It was a crisp autumn afternoon, where the sun had begun to set, creating a perfect pumpkin orange and transformed the neighbourhood into a Halloween movie. Oranges, red and brown leaves painted the pathways and roads, making a loud crunching and rustling noise under feet and tyres. Children's laughter began to fill the silence that had once filled these streets a matter of hours earlier, along with the sound of adults chatting, the wind and cars that carefully drove down the road. It was Halloween and children were dressed up as skeletons, witches/wizards, dead brides, dead grooms, zombies, princess', ghosts and ghouls; all flocking in crowds going door to door asking for their treat.
Being a media and photography student, I was given the last few weeks of October off to celebrate Halloween but also begin seasonal assignments. For example, my media film trailer. As expected from a student in media: I had to create a five minute, brand new, indie horror film trailer with the help of students within my class. We managed to film it all before the start of the break, which only left me with the editing of the footage- see, I don't mind editing footage, but when the footage is featuring so many pranks, mistakes and awful weather conditions... it takes hours to cut and fit it all in perfectly, finding the right person to do the voice over, the sound tracks, the text and colour. It's all a lot of work, really. But in the spirit of Halloween and wanting to pass this course, I managed to have it finished with a whole week left to celebrate the festivities that were soon to begin. By festivities, I mean having to go out trick or treating and helping decorate the house. For my photography I had to take a picture of what Halloween is like in my town, therefore going out along with my mother and sister trick or treating was perfect for me.
"Hey, Dandy! Can we go to that big house down the road, where that really scary house is?!" My sister called out to me, tugging upon my right hand harshly. Her outfit was a dead bride; a ripped small white dress and veil, white face make-up and a red blood stain around her neck from where her lover had slit her throat and killed her. "Please, please, please!" her voice began to go high pitched as she pleaded. "Sure thing Ella, just give me a second..." I whispered as I climbed up onto the small tree stump, and pulled my bag off my shoulder; unzipping the bag, I collected my camera, turned it on and held it to where I could feel the cold surface radiate onto my cheeks. The chilling breeze led my hair into a dance, starting from the blonde dip dye up to the brown, all mixing together with the invisible force.
"Dandy, be careful, sweetheart." My mother's sweet voice said during her discussion with other parents that had decided to join us. They had been discussing the general gossip, like normal. They all had children around Daniella's age and no children around mine. As I finally managed to line up my shot with the road ahead, the children present within the picture, parents, leaves, decorations and decorated houses and the orange sky I took the picture. And that was finally my assignments completed for my half-term break. "Let's go!" Daniella screamed, being only nine she remained to have the joy that came with being a part of the season. She loved being a part of the 'game' that was going door to door, asking for sweets or showing tricks. As requested, we began to walk back up the road as Daniella went door to door with our neighbour's kids, as I wasn't able to walk too fast to keep up with her as she went running down the paths to the house. For this very reason I never went trick or treating, I just spent my Halloween watching The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride.
I had to re-attach the nasal cannula as I could feel my lungs intake of oxygen decrease, having that I done so much during the day up until this point: I think I had managed brilliantly. The list of activities that took place were; Daniella's make up, helped her get dressed, got myself dressed, walked up the road, had to climb onto the tree stump and such, then walk back. When things like this take place and the ability to control when and where I get the oxygen, it makes it feel as if I have control of my life- which is extremely rare. To what this small minor thing made me feel /normal/.
Around five minutes later, which was the same length of time my mother and her friends finally caught up to me and Danielle, my oxygen tank began to flow the cool air into my nasal passages at a constant rate.
"Dandy, you alright?" One of my mother's friends asked.
"Yeah, just needed..." Deep inhale. "... more oxygen. I wasn't getting enough, Mary. Thanks for asking though." I glanced over to see my mother deep into a conversation with her closest friend, Elise. Elise was her childhood friend, but also someone who lost contact with her when I was born. Once I was okay to bring home, she went and saw her and everything was okay, aside the constant panic of my health and life. Obviously. Elise then began to come to hospital appointments, doctor appointments, birth parties and just became another mother figure to me and Daniella. So did her partner, Damien. Who was helping run a large bank in our small town.
The flock of children all ran pass me as they followed Daniella who had the head start to the next three doors. Each time the door opened the family inside would act surprised at the costumes, followed by the line: "Oh you're ever so scary!" or "Oh my, there's a crowd filled with so many scary costumes at our door!" and the children couldn't help but laugh and hold their bags out eagerly shouting to them "Trick or treat." Never once did they ask for a trick, always happily handed out large handfuls of sweets for all of the children. And at the end of handing the sweets out, the families within the home would smile and wave to the parents and me. And in unison we'd all smile and wave back. Everybody knew everybody here.
