sorry for intruding and seeing me in whatever state I've been before coming here." Deen says, looking at the bowl of soup that Ash put in front of her.
"You don't remember what happened, do you?" Ash asks cautiously, afraid that the person in front of him would have another break down. He just convinced Zirrius to go to sleep after staying up for so long watching over the girl in front of him, he don't want to wake up his brother if ever the break down happens again so he remains cautious, subtly observing every movement that Deen makes.
Deen only shook her head as an answer before she grabs the spoon and started eating slowly. Ash notices how she avoids the vegetables.
"You should eat all of that and go back to sleep. I'm pretty sure that you're still tired." He says and refills the glass in front of Deen with water. "You need to stay healthy and hydrated." He continues, smiling over Deen and went to heat a cold milk before putting it in front of her.
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The third time that Deen wakes up, it's already 9 in the morning and it's raining. She didn't notice it last night but one of the room's walls is made of glass and over-looking the city. She watches the rain pours hardly before deciding to get up. There are folded clothes and a towel at the end of the bed and a note that says where the other things she might need would be.
She smiles at the thought of being taken care of, it's been a while since someone took care of her, with the exception of her four friends of course, but even then she still tries to not depend so much on them.
She went to take a bath, suddenly self-conscious and tries to remember the last time that she washed herself, she grimaces when she can't remember anything.
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Deen hates a lot of things, one of them being the cold and the rain because it reminds her of a lot of things but in that morning, she doesn't seem to care about the cold nor the rain.
Instead of the gloomy aura she used to be greeted with everytime it rains, she was greeted with a barely there happiness inside her and a shout of victory at the living room as she witnesses Zirrius's happy dance after winning a video game over Ash when she stepped out of the bedroom.
Zirrius's eyes lit up when he notices her and ran over her to envelop her in a tight hug and a whisper of "I'm glad you're okay. I will never forgive myself if something bad happens to you. Please, don't do that again."
"You have me now, I'm just a call away, I promise to always come wherever you are, just please don't do anything stupid. I don't know what I'll do without you."
Deen haven't realized it yet, what the warm feeling inside her means, or the fact that the voices in her head was nowhere to be found at that moment, but here's what she realizes now, Zirrius, the person who is currently hugging her tightly, is someone that is very special to her and she can't lose him because, she too, don't know what she'll do without Zirrius beside her.