"Goodbye, Charlie." I sigh sadly as I turned and began walking away, trying to set as much distance as I could between us and also resenting the constant heaving in my chest. I let the tears fall freely, only trying to conceal it when I curved into the restaurant's familiar opening. I blinked a few droplets off then sat down.
"Where have you been?" Sidney queried, her almond eyes moving back and forth between Charlie who equally sat down too, and I. I muttered an apology, dropping my gaze lower, the tension already beginning to ripple between us.
Like I've read and watched, it hurts. It was the most painful thing if possible, and stung deep in the gut, just like it did the first time. I hated myself once again. Hated that I could not change what I've become. I felt that with time everyone would understand and the prejudice would stop, the hurt when you confessed, the judgemental looks being thrown towards you when people confirm their suspicions - the unhealthy whispering. I looked across at Charlie as he forced a smile at me.
I scowled then turned my face the other way. Still, couldn't believe I fell for him. I'd gotten tired of it all.
"I'm not a fag. You aren't too so... let's just pretend whatever happened didn't take place. We'll still be cool right? No homo or faggotry." he fumbled with his words, each sentence tearing a bitter piece of my heart away.
I couldn't answer right away. I didn't.
His face paled as he chuckled nervously eyeing me in disbelief. "You...are?"
I bit my bottom lip, holding back the persistent tears. I felt my whole being shatter, by the one person I ever loved. Taking a backward step then sighed. "Goodbye Charlie."
"There you are," Anita's stringy voice disrupted my thoughts as I glanced up at her. She lowered a silver tray onto the table. "At least before you run off like that again, inform me first."
I forced a smile, my intended fake apology intercepted by the harsh steam from a huge bowl on the tray. "Where'd you get that?"
She grinned then went ahead to spoon the red liquid into my plate. My nose tingled and twitched - I emitted a violent sneeze, then scowled at her.
Her brows furrowed, noting my displeasure. "It's winter, and I figured we'd all be in need of some warmth so I got this. I didn't know you were allergic to soup."
Well, now you know! My mind screamed at her. Take it away.
"That's really thoughtful of you Anita," Sidney compliments, her smile genuine for once that evening. The wheezing continued a bit so a waiter was called to take the bowl away.
I breathed in relief, sweat dripping down my cheeks unto my clothes. What a waste of an evening.
"Carlie are you alright?" an annoying velvety voice, one I wanted so desperately to get out of my head asked softly. I looked across the table to Charlie who looked concerned, his brows knotted together.
"I'm fine," I sent forth the words coldly. His face paled as he looked away with a new form of sadness evident in his features. He seemed guilty. An emotion he rightfully deserved.
It broke me though. Sucks.
Sidney raised her left brow but made no comment, obviously flipping the possibilities in her mind, the reason why I was acting so coldly towards her boyfriend. Also, I noticed some kind of tension lurking behind them as they weren't in any way like the lovey-dovey relationship freaks I've seen around. Infact they couldn't even hold hands while together, setting a distance of five inches away from each other.
Yup, there's something else going on here.
"It's past curfew time now. I suggest we head home." he suggested, wiping his lips with a blue paper napkin. Anita laced her fingers with mine then placed her head on my shoulder. "Fifteen minutes more. How bout we all go watch a movie?"
"The cinema's closed, and I believe a whole film takes much more than seven minutes to air, excluding the time used to get there." he chuckled politely.
"Let's just go home. It's been a great night," I could tell that Sidney was upset about something because she seemed sad, like a part of her soul was taken, thrust away. She made little amount to conceal it, exuding a somewhat tired aura. "You're driving?"
Charlie nodded slowly then his eyes sought my approval. I kept a straight face as I got up, politely shrugging Anita's hands off me. We whizzed out the door after one another.
Outside, Anita pulled Sidney into a quiet hug. "You owe me no longer. It's been such a great night and your brother has been quite the charmer. It's good though. I really envy who you'd end up with. He's very lucky," She smiled at me.
My heart sank as I looked up in alarm. I didn't think she'd...
"You...knew?"
She nodded briefly, her smile unwavering. "Well, I believe I've always known. And I've watched you a lot to know that you don't hang out much with guys. You avoid them like some plague, trying unsuccessfully to blend in while still choosing to wear pink," My cheeks heats up at this. She continued. "But it's okay. I love who you are and though others may not accept you right away, I still don't think you should change. You shouldn't accord much importance to whatever people have to say. Be bold, be you."
