-DAWN JEAN COLLINS-
I look up at the sky narrowing my eyes to the harsh sunlight, until it sends stinging pain into pupils, my eyes watered.
Sunny days are mine, I'm not fan of cloudy weather or heavy rain, those thick fluffy dark clouds lead me to that perfectly attacking fevers and cephalalgia.
Foamy wave wet my feet, I felt sand beneath my foot thawing, did oceans always smelled like this?, the ferry will turn up anytime soon I look at those fishing vessels. Well! Oceans are scary, humans only explored five percent of it.
I get on the ferry clasping my half-size bag tight when I checked my phone it was still out of network. I lean on aft balcony then noticed a big fish I quickly took a picture. Then walked back in and sat on one of the empty seat, a blonde boy with brown eyes stare at me. I avert my eyes his girlfriend was dozing off on his shoulder, I saw him smiling fiendishly he then pointed at the front deck. I moved my head to the left, exhaling just then I saw a mega yacht nearby, it was in magazine few months ago, I read the white letters painted on yacht 'Meermin'.
A few of them were chattering about it, and few looked curiously . "this big metal is now owned by Sebastians" to my right there sat a man who looked like a fisherman he wore, ragged clothes cigarette between his grubby fingers.
I stood up and got off the ferry, my bike was just there where I parked it. I felt bilious, in a twinkling I was back at home. As I take off my shoes, my eyes concentrated on those flaccid papers kept on dining table. He was like a bull in a China shop when he had workload, maybe he's not home. As I stepped in, Coco pounced on me I picked him up, he needs a bath but cats don't like water I look at his yellow eyes he meows, I rubbed his small head "Who's my baby?" He meows, I let him down and rolled all the papers then put them in a cart then gathered all his geometric instruments, before putting them inside their room, just to see mom's desk like a fine kettle of fish maybe she's working overtime again. I swill up all papers and clear off all files before clumping them at the corner, the bed was made maybe none of them slept here yesterday.
I look at the nightstand, wilted lilies I sigh and walk out of their room my phone rang [Dawn?] She sounds under pressure "yes mom!",
[Baby! There's a file on my desk red color], I walk back in "There are three of them mom!, [the one with a fountain pen inside] she continues [if possible can you bring it to me?] I said yes and end the call. I change my clothes washed my hair and brushed my teeth. I left Coco behind and rode to 'Nurture Hospital', the head nurse beamed brightly "Jesus! Dawn it's been a while isn't it?" She was all shaken up to see me she hugged me sparsely, she is our family friend now, short lady with great sense of humor. "Miss. Alana will you please deliver this to mom?" She nods that instant "Ah! You aren't coming at my place recently!" I smile at her "I will be there soon begging for your special milk tea and hand baked spicy bread" she gently pressed my hand and nod while waving the file in the air.
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How does it clicks? A dime a dozen?, most certainly not. It straight off prompts me of sea, we all are knitted by water it doesn't matter which province you belong to; we are one. I like this mental picture, as I go past the noshery my appetite raised, I got myself a sandwich and shortcake with water, fond of carbonated drinks but not now. So! Standard life isn't standard anymore; because existence is a curse.
Born on 5th of November with a bizarre mystical potency discovering it was great but it turned out to be as ugly as sin. Thence forth, I've been living a not so normal life, I was an undesired child a cast off for ten years, I lived with my grandparents who are resting under ground now.
My immortal woe is I remember my pastlife...
It sounds so farcical and as thick as two short planks, but this isn't any silly bird-brained thought anymore, its torturing me every single day.
My father still don't feel the itch for me, instead he's quiet because mom desires to spruce up her family tree perfectly. My dear mother is like an Egyptian white water lily, and when I see both my parents they are just like chalk and cheese.
I still stand in awe, why does such a beautiful delicate woman have passion for a crotchety man like him!.
I was just stretching my legs a bit strolling down the streets, still haven't seen much of it. I turn around, all I saw was wrapped up or preoccupied individuals, Oh! First I need to get Coco's cat food. Recently, Cloud cafe has riveted a large mirror just besides their entrance door. I stood there staring at my reflection I have scars over my arms, and those arms are less feminine, straight choppy bob, wild ear piercings, clothes from men's clothing, and combat shoes.
