The next few days are a whirlwind of regrets. Even though I haven't learned much in the way of fighting, I realize the gym has become almost like a sanctuary, somewhere I can escape to for hours–somewhere I can forget.
And it's been nice spending time with someone who doesn't give a damn about me. I don't have to pretend to be happy when I'm around Hayden. I don't have to grin and bear it so as not to worry my family. But now I've thrown it all away.
I try to catch up with him on more than one occasion, but he's avoiding me like the plague. As soon as the bell rings for lunch, he's out of his English seat and shoving past students just to get as far from me as possible. It's why, when June invites me to a party on Friday and tells me everyone's going, I know it is my chance to fix things.
We get ready at my house, spending the evening styling each other's hair and trying on different outfits. I settle on a gray skater dress that makes me look as if I actually have hips–Jamie's favorite outfit on me.
Once I'm ready, I turn to face the mirror. I grab my pallet, softening my cheekbones with some pale peach blush and a smidge of highlighter. It's about the only makeup I usually wear, but tonight I add some pink lipstick, feeling adventurous.
Later, when we're finally ready, Mom drops us outside a girl called Kady's house. The house is massive, even bigger than my aunts, with beautiful fairy lights coiled around the several balconies.
"If you're going to drink, be sensible," Mom says. "Not too much, and don't leave your drink unattended."
"I won't drink," I say, and I mean it. Despite my mother being fine with me bending the rules a little, my experience at the last party has put me off alcohol for the foreseeable future.
"Your mom is so cool," June says as we walk up to the house. "I wish my mom was like that."
I think about all of the times my mother lay bruised and battered in a heap, refusing to defend herself. No, I think. You don't.
Inside, the party is already in full swing. Every room is filled with people, some of them grinding to music, others making out right there in the living room. I scan the faces, hoping to find and corner Hayden so that I can get out of here and home in time to Facetime Jamie.
If memory serves me right, Hayden will no doubt be occupied in one of the bedrooms. I'm about to make my way upstairs, but then I spot him through a gap in the crowd. He's sitting around the table with a few other people, clutching a whiskey glass.
Drunk Hayden. This will be interesting.
I follow June over to the table and take the empty seat by Hayden. He takes another drink of his glass before turning to look at me. "Surprised you're not home Skyping your boyfriend."
I don't rise to the bait. "Normally, I would be, but I need to talk to you."
He lifts an eyebrow. "Are you saying you came here for me?"
I frown. "Can we go somewhere to talk, please?"
He avoids my gaze as he raises a glass. "I'm a little busy."
I narrow my eyes, hating the rejection that swirls in my stomach. "Fine," I say, getting to my feet. "I need the bathroom, anyway."
I hurry into the kitchen, wishing my cheeks didn't have to burn with heat. When I turn back around, Hayden is stood so close to me that I practically turn into his chest. I stumble slightly, and he puts his hands on my waist to steady me.
"This is where you're going to the bathroom?" he asks.
"What?" I can't think straight with his hands touching me. "No."
He smiles a little. "Then what are you doing?"
I shake my head before meeting his gaze. "I want you to train me."
"Why should I?" He suddenly steps forward until we're inches apart. "You said some pretty hurtful things to me, Maddison." The way he says my name sends a shiver down my spine. "What was it you said? Those that can't do, teach?"
I cringe at hearing him repeat my words. Words I'd never even meant. "I'm sorry."
He scowls a little. "I'm not in the forgiving mood. You'll have to do better than that."
I sigh loudly. "Guys like you are just so predictable."
He leans back on the counter, clearly intrigued. "Guys like me?"
"Yes," I say. "You can go around insulting everyone you want but the moment you get it back, you sulk like a baby."
His eyes flash with anger, and I know I've made a big mistake. "Sounds like you've got me all figured out."
I stand my ground. "Maybe I have."
His voice turns low. "That's interesting, because I think I've figured you out, too."
I tense slightly. "Oh?"
He pushes himself off the counter and steps towards me, forcing my breath to hitch in my throat. "It's a tale as old as time," he says. His breath is warm and smells of alcohol, a sign he's probably drunk. I tell myself that's why whatever he says next, I won't hold it against him. "Girl lives a safe, boring life with her safe, boring boyfriend and eventually goes looking for adventure. Something–or someone–that makes her feel alive. That's why you want to fight, isn't it?" He leans in closer, positioning his mouth by my ear. "The danger. The excitement. See, I don't think you're as straight-edged as you pretend to be, Maddison."
"You couldn't be more wrong," I say, folding my arms, "and my boyfriend is not boring."
Hayden laughs before leaning in closer. "I bet your sex life with him is."
My cheeks grow hotter than they've ever been. "I don't–we don't–" I take a slight breath, hating the look of surprise that suddenly crosses his features. He breaks into a grin that makes me want to hurt him. "What do you know about anything, anyway?" I snap. "From what I saw the other week, I'm guessing you haven't been in a committed relationship for a while."
His mouth moves slightly until it's closer to my own. "Maybe you've been in one too long."
I swallow hard before meeting his gaze. His mouth is far too close to my face. I'm terrified that even the slightest of movements would make our lips touch. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I'll train you," he says, stepping back. "If only to prove a point."
I'm about to ask him just what it is he means, but he's already pushing his way through bodies and disappearing into the crowd.