-DAWN COLLINS-
During these days before sunrise its bitterly cold, yet there is a unique relaxation and satisfaction when you step out for a long run, roads are clear, no traffic, more than half must be still in their beds and rest remaining ones are psychopaths.
Air is dry, moisture lingers somewhere within, each time I inhale and swell my chest with fresh oxygen, exhalation becomes easy, yet each time I exhale I feel empty.
I stretch a bit, plug my handy headphones on and start with a light jog, new shoes are really comfortable, as I feel it manageable and want a little bit of push I increase my speed ever so lightly that I myself won't notice, I'm going too fast to be called as jogging. I brush past few people, I don't know it almost feels like night, moon is still up on my head, that time when you feel like dying...like....I can't go no more, I must stop, get rest, I try and push more harder testing my limits, this passion has brought me on the Waren bridge. I decide to return back just to stop by at Henley's this old couple has an aesthetic house with duck poultry, around twenty-five paddling of ducks. I pop one glucose tablet into my mouth chewing on it then drank water I purchased on the way back, covered in sweat, shuddering as strong breeze gusts over me, "Hey Freud" making his way upto me after letting the ducks out, carefully, he smiles, "So anything special today?" I gestured at the lights that he laid all over the trimmed bushes, he then scratches his balding head "Its our anniversary today!" I dramatically put my hand over my mouth "Oh Eve must be lucky to have you" he shake his head. "I have tried my best anything that I could think of dementia is tearing us apart" I pat his shoulder "Come on old man don't say that, all Eve want is you, its fine if you don't prepare, just be with her and trust me she will be over the moon" I look at his squiggly efforts, he was like a small child.
He wipe his eyes "anyways you're early?" I nod "wait I have extra eggs from yesterday" I stop him "No, Freud it's fine, you shall offer them to someone else too" he slaps my hand away "You fool it's for calling you to help me in the greenhouse" I smile at him, he brings the eggs, sufficient enough for our whole family. "Wednesday then" he nods and gets back to his ducks. I plug my headphones back heavy metal starts playing, I know they are following me, the moment I step out of my house I knew they were around.
It was a man, I saw his reflection in car glass, red hair, dark skin. I opened the door using key and get inside.
I have a stalker?.
Do I need a gun for that?, I don't think so but Nana's pistol must be checked. If I keep the hunter's knife, I'm afraid I will end up gutting someone, "hm what are those?" Mom rubbed her eyes her night gown loosely hangs over her delicate shoulders "eggs mama" I said she takes a seat on dinning table, I put lemon in warm water then hand over the glass to her she chugs it down with no hesitation, then kiss her forehead, she spreads her hands "I'm filthy" she hugs my waist, opening their room door, checking in for dad he was wrapped in sheets, he awalys sleeps on his chest his wide back facing ceiling, his natural curls all over his face, I hope they aren't trying for a fourth one,
"He slept late?" Mom looked at me mischievously, I shake my head then turn up to his scrolls, his designs are always geometrically perfect "looks like a special client", then I took quick shower without drying my hair, ran down the stairs, Jack prepared fried eggs, there were boiled ones for salads and some scrambled for mom, Jack has this bad habit of standing and eat "SIT DOWN AND EAT" my raised voice startled him he sits down, Mr.Chevy crawls out of his room he smelled like freshly shaved, he takes seat next to Jackie, then I start plating his breakfast, rice bowl, raw egg, soup, spinach wraps, mackerel and steaming sweet potato, he eats heavy asian breakfast, taking after his mother. While he eats. I fill mom's thermos with chamomile tea she was done eating so she keeps the plate in sink, she gets ready and Mr.Chevy too is almost finished his rice bowl was empty, the only thing he left behind was two spinach wraps, morning doorbell was the only distraction now our curious heads all staring at the door as if we could see right through the door.
I took package from the delivery man's hand, got my stamp out, I never sign, I have stamp,I press it on paper he scratches his head since it was new to him, that someone uses stamp instead of signature.
I open it with knife there was logo of 'FALCON EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTE', my heart pounded loudly, "When did you take test?" I didn't answer, that pisses him off "how could a dumb kid like you passed?" Mom opens her mouth but I look at her begging her stay quiet "I'm not going?" He snorts.
