Saccharide Heinz
Paris, France: Oeillet de règne Académie Dormitory
Room 35
Raine Aksenov
I stared at the number as I turned the knob of the door; once again, it was futile. My chest ached again when the doorknob won't budge, the longer I stare at her name and the number plastered, the more I want to kick down the door.
A loud click entered my ears, but it wasn't from Raine's door, it was from the neighboring door. I turned to the side and saw a girl who is very familiar in my eyes. Her short brown hair was wet, hugging the form of her shoulders. She was wearing a silk nightgown that perfectly fits her petite size.
"Saccharide?" She called out. "Raine didn't come back to her room."
"How are you sure?" I asked, even if my stupidity washed away my rage. Instead of answering right away, she closed her door, a loud sound emitted from it and it made me close my eyes for a brief second again.
"Both of our doors will make that sound if closed. "Her fingers continued to fidget while she talks softly. "I waited for her. You know about the-"
"Yeah. Yeah. All of you fuckers don't have to remind me a million times about what happened." I scoffed and sat beside Raine's door. My back was leaning against the door and my eyes were closed, then I checked my jacket's pockets for some cigarette. My lungs were yearning for one right now.
"I thought you loved, Raine" I heard her sit beside me. My eyes wandered from her lust-filled eyes to her smiling lips; I closed my eyes once again and sighed, trying my best to send her the message that I'm not interested in her obvious signals.
Placing the only cigarette I had in me between my lips, I realized I have no lighter with me all along.
"Fucking shit!"
Groaning at my stupid self again, I just kept the cigarette there, waiting for a lighter to miraculously burn it. I heard Racquel giggle before lighting my cigarette with a lighter. "You left this at my dorm last year. I kept it..." said Racquel, then placed the black colored lighter on my lap. "You know... Just in case."
"You can keep the shit," I said with a stern face after puffing a cloud of smoke from my lit cigarette.
"Fuck off, Racquel. I don't need a girl's drama right now," I said and closed my eyes again after taking in a whiff of smoke inside my lungs, hoping that she would finally leave me alone but instead, I felt a hand caress my cheek.
"And yet, you came here to see Raine," Racquel whispered into my ears, sending unwanted waves of excitement throughout my body. "She's dramatic. I know you know that."
With a quick slap, her soft palm was away from my face. "You're just another one of my plaything from last year. Don't expect anything more than that- AH!"
A rush of excruciating pain struck my head as blurred images started playing inside the dark void; my heart rides along with the flashbacks as it beats faster. The flickering images became clear as they show nothing but Raine's crying face.
"What's happening?!... Saccharide?"
I hear Racquel's panicked voice, but I could not respond. I could only focus on Raine's tears inside my head. A memory struck me right in my frontal lobe, I have no narration that needed to be told, but the only thought that came to me is that I need Raine to stop loving this man.
"Oh my... It's your PTSD kicking in again," Racquel stated and started calming me down.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder- I got it from the training my father made me go through when I was still at a very young age. Very young to even comprehend what pain is... They didn't take me to a psychiatrist because my sickness helped in the process of making that monster. I fell into violence unconsciously and I can do nothing to stop it.
"Le- Leave me alone... AH!" I stammered to make Racquel leave, but she stayed by my side and rubbed my back. Furiously, I violently pushed her away with one push, but the force was too weak.
"As I said, Fu-"
A pair of soft lips suddenly forced their way to latch on mine. I have no time to pursue retaliation as she shared her weight upon me and took advantage of my aching head. My eyes were wide as saucers, but her eyes were closed, feeling the sensation of our flesh touching each other.
"Are you alright now?" Racquel asked after she pulled away from our kiss. I didn't answer instead I picked up the cigarette on the floor; its ashes were carelessly scattered in a small puddle.
"It worked," she smiled and hugged me while I just stared into the nothingness. "My- my kiss-"
"Stop that Disney bullshits already" Regaining back my senses, I pushed her body away from mine.
"Saccharide, I want you..." She held my hand while she confessed. That's so much for comforting her best friend... "Honestly, I am glad that you turned down Raine."
I stood up and looked at her expecting expression before smirking, "Want?" I asked before staring at the glowing tip of the cigarette, thinking where I should throw it, "That's a strong word."
"Not strong enough though," I said to her before throwing the cigarette t her; she flinched when the cigarette fell just an inch from touching her creamy thighs.
"I'm going to make her life a living hell..."
Anger filled me to the top as soon as those words came out from her lips. With one swift motion, I was already pinning her against the wall with my elbow pointing at her throat. Her smile disappeared, showing her obvious fear from my actions.
"I bet those words are strong enough for you, huh?" she asked with a cocky smile once again. Pressing my elbow more forward made her tilt her head upwards, still with her annoying smile.
"Bitch..." I whisper- shouted. "You have to ask permission from the devil first before you do that."
