-KEN SEBASTIAN-
The strong hand that has snaked around my waist felt powerful, those fingers digging into my neck, were suffocating. My body feels frail and powerless. Why when I practice so much? How is it possible?, then only I knew it was me and only me that has given in. I enjoy this pain somehow gifted to me, I smell blood and dust and that mild lavender, those hot tears and hot breaths of mine are shortening, with the little of my last breath remaining I ask "Is that you?".
Woke up gasping loudly, I now know what life surprisingly meant in those mere seconds; pillow feels wet, flipping the comforter aside I stand up, covered in sweat, hands still shuddering with fear. The usual vibration perked my ears, flustered I look around, it was the phone on nightstand vibrating so loud that it is obvious this is the thing which woke me up.
My skull feels like cracked open, searching around for underwear__found it near beanbag I have a memory of wearing, a black one instead of this leapord print, one small sniff it is a fresh one so I slide it on, the put my buzzing phone on speaker;
"Dad? Morning" analysing, I slept too much. That's not me!. His voice quivering on the other side, he's crying, "Dad?" He clears his throat "Frost..Frost passed away" unanticipatedly, everything reminds me of that furry thing, running around with me, laying on my lap, licking me all over, those endless "go fetch the ball", that lively little sparkling has dropped dead. I pick the phone up presssing it againt my ear "I'll be there soon do not touch it. I repeat. Keep it there dad" I need a shave but it's time consuming, I only wash hair, brush teeth thoroughly, clean tongue and used mouthwash twice, washed hand,
like always following my ritual scrubbing palms, between fingers, not forgetting nails, finally back of palms. Feet the same way, deodorant, hair brushed roughly, oh, I need a trim, it grew three centimetres long, rummaging through drawers to get an elastic, so hair could be tied back, but there wasn't any, I chose white plain shirt, took me a minute to find the brand new freshly sewn grey pant, a long black jacket and a baseball cap would do, with thick glasses, I wasn't Ken anymore but someone else, a nerd walking down the street, nobody would recognize me. Then I glance over those extra things, the jacket, cap, glasses. I sigh. It gets tiring sometimes. Anyways I chose sneakers purposely a wrong size, so that servants won't doubt.
My feet had to squeeze in, it will hurt but it's fine for now. I look at time, took longer than seven minutes.
Hopping down the stairs, Max stood anxious, when he saw me he wasn't dumbfounded rather this disguise thing, he grew regular to it over the years. "Frost" he gasped all worked up "I know" I stride out he followed, then we change cars and get directly into basement parking. Through lift we straightaway stop at second floor, I don't have to look again, all servants were swiped out. Frost, stretched out on floor__lifeless, his mouth open with blood puddle, eyes wide and white.
Dad couldn't even look at this sight.
How could he; when he recieved the pup from his mother, that tiny puppy grew up so big, furry, lovely, and now this was what we are left with. "Bring Xaviell to me" Max immediately gives him a ring.
"Put him away Max" he slowly picked the dog and I cleaned the blood off the floor.
Mom didn't spoke anything, but sat there with hollow eyes. Those are signs of her insomniac state that goes on and off--.
Xaviell was breathless, probably came running "Ken!" His face glowed up, yet Max stands like a wall. "Did you switch dog food?" Dad sniffed, his nose all red, eyes swollen "No, he was fine at night I woke up and--" mom gets up to hug him. "We need to tear him up to check what was it" Xaviell stands pale staring at me.
"It was someone from outside sneaked in to do this" he nods "Change the security and handover the camera footages"
Max was all up to it. We took dog with us, we can't just bury it "we need memory". And so I have a better way to keep this memory safe and always infront of eyes.
"We need to talk Ken" Mom drags me into my father's study, years rolled away yet each time I step into this room its the same, like a picture hanging on a wall, the small ones with fine details, you have to squint your eyes to look at it, pictures never change and nor did his room.
The same fading room freshener mingling with burned wood. "What's wrong Ken? What the hell is up in your brain?" She was loud, frustrated, as if standing onto her last legs. I am not suppose to raise my voice at her. "Mom should I blow on you to cool you off?" Her eyes changed immediately realising what she was doing.