"You are in no place to decide that are you--?" I look through papers and school badge, "Darling this is your chance to shine, I know my baby was never a dull one" I nod at her, the box had a business card which was some tailor shop. "Yeah flatter yourself all you want, Stella stop shoving things into her face" he walks away, mom was getting late and she can't delay the surgery, even Beck and Jackie was late. I ate my breakfast, same just like him skipping raw egg, he hates that we are under one roof, that I resemble him so much, that we both make same choices and we both are excessively coward and selfish.
For a student, I had a much bad reputation, nobody wants a student with arrested history, still I changed and ride to the Eggshine street 'SIMON AND JULIE TAILORS' bell signaled them that someone was in, a red man with bushy mustache and a hat cuts fabric, the place has smell of fabric and raw coffee, I spot a man with three peice suit seems like some big CEO or CTO, that Italian suit sticks to him as if it were his skin, he reads newspaper that is day before yesterday's "Hello! Young lady how may I help you?" I show him the card "Oh! You are transfer student?" I shrug my shoulder "Sort of" he smiled and leads inside, walls are of wine red colour, minimalist wall frames doesn't actually fits with the decor, he pushes the curtain aside "You're in?" I look at him "huh...yeah senior high" he nods "So certainly I must show you these" three mannequins lined up, "Institute wanted it to be unisexual although you can chose from skirt and pants according to your comfort my dear" I step ahead and touch the fabric, its an habit "Breathable, yet heavy and expensive, looks quite exquisite" I nod "Yes easily recognized" he laughed. "How many pairs would you like?" I was befuddled, he saw that and suggested "Students usually get two but if you want you get three" I shake my head "Two will suffice" he then takes my measurement complementing me "You are tall young lady!" I smile and then he asks "Why do you chose pants?" I thought for a bit "Skirts are quiet you know, I mean..uh" he laughs again "Understood", then again "But I suggest you get one skirt and one pant" I liked his suggestion and so I agreed.
By the time he writes down all of it, I stare at the man still sitting there he's huge, really huge.
Then only hair on my neck raised, I could feel pair of eyes on me and so I looked around there were shoes behind curtain, it was snake leather limited edition which I saw in Becky's magazine last week. Those shoes point towards me, I feel myself sweating "Sorry for being late, and this is it" he hands me a card "Jot down your exact address and uniforms will be delivered to your doorstep" I write it down "um...what about the bill?" He shake his head "Its school's responsibility you need not worry" I nod and leave.
Driving to Erin I couldn't think straight, recently I'm being either paranoid or things are really happening, now eventhough it doesn't matter anymore warrior like me could never misjudge or overlook from such things especially I can't be imagining them.
It was when chariot arrived, two chestnut horses that were tired from the journey couldn't go any further, he saw that it was a small village just right at the bottom of the hill, it was dangerous to barge in, his clothes were normal looking no royal robe, all he had was a sword sent by his father himself, he too was hungry and tired wanted to rest take a nap atleast he gave one last look at horses.
"Gentleman?" He turned around, his heart thudding, what if this was some peculiar tribe people, but they weren't, that unknown man took him inside "all I have is this chariot and horses they are hungry and need rest" man nods "where are you from" he thought it's better to spit a lie "I'm a travelling man, I lost all my luggage, you know the robbers.." man pat his back "Understood now come in it is fine" horses were feed and he too got some food, but he didn't sleep, he never trusted anyone, after all the assassins he has been killing he had better idea how worse it could be. Before dawn he took one horse and left the chariot and one horse with them, he had sneaked out so man times that he knew of all roads, beaches and mountains even caves the personal map that he drew was helpful. Everthing was fine until a group of robbers stopped him demanding the pouch on his waist and the sword that has gold and gems.
He denied in such a way that crows were gathering to eat their flesh, he was now covered in blood but that didn't stop him.
He reached capital gates, then changed horse again, riding in, until he was finally into capital, he saw palace gates infront of his eyes that was his house, original house.
