I sighed, propped on both elbows on the window ledge - glancing down at the cold, quiet, death-like resort town below with the dull blue sky of early dawn sharp in contrast to the feathery frosting which settled on household roofs, rectangular mailboxes, and bright green pine trees which dotted the road leading to the town's outskirts. So much about Bald Slope had changed but not the view from the window. The town still looked every inch as it'd been years ago, sleeping like a cold beast in hibernation during winter months, the atmosphere moving up a sizable 30° Fahrenheit only awaiting the fresh lively gust of spring to banish the plaid whiteness and chill in mid-March.
I sighed once more, trying to mentally envision sleeping families, sound asleep. Babies looking peaceful as they got lost in their own little dream world. I ducked my head out to take in the refreshing night air which although pierced my skin and sent goosebumps all over making me feel exposed, soothed my heaving chest - it's light breeze swishing past the back of my neck, drowning out Carter's merciless snoring that threatened to bring down the whole house.
I frowned at the direction of the closet. Is he honestly so tired? He literally does nothing but sit in there all day. And he still snores so deep like an ogre. I humph. This is why I hated having roommates. They were so inconveniencing and practiced dark habits.
I opened the closet door gently by a chink then stepped in, wrinkled my nose at the trail of drool that dangled down, between his lips. Eyes half-opened, rolled back in their sockets like someone dead - and with each deep exhale, the equilibrium in his chest flattened.
I shook his shoulders. "Hey buddy, could you mind keeping it low. You'd wake everyone up with your snores" his hands stretched far over his head, his pale skin flawless along with fierce red marks slashed horizontally on his upper arm with the other tucked halfway down his fly.
"Bu, bu...ba...ba" he drawled, nudging my hands off. I frowned, not really catching on to what he muttered.
"What?"
"Piss, piss, piss Carl." he mumbled then pointed downwards. I stifled a laugh at how comical he looked and sounded. "If you want to take a piss then the ensuite's that way. Just don't do it here okay?"
He nodded dreamily, then sent forth a giggle. His head lolling backward. I bit my lower lip then looked away, my cheeks heated. It felt good to look after someone, but tiring too. I got back up, taking in his disheveled appearance, and draped an old blanket over him, placing one of my pillows underneath his head. I tucked his hands in, fingers curled against something crumpled. I held up an old picture, running my fingers brokenly over his much younger face, his full cheeks, and toothy smile. So handsome. A deep gloom which I couldn't explain pitched deep in my stomach. I felt a sickening dread spread, a feeling usually preceded with something awful. Carter mumbled noncommittally once more then burrowed deep under the blanket. Wiping a few teardrops away, I shut the door behind me then snuck the picture into a book - deciding within me to get it framed tomorrow.
He'd definitely been true a lot, but of course, he wouldn't talk about it. Maybe it's his rough childhood that'd made him this sarcastic and thick-headed. But the Carter I saw tonight lay on the brink of all innocence.
I went over to the window again, all signs of sleep gone. I've always been nocturnal, preferring to sit up all night, doing nothing but think and fantasize over extreme possibilities, absurd situations that I needed to stop believing they'd come true.
I drew the ledge shut, then slowly turned to walk away.
A small jolt hits my stomach first then the atmosphere changed - to one I'd become more familiar with most mornings. I flicked my eyes back to the window - searching. He was near. He was here, I could feel and breathe it. My eyes strayed past the empty sidewalks, then eventually settled on a figure, cutting a way through Dorian's precious tulips.
Oh, she'd go mad at dawn!
My eyes widened when Charlie came through it panting as he flung the cutting object aside. He looked up, straight at me, and then the smile came. His pearly white teeth unbelievably luminous in the darkness, plunging me into a trance. He whispered something then pointed to the window ledge.
I followed his fingers in confusion, grasping at the solid brown ladder propped against the wall. Who could have left this here? Who'd try to get in??
One guttural snore was all I needed to deduce the culprit.
I watched him clamber onto it, slowly, his steps shaky and light in comparison to my raging chest as he ascended towards me. I pulled the ledge open once more then took a step back to help him scale in.
"Hi," he beamed, unaware that he'd just blocked my breath channel. His calfskin brown cardigan made him look twice his size, complementing his sideburns. He took off his black bandana to reveal black gelled hair from the night before. "May I ask why you're still up?"
I pause, not really concentrating. A bit dazed.
"Carlie?" he tilted his head back in a frown. "Are you alright? You look red"
I blinked twice, the impact of his words causing me to glow even more as I mentally fumbled with the right word. "I couldn't sleep" I stated simply. I don't even know why it feels like I owe him any explanations, he was cruel with his words yesterday. "So you work night shifts as well, what are you? Night owl?"
He chuckled, his chest reverberating - enthralling me. I stared - enchanted. Oh, Carlie what has he done with you?
"Yes, I do night shifts as well," he squinted his left eyes in a silly attempt to wink.
"Oh," I said in realization. Tough life or maybe he favored his job so much.
"Yeah," he nodded, then paused as though trying to recollect something. "Not all of us are lucky enough to be gifted with much rest hours." he sorta winced, then his face hardened. "But that's not why I'm here,"
We lapsed into an awkward silence now, our heartbeats the only sound that needed to be heard. I swallowed a lump then sat on the foot of the bed. "Okay?"
"Look Carlie, I'm sorry." he blurted out thickly - his words tumbling into one another, his eyes never meeting mine. "I apologize for everything I said yesterday, whatever happened, the kiss, the insults. It's just that I never knew you like that before, I couldn't identify you early enough. But that's out of the way now. I just came to let you know that I support it, I mean I've always supported the LGBT community so this isn't... huge." we both looked at each other now, fully, eye - to - eye. It was so intense and the rage of my chest so ferocious that I just had to glance away. He dug a finger into his coat breast pocket and retrieved a pink colored paper.
"I knew you had to find out about me and your sister a bit awkwardly but I can assure you that there's no chemistry going on. Sidney's nothing more than a friend to me and for the past few days I figured that we've just been closer."
I couldn't help feeling a little relieved at this, even though it's a bit selfish. It's too late to be good. "I totally understand. You both can be nothing more than friends,"
He held out the paper to me. "I want you to give her this. Tell her we can still be friends and I'll always be there if she needs an arm to lean on. But I can't be who she expects me to be," I took it from him, our fingers brushing intermittently - his cold and icy mirroring his eyes, his demeanor.
"I forgive you," I managed, hoping it'd help. "You don't look too good. You're pale and somewhat sick."
He smiled, the sun from it banished the gloom into the back of his mind. "Thanks, man, I'll try to take a lot of rest. It's just that the days have been so hectic and busy that I don't recognize myself anymore,"
"Try sleeping," I proffered, not wanting to sound a bit lazy. "I heard it helps."
He nodded, moving to the window. "Thanks once more, Carl. Guess I'll see you around." then lifted his upper body over the ledge, slowly beginning to descend. He gave me a small wave before his head disappeared downwards. I bit my lower lip, expecting something, anything. Nothing came forth, nothing moved in the darkness.
I flipped to my side now, staring a bit longingly into the darkness. a small gasp escaped my lips when he snuck back in and whispered. "Do you mind? I'd like to have your number."