All my life I have never left this small village, only aside for college that is about five minutes away. I was brought up in 6 Maroon lane, this being the first house ever that my mum and biological father brought together when they were in their twenties and were stable enough to start a family and own their own home. I originally had my bedroom upstairs, until my accident at pre-school, I was moved downstairs to the room by the front of the house that was used as a study and lessons prepration room for my mum. When at the time she was a teacher for all stages of schooling from 2 up to eighteen. After the accident, my mum wanted to home school me, from nursery all the way to the start of high school. I didn't mind it; I mean who would? I got to sleep until the afternoon, breaks whenever I needed them. It just made me a nervous wreck at high school and was extremely hard at times to make friends, with my zero experiences of doing so. I mean I eventually did make some.
She used our living room as the class room and her study, overnight, became our bedroom. She stayed in my room with me as she gave up her job and became my fulltime carer and home-school teacher; Meaning while losing everything, she lost everything else aside a shitty house that was half painted and decorated from where my biological father never did get around to doing. Along with a daughter, who practically ruined her life. She managed to do it though, balance it all out; lessons every day, five of 'em, fit in time to sleep, eat, bathe and also try and contact the family members who clearly didn't give a fuck.
Once we had reached the large house across from my house, the children began to race down to the door once again. We had never met the family as we only ever saw them once since they moved in at the start of this week, the woman was blonde, blue eyes, slim and around five foot three. Whereas her partner was well-built, black hair, green eyes and about six foot. We only saw them on the day they moved in due to Daniella getting out of her last class late, which set us behind in time and caught them as we pulled into the drive. The guy was carrying in the last cardboard box of stuff as his wife stood on their perfectly green grass with their Labrador, a short white dress and her oversized shades over her eyes. That was until we got out the car, she lowered them and stared at us.
My sister stood by their door for another five minutes after all the children had retreated to their parents. The sun had set, creating the once playful Halloween evening turn into a sinister looking night time, with creatures of nightmares everywhere.
"Come on Daniella!" My sisters 'best friend' Daniella called out to her, before she began running back down the long winding path with no reply. After reaching us she was panting for breath, while watching the parent's reaction to how they didn't reply.
"They had their damn lights on!" Daniella shouted.
"Language!" My mother said.
"Oh they were probably busy with their higher class life style, ladies." Maria bit back loudly, for the neighbours to hear.
"Oh you are funny Maria!" My mother laughed.
"That's annoying, they haven't even had the curtesy to come meet any of us" Pat, another mother said.
"They haven't answered the damn door all night, Pat. Don't worry about that house, they believe their too good for us." One of the females replied filled with a spiteful tone and a sharp tongue. All of the mothers began to continue their bitching of the couple, all the way across the road with my mother before they began their goodbye hugs, cheek kisses and waves.
"That's so rude, they can't even open the door, or leave a note to let anyone know of them not joining in!" Daniella shouted purposely as if she expected them to come running to the door with sweets, to shower her in them. Daniella gave up and began folding her arms over her chest and marching across the road in front of me. We had been walking slowly behind the ladies, letting mum have her moments of goodbye to her friends. I had noticed Daniella always made a fuss when things didn't ever go her way, or she took the time to take the piss out of someone to feel better about herself. My mother, when we had joined her, began to lecture her about how she needs to learn to stay calm and not let little things bother her. During the whole lecture she did nothing but nod and make the "mhm" noise. The constant nodding of the head reminded me of a nodding dog in a car. I removed my house key from my cardigan pocket, after placing my phone into the opposite hand, and unlocked the door.
When I entered the house I removed the key and made my way into my room on the right. Kicking my shoes off and threw my bag onto the bed, instantly removing my oxygen canister and camera. Leaning down towards my glass table to the side of my bed, I grasped my camera wire and laptop from the lower shelf. Settling the laptop on the bed, I started it up and hooked my camera up instantly, knowing that photos can take ages to download. Meanwhile I was waiting I decided to play music, grasping my oxygen tank I sat it comfortably under my right arm and walked over to my shelf that sat my speakers, flicking the switch on and plugging the cable into my phone I began to play my playlist quietly for background noise. I ran my left hand across my black and silvered pattern wallpaper; the background was black, featuring silver flowers, curls, swirls. Whereas my other walls consisted of white paint.
Shuffling my feet across the white carpet, I made my way back over to my double bed, fitted with black sheets. I carefully sat my oxygen tank where my pillows were and climbed onto the bed slowly. The theme of the entire room was black, white and silver. For example, my bed, wallpaper and tables were black. My mirror, bean bag and the carpet was white. Along with the silver features of my shelves on the wall and my picture frames; that themselves were framed with small fairy lights on the wall above my bed, what was pushed right against the back wall, into the left hand corner. I ensure that my bed is always close to a wall and the desk to protect me from, hopefully, not falling out of my bed. Feeling my frame fall into my typical comfortable spot in the centre of my bed, I removed the nasal cannula carefully; pulling it out, then over my head to rest onto my pillows.
