"Was that your boyfriend?" asked Jefferey as I sat back down at the couch next to him and Tiffany. I pursed my lips into a forced smile, "Umm... not really. Just a friend." I regretted telling Jefferey that I was taken before, which was a dumb move. Jefferey shrugs in response.
Tiffany was very welcoming to me, so was Jefferey. I didn't even feel like I was at my boss' house, and he treated me like one of his friends, which was very comforting after a heavy day. My phone kept on vibrating, which I tried to ignore as much as possible as I knew it would Dylan. I didn't understand why he wanted to control my life if he didn't want to part of it. At least not in real life.
At one point, I listed up my phone and saw I had four missed calls from Dylan and two messages in the inbox. I quickly opened the inbox to see why he was becoming was overbearing all of a sudden, without letting me breathe a little.
His first message read, "Meg! I need you. My grandma has arranged a dinner tonight with my parents and you." That made me realize that maybe I was overthinking the situation. But I genuinely needed some time before I could be around him again. The next message said, "I am sorry if I am a little pushy, but I will need to see you. Please call me back when you get this."
I felt bad for a second as all he was doing was for honoring the word he gave his grandfather. I couldn't even keep a simple word that I gave my mother to call her back. I have never felt that comfortable expressing my emotion well with my family.
Jefferey looked happy to have me there as he was already planning to make lunch for me as well, but I knew I had to go back before that. Spending time with him did make me feel less complicated. His friendly smile and his behavior gave me so much comfort. Tiffany was already growing attached to me, and I felt like I had given Dylan too much advantage over me that almost is unfair by every means.
"Ummm... I appreciate this, Jeff! But I have to get back, "I said, making a sad face at Tiffany. She looked at Jefferey for his reaction and notices that he just nodded without any words, so she said, "But daddy is sad that you are going. Can't you stay?"
Jefferey picks her up; his eyes soften as he looks at her cute face, and he said, "Megan has something else to do. I have you with me, so I am not sad, okay?" Tiffany throws her head over his shoulder. It was a heartwarming scene to look at the love that a father-daughter shares.
I picked up my purse, preparing to leave. "I had a couple of hours here, Jeff. You're lucky to have her, and I am happy that I could get to know her," I said as I walked towards the door. Jeff smiled at me, and Tiffany started waving at me with her tiny hands. I wanted to get to know him and hear more. I felt as though there was something meaningful there than with Dylan.
He treats me respectfully, but I feel less important with him or as though he behaves like that to me so he can keep me around for his good. But Jeff made me feel important even if he is being a good coworker and extending a friendly hand to me just for the sake of it. I didn't feel dejected or conflicted as I felt in the presence of Dylan.
I waved goodbye to both of them as I headed towards the elevator. As soon as I got off the elevator, I picked up my phone and dialed Dylan. He picked up almost immediately and said, "Hey, Meg! I was worried when you did not respond and you are not at your apartment. Tell me where you are, and I will come to pick you up."
I was so confused about the way he was acting. He told me that he wanted to give me space, and he didn't like it when I was asking about his emotions. He ended up telling me his whole history to justify why he cannot feel the things that I was feeling for him. And now, when I was trying to forgive myself and get out of these emotions, he was chasing me down and making me feel impossible to breathe.
"I came down to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription you sent. And why do you want to see me again? It is sorted already, I suppose," I said. My voice was plain, and I was sure that he could sense it. I wanted him to leave me alone, at least for a bit, to stop hurting so much.
I could hear him taking a deep breath over the phone, "Okay, maybe I asked too much from you. I had to see you tell you about today's dinner. It was important for me, but I don't see why you should feel that way. Nevermind, I am sorry that I asked," his voice was heavier than usual. My heart began to cry out again, just like it did before. It was aching unusually, and I wanted to not let him down. He needed me, and I agreed to do something which I knew I had to, or I will never feel at peace knowing what he had gone through in his life.
"Okay listen, Dyl! I am here at Commonwealth street, the fifth block. Come and pick me up. We will talk and decide what to do about today." I didn't hear any response for another ten seconds, making me wonder if he left the call. "Are you sure, Meg?" he asked. I had no idea if I was sure, I love this man, and I am scared of letting it surface as I am now very sure that he will never be able to love anyone else.
"Yes, Dyl!" I answered with a steady voice, so it will assure him that I was not swaying with my decision to help him. "Then, wait there! I will be there in another five to ten minutes," he said, disconnecting the call. I looked up at the building, at the window which was supposed to be Jefferey's apartment, and felt a strange sadness that I have to stick in a place where there was nothing for me and leaving something behind which could have given me everything that I ever wanted.
I saw his Audi pull up in front of me in a few minutes after he disconnected the call, made me wonder how quickly he drives. I got into the shotgun seat after smiling Dylan, who was already giving his broad, heartwarming smile. It was like a suicide mission for me to have him around all the time, knowing this is going to be hard on my heart, keeping me winded up in emotions.
"I got scared that you would want to get out of this after having my heart open wide for you this morning," Dylan said as he drove through the lane, then turning from the street which led to my place. "Where are you taking me, Dyl?" I asked, looking around, realizing that we were going towards the Long Island area.
"You will see. This is my way of apologizing," he chuckles, looking at me for a moment. Even after so much that I know about him and that how impossible it is to get his affections the way I want it, my heart hopelessly longed for his touch every time our eyes met.
He switched on the stereo, which played a melodious love song, which made me drawn to him even more. It filled the silence in the car. I feared if my emotions were echoing through the song each time I looked at him, his face lit up with sun rays that were falling over it. He looked over at me when he realized I was staring at him for a few moments.
"You look beautiful, Meg!" he said, which made me smile and blush a little. "Do you regret what happened last night?" he asked. I looked at him wide-eyed. I didn't know how to answer that question. I do regret it as it had crushed my hopes for having him ever, making it even harder to go with my decision to help him, but I didn't know how to verbalize it without making him feel bad.
"I don't know, Dyl. Honestly, I asked you to do it, and we had too much attraction that it was hard to go by each day with all that sexual tension. I feel it was natural that what happened," I answered, weighing my words carefully.
"I know, right? But I wonder why do women have to become so emotional. Good sex does feel intimate, I agree, but love is far from that. It just hits you like a truck and destroys you. Sex doesn't do that," Dylan laughed. I was feeling it again in my heart. I felt that pain remerge again.
I wonder how long can I go this way, pretending to be someone that I am not with him. He told me what he was, but he never asked what my story was or what do I truly feel. I think his boundaries were intact, whereas he played with mine, regardless. And I was letting him.