She giggled before asking, "May I?"
I released her and fixed my posture, turning my back at her before giving her the sentence, "Kiss my ass."
"Hmmm- what the fuck?!" The first kiss was forgivable, but a second kiss from this crazy girl is messed up like hell. I wasn't in my full consciousness when she kissed me the first time, but now that I am, my lips were sore from the rough fabric of my jacket I used to wipe them multiple times.
"Sorry I heard the word Kiss" she winked and pushed her back against the door of her dorm, the thunderous sound of it closing again, made me close my eyes for a brief moment.
"DAMN! YOUR LOCK IS MAKING ME CRAZY" I scoffed at her before she shook her head slowly and laughed, signaling her disappointment.
"That's not my lock," she pointed behind me, giving me the answer that it was Raine's door that made that sound. "Good luck... Fixing your girl without the drama," Racquel gave me one last wink before entering her dorm, the lock sending a loud shock throughout my body.
I placed myself in front of Raine's door once again, staring at the number 305. Without hesitation, I knocked three times after preparing myself to see her crying face again. But something inside me craves to see her crying.
Arguing with the grueling sensation inside me, I knocked again, but this time I heard sounds behind the door.
"Raine!" I called out, hoping she would open the door brisker.
The sound of the door opening never made me so nervous before. I gulped as I saw the girl with her face darkened by the shadow of her side bangs that hides her dashing face.
With hesitating hands, I reached to her chin to make her look up to me. "You're not crying...?" I asked, shocked as hell after I saw her pale face without any trace of tears.
She touched my hands with her cold ones. My slightly trembling hands trembled more when something glistened on her hand. It's a ring. The rose gold colored metal shone as they fit perfectly around her ring finger; the very sight of that ring made me drown in an ocean of guilt.
"Do you want me to cry?" she asked with a sad smile while caressing my hand on her cheek.
"Idiot." she gasped when I hugged her; I made sure it's tight to squeeze all the tears out from her eyes. The tears that should have been out here for a very long time. "If you want to cry then, cry. You don't need my fucking permission..."
If only I could be deaf for that moment...
If I only I could then I wouldn't be hearing her cries. Hell is my next destination because I made an angel shed her tears. Tightly, she hugged me back and buried her face on my neck. I can feel her burning tears on my skin, it's pleasurable torture.
"You're mad," I said.
I closed my eyes as she continued to cry, squeezing my shoulders even more. "I am," she replied. Hearing her cracking voice broke the remaining pieces of my sanity, I forgot the sole reason why I even came here.
I barely remember her a while ago, but now I'm hugging her as tightly as I could...
I rejected her confession, but now I don't want to let her go...
I was disgusted by the idea of her love, but now I understand why...
And I want it.
"You have all the fucking reason to be" I loosened my arms around her to let her go, but she tightened her hug even more. My eyes widened when I felt her will, not wanting me to leave her side.
But I don't want to hurt her just because of my disorder...
Her eyes sparkled along with her tears when she turned to look at me, cheeks red even if there's little light to make it visible, lips forming a smile while quivering. "I am mad... So mad," she stammered, reaching for my cheeks with her stone-cold hands.
The flashbacks in my brain a while ago came back to me, it showed that I spent my moments with Raine testing if her love was real. She already proved that she loves me, but the problem is within me. I couldn't accept the truth that someone can love someone like me.
Someone like my father...
I worked so hard to prove that her love for me won't last long... That her love will be nothing if a whip of pain was inflicted on it.
But instead...
She was the one who proved me wrong... That I was lovable and I was capable of loving.
"I'm madly in love with you, Saccharide Heinz," she softly whispered before placing her lips on mine. My eyes automatically closed themselves as my heart exploded with overwhelming ecstasy; my arms came crawling back around her.
We pulled away then she gave me the brightest smile. The moon can quit at this moment. I didn't see any hint of anger on her face so, I looked away and cleared my throat.
"You're not mad that I ki-" I whispered, eyes still wide from the unbelievable affection of this girl.
"I saw it. She kissed you," she smiled and looked down at the floor, "Racquel is an alluring girl; I wouldn't blame you if you want to kiss her instead of me."
Clenching my teeth lightly, I was pissed with the thought of heaven putting an angel in this world because the world doesn't deserve her. I lifted her chin to look her in the eyes before leaning in to delve into her luscious lips.
The night didn't go as expected. Many things went wrong. Instead of her waiting for me, I was the one who waited for her.
The best friend, who was supposed to comfort Raine, betrayed her with forbidden kisses.
The girl, who was supposed to be left with her heartbroken by the boy she loved, fixed the broken boy, instead.
I, the monster who was supposed to erase the girl from my life, got trapped inside the carnation filled garden of an angel.
"Goodnight, Raine... You have a great day ahead of you."
But I'm going to find an escape...
"A great day without me..."
Even though I want you...
I don't deserve you...