She pressed her temples "Opal came to see me" I regret not burning her face. "She is a good girl--" she was standing in her golden night dress. I want to hug her, but she needs to calm down I walk closer to her "a perfect wife and mother for the kids you tell me about the family you want Ken she can get you that" an exact correction is needed here "mom" she stare at me "how will you feel if dad goes sleeping around with others?" She raised her hand to slap me but she starts to stumble, I hold her and make her sit on the sofa "Do not stab me where I'm hurt Ken" I knew this would disturb her, anyhow that sounded better in my head, how reckless, we both know where this leads but my father is affectionate enough for not doing anything and being a dedicated husband almost all his life, but, one could stop a beating heart yet could never stop it from feeling. There are rumours about mom having a boyfriend, people have running mouths and deceiving eyes so whatever comes their way rises up in a story, updating in a newer version, as it passes on.
No one could know anyone fully, but we could guess, years have passed I barely met my mother still we were connected when my belly was my mouth, she went through a whole new evolution while bringing me onto this planet. Every mother is great and no child could understand her love it is the same way as the oceans are wide, confusing, blue, massive, and deepest.
Ava Sebastian is a woman of morals a master at making decisions and exactly like a ringleader she controls the circus of her emotions. She accepts dad, each part of his, instead of being a son of a powerful man he is the sofest, kind and forgiving still he has another side, a father side, mom says he is the strongest amongst us he cries and knows how to show emotions, then comes his son side, a seventeen year old with rebellious nature, and then that part of his which still misses her, his first love. Mom accepts it, what does a woman desire a man's heart what would she do if she knew that half of that belongs to someone else and that she has to live with it, always adjusting, like making way through a crowded train. Does my father loves my mother?, yes ofcourse he does no doubt, Ava is his mind, a part of his that grew in him beautifully and has stayed with him for so long supported him and just like just like his mother, she too dedicated herself to him and so dad was on his knees. Why do we get foolish as we mature? if I was my mother after hearing the confession on wedding night I would've stabbed him with scalpel, but she couldn't do it, not until she dies, she worked with her for years, knowing how madly he was in love with her, they are best friends.
Mom took a turn for dad and started helping him, then the organization needed her more than her patients.
"Mom I respect Opal she is a lovely girl, but not for me. Please don't force me to keep with it" she stare at me with painful eyes, then plop down on the cushioned seat like a little abused child, all battered with circumstances and self pity there is too much to talk and but timing must always be prefect and now is not the time to discuss any of this bullshit in my life. Opal can wait. "Mom?" I sat down near her feet she stroke my hair "how can I be so bad?" I press her hands lightly "I'm not a good mother, wife or daughter-in-law" I wipe her precious tears, her nose red and skin glowing. "Take dad on hiking just like old times" I sat up next to her "the weather is great these days and I think he will love it, maybe it will clear his mind a bit" she nods then stands up hugs me tightly, I almost forgot how small she was or maybe I grew up big, her medium frames and soft body. Mom's are always warm, they have this scent to them that we get attached to, that warmth in their touch which we get addicted to and same goes for me. There were times when I use to remember her touch her fragrance until we meet again and even now is the same. My mother is tall, lost weight over years, the most proud and competent kid of her household, her father wanted her to take the business under her control but she chose medical and then friends tied knot. My parents were friends before they got married but mom was romantically looking forward to their marriage and dad was heartbroken.
"Mom look after yourself" I pat her shoulders then she stands up. "You to take rest" I live her to freshen up and knocked on the door twice. Dad was crying his head in his pillows "dad?" He wipes his tears but don't look at me I sat near him "if you miss her so much you should go and see her I'm sure if she was alive she would've hated you for being miserable" he turns to look at me.
I thought I spoke too much but no it was just the right amount "if she was here she would've gifted you another dog there is nothing that remains forever" he listens to me "You're words are always painfully true"
I smile at him and help him sit "What's gone is gone you don't have the power to change anything Kyle--" he completes the rest sentence "neither of us have" he nods smiling. "She shouldn't have left me, if only dad was prefect a good husband she would've stayed with me" I take a deep breathe.