They say womens should look like an art elegant and graceful, fragile but strong.
I didn't grew to be a disciplined sweet girl who prays before dinner or bed. I'm just like the bristled caterpillar all I do is wriggle and still peeps take it as a threat. They don't deal with me because I'm the 'wild child'.
"Boss!" He screams waving his hands at me, he stands next to traffic lights waiting for the signal to go red, he sprints towards me like a bat out of hell, his red hair glowing under harsh sunlight he wears black tshirt and ripped pants, pure punk (delinquent)!.
"Behave Jayden!" he scrunched his nose he is taller than me, has full smile and is little bit crazy but deep down he's a dipstick. "I'm sorry my cakehole just keeps running like that--" I put my finger on his cheek "should I sew it tight then?" He shook his head, he knows I'm kidding. Jayden and I were rivals he had a gang and I was fresh by that time, they didn't knew me while bullying, until one day when I lost it, and the fight was turning into a battle.
Jayden sweated cold and was astounded to meet a wench like me with such a diabolic temper. Since then Jayden is been addressing me as Boss and even other kids in his gang, but for me we are just schoolmates.
"Are you listening--" I nod smiling "so there's this amusement park nearby with all fun rides let's go together" I grin at him "We aren't kids anymore" he shut his mouth right away before continuing "it's not for kids Dawn!"I paused for a bit. "Yes!!" I agreed to go and arrive back home Jackie was in the kitchen "how was it?" He was seeking something specific by asking about, the day out to the beach "I brought you gift" he glance back at me, wearing his preferred apron the one with jumbo print on it, his blonde hair were tied back his big blue eyes electrified "Its in the garden, I washed them" he threw his gloves and walk out I heard him squealing in delight.
"Oh my god-Oh my god...Abalone!" I smirk at him he hugs me.
"You mastered seafood?" He nods "No, just started but chef don't know about it, I tried it by myself" I was sat at table staring his back "mom always had a sophisticated palate" he's talking but I space out in between "luckily it's not dinner time--" I kissed him on forehead "whatever beau! Don't burn yourself" he hummed. I climb upstairs, Jackie is my little shrimp, and the youngest member of our family. I took a hot shower and ate my dinner before Dad arrives, then sat back looking at those blank canvases all I think about is blue.
Because its me, a nineteen year old who doesn't feel like becoming a lady, I lie down exhaling, overhearing Jackie down in
the kitchen and the ticks of wall clock.
Once in a while, I'm flustered to look at others. Since I'm guilt-ridden. Why? Because I've pulled off few deadly sins, and it's a endless to ponder upon, sometimes I look at my hands and they are covered in blood.
I even hallucinate of my pastlife self, standing in a heavy armor with top knot which has dragon pin, black robe beneathe, I am relieved that it is dead and buried and I no longer have any of it; just a female body, friends and family, I love it.
But still, there are times when I grieve over all of it thoughtlessly. I don't know why it happens but I have endured it so far. Also I have a half-boyfriend, which means more than a friend and less than a boyfriend. He's tall, has asian eyes and pale skin. Shin Martinez.
Bell rang, I know its him I hear him talking. One...two....three..."Dawn!" He called, I walk down to see mom smiling at me, she looks exhausted like always; Shin was carrying grocery bag and Jackie was holding eggs.
"What are you doing upstairs?" Becky asked standing with her hand on her waist, she was the smaller version of mom both of them took after her except me. I have black hair like his, black eyes like his, then he walk in with his bag gave me a death glare I lowered my head.
"Shin you said you want to talk to Dawn?" Mom gestured me to go upstairs, I did exactly what she wants Shin closed the door behind us then hugged me "how much have I missed you!" He smelled like something burned. I look at him "you smoke?" he bit his lips then sniffed himself "No you know I can't handle tobacco in my lungs.." I nod then why does he smell like that, I saw his gaze is unsettling "Dawn?" He calls after staring at me for so long "are you in trouble?" I look at him curiosily "why do you ask that?" He shook his head "Nothing just felt like asking..." I couldn't help but laugh "well! I'm always in trouble Shin" he puts his head on my shoulder.