I began to feel at peace. I felt safe within my own space, my little home within my home.
"Dinner will be ready in around an hour, girls! I'm going to try that chicken pasta bake Elise told me about today." My mother called out from the kitchen with excitement, to what we both replied in loud unison "Okay."
I looked down to my laptop screen and saw my pictures had finally downloaded. Leaning over to my left, I grasped the black memory stick I had sat on the glass table and plugged it in. Slowly, picture by picture, I began to transfer them over to my college memory stick, along with the advert that took hours and days to complete. Having finally spent last night organising my files on the memory stick. I hated having to wait for the transfer of files over from the laptop to the computer, then creating the back up. It was like the time I waited in the que to get the camera: I was moody, irritated and stressed. But it was a hot day.
After an hour, we were all sat around the small round table we had. The small room dimly lit by the tv and the awful energy saving lamps we had around the house. Due to the hospital and doctor appointments most of our money went on travel to and from, including having to pay for some medication. We did receive money for my medical condition and child taxes, but it still wasn't enough to help us have the best quality items. The only reason we have a TV, Lamps and such is because of Mark. Mark had previously been shipped off and done his four years before meeting my mum, he had so much money saved and available to him. He spent most of it on the house; he got the furniture, paint, wallpaper, our mobile phones, we were so grateful to have someone help us out, especially our mum. We had the radio playing on the tv in the background quietly as we never watched TV during dinner, only when there was something big going on like the elections, or something massive on the news.
My mother looked towards me, clearing her throat, then towards Daniella who was using her fork to play with the chicken pasta dish with her typical annoyed frown. "So, girls. Looking forward in going back to school on Tuesday?" I lowered my fork and finished my mouthful, feeling the friction of my nasal cannula as I chewed, the plastic pipe rubbing and moving against my upper lip and septum. I had to always wear this stupid thing around dinner to ensure I could breathe and eat.
"I have to start preparing for ballet again, I don't want to do it. Buuuuuuuuuttt.... No one can take my place as most people haven't been present for the rehearsals. Which stars up again on Thursday, mum." Daniella said, while watching her pasta slide side to side on her plate of food that she barely touches, continuing to break down the pasta into smaller pieces and pushing it into large piece making it look as if she ate more. I adjusted a strand of hair behind my ear.
"I don't know if I want to be just dancing... I think cheerleading might be more fun, or football. I don't like just dancing, it's boring."
"Dan, in cheerleading you are purely dancing anyway. Heck, you even just throw in some gymnastics and there, you already have the loud shouting voice to be a cheerleader." She teased her.
"But mum, the training is at school during lunch. We get the older students teaching us how to do the flips, the pyramid. Everything, even the right chants that go with it, not random ones. I honestly doubt I'd get myself injured that bad, honestly. Plus, it's not just slow dances on the tips of your toes, it's more freedom."
"You said that when trying out for basketball. You ended up falling into the wall and breaking your fingers. Plus, you have freedom, you can practice any other style of dance in the studio. You know Maria would take you on for her street dance classes, but you told her it was for boys..." She cleared her throat." Anyway, Dandy, you looking forward to college hun?"
"I go back Monday." I corrected her behind a laughter and a hand to shield my mouth as I finished eating. "I'm looking forward to it I suppose, I mean I have to hand in assignments and have to see what they say about the trailer- which we are presenting at some point." I trailed off, grasping my left leg carefully and tucking it under my right leg on top of the chair. "I think Kerry will be back from her holiday to Greece, and so will Luke from Australia seeing family." The two people who I am extremely close to out of the class of fifteen.
We're a small class due to the intake of students was too high, they were only given a budget of up to fifteen students. I was one of the lucky fifteen. The college budget was shit because of the small village I lived in, we barely had managed to get the Christmas electric covered for the small area without possibly needing to ask another village for help to pay for it. That's how forgotten our village truly is. But, as I was saying, the college had the lowest budget for photography and media due to it being the newest course and needing to pay for the software and programs, but also cameras and tripods. Which, I had already brought my camera for my fourteenth birthday... making it four, soon to be five years old.
"Well, I'm glad that they will be back soon. Gives me time to see Kerry's mum once again and go out for lunch. Speaking of which..." She trailed off as she took a quick sip of her water. "Do you need money for lunch tomorrow? And am I still driving you tomorrow or is Kerry getting you?" She asked, all the while looking down at my plate that was slowly emptying. "Uh, can I have a ride to college? As I'm not sure if she can and I have money left over from last term, I don't need any money. Thank you though." I took a sip from my glass of water and looked towards Daniella. Daniella had her curious look upon her face, my eyes continued to peer at her from the top of the glass.
