Downstairs, the early morning atmosphere was austere, vague; having nothing to it like most days. Friday. As usual, Dad started off his work-free day perched on the green double twin sofa, his eyes crinkling as he scrolled through the morning Times online. He sat calm, Dorian at his feet on her knees cleaning the surfaces. Meanwhile upstairs Sidney shook the entire house with her girly squeals and chatters.
One went like this:
"Donny Brad? Took a selfie with her??"
"Rrr what a lucky bitch. Bet she brushed his crotch as we instructed?"
"What! Bitch couldn't kiss him once?! That's totes worthless."
And on and on it went.
I rolled my eyes and sat down to chicken divan, pulling at the laps. All I asked was for one normal sister. My eyes took the dishes all in; beef sauce, fish casserole, blueberry pancakes with a mix of strawberry jam and dripping honey, toasted waffles, ice cream scoop with chocolate fudge, steaming hot dogs sticking out of triangular burgers.
I leaned over and bagged some of that into a paper foil. We certainly had more than enough to feed an army.
Something scraped against the wall upstairs, closely followed by a rush of feet. Dad looked up sharply, then at me. I shifted my eyes to the side focusing on the food I had before me, recalling slowly all Carter had said. He still hates who I am. He wouldn't let it go by.
"CARLIEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Get up here! There's a rat in your room!!" Sidney screamed - I internally groaned. Dorian flew up the stairs to see what the ruckus was all about - Dad sat back indifferently, rather engrossed with whatever he was reading.
My chest burned. Charlie.
"We need to call pest control," Dorian suggested as she came down minutes later with Sidney on her heels. "Especially for young sir's room. There's a rat in the house. It succeeded in getting away this time."
Dad glanced up at her behind the rims of his glasses.
Sidney gasped then looked at me reproachfully. "Oh daddy, and fast before it enters my room. My precious clothesline stands a risk of getting ripped if the snip stays much longer,"
"I'll think about it," he grunted then stood up. I flinched slightly, slurping out some of the crushed particles in my mouth. His hazel eyes drilled into me as he approached the dining area - drew a chair back and sat across from me, picking up his fork.
"Good morning Rainbows!" Sidney chirped - scooted a chair back also and sat beside me. She eyed the semi-liquid particles on the table and scrunched her nose. "Ew. That's so disgusting."
I glared at her then opened my mouth wide to expose a mouthful. She shrieked drawing her chair away from me. "Ew! ew!! ew!!! You're such a pig!"
"Whatever you say, spoilt princess,"
"I need to speak to you son," Dad's cold tone refutes Sidney's comeback. I glimpsed at him - his eyes focused intensely on his white plate. I could tell he didn't like his next words. "And it's about what we discussed a few months ago."
Sidney makes a low piquing sound then exited abruptly. But before she turned the corner, she wriggled her brows and winked.
I tried not to groan.
"You must be surprised with - "
"Seriously Dad, what's with beating about the bush? You're punishing yourself if you're trying to accept me the way I am. But know I wouldn't change. I can't change,"
He nodded briefly. "Yes, I know that - "
"Then let's save the long details and get to the main meat. You can't tolerate me so that's why you're gonna ask me nicely to leave the house. You're gonna throw me out now but don't know how to go about it."
He stared at me - confused. "No, that's not - "
I nodded knowingly. "And you wish me good luck in all my future endeavors."
"Of course not, well I do but could you please stop interrupting me!" he barked. "The only reason I needed to speak to you was that I wanted to say that I've accepted you. The way you are, and I'm not trying to send you out of the house. You're my son, it's your home."
I blinked at the revelation, mentally cursing myself for taking Charlie's words to heart. "You... accept me??"
"Yes," he then squints his eyes at me. "Of course I do. I'll always support you."
I walked around the table then engulfed him in a bear hug. I held unto him tightly while my eyes sweated. I'm crying but I don't know why. Altogether again I felt hopeful, life would remain as it'd been. He patted my bag softly as I withdrew. I searched for his orbs. "I love you Dad. I love you so fucking much."
"I know that," he chuckled hoarsely as I got off him and sat back down. Sidney clapped out the corner, giggling. I know she'd been listening. "And that dear father and brother is the most totally REPULSIVE thing I've ever seen!" she stuck her tongue out in disgust. "You both irked me and the emotions were so bor - "
"Shut up," I cuss at her.
"You wish," she scoffed. Dad silently excused himself to take a call.
Sidney threw her hands up in the air. "Now that you both are back together, I pray to never see that scene again. I'd barely survive it. Congrats on becoming an official rainbow bunny. You can finally be put to good use," she smirked deviously, mentally cooking up some eerie evil design in her mind.
I snorted, then stood up when I heard the doorbell. "Like I'd help a toad,"
The pull was short, sharp and fresh, tugging down at my guts. It was not of excitement nor of hunger. It was because of him.
I stood back in the lobby, watching as he came off the sidewalk unto the pavement; his steps light and springy. He was on his normal blue cooler uniform, one that mirrored his curves, taut abs, and firm butt. Reaching out to the blue flapped mailbox, he inserted a white envelope and drew back, his eyes on the entrance door.
I took a deep inhale when I caught a glimpse of his face. High cheekbones are defined by a square jaw and the perfect pointy nose. He was tan, his skin evenly toned like whipped cream caramel and his cropped dark hair was short curt lustrous ringlets. Three years ago when he'd showed up at the front porch steps, mail-in hand, my dreams had never been the same again. After that one visit, I'd begun to look forward faithfully to most mornings when he'd come up the sidewalk, beaming and pushing his hair back. And the fact that amazed me was that I just knew when he came around, a short jumpy pull nagged my insides, like my intestines were knotting up. With time he grew popular across town. I stalked him, tried to find out something worthwhile but of course, nothing came out of it. So I had to stop. It was never good to stalk anyone no matter what.
I took shaky cursory steps towards the front door, frowning as he suddenly whirled around, his back to me as long pale fingers combed through his hair. He stayed like that for a moment and sorta leaned down a bit. I hastened my steps, curiously drawing the glass doors apart and stepping out unto the cold front porch.
He whirled around now and that's when I realized.
My heart constricts, sinking rock bottom.
Sidney scurried away quickly before I could say anything while he just stood there flustered. Not a single hair out of place. "Um, hi Carlie," he gushed, not meeting my eyes and turning once more, he walked back the way he came.
I felt like a fool standing there and watching his straight back disappear down the road. So this is it. They're together. They have history. I didn't want to believe as much but I think the signs were becoming clear enough.