My eyes opened, feeling someone stroking my face; to my surprise, I find a beautiful face staring down at me. Her smile was magical, as though she was looking at her favorite person in the world. I hugged her tightly to me, as though I didn't want to let her go. "Good morning, daddy!" she said with a light chuckle. "Good morning, baby girl!" I returned with a peck on her soft, pink lips.
"Who said, you have no heart! Who told you that you didn't know how to make love?" she asked, her hands still stroking my face and my hair. Her words dropped in my ear like a time-bomb, and I knew where she was going with it. No, not again, I always had this problem that women would be all in for jumping into bed with me, and the moment I do, all they feel is love. I back off a little. I prayed that she won't be one of those women.
She felt different from the day I first saw her. I have always felt drawn to her for her docile, witty, but graceful demeanor. It was a rare find in a big city like this, especially someone who is so authentic and a good person at heart. But I never felt anything more, I never have, since... I cannot go through that again and, even though I promised Elisha that I will find love again; I know I can't ever.
I wondered why was she talking about love even after all that I have told her; she is anything but not stupid. She is one of those people that I felt is beyond intelligent for her age. "What do you mean?" I asked. She pulled her hand back and looked at me in a loss of words. "Ummm... I am sorry! I didn't know what I was saying," she said, but her voice did give her away from that she was hiding something. "But, I did wonder, how could you be so passionate and not feel emotions at all," she continued.
I felt a bit scared now at that moment. I knew she is trying to attaching meanings to my actions for some reason. I tried to be respectful of her, never making her feel that I was taking advantage of her, but every time she was around me, I feel possessed by lust for her. We had some weird magnetic connection, which I only equate to a normal biological-chemical reaction in the brain, and last night was evidence enough for me that why I was feeling that way. I have not had that good sex in a very long time, but emotions were a farthing in my mind still.
"Meg, I told you right, I have been physically opening all this time. It is one of those things that I enjoy, and I give my 100%. But who said it has to be emotional in any way?" I reasoned, hoping that she will understand how I work sexually if at all, she planned to do it again. "Ow! So, it's all just meaningless sex to you?" she asked, and I knew I had to get out of there before things became awkward. I needed her more than ever. I couldn't let her read too much into this situation.
"That's not what I said, Meg! We wanted each other physically; we happy now. Anyway, I should get going; I will call you in the afternoon. By the way, I loved what you said to gran last night; I am sure she loves you. I was right about you, see!" I said as I got out of bed and putting my clothes back on. She sat up on the bed, covering herself in the sheets. I secretly wished if I could get one of a glimpse of that body. Her face reflected something that I was not able to read.
I feared that maybe sex was the last thing that I should have done with someone who is that one trump ticket to get back everything that I rightfully inherited. I promised my grandpa, which I can't tell my grandma, that I will not let his estate change, that I have to keep everything the same as he kept it. But my grandma is stubborn like all Hills are, and it's either her way or highway. So, the only way is I get it back and start living there.
"Dyl, I have a question!" she said, as I was buttoning my shirt looking into the mirror. I looked at her through the mirror, trying to read her expression. "Sure!" I said. "Why can't you try? What is holding you back from love so much?" I turned around in a swift motion as I realized that she was tripping. I didn't want to treat her like those other women when they start tripping. I know I am indebted to her for even agreeing to play this whole thing for me.
I strolled to the bed and sat down in front of her. "It's because of Elisha. I know you won't understand, but I tried to move on and love again, but I can't. It's not that I am still hung up on a dead girl, but I am just scared. I don't want to be in that position again. I had spent a good amount of my life in rehab after that; it took me a lot of work to get here. I can't risk it, Meg! With all due respect, drop this topic forever. I think the no sex pact is best, at least until things are settled."
She looked at me with blank eyes. I felt so hurt at the thought that I must have hurt her. I was scared of this moment from the start. Michael did warn me to not sleep with her if I had the same intentions as with other women. I will never be able to forgive myself if I made her cry. I felt this was the moment for me to be the most vulnerable. She needed to know why I am this monster. She needed to feel that it was not her fault.
Flashback|
The State University of New York, Year: 2009
I was sitting in my Microbiology class talking to Michael, that I noticed a pretty face at the backbench. The professor had given us a simple quiz, which was supposed to be done in pairs as always Michael and I finished it before anyone else. As I kept looking at her face, Michael's voice blurred away from my ears, and all I saw was her ponytail that fell over her shoulders, big black eyes, and full cheeks that formed a dimple on her left cheek whenever she was deep in thought.
Michael turned around to see who I was checking out. "Dude! You even listening?" he asked. I stood up from my seat, gesturing to him that I will be back in a minute, and made my way to this mystery girl. "Hey! I have not seen you before in the class, and this quiz to be completed in pairs. I don't mind if you want me to join you." She looked up at me as though she was scared of me or something. "Umm... No, thanks! I already finished the quiz. And stop staring at me, whoever you are!"
Oh! That was not pleasant at all. I smiled at her, trying to hide my embarrassment. "Sorry about that, like said, I have not seen a pretty girl before in this class." By that time, she could say anything professor called my name out, "Mr. Hill! Either you sit down there or walk out." I took the cue as a sign and sat down next to her. She slid a little, trying her best to ignore me.
"I am Dylan, by the way," I said, trying to hit her up again. She kept her face straight, pretending her best to not give a fuck that I was trying my best to get to know her. "Well, good for you. I am Elisha Miller. And thank you for noticing me. You rich boys only see girls when they have to look like that." She said, pointing to Carla, who was one of the bitchiest of girls in the class; she had a point in that but, it was not true about me. Even though Carla wanted to get me, I was not into booty shorts or tank tops. I even wondered at times how she managed to get into med school in the first place.
I nodded understandingly, but then I realized she just accused me of being rich, which meant she did know who I was. "Wait, you know me?" She looked at me with her big eyes wider, her expressions were so cute, and I felt a weird urge to kiss her then and there but, would be completely inappropriate. She rolled her eyes in exasperation and said, "of course, there is hardly any girl in this whole campus who doesn't know you!"
I thought of myself to be more of nerdy boys who hung out with another nerdy boy, far from being anyway, popular at the campus this big. "Okay, so why did you never talk to me if you did notice me?" She lowered her eyes all of a sudden. I couldn't believe my eyes for a second. I made sure if I saw what I saw. She was blushing for me.
"I didn't think guys like you would be interested to talk to me," she said, without really meeting my gaze. I had no idea what she was talking about why would she think I won't be interested in her. She was the most beautiful face that I have seen on this whole campus since I have stepped in here. "Let's meet at the cafeteria after the class. I will show you how interested I am to talk to you," I said, she smiled looking at me briefly and then returning her gaze downwards.
Looking at her, I knew I found someone who felt like a piece of a puzzle that fit in perfectly. I was maybe a little lame that I even caught myself imagining a future with this beautiful soul, who always saw me, but I never had the luck to get to notice until now. This was my only chance, and I am not going to let this girl go.
To be continued...