He finally went to sleep and I silently step out, it was a rocky morning. As I walk upstairs my eyes came to stop at the closed solid black big doors. It was Chairman's study, clearly he is gone for too long, probably three months. But he's never lost, when he isn't moving he's like a hawk sits on the highest point staring down at us as if we are his preys. I discreetly walk upto it.
I am his favourite one,
he is just like a nasty spoiled kid he choses his favourite ones and then plays torture with the rest. I touch the heavy brass handle. "Good god! KEN?" I look back "Philip!" He smiled at me with his wrinkled face the senior most butler of the house only he knows me, the only person who enters my and Chairman's rooms, his bedroom his study as well as my room. "So did Clarence like my gift?" He smiled showing me way to my room, then brings the keys to it. This key is kept ordinary, no keychain to it but a number it is in a bunch of other regular keys; he opens it for me "she is over the moon, cherishes it a lot" I smile at the statement. "Is chairman back Philip?" He stare into my eyes "No! It has been three months five hours, fifteen minutes and twelve seconds" he has this odd way of thinking and speaking but I am fond of it.
The only butler who dares to stand in from the old man was him 'THE GREAT PHILIP', I enter the room it was so clean like always "I vacuumed just this morning" I nod and sat on the bed "Justice was here a month ago" I had to stand up "why what did he say?" Philip shakes his head "nothing in particular just grabbed some envelopes" I could feel my hands sweaty. I let him go Philip must've failed to notice that I was alarmed for seconds. I search for remote and press 1 it opens curtains slowly from my room I could see the 'Den' my den. It is the place where all my secret belongings are, especially each and every book that I read and my art peices.
Nobody knows me better than myself so I chose to tell you, what I feel and what I lived like. The statue of Ares was to my far left, he is known for bloodlust and Spartans use to sacrifice their prisoners as well as dogs to him. He loves dead puppies I don't why I took this dude out of Chairman's study.
I repect the old man, being with him is like walking through a forest of thorns.
My father and I were pressured into few things but we listened and obeyed him. He wanted his son to be perfect and his grandson became his heartthrob, that is me. He was more strict with me, a retired surgeon was now killing tigers somewhere in tribes. The bear fur in my father's study was gifted by him, sadly his son takes after his dead wife Venetia.
She had two husbands, first one was Chairman and the other one was Peter.
Venetia was sick of this man and his craziness, she left him and her husband was persistent to keep the son to himself, he never divorced her but she did.
I have only met her through photographs and saw Chairman crying on her death anniversary each year... he's vulnerable on just that day. Love is what he wanted but never received properly he repeats and dad just keeps arguing with him.
I took a seat on hard wooden chair, anyone could know this is my room, huge self portrait hangs on wall, I remember, Zuber was his name the photographer, this luxury is tiring sometimes, I have photos of me and Opal on the shelves her and me kissing, laughing, in bed.
Opal is a sweet girl lives under great pressure, Oliver is a mad dog, all my time I was with her I thought I was doing what she wants. I once heard her talking to Jen that she likes random sex and the man who will be rough with her, and so I thought I should do the same for her but instead she went up on my back and bite my ear so badly that I bleed she will pay her price for that.
I stare at wall those needles are trying to test my patience I wait until 3:02 shutting the dinosaur encyclopedia I sprung up, then slide open the walk in closet my every cloth peice from branded to regular casual clothes, it is filled with gold, sliver, diamonds and other items, my watches, cufflinks and other jewllery such things are reminder in not a normal kid.
I look at rings on my fingers and then the ones kept under glass cases. Those can be troublesome, anyways I got ready in a neat black shirt and pants with office shoes, leather gloves are habit. The freshly shaved face looks good and I am bathed in aftershave, chose dad's old Volkswagen, smoothly driving, through streets. I saw her walking across the other street with the red hair guy, I have a doubt, but not now.
P
arked near the old bell alley, and hop out no one checked the neighbourhood possibly no one know me. A few nods to passing folks, until I stop at her house, I've checked over and over no CCTVs around, street lights are faraway so I'm safe. I jump in through kitchen window.
The lock is broken, a vase full of daffodils jangled in air rotating I grab it before it fells and creates a mess.
The same chocolate smell, raw coffee beans on refrigerator, toaster, small table with linen cloth on it. A few pictures on the fridge door have changed, I need to get a close look, so I hop down, clean sink a coffee mug wasn't washed ants were there for treat. I cleaned it up since it was HER coffee mug.