Not some forbidden monastery deep into freezing mountains. "Open the gates" guards laughed at him then saw his sword, he could've killed them both but then doors opened partially, the noise those wooden doors created was so loud that it could ring through your ears and reach your heart.
"I Yamaguchi military general of East Army would like to greet you! Your highness" he stare down at him "OPEN THE GATES" general was concerned about the appearance he was on horse, with tattered clothes, he reek of blood, his empty eyes were chaos itself. He gestures them to open it for him "Hyah!".
Erin was already busy with someone, he's that smooth talker, not the very good type of person but he has helped me a lot.
"Oh my Venus and Jupiter!" He exclaims "Where on earth have you been Dawn?" I shrug my shoulders "My last peice is complete" his ear to ear smile turned into a frown "why Dawn I need you to give it a thought once again" I shake my head exhaling "I have thought it through, I'm not going to stir it up anymore" Erin sighed then pushed me inside his office "Sweetheart you pervious peice was a big hit, I'll get you the money" I couldn't belive it was sold out so quickly, it wasn't even a month.
Erin brings the envelope full of money in cash that is how we decide it, his phone rings "Erin I'll have a look around" he nod at me, and so I straightaway walk out,
Erin is an angel for local artists like me, and so we are an odd pair to do business, the sculptures, modern art, paintings and sometimes if lucky,
I find kinetic art on display. There were times when my hands were always painted in blood and I never had time to play with ink or colors, and now is the time when I get to do it I could bring my imagination on canvas, by that I feel free. I stop by at the landscape canvas very fine detailed art, I could feel my chest raising and falling as if I ran a mile, excitement boiled in my heart while my eyes fluttered all over that very painting it is an oil painting.
This wasn't just a painting but a war field, a mind that was excruciatingly talented and thoughtful had painted this, that snake trapped inbetween lotus roots screams, of a person trapped in responsibilities lotus is known to be a nobel flower and then the peacock sitting on a fragile branch is like a king on his throne, crows in the cloudy sky must be devils waiting for opportunities.
The way snake and peacock are faced, I take a step back my squinted eyes released tension 'tragic lovers' I almost forgot to breathe my hands started trembling and dreamy vision clouded my mind. "GET A GRIP" I yelled in my head. Erin was back, I couldn't see a single signature and but then I spot some stamp like thing.
'BLOOD ORCHID' am I dreaming?.
Am I?, I've had those strong dreams which felt so surreal that I never thought of opening my eyes.
Busy bustling street has suddey fallen silent as if all souls have vanished completely, he has again slaughtered someone his royal robe dripping blood, that beast was walking back to palace on his feet, his personal guards were ordered not to stay too close to him.
His father rules a nation, full of corrupt subjects, this time it was a little girl who was beaten to death her only fault was stealing food for her hungry younger brother.
Why beggars aren't humans?.
He had seen worst of it, he had seen all monks who were also his teachers being slaughtered like some animals, he was late for his morning lectures every prince has to attend morning lectures but did he ever followed rules?
Nobody..... nobody wanted him there. His swords were hanging on his waist his hands were holding the dead body of little girl she was barely thirteen or fourteen, she would've made such a beautiful maiden this twisted fate got her killed, He couldn't take his eyes of the little girl he enters into palace with her body.
"Where do you think you are?" His mother demanded him to return back, and that such behaviour won't be tolerated and also to atleast maintain the dignity of a prince. His father was returning back from court when he saw what he was holding his face immediately changed guards all lined up infront of him "What is this?" He asked calmly, his sunken eyes fixed on his son "It is us Your Majesty" he nods "She was hungry but her brother was more hungry than her...she stole" this whole scene was a palace drama for others "So?" He sighed then placed the body on ground "This man punished her for that and now she won't move" He was pointing at a nobel man who also worked for government. "So?" King asked "putting hands on subjects and making them this way is also equal to putting hands on you my lord" His mother gasped the statement itself could get him killed "Hm" his father looked at the man "That uniform doesn't suits you anyways" King said in a low tone. By that he unsheath his sword and slashed him multiple times land was painted red.
The cold silence was announcing chaos every passing moment, son and father stare at each other understanding each other like no other. He traced those engraved letters on his sword 'BLOOD ORCHID'.