"I just want to say be careful-" he gets up and leaves then returns back to me peck my forehead. I watch him going back he look up at me I wave at him and he smiled. What is it Shin?, What are you hiding?.
I had dinner without looking up at him, my eyes stuck on my plate suddenly mom says "How was your trip honey?" I look at her "Healing" I know he's gaping at me. "The death anniversary is around the corner" he said directly to me, "Theo will be there! What have you planned?" I shook my head. His eyes were dark full of disgust and annoyance, I was not self-assured to speak more but "Whatever you say--" he taps the fork on the table "whatever I say" he repeates smiling.
I rolled on my bed thinking about that valuable property under me, its 200 kilometers away from our house, it is packed with bulletproof glass. My grandparents had unique hobbies and interests, granny lived to collect all antiques while grandpa has two big profitable buildings, he put it on rent. All of that money is transferred and safe in my bank account, Dad can't touch it, but he desperately desires it, the small Roman manor is worth billions. If only they arranged an auction we could earn huge amount. But we can't since those are all antiques, with precious metals and stones and many other things she collected from all over the world.
I sat up to close the window and noticed someone at the opposite side of the road, a man dressed in all black clothes staring into our neighbour's house through window. Our neighbor's are affectionate but weird, Nyla use to work as a sex worker and now she's married to Cayden who works at glass company. Nyla is stunning and beautiful an eye candy for elderly and sometimes even young, is she having a stalker again?.
I never butt in into others businesses that's unethical I think, and I already have a lot to mull over. So I closed the window and stare at the man judging by his back, I can easily tell he's well-built as if I saw him somewhere, he's not moving but standing firm on the concrete ground suddenly he kneels and plucks a flower.
Ah! Chrysthanemums, I helped Nyla to plant them. He goes left and I kept watching him why does it feels so peculiar. Our locality was quiet decent full of reporters and journalists, photographers and other artistic people; very low crime rate. I exhaled and lie down on my bed.
I woke up early took a hot shower, and put on my uniform got on my bike straight up to school. It was a red light when I was stuck between the daily traffic, desperate honking folks, I look to the other side of the road, this area is all well constructed futher down to the 13th street, all elites living there, I spot sports cars and luxurious cars. I continued down to street 10, school was always problematic. I had a reputation, a bad reputation actually they were scared of me as I park under nice shade in no parking zone.
Jayden approached me with his lovely gang "morning morning Boss!" I pressed my lips together and pat his shoulder before walking ahead, all of them followed
"Let's go tonight! What do you say?" I nod, "Hi Kirby?" I greet him, he didn't look up
"G-Goodmorning Dawn!" I laugh at him then mess with his silky hair.
Everytime I meet him, always get see Jayden drooling over him "Oh! I want him--" he says Ralph and rest others started laughing.
"Go get him then" I said, Student council members marching inside classrooms took my attention. Maybe today was the inspection day, "Those bastards are checking lockers touching your private stuff and even your bags" I look at my bag and a panic wave ran over me. Since my bag has a new packet of cigarettes and lighter, a small bottle of vodka. Jayden saw me, he immediately knew something was wrong "throw it off" I bite my lips "but it's new" he opened his arms wide "throw it to me baby" he said showing his car.
I took a breath of ease, then gave him the things "make sure nothing goes missing especially the lighter it's a custom one he look at the glinting golden lighter then the snake on it "hella gorgeous" he said feeling it "where can I get one?" I took it from his hand "it belonged to my Nana" his eyes turned sad, I waved a hand in front of him "come on hurry up" the moment we were turning around we came across Scorpion's "Well Well! You have a lot of work to do there" I said Jayden and others laughed "You better shut your mouth before I rip it off" I smirked at them "really you cowardly bastards" that triggered him he was ready to attack us when the student council members interrupted "what the hell is going on there get into you fucking classes for inspection" she yelled. I look at Bull he glared at me with teeth clenched, "you better stay off" he said before going back.
