After he left my house, I felt as though my whole existence had come to halt. I couldn't walk, eat, lie down. I sat down, revisiting every incident in my head that he narrated to me from his past. All that I believed until then shattered like a glass piece. I felt pity for myself for jumping into something and building so many hopes and dreams around it.
I thought of calling Carol, but for her to understand what I was going through, I would need to tell her all of the stories, which will create bigger problems. But I had full awareness that all this happened just because of me. I truly wished that I will be able to get over the feeling for him and start feeling normal again. But what happened had happened.
I picked up my phone, dialing my mom, who I haven't spoken to in many weeks. She picked up immediately, "Hey, baby! You finally called?" I felt a pang in my chest as I heard her loving voice. I realized how I was using Dylan to replace the most important relationships in my life. "Mom, I missed you!" I said as tears washed down my face.
"Are you okay, baby?" she asked, concern evident in her voice. "Nothing, mom! Just little flu. New York is getting chillier every day. How is Toronto now?" I asked, trying to bring a little joy to my voice as I didn't want to worry her in any way.
"Aw, baby! Did you get a flu shot? Toronto is the same, baby girl!" Another tear trickled down my left eye as she calls me baby girl, reminding me of Dylan. "Umm... yes, mom, I did get the shot." I tried my best to not let my voice crack anymore. I could hear a call interjecting in the middle. I checked the screen quickly to see who it was, and my eyes opened wide seeing it was Dylan.
"Mom, I will call you back in a minute," I said. I felt a little bad for her, and myself, at how I am still swayed by emotions for him. "But, you called after so long," she complained. "I will call you back, I promise," I said as I disconnected her call.
I dialed Dylan immediately. My heart was pounding against my chest in anticipation of what he would say. "Hey, Dylan!" I said nervously. "Hey, I forgot about the prescription. I will call the pharmacy nearby, collect it, and have it as soon as possible. Better be safe, right?"
It was another hard blow in my face, I felt my heart sinking further, and I couldn't control my tears anymore. "Mhmm..." I replied, without really saying anything more. Dylan paused for a moment before he said his goodbyes and disconnected the call. All he called me was to remind me that I am just someone he had sex with, and now I realized why it was important to withhold sex.
I didn't have the heart to call my mom again, at least not until I gave myself time to heal from this hurt. It was unbelievable to think that there was not going to be any way to get his heart to open for her. I lifted myself, dragging my feet into the washroom, and sat down inside the tub with the shower on.
I didn't realize this was going to hurt this much. I remembered what my mom use to tell me whenever I got heartbroken so just let out everything and cry until your heart no longer has anything pent up. I cried my eyes out until I couldn't feel the pain in my chest.
As I arrived at a place where I could console myself, I got out of the shower and wore my favorite pair of jeans and a bralette with a jacket that matches my boots. I checked myself in the mirror and saw my puffy eyes, which had already turned red from hours of crying. I could let myself be a weak woman. I have always picked myself up when I lost control over my life.
I quickly used my foundation and compact to fix my eyes, as I finished my eye make-up, I looked beautiful enough, to not be bothered about this anymore.
I left my apartment to get myself the prescription Dylan asked me to get, I didn't want to have his children and then end up becoming his fake wife. I walked down through the streets, breathing in the cold wind, which helped me feel much more refreshed. I still blocked my mind from going back into thinking how I am going to feel around that man again.
I cursed myself for having agreed to something stupid without having any information. But after hearing his entire story, I didn't want to leave him in the middle of the street like that. I know, didn't have the heart to be that cruel to someone.
I arrived at the pharmacy, which was around 15 minutes away for a walk. I desperately needed that long walk so I could think clearly. I got into the place, walking up to the medicine area and behind the queue of four people. I kept circling my head through the words that Dylan said to me in the morning, making me lost in my thoughts.
Suddenly, I realized the people who stood in front of me were not there anymore. I quickly ran up to the attendant and asked him for Dr. Dylan's prescription that he sent in my name. "Here." He placed it on the table, which made me a little nervous. I quickly grabbed it and placed it inside my bag.
"Hey, Meg!" I heard a familiar voice behind me, making me jump out of scare. "Oh! I didn't mean to scare you," said Jefferey. I had no idea why he was in this area of town. I never asked him where he lived too, so I didn't think he was stalking me yet. "Oh, hey! I didn't expect to see you here at all."
He smiled and proceeded to the counter to get his prescription. I waited for him and thought, this was probably the time that I tried to get myself out of this mess. I can help Dylan to get what he wants, but why do I have to sacrifice my happiness and life for it. Jefferey got his meds and turned back to me, "I didn't expect to see you here either. You live nearby?"
"A couple of blocks away, and you?" I asked as we both walked out of the store, standing on the pavement. He looked a lit better in his casual tee and jeans than in his office wear. It hits different when you see someone outside of a particular setting. "Umm... I live in that apartment with my daughter. You want to come in?" he said as he pointed in the direction of a building across the street.
Oh, that came as a shock. He has a daughter, "Wow, you are married?" I asked. He smiled broadly again as he took my hand and dragged me across the street to the apartment. "I was married, it was a long time ago," he answered as he climbed into the elevator.
He opened the door into his apartment for me, and as we enter, a tiny four-year-old girl runs towards us, yelling, "Daddy!" She was so cute, and I wondered if he had a divorce or if there a sad story here too like Dylan's, and if there was, I was not ready to take that today.
"Aw hey, baby! Look who's here! This is Megan; say hi to Megan!" Jefferey said to the little girl. She turns to me, bouncing her blonde curls and blinked her bright blue eyes, and said, "Hi, Megan! I am Tiffany." I felt strangely overwhelmed at the fact that this little girl was so welcoming to me and made me forget all of my pain in a few moments.
"Come in!" Jefferey said as we entered. I walked over to the couch and sat down. Tiffany ran to me, stood leaning over the hand rest, and smiled at me in amazement. Jefferey started picking glasses for me to get me something to drink. "Are you daddy's new girlfriend?" Tiffany asked, after staring at me with her big blue barbie-like eyes for a few minutes.
I choked up a little as I looked over at Jefferey, who was laughing out from the kitchen counter. "Oh! No, baby girl! Megan and I work together at the office."He shouted out from there, making Tiffany giggle as though she heard a joke. Suddenly, the phone starts ringing, making me startle a little. I picked it up and saw Dylan's name on the screen.
"What does he want now?" I muttered under my breath. Tiffany was still staring at me. I smiled at her and stood up to move a little away from her to pick up the call. "Hello! Yes, Dylan?" I asked.
"Hey, you angry at me or something? I don't feel good that I left you like that. Where are you? I want to come and see you." I was a little irritated by his back and forth behavior at the moment. I didn't understand what kind of game he was playing, I know he is pretending to be my boyfriend, but that is for the public. Then why was he trying to encroach into my personal space like this?
"I can't. Not today. I will call you when I am ready to see you." I answered. "Hey, here's your wine," said Jefferey as he placed my glass on the coffee table. "You are with someone? Who is that?" asked Dylan, concern evident in his voice.
I rolled my eyes at the way he was treating me by now, "why do you care, Dylan? We are not a real couple anyway." I said and disconnected the call. I turned with a sigh to see both Jefferey and Tiffany were staring at me from the couch.
I am too wrapped up in this man. And I have almost forgotten how to live my own life. I decide to change from now on. Since, I realized that Dylan will never be able to love me like, want him, at least not until he proves me otherwise.