The first thing I do when I climb into bed is call Jamie. I think maybe the sound of his voice will ease some of my doubts, but when he picks up, my heart sinks.
"Hey," I say brightly, glancing out of the window. Raindrops have started to patter on the glass, leaving a trail in their wake. Jamie thinks I'm crazy for thinking this, but it's my favorite type of weather. There's just something about a rain pour that gets me all excited; maybe it's because of the countless romantic movies I've watched, or maybe I'm just as twisted as Jamie seems to think I am, but either way, it's the sound of that familiar pitter-patter that settles my nerves.
Not him.
"Sorry," I continue, closing my curtains. "I know you're about to go to sleep."
I imagine him glancing at his bedside clock before he lets out a sigh. "It's fine. How was the gym?"
"Good," I say. "Mostly."
Jamie perks up a bit. Right now, he'll be lying on his side propped up on one elbow, calculating how much sleep he'll get. It's not that he's obsessive or anything, but he's the type that can't function unless he gets nine hours.
"Why mostly? You're not turning into a couch potato, are you?" he teases.
I stretch out my legs, only now just feeling the dull ache in my limbs. It's like the pain becomes easy to ignore, but the moment you're aware of it, you can't think of anything else. "The guy who's training me takes it a little too seriously," I say, briefly thinking of Hayden. I wonder if he lies in bed with sore muscles after a training session or if his body is used to this by now. "He has me jumping rope for like five hours. My legs are killing me."
I can practically feel him fall still on the other end of the line. "Wait, there's a guy training you?"
If I didn't know better, I'd think maybe he is jealous. "Yeah, he owns the gym I've been going to. He offers one-on-one lessons." I don't bother to tell him the only reason Hayden is offering them is that I practically forced him to.
"How old is he?" Jamie asks. "I mean, he sounds a bit old to be training high school girls."
"He's our age, actually. He goes to my new school."
"And he owns a gym?" He sounds surprised.
I sigh a little. "He inherited it from his dad."
Jamie seems to think about this. "And what is he training you to do exactly?"
I lean against the headrest. In all my years of knowing Jamie, I've never once seen him get jealous. Something flutters deep in my stomach. It's a new feeling, one that has my body tingling, and I lean forward slightly, surprised by this surge of excitement. "Just some self-defense stuff. You know what they say about LA. I thought it would be a good idea to brush up on some techniques. Why, do you mind?"
I hold my breath in the silence that follows. I think maybe he's about to play the protective boyfriend. That he'll say or do something to surprise me for once. That he'll prove Hayden wrong about us.
But when he speaks, his voice is soft and without inflection. "No, of course not. I'm glad you're settling in over there."
And just like that, the excitement is gone.
I watch as the clock on my bedside table strikes 9:45 p.m. Usually, I can stay up well past midnight and not feel tired, but Hayden's training session has left me exhausted.
"I miss you," I say suddenly, pulling the covers to my neck. "I miss kissing you."
Jamie falters before clearing his throat. "I miss you too, Mads."
I frown a little. It's not exactly sexy talk, but at least it's a start. "I wish you were here. I keep thinking about all of the things we could be doing right now." I try to make my voice low and sultry sounding, hoping he'll get the hint.
"I mean, we'd probably be asleep," Jamie says.
I try to stop rolling my eyes. "Let's pretend it's an hour before your bedtime," I say, dropping my voice to a whisper. "We're in my bedroom watching a movie, and I'm wearing the satin pajama set you like..." I trail off to let him finish the story, but he remains quiet on the other end. "Your hand is resting on my leg the way it always does when we're watching something, but this time your fingers start to move up my thigh–" It's uncharted territory. His fingers never move up my thigh. They stay glued to the tender spot just above my knee, every time.
I've thought about sex a lot this past year, even before Hayden mentioned it. The reasons behind why Jamie and I haven't taken that step, despite having known each other for years. We're not religious or anything, we aren't waiting until marriage. It's more that I'm terrified of making the first move, and so is he. The end result – we are always stood still.
"Maddie." His voice sounds strangled. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I say innocently. "Just telling you how much I miss you."
He laughs a little. "Okay, I get the picture. Aren't you sleepy yet?"
Rejection swirls in the pit of my stomach. I try to push it back where it came from, knowing I have no reason to feel such a thing, but I can't help it. Maybe we've waited so long to have sex that we've skipped past the lusting stage and fallen straight into the 'old married couple' zone.
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you," Jamie says. "Your dad came to my house today."
I grip the phone tighter, suddenly awake. "He did?"
Jamie has only ever met my dad once or twice, and even then, only briefly. But of course, my father is a master at deceiving and is only ever his best self around company.
"Yeah," Jamie says, completely oblivious. "He wanted to know where you were. You guys didn't even tell him where you were going? I mean, I know your parents split up and everything, but to just run away like that–"
I slowly let out the breath I've been holding. "Jamie, did you tell him where we were?"
He must notice the slight change in my tone of voice, because he suddenly grows quiet. After a second or two, he says, "Well, I didn't exactly send him the address, but I told him you were staying with your aunt in LA."
I pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers. My father doesn't know where in LA my aunt and uncle live, but he's the kind of man who will be able to find out.
"Did I do something wrong?" Jamie asks. "I mean, he's your dad. I figured–"
"It's fine," I say swiftly. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just, things between my parents aren't so good right now. My mom just wanted to get away for a little while before she told him where we were."
"Sorry, Mads, I didn't realize."
I force a smile, even though he can't see it. "Seriously, don't worry. I think we better call it a night, you're going to be exhausted tomorrow."
"Okay, I'll call you tomorrow. Love you."
I hesitate only for a second. "Love you."
I lay awake all night after that, thinking about the times my father put his hands on my mother. Thanks to Jamie, the man we've been running from these past few weeks knows exactly where we are.