~meow.
Shit! Had no idea there was this little thing where was it all those times?.
I'm so thankful it isn't a Rottweiler or something, just a little kitty-kitty, I open the fridge cats are different than dogs.
Neatly sorted, no rotting food, cheese, ketchup, pickles, chocolate bars, water bottles, and something that looks like tonight's side dish or dessert. I open the freezer, tons of ice, a fish and a bamboo box thingy, which read 'Sweet sea food' I opened it and gasp. -Coconut crabs. Someone's having party!. I close it and push it back,
Then offered some fish to the little monster. "Hello" I called.
I know, no one's home and so my feet fluttered forward to living room, but itgets stuck I stumble on carpet and land on the couch "Fuck".
I got up, there was a vinyl recorder, wooden speakers, a small television, modern decor, walls are neatly painted. A small chandelier at centre, a messy out table with just one chair, papers, scrolls, scissors, pencils. I open one of them, he is gifted, Chevy is a perfectionist.
I keep it aside and open the first door adjacent to bathroom. Strong smell of fabric freshener, neat cotton bed sheets, soft blue coloured pillows, not a single crease, they are passionate couple, one side of the bed looks empty and other is just with too much shit the nightstand has alarm clock, a book, a phone charger, sketch pens, keys, a rusty watch, half glass of water. As I turn around. The table to the left corner of the room has piles of papers, files and a first aid kit on top of keyboard. Windows are tightly shut, this is her parents room. I pick the kitty up, then walk into other room which smelled like melted candies, socks lying around, unicorn plushie, wall of pictures and glittery stuff. Everything was bright, so much that I thought I might go blind, books are neatly arranged. This is not her but her sister,
Becky Collins.
The cat leaped down when I opened the door with do not disturb sign. No smell at all. It was clean everything perfectly arranged, an apron neatly folded and kept on a study desk, no computer but books all fiction, butterfly specimen all over the wall. A big painting hanged on the bed, an aurora, it was beautiful, again not her room she don't like butterflies, but this painting was made by her. Cat leads me upstairs, I think I skip one room but thought of following this cutie.
Maybe she lives in livingroom
Or shares bed with her sister,
There's an old wooden door with no lock, I wonder what this is...looks like store room.
Cat scratches at the doorstep, I just push the door back, mild lavender hit my nostrils, a small unsteady bed in corner a small pantry like cupboard brown paint scrapping off the walls, no nightstand, but books kept on the floor besides writing desk with just a cushion, Zen brushes, few calligraphy scrolls, and boxes of painting accessories, blank canvas she lives in such a small room. The biggest room was Becky's, and smallest was hers, a small wodden shelve holding all action figures of hers,
I lay on her bed,
smelling the only pillow, does she smell like this?.
I wonder how will I stop myself when she'll look straight into my eyes, as if blowing a hole through me. Those dangerous eyes of her make me go nuts and hold power over me. I didn't notice it earlier but I was struck by the sound of something, it was a wind chime on the window, the sound calms me. I stand up and look at it, brass wind chime an antique piece. I took it from there. ~meow "I know a bad idea but I want it" I jump out of her room.
Max alarmed me that Oliver Hyde waits at the beach house, now I have to run back. By the time I reach back, he sat anticipated, in living room, Victoria served him his favourite matcha, his expressions are different. I'm in such a good mood I don't want to ruin it so I was about to talk it out to him, when he suddenly gets up "Next time Ken, I have an urgent meeting" Dex look at me confused "Stick to him" he nods and rush out.
I heard car engine dying after a while, it was mom, I told Victoria to leave prepared her milk tea and freshly cut dragon fruit. She sat on the couch "Sit by me love" I take place near her foot on the floor my neck on her lap "What are we supposed to do now? Oliver won't sit quiet" she slowly stroked my hair "Don't worry mom I'm big enough to handle 'em" She laughs "But Opal is a good girl, if only Oliver marries that Gia Hilton" they were rumoured to be together or even secretly married but Oliver is identical to Scales, my pet python.
Oliver is an actor, editor, a model, photographer and even has his own charity. Never got married but has a legal daughter, the daughter on papers.