"Did dad write you a letter, mum?" Daniella asked as she finished playing with her food. "I did. He's doing well, he asked about all of us and wanted to wish you luck for the cross country. And Dandy with her exam in a few months in case he can't get to end a letter as they will be moving him to another base." Her face told every, the look of sadness and heartbreak was obvious, but she held it together too strong for any stranger to tell such. Every day she missed him more and more. "He'll be back soon, mum. Then we can do the family stuff again, go out on holiday, spend time together by the lake, watch movies." Daniella spoke, while jumping off her seat and collected up her plate and cup. "He will be back soon, around the end of December. Tomorrow is the start of November. So, about 61 days." I said as I stabbed my fork through the pasta and chicken pieces that remained on my plate. "It's so close... and I'm eighteen in around, 40 days. Before you know it, it will literally fly. Just gotta hold on till then." Shoving the fork full of food into my mouth then, watching my mother nod in agreement and stack up her dinner items. Following Daniella out into the kitchen. I just stared out the window, looking at the stars that painted the darkness with light. I never understood how Vincent Van Gogh had the patience to recreate the night one night, making his own personal starry night portrait. However, I understood where the inspiration and beauty of it came from, seeing as I was seeing the same sky that he once looked upon. And it gave me enough inspiration to get away from the table and take my plate to our small cream kitchen, with all black appliances. Such as kettle, toaster, fridge, oven, microwave. Most things in this house is black. I placed the plate into the small sink and turned the hot tap on. "I need you to be up and ready for eight, Dandy. Is that okay? I need to make sure that Elise is alright with Daniella going round hers tomorrow for the playdate, as we're dropping her off first." I just nodded. I loved going college early. The whole site is quiet, the main lounge is warm and you can hear the radio music filling the whole entire ghost site around half eight, when people begin to come in slowly one by one. Then around eight forty people come in, in floods.
"Yeah, that's fine. Are you there for the whole day, Dan? Or just the morning?" I managed to unhook my Nasal cannula and rested it over my shoulder.
"I'm going over after I dropped you off, so I'll be there with her.""
So, the whole day." I looked over my shoulder and grinned, grabbing the sponge now and cleaning my dish slowly. "A whole day of gossip and being normal, oh how will the world cope!?" I playfully added, followed by a drying cloth hitting my back softly.
"Quiet you! Being cheeky all the damn time!" Mother called out amongst the loud chuckles of laughter. Followed by Daniella snickering.
"Kayleigh is going to teach me now to do a handstand tomorrow, since she took gymnastics. I'm also going to learn about everything to do with gymnastics." Daniella said, before running off upstairs to her room after giving me a hug and saying goodnight. Mum followed shortly after and gave me a kiss on the forehead and a long hug, and then left me down stairs.
I placed my dish onto the drying board and began to head off to my room. Closing the door, sliding the lock across. Once I had removed my day clothes, I was more than eager to get into my pjs; baggy shirt and shorts. I sat myself onto my bed. Pushing my laptop back slightly, I crossed my legs and tugged the cover over my legs. Pulling my nasal cannula over and onto the desk beside my bed. And so my typical bedtime routine took place: I put Netflix on, on my laptop and turned on the first movie that came to hand- Monsters Inc. Collecting up my black and blue hair into a messy bun, followed by three rubs of my ocean blue eyes.Moving my laptop over to the glass table to where it faces me and I curled up under the blankets and glanced over to the light source of my fairy lights, then back to the laptop screen. I fell asleep slowly while watching Monsters Inc. I always fell asleep watching a movie or listening to music, I could never sleep in silence. I didn't like it; I don't like silence that much. Silence makes me think that everybody in the world had stopped, or that slowly one by one we were all being killed off- Stupid, I know. But silence is honestly violent.
Nothing could beat the fear of silence and the dark. Forever the most sinister combination of hell that this earth has. The darkness where countless illegal happenings happen, for example murder, which leads to me also disliking what lurked in the darkness. People who are classed as monsters, that's what lurks in the darkness. But the silence is because that's what the world does, no one will speak up if they have witnessed the crime. They stay silent due to the fear of possibly receiving the same ending and it creates the endless cycle. In my opinion, I mean, I know the fear and the ideas I have are sometimes stupid and ridiculous, but let's honestly think about this. I find that night time is when the demons truly come out to play and I am not prepared to play with any. I can barely breathe after playing Wii bowling, let alone even playing games with someone. I just have a phobia of the dark and silence.