Tears kept rolling down my cheeks, even at home. I wiped the tears before entering the house. Apparently, that only helped for a moment, they were flowing again swiftly. Mama was very surprised to see me coming home with swollen eyes.
"Celine, what's wrong?" asked mom lovingly. However, I ignored her and went straight to the room.
At 21.00 o'clock .
The sound of the doorbell woke me up while I was still struggling to cry myself to sleep.
"Who the hell comes visiting this late at night?" I wiped the teardrops that remained on my lashes, then went to open the door.
The person in the doorway startled me enough. And quickly, I lock the door again.
"Celine please listen to me. Please!" said Darren.
"Go, it's already very late."
"I'm not leaving if I don't get to talk with you. Please, let's talk. I have something important to talk about."
"Nothing is left to talk about, go away!!" I said.
All of a sudden, I saw papa standing in the living room. And without realizing it, I let go of the door I was holding. And in came Darren. Papa's expression is hard to read, I felt scared. I immediately went into the room, leaving Darren and papa.
Since that day, I never saw Darren again. I don't know where he went, he disappeared without a trace.
It's been such a long time, I haven't seen Darren, since then. Not even a text, or a phone call. It's been a whole month since we have last seen each other.
I'm restless and I miss him so much. I started looking everywhere he used to go. Dating for fifteen months plus the approach of three months before, let me know a little about his favorite places. Foolishly and full of hope that I would get to meet him, I visited all the places one by one. It turned out that I could not find him. His disappearance is as if he was swallowed up by the earth, without a trace.
At that moment, I finally admitted to myself, I was quite selfish. I never tried to contact him, but went looking for him in those places. Maybe I'm still being prestigious, or maybe I just hope that he would call me first.
But `` that night I let go of everything that weighed on me. Whether it's ego or prestige or even a remote feeling that seems to demand him to look for me first. I also decided to contact him via phone call. What happened beyond my predictions was that the number he always carry with him was no longer active. But since when? I was getting scared even more, afraid that he would really disappear. "Where did you go, dear man?" I asked myself repeatedly.
My efforts didn't stop there, I'm looking forward to a meeting schedule with the TO Brand company, the company where he works. Stupidly, I repeatedly asked Mrs. Susan when I would arrange a meeting with the manager of the company, all I hope was that it was still Darren.
The meeting day arrived, I offered to replace Mrs. Susan at the meeting this time. Surely still with the same hope ‚meet the one who was lost and then scold him until my irritation was gone. And look, I don't care whatever you think, whether it's selfishness or a belief that I'll be able to take all my anger out! Because that's how it usually is. He will always patiently face my anger silently, every single time, then hug me warmly. Hemph ‚ I'm even offended by the word 'hug' now, I'm missing it so much.
And what I met with was a complete disappointment. Once again, reality hit me very hard. I'm stunned to accept that fact. "Why is this happening to me?" I asked repeatedly. My head was filled with many questions and I don't really know where the questions will lead.
"Where's Mr. Darren," I questioned the person I was meeting with at the time.
"Hello, Mrs. Celine, I'm the new marketing manager for TO Brand, replacing Mr. Darren!"
"Replacing Darren?" I said, stuttering. "Where did he go?"
"Mr. Darren has moved to main headquarters, and he's not here anymore!
Jleb!
And one more time, I seem to have fallen into the same hole. I'm hurt! If earlier I was just stunned, then now I'm falling limp, as if my both knees are not functioning and my body seems to lack support. I need support to even stand properly now.
Since he left, I found I'm not myself anymore, incomplete and empty. Maybe, my body is still fine, I'm doing my usual activities, I can smile, even laugh, look perfect like there's no problem. However, when I was alone, it became clear what was going on in my heart. My soul went somewhere, leaving a limp body. What am I supposed to fill in the void?
Many say, the drug to 'move on' is, yes, you have to fall in love again. For God's sake, I never close my heart to people who try to stop by, to knock on the door of my heart. It's just that, everyone who came and stopped by, were not like him, not even close. There is something in Darren that I cannot get from other people. There is no comfort so perfect that I get, like my time with Darren. And it's been three years since he disappeared, during that time not even a single message has come from him.
Love is still there, still beautiful even though my life feels empty. However, while we are talking about love. Is this really my love?
What's on your mind about love?
And if asked to choose, what kind of love story do you want to come to you?
People say, the most beautiful thing is when you get love from people you love, the cool term is your love is being reciprocated.
At first glance it may sound beautiful, but is it true that in love, what is needed; is only the love in return, in the same kind when we give love?
Of course, humans are too domineering, all he ever wants is the reward for everything he gives, including love.
Who doesn't crave it? It's too hypocritical if we say, 'it doesn't matter whether you welcome it or not, but what matters is I love you sincerely, and it's just luck according to fate'.
But my love is different ... Beautiful, and I think he was perfect for me. And, indeed the Supreme Love takes sides, we are united. According to Darren's confession, he also loved me from the first moment he saw a beautiful smile on my face.
The interwoven love is so beautiful, too beautiful in fact. It can be ascertained that it is a love story that every paired person craves. However, in that beauty there is a thick barrier to breakthrough which is a 'blessing' that cannot be obtained easily. Even that humiliation still rings through my ears!
Differences in race, status and position that lead to wealth, social life and education, made them (his family) reject me.
I shouldn't be with him, love should never arise in between us again, but what else can I do? Even when Darren was gone, the love still resided in me, spreading through my entire being.
May I ask the Almighty Love, if not to be together, please ... Fulfill my soul which has been half lifted! Give me back my heart that was carried by him.
If not, then is it wrong to hope? Just one more time in this life, let me have it, I say in every prayer.
Because what I've been experiencing since he left was a pathetic lonely life, no love, as good as his has come close to me again.
Celine's POV completed-