When I awoke, I was lost. I mean lost—lost like I had no idea where I was. The pain was gone, my head was clear as day. The only problem was that I was in the middle of a jungle. I don't remember moving to the jungle. I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep walk here either. Where the hell was I?
Move over Carmen Sandiego, you're not the only one missing.
I look around but I don't see anyone or anything. Just wildlife everywhere.
"Come," a soft voice says.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" I call out.
No answer. I walk aimlessly around looking to see where the voice came from. It seemed to be nowhere and everywhere all at once.
I make it to a cliff where I can only see endless trees. No one in sight. Walking along the edge I try to find landmarks to give away where I might be. I don't find any, the sun blazes as sweat starts to drip from every part of my body.
I continue walking along the edge hoping to find a less steep cliff to climb down from but it all looks the same. If I'm being honest I felt I was going in circles. As if the same scenery was in a loop.
I gave up, I needed to rest. There was a giant tree in the middle by where I had awoken. I go sit underneath it as the voice comes like a breeze. "Come."
"Where?" I yell.
"Come." It repeats.
Standing I look once again around me. I know the voice is close but I also felt it was far. It was making me crazy.
Looking back at the tree I see markings. They looked tribal. They were carved delicately and precisely each with its own design.
I traced one of the markings but I quickly turn away as the voice gets louder.
"Come."
"Come!"
"Come!!"
"COME!!!"
I jolt awake. Again. I look around to see that I was inside a closet. I tried to get up but I was pushed down by cold hands. "Sleep," his voice whispered.
"I'm okay, just a little dizzy, help me up," I plead.
"Are you sure?" He asked warily.
"Yes," I whisper.
He helps me up but I stumble on shaky legs. He ends up carrying me out the closet to a brightly lit room. The light burns my eyes but not in the same way as before. They burned like when you've been in a dark place so long that any light irritates your eyes.
Blinking I manage to get a clear view of Mark's room. I was shocked, it was clean. Nothing looked out of place and nothing was thrown around.
"New decor?" I teased. He smiles but it's strained. When he sets me on the bed I look at him.
"What's wrong?"
"You've been asleep for three days, Vee." He finally says.
I freeze. Three days? It only felt like moments. The jungle dream comes back. I brush it away classifying it as delirium.
"Crap," I say as I stand to leave. Mark pushes me back down.
"Don't worry, they know you're here."
"What did you tell them?"
"That you got food poisoning. They came to see you. It was hard to convince them but they agreed to let you stay here until you got better."
My head began to pulse.
"What was wrong with me?" I asked worried about the response.
"I don't know. Tristan called the wolves to ask for advice but they wouldn't help. They said those are secrets that can't be shared with outsiders. I almost lost it...I lost it." He admits. He flinched at the thought.
"What happened? Are you okay?" I ask worried.
A small laugh comes from him as he goes quiet. "I sort of yelled at your mate. I told him it was you. That we needed help to help you. He tried to help but his Chief stopped him. Told us to take you to them and that only then they could help you. We refused obviously."
I absentmindedly nod.
"Then you got worse. I called him personally, we let him cross lines to come to you. The moment he held you—you began to react. It was so strange. He stayed by your side as long as he could but he had to leave. Something about rogues. He left just before you woke up."
I look at him in disbelief. Ander was here? He held me? He healed me?
Taking a shaky breath I lie down to get my bearings. I can't believe what turns my life have taken.
"It's still dying," I whisper.
"What?" Mark asks confused.
"My wolf. It's still dying." A tear falls. A part of me was dying and I didn't know what to do.
"You can go to their pack doctor. Maybe they can help you." Mark suggests.
"They won't help me if I don't join their pack, isn't that what they basically told you?"
Mark didn't respond. He doesn't need to.
I stare at the ceiling hoping it would somehow help me, but all I managed to do was give myself a headache.
I must have fallen asleep as I look to find myself alone. Getting up my head throbbed but not as bad as before. I make my way to the door as I reach for the knob I hear whispers.
"I had to compel them to let her stay," Maggie defends.
"We can never speak of it, we gave our word. Let's hope that it doesn't alert them," Tristan stops, "at least they're not home worried."
"Yes, I managed to upgrade Mark's gift to a weekend gateway. I'm worried, Love. She's not getting better. What's going to happen to her? I feel so useless watching as she suffers," I can hear her tears. Maggie is just as scared as me. Maybe even more.
"We won't let anything happen to her, if I have to I'll get help from them," Tristan's hard voice freezes me. He's never spoke with so much hate before.
"Let's hope it never comes to that," Maggie sniffs. I don't have to see that Tristan is holding her as she cries.
Taking a deep breath I walk out.
"Hello," I happily greet them.
Maggie stiffens. She looks away from to wipe her tears. Tristan holds her as she composes herself. He uses his body to block my view from her.
"Someone looks better," Tristan smiles, but there's sadness in his eyes.
"Oh, you know. I'm dying one minute and the other I'm like nothing happened. Very hormonal," I say, I signal to my stomach. We laugh as he gets what I meant. Yup, menstrual.