Found her on street, a kid losing her breaths, a beautiful girl with blonde hair and big brown eyes. He adopted her, gave her the name, and made her a puppet. The one who will act the way he wants, talk the way he wants, and that is why he sent her to me when I was broken, I wished someone to be there until one day she puts my hand under her skirt, straddled on my lap.
Everything was fine, I wanted to protect her and even now I will do the same. She's innocent, and that's maybe because of it, I saw a wife in her, a cute little mother but I almost forgot that she can be easily tempted like other woman.
I am in need of someone who's different, and not easily tamed.
Something reflecting into my eyes, almost made me blind. It was sunlight reflecting in rippling water an indoor pond with fishes in it, a fan, I look out at bamboo trees those seem to be collapsing on each other, warning the arrival of thunderstorms. A hand snaked around my shoulder, slightly nibbling on my ear, they inhale, I melt into their touch;
"Is that you?" I ask.
Please let me see the face.
I woke up feeling suffocated just to find that my face was into pillow and I was pulling it closer to me.
When the hell will this stop?.
After a while, I heard doorbell. I look at clock, this has never happened before. I carefully opened the drawer and removed my pistol, its quiet old but handy and walk out, it rang again, if it was someone who wanted to kill me, there wouldn't be a doorbell, but there are slight chances where they could be killing me at doorstep. I look through peephole, and opened the door "Its so late! Mr. Hyde" he walks in, "so what's the matter?" I could smell something on him fruits, nope, it's the scent of Austin. He immediately knows that I was sleeping and that it should be a urgent matter or I'll blow a hole through him "I'm sorry to wake up you" I sniff and answered "No problem, I don't get a good sleep anyways" we sat there in silence. I offer him nothing he clears his throat "Can I get a glass of water?.
"Hot or cold?" He nervously bites his lips "hot" I got up from my seat, I know he's watching my back. This entire time he couldn't take his eyes off me, this is the first time he saw me shirtless "there you go" he gulps it and open his mouth his lips quivering, I know what this is all about "you grew up beautifully" I shoo of his compliment completely. Oliver is young, not too much but younger than my father, he takes care of his skin, gets his face done and he's a hot mess each time you glance at him. Slightly wavy long hair, stubble, long legs, lean and muscular, with those bold hazel eyes. It's hard to take eyes off him.
But this hot mess can sometimes get sissy, and only few can catch it "so actually I am here to say that Opal was at fault, but she's too scared to talk. I want you guys to sit and--" I raise my hand "There's no sitting and talking and sorting that's going to take place. I'm done, I've washed my hands off with her" he looks at me surprised. "Ken think it carefully you guys are perfect for each other" I smile at him "I thought we were until she slept with him" he couldn't speak anything. His soft voice and polite manner makes him more charming. "So shall I start digging them?" I know what he means "Go ahead" he thought threatening me was the best option.
"I think you will dig up the soil and throw yourself into it trust me.." his eyebrows scrunching. "I've found something that you buried--" I nod at him "Dexter!!" He emerge out, I point at the drawers he get me envelope. "Surprise, surprise" he opens and and I watch him going pale like a corpse. "This can be edited" Dex gave me the remote, and he waited until I click on the play button. The whole video consisted on Oliver begging for Austin, both of them naked, his moaning echoed throughout the office room.
"Cut it off please--" he was sitting like a traumatized child. "I have more, from your secret ex boyfriend. Hot and steamy stuff you guys did" his eyeballs looked so small, "Have you forgotten Oliver?" I stood up and pulled his hair back, holding his chin "I've took care of you previous love because you are too scared of coming out" tears roll down from his cheeks "the last name he called was yours" he closed his eyes shut a shriek escaped from his lips. I grab his neck bringing him back to his senses "Fucking listen! I'll give you everything, take and leave. I don't like trampling on others weakness. But I want you to leave Opal alone. Let her breathe and live the way she wants or I could return with Yaakov's body" I wipe his tears gently "you understand?" He nods lightly after sometime. I hug him, Yaakov his first love of life, the innocent creature, with nothing but Oliver. They broke up because Oliver couldn't handle the stress of being caught and that poor little guy return back to his homeland.
Until I had to slash him, that's where I don't believe in love.