Unable to contain me any longer, I hugged her very tightly, heaving with emotion, happiness. I've never heard such a pure speech, such superfluous words which restored each ripped out part of my heart. Charlie looked downcast, turning slightly away from us to face the sky. Sidney just stood clutching heart and mouthing slyly. "Get a room you two."
I glared at her darkly.
Pulling away, I gushed. "Honestly, I still don't know what to say. No one has ever said such a thing to me. Nor try to show substantial support. For this, I love you. I love you so much" I hugged her again.
She giggled then patted my head. "I love you too, but I really think you should be telling that to the guy in red." she winked.
I blushed in surprise, searching her brimming eyes. Before I could say anything, she backed off hurriedly into a waiting car. "Bye now guys, catch you later bro."
She clambered onto it, drew the door shut, and sped off.
"Well, that was some scene." Sidney comments as we got in too into Charlie's low sedan. The interior smelt like new leather, and a hint of musk. Everything was laid bare - sleek and brand new. He pulled out of the small parking lot and turned east. His hands firm and evenly mundane on the steering wheel. "For a while back, then I thought you were finally going to kiss her. You know, as a support gift token. I never did know she was a rainbow patriot."
"You just love being absurd, don't you?" I comment dryly.
"She's secretly bisexual and LGBT friendly for a year now. She was originally homophobic," Charlie states out of the blue, locking eyes with me through the front mirror.
"That sucks,"
He pulled into the sparse driveway, killing the engine. I got out quickly, watching through my peripheral vision as Sidney smashed her lips against his, moving in rhythm. Forcing myself to look away, and devoting my attention to the house, I took long strides upstairs in perpetual darkness, not wanting to awake Dorian. However, fierce yellow light floods the entire corridor leading to my room. I pulled my eyes up to shield the bright glow, uncovering Dorian leaning on the opposite wall.
"Dorian? I thought you were asleep??"
The older woman drew her hands away from her jaw then pointed. "I believe something strange has been going on sir for the past few days. Lately, I've been observing a lot of colorful papers lying around, bits of half-eaten cookies, wilting vegetables, and the faucets mysteriously left open"
This means that Carter did eat. Only that he did so probably when everyone had gone off to bed. At his own convenient time. There's no doubt he'd been behind all these since I scarcely checked up on him. I allowed him to at his own free will to live and leave whenever he wanted, refusing myself in getting involved with him. I'd found out he had a rough childhood due to how he came out to his parents as gay, and he was quite an influence too. I don't want to catch his craze.
I scratched my head for a moment, pretending to contemplate. "Are you sure you're not just imagining things?"
She shook her head lightly. "I've also been noticing light dirty foot trails on the floors whenever I finish mopping. They're a lot smaller than mine, presumably your own feet size." she informed, conviction lit her eyes.
Technically I've allowed Carter much freedom. He was supposed to be more clever than this. As much as I hated to think of it myself, I wouldn't want him to get caught here.
Maybe somewhere else but...Ugh, have some sympathy.
Sidney came up behind me. "What's wrong?"
"I think Dorian's imagining things. We should deny her novels, they're stealing her brain." I suggested.
"I'm...not," She stuttered looking pained that I didn't believe her. "It's true, I saw the footprints."
"How sure are you?"
"Um - " she hesitated. "An 80?"
"Not enough," I brush her off. She opened her mouth to say something but shut it back. "I'll be going in now." she withdrew into her room.
"You behave like a child sometimes," Sidney pursed her lips.
I blinked defensively. "Oh but it's true. Seriously do you believe in ghosts or what? Vampires?? Witches?? She must have made those trails with her own foot."
"Okay now, I've heard you. It's time to sleep. It's been a long boring night and I'm chilled to the bone already," she journeyed further down the corridor then unlocked her room, slamming the door shut.
Securing the bolt carefully and stripping my coat off, I undid my tie knot - tossing it over. I heard some sort of shuffling sound coming from the closet as I neared it, yanking the doors open and inhaling the familiar peppermint scent of my clothes. Carter grinned in triumph as he spread out his arms proudly. I stood, stunned.
"Surprise! I arranged all your clothes for you!"
Crap.