"Would you like something warm to put on your stomach?" Maggie's voice is a little raw but her smile makes up for it. The last thing I wanted was to worry either one of them.
"Nah, I think I'll just make Mark make me some hot chocolate, but thank you," I hug her. I can feel her reserve to cry. Kissing her cheek I turn to Tristan. I do the same once I kiss his cheek I whisper, "we need to talk."
I leave them to find Mark.
After roaming the whole place like an aimless ghost I decide to give up on my search. No matter how much I called for him both mentally and physically Mark was nowhere to be found.
Bass and Ash had gone out to get some things, didn't specify. Just said they'd be back.
I walk out towards the backyard where I sit on one of the couches that circle an unlit bonfire. Laying there I just concentrate on the star lit night. Even though I wasn't in agonizing pain I still felt weak. Like I haven't slept or eaten in days. Just drained.
I was about to walk back inside when the glass doors open and an agitated Mark steps out.
He contemplates throwing something. Just as he's about to hurl it, "what are you doing?" I ask him.
He falters for a second before sighing as he heads to sit with me. "What are you doing out here?" He asks me instead.
"I could ask the same, were you just about to throw your phone?"
"No...maybe," he sighs again as he runs his hands through his hair.
I move closer to him. He has his hands holding his head as he looks down at the ground. I put my arm through his when he doesn't move, resting my head on his shoulder we stay in silence.
I shiver as the cool air and his coldness start to get to me. He moves to get me a blanket from inside. I don't have to say anything he always knows what's up with me. It's refreshing but aggravating because talking is much better.
He comes to wrap a blanket around me before he moves to turn the bonfire on.
"Your boyfriend has been harassing me all day trying to get updates on you and your condition," Mark says sitting next to me. I curl up next to him. The blanket and the fire helped but I still shivered.
"He's not my boyfriend," my voice sounds weak.
"Well we've been trying to figure out what's wrong with you but we keep coming up with more questions than answers. Their elders want to meet with you before they do anything with the matter," Mark bitterly spats.
"Okay."
"No, not okay. You're not meeting with them Vee. They're more than willing to give you an ultimatum. Either join them and get healed or be casted as a threat."
I don't say anything. My head throbs. I just want the pain to end. I hate this. I hate everything that is happening.
"I'll find someone to help you without taking your liberties from you. You're not going to be forced to do something you're not ready for. At least your boyfriend can see that. He's trying to find anything to help you but we keep hitting dead ends."
"He called me Nyssa," I randomly say.
Mark stiffens. "What?"
"When I called him to tell him where I was, he called me Nyssa. Did you not hear it? I'm sure I thought about it after he said it."
Mark shakes his head. Rubbing his face he gets up. "I mean, it's up to you if you want to tell him. He can't be calling you that. You know that, right?"
I absentmindedly nod. He's right. When he called me that name my heart started to beat fast but not in fear. I hadn't heard someone call me that name in years. I was always Vee or Vanessa. It had to stay that way.
"You need to rest. Tomorrow the Burke's arrive and I rather you sleep as much as possible."
He reaches to carry me but I stop him. As much as I love to stay over I asked him to take me back. I still had school. Even if I missed a lot.
I slept in the closet that night. All I asked for was for a dreamless sleep. No nightmares, no delirious dreams, no memories.
I wanted to sleep. Just sleep.
Of course that didn't happen. It seems I can't catch a break.
I wake up under the same tree as before. I slowly come to stand as I await the voice or anything to happen. Nothing does. It was quiet.
Too quiet.
No wildlife could be heard like before. Tempted to roam I stay planted on that spot. I was waiting, not sure for what, I just knew I needed to stay there.
Right when I was about to deem myself alone something comes from behind the trees. My breath catches. I'm speechless.
A wild wolf slowly approaches. It's teeth are bared as it growls at me. It looks to kill.
What scared me about this wolf wasn't the fact that it was feral. It was the fact that it was mine.
My wolf wanted to kill me.
It slowly continues to approach my frozen self. It looked to get angrier with each step.
I could not breathe.
I could not move.
I could not wait for it to rip me apart.
That's what scared me even more. I wanted it to hurt me just as much as I've hurt it. I may have done it unknowingly but I did it. The pain and suffering it has ever felt was product of my recklessness, of my selfishness, of my neglect.
I hurt the one being that would always be there for me no matter what. The one being that would love and protect me unconditionally.
I used and abused it.
I deserved whatever it planned on doing to me. It could shred me to pieces and it could never live up to what I deserve for hurting it.
Even what I've been through could never fix the damage I've done. I deserve it. I deserve to suffer.
It kept approaching making every second agonizing as I wanted it over and done with.
"Do your worst," I find myself telling it. "Don't hold back."
She growls.
"If you die, I die." Not sure where the voice came from but the message was loud and clear.
I shudder. I thought she was the one dying. I was wrong. "If you die, I die," I find myself repeating.