"I want it Erin!" He wipe sweat from his forehead "I shall reach the artist" Erin looked at me perplexed, but he takes the painting down, we wait until the person arrives. It was him, green jaded eyes never left my mind his tall and lean frame showed he must be into basketball his long chocolate brown hair tied back, he was a beautiful growing man the one followed him was unfamiliar "Did you paint this?" He nods "Splendid! Splendid" I said he didn't blushed, I am well aware how it feels when somebody loves your work and they are showering you with compliments, it is a momentary euphoria that one can never forget and he lacks all of signs of feeling it.
"The stamp how did you come up with the name?" He gave a light glance to Austin "It is just two things put together" I laughed it off feeling of being pushed down the bridge hits me, there is more to it much more than I thought "Your name again?" He smiles feeling offended "Sam! SAM MCHOAN" gritting his teeth towards me. "Anyways am I allowed to take it?" He sighed "Yes ofcourse" by the time Erin wraps it for me we sat silently, the air between us was holding weight. He smells nice, like a day on a sunny beach. "I'm glad you like it" I nod "Such a shame I ignored, a great talent like you" I lick my lips "Its sad to know that you're angling your rod at local gallery" he smirks "I desire no big fish" I nod keeping quiet. It wasn't his work, I am sure of it.
I gave him the envelope back "I don't have money on me right now" removing my purity ring from pinky finger I said "you can have this" Erin takes it. "Wait! No, The money is enough" Erin chimes in "Not enough Sir, my bills aren't paid yet" Sam glare at him "Take the ring back" I shake my head "This is nothing for the thing I'm taking home my sentiments are much more deeper than you think" he spoke nothing I take my leave.
I met Jayden on the way back, we were at our usual hideout, evenings were so beautiful on this rooftop, Jayden sipped cold beer and I sat there staring at plain cloudless orange sky, it felt romantic. Jayden was depressed because his elder brother was soon to be married to his long dated girlfriend, Jayden promised to get married only by contract he needs to be shopping right now, those ripped clothes he wear, all punk fashion will not be allowed during wedding week. He needs to be dressed quiet humanly, but I won't suggest and so I get up he stands close to me, I could smell that beer on his breath "What is death?" I inhale sharply "A blessing, an eternal sleep that no human wants" he snorts as I step back he holds my waist pulling me back in "Jayden" then rests his head on my shoulder
"Doris has a child" I listen to him
"That poor girl left city and now he's marrying some bitch that I have a taste of" I almost gasp,
"he fights with me but didn't spoke a word about it am I wrong?" I don't know what to say his palms were so hot, I failed to notice he was taller, stronger and much sweeter when intimate.
I do like him somewhere,
"Doris is lucky to have you Jayden" I spoke his hot tears touch my collarbone
"But Doris needs to know this before wedding".
He left me and I quietly slip off, my heartbeats like some crazy dog ready to bite.
It was almost dinner time, I helped Jack in kitchen mom was late and Dad had already finished his dinner, busy with his sketching he won't be sleeping here tonight.
My phone rings it was Shin, painting was still wrapped in my room I slipped on a jacket, he brought his car, I wonder what his father does he drives such a small car that too red colour,
it seems like a woman's car but I never asked him as soon as I sat in the same smell of some women's perfume, it was like a field full of flowers but very lightly scented, "hey" he says we drive away we spoke about various things he seems tired he has a mark on his head a small cut, I put bandage on his cut his eyes full of tears "I slept with someone" I smile at him "Dove?" He broke into tears
"Hit me, hit me all you want but just don't leave me huh?" I grab his head.
"We weren't dating Shin, it is fine, I'm there for you whenever you need hm?" He won't believe me it was too cold to be outside we sat inside the car I smoked quietly when he suddenly kissed my neck, and before I could finish my cigarette he removed my tshirt. Lightly kissing my lips, I didn't kiss back and so I wouldn't believe myself that I'm un-buckling his belt his phone rang it was his father.
And that is how my sex life is....a nineteen year old who hasn't been touched yet. It was sad but I never wanted to share a bed with any random person who will fuck me and I won't even know his name or the person who will leave me at some part, nor was I waiting for someone special or whatever it is, I think time is yet to come.