Bull was the heaviest of all he was huge, had muscles, very short hair and face tattoos, his breath stinks each time he opens his mouth, he and I had same master until he tried to rape our master's granddaughter, master not only kicked him but was ready to see him behind the bars since then he has this unique hate towards me, and he knows no matter how heavy he gets I will crush his skull or his manliness. He knows how dirty its goes once I start there's no limit and, all he does was barking.
Then there's guy, with nice car crooked teeth and funny hair Steve. He's the softest amongst them, then there's this mastermind who's been burrowing a hole through me this whole time sitting along the window side, rocking his chair, he has black hair and neon green ends with a tongue pericing he looks like nerd with black glasses, he's the hacker and controls all those Scorpion bugs in our school. I couldn't believe this guy is lusting after me, I remember the day he narrated all his wild fantasies, those wet dreams he had just then Ruby leaps on him she sits on his desk. Ruby is his girlfriend, she is an emo girl but she's pretty and has good personality "Dawn I missed my Math notes have you jotted down?" She asks while Leo her boyfriend stare at me "why are you asking me?" I asked, Ruby got down from her desk "because I love your handwriting and only yours is understandable" Leo gestured her to leave the classroom.
Leo and other members have seen me fighting he's been siding up with me and that doesn't goes unnoticed, If only I could see---I stopped in my steps when I saw him on the gate, as soon as he saw me he threw his arms towards me "My darling I brought you lunch" this was the only time people envied me. Shin was an eye candy for others and I have him, I like that feeling its enjoyable.
I like it when others want what I have but only until I don't claim it fully, after that what's mine is mine!. I look at him he was chatting with his friends all of them laughed, Shin looks happy, I look across the room the same regular table, she sits there "Dove" I was just thinking about her and spoke loudly, she just can't take her eyes off Shin.
All of his friends knew what type I was, a girl with bad reputation, arrested twice for street fights, I dug into the food carrots are too salty, "fuck this is too--" Thorn takes a deep breath I smile at him all of us left carrots in our plates, I washed my hands just when I was about to turn around Dove pushed me with her wet hands "Oops!" She said, she always wore makeup that didn't looks hilarious, her liner was too big and those plump lips weren't natural she has no idea that she's been mocked and that others call her duck, they way she dresses is everything that's trendy.
I couldn't hold myself back, because my temper was worser than her makeup.
I opened the tap and cup my hands then splash water all over her "Oops" she stood there like an offended person, well her makeup wasn't waterproof somewhere, it dripped on her white tennis shirt. "You bitch I--" I turn around "Shhh! I hate screaming witches keep your voice down before I turn you into a mute" she shut her mouth. I walk out to see Shin standing at the end of the corridor "Yo! What's up?" He shook his head "If you are free this afternoon" I nod "Let's have lunch together" sounds good and always wished he took me to see where lives, there are only rumors that he lives in the biggest house in his neighborhood, maybe this is the opportunity.
As I walk past the students they pass me weird looks, I love watching blood draining down their faces. I stopped in the middle when I saw a few strange people heading to the office, three of them.
"What are they?" Sophia asked, I shrugged my shoulders. "Falcon High!" Jayden followed, "Falcon high!?" I repeat he nod before continuing "The big ass school with etrudite students and brilliant teaching staff filled in there" I nod believing it; "What's their business here then?" He jolted "you don't know?" I bit my lip "I don't read boards so shoot" he laughed "Each year they circulate tests for students who are actually capable of doing big, few enter from sports quota and rest from written tests. Highest performing and ranking students are able to enter Falcon. High without paying a single penny" Sophia looks excited "I try each year but I'm always 15th on the board" I laughed at it "Who would go for such useless shit--" Jayden smirked "Queue for that shit is no joke" I felt annoyed.
My academics were weak and I wasn't interested in the sports they were talking about.
I move back sipping banana milk, a world I'm living, is far better than the one I came from and I like it somehow but trying doesn't cost, humans always seek for happiness and so do I.
But the type of happiness I want can be titled as forever peace.
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