"STOP THE CAR" I demanded he was confused "Why wait--" I was so pissed that I couldn't stay in that confined space for any other minute and so I was walking remembering how it was, how lucky I was with women.
It was hard for me to understand the bleeding every month and so I was more confused about playing a role that I never played or imagined.
This is the only reason I kept pushing Shin away, I couldn't decide to smoke or not. Then rembered the vintage smoking pipe from Nana's collection.
That inches long heavy brass pipe use for tobacco.
My battery was about to die, I wanted to cry and again tears won't come. I couldn't forget the day when I wasn't even allowed to see my grandparents bodies those bodies were so bad in condition that they immediately had to burn them, that day I saw what fire can cause and that fire raised something within me, I had headaches and weird dreams and until I collapsed and didn't wake up for a week, but when I woke up I had changed my body was mine but the inside was something different the earlier Dawn had died with her grandparents and someone new took place in her body.
I almost reach Edinburgh property, the dumping ground for more than four neighbourhoods this space was bigger than a large yards few drunkards and students are found smoking inside but patrol police never fails to make a roundup. I heard the muffled scream, maybe my ears rang but my feet won't move, I heard it again, within no time I was checking if it was really someone or my mind, thinking I will count thirty by then if I don't find anything I will leave "Seventeen--" I almost felt like I pissed my pants, there was a man infront of me, he was tied his head a bloody mess and his clothes appear to be from somewhere I might've seen, it was quiet difficult to see who it was. I took my steps ahead, the putrid smell of blood made me want to throw up cold silence grinded on my back, I remove my phone and shined light on him,
ERIN!?.
"Is he dead yet?" I turn around to meet those icy blue cold pair of eyes, so cold that my feet were frozen to ground and a crow bar painted with blood was in his hand. I pushed him aside and started running. ERIN! IT WAS ERIN?.
WHY? WHY HIM?. I was in so much hurry that I tripped and fall over my elbow scratched "Fuck" I managed getting up.
"Boss".
Call it hope, angel, god himself or whatever good thing it is....I ran towards him hugged him so tight, I was afraid to look back, that they must've followed me. I couldn't speak not that I have seen someone getting killed for first time, but for this life it is indeed.
Erin was close to me, a man who paid his bills on time, whose girlfriend left him two moths ago and the man who wants nothing but a wealthy comfortable life harmed no one, then why him?. Jayden was confused why I look like that, he took me home, his house was so big and dark with chandeliers and tall walls, I remember him explaining that his parents and Doris was with bride to be and her family.
I didn't spoke a word about what I saw, I'm afraid this idiot will start getting excited involve two more others and worse can get killed with me.
He then brought wine for us, I didn't care to explain how I got scratched so badly but he was looking at me foolishly now that I remember he always did that "what?" I asked annoyed "You're pretty" I don't know what's gotten into him "Stop it alright" he laughed then cleared his throat "You think I'm kidding when have you ever paid attention to me Dawn?" I look at the empty glass of his he pushed me down on the couch, "Running after that worthless douchebag was all good with you--" I tried to get up but his hands hold me down.
I noticed he was a man and why those girls and even boys agree to sleep with him, he was charming and hot. Not like we see in movies something different it all is much more beautiful in real life "Since when Jayden?" He rubbed his eyes "After you defeated me" I pushed his hands aside he rolled down, this was my chance to sit on him "It was a mistake, you were already having high fever. Basically it wasn't a fair match" he shakes his head "Whatever I can't wait" I slap him hard and left the house, I heard him following me but after sometime he stopped.
Since then I hardly got any sleep, my purity ring was missing it was a tradition. My grandma too had her purity ring until she got married, even Becky wears one she is religious but her beliefs are quiet different mom comes from a Jewish family, and our father's mother forever followed Buddhism but his father was and Atheist we are free to choose what we want. Jackie has loved what a Jewish mother has to teach and even a father who took him to monastery. I stand no where don't know anything about myself.
Where I should head but I've been to monastery with grandma so many times that I think I chose to be a Buddhist. I took the painting out drilled a frame for it then placed it over fire place.
After hot shower, I open the box kept on the wardrobe, I remember when master insisted and bought me a yukata so that I could wear it with Mai and she will not feel embarrassed. It was still my size, beautiful light blue Mai has a yellow one that we wore people stare at us as if we were some aliens they even took pictures with us I still remember his smiling face and those tears he wiped "Mai looks just like her mother" it was just ridiculous how he loved Amai for all his life and never bat an eye for any other woman. I got his favourite yellow marigold and tiger lilies. Mom's car was mine for today, as I sat in there was scent lingering some nice cologne as far as I know Mr.Chevy uses one cologne all his life a scent that I know so well even my bones would answer if asked about it, but this was different. I change gears and start driving, it was hard with yukata. My master was a strict man he picked me randomly, "I saw rage in you, some rising rebellion, some scars that seems to be burning and are fuel for your vigour for you aren't a setting sun but a rising fire itself my dear" he always taught me that attacking is easy but protecting is way more tougher than you think also to protect you must be strong enough to attack. His brother took me under wing after knowing I was his student and so he trains me more strictly than other students.
This was the only monastery at the far south secluded from the town and its toxic air, it feels country here, removed shoes and entered the shrine then bow to the passing monk he was young, I walk further in, life size Buddha statue seated on lotus throne, bowing three times is must, the meditation hall was empty, my mind comes at peace then I silently asked about my fear "Do you know them?" I murmured "are they living? Or is it just me?" Then I gave away my offering and walk out to meet him, he wanted peace and also to be near god he rested in a beautiful mossy land with wild flowers dangling in light breeze.
"DAWN!" I turn around "MAI?" Watching her climbing was surprising enough but she wore the same yellow yukata, her body hasn't changed much she inhaled. "Mai?" I walk towards her, Mai took me home, she was third month pregnant again after Kai. "You should've called!" She laughed, her chauffer was driving right behind us.
"And must not run in this state anywhere" she smiled again then, she spoke about her life with her husband. As we reach her home that was a mixture of modern and traditional exterior it looked luxurious.
I pay my respects she prepared all of masters favourites,
She insisted to eat before I leave and then I saw him.
Bull!.
"Where do you think you are!" I yell at him Kai looked scared, "Dawn! I called him" I couldn't belive, why?, Mai was almost raped by this bastard then why?.
She later explained and Bull can't stop apologising. Kai slept on my lap he was so small yet excited to have siblings, sun was about to set when we left. Last bus was gone, I tried ignoring him but then "Get in" we drive past monastery.
"Mai is leaving, she will never be back" Bull explained "Her husband find a decent job and they don't want Kai to be away from culture" I nod "Isn't that what master wanted all along" he cleared his throat "I was in love Dawn" I almost caused an accident "What love?" I asked this was totally absurd he wanted to bring out some excuse and now he uses love, Mai must've forgiven him but not me.
"I liked her and I knew she treated me like a younger brother" I didn't react to any of it "I took some of the drugs from my father's and was out of mind" his shaky breaths showed he was about to cry "I can't even dream such a thing that you said, I was just explaining but it all went wrong" which resulted in master kicking him out.
Rest of the journey we remained quiet, "I can't say thanks but can alarm you" I stop the car "Alarm me of what?" He shakes his head staring over my shoulder "That fight--I'm sorry" I laugh at him "You stabbed me you fucking twat" he bite his lips.
"I was paid for that" my boiling anger has suddenly turned off "Some green eye guy paid hospitals bills for my mom and he told me to stab you, just right enough where it won't kill you". I start driving again "You know?" I spoke nothing" he grabs his head "You fucking know?" I shake my head "Somebody is after me for sure, they follow me and last night Erin died" he sat there tounge tied "Erin?" He asked "My gallerist, the owner of GOLDEN HOUR. I saw him getting killed" he put his hand on his mouth "M-Murder you witness a murder?".
After sometime he spoke "told you not to go hitting people for fun--"
"I didn't--" I cut him off, "Whoever this is begs for my attention" he shakes his head.
"Why?" I lick my lips.
"I don't know"