We pull on the main road, Damon speeding through lights. My body is shaking, my mind foggy. I'm exhausted. All I want to do is sleep for the next week.
"Baby, tell me what happened. Are you hurt?"
I don't know what to say. Reflecting back, in the moment I was scared, but I also felt in control. I didn't always know what I was supposed to be doing, but I knew I was going to fight through the situation. Now… well now I'm not sure what I should be doing.
Should I be crying? Yelling? Talking?
I don't know how to react to the situation. I mean, who even was that guy? I know it was late, but why was he so determined to get me? Where was he taking me?
I just feel tired and numb. Closing my eyes, the scenes replay in my mind. They shoot back open.
"Baby? Come on, we are here."
Looking out the window, I see our apartment complex. When did we get here? Did I really space out for that long?
I nod my head, getting out of the passenger seat.
He rushes to my side of the car to help me step out. My legs are wobbly, balance unstable.
"Woah there. Up you go."
He picks me up like one would do a small child. "Wrap your legs around me." I mindlessly do so.
"I'm going to take you to our apartment, okay?" His voice is soft and soothing. The gentle movement of his body as he effortlessly goes up the stairs causes my eyelids to droop. I want to tell him that I want to be alone so I can sleep, but I don't say anything.
He unlocks the door, Brandon sitting at the kitchen table. He jumps up when we enter.
"Is she okay? What happened? Is she hurt?" His slew of questions, which I know aren't directed to me, cause me to shrink into Damon's body. I want to go to bed. Let me go to bed.
I want to yell at him to let me lay down, but no words pass through my lips. What is wrong with me? Why can't I speak? I try to part my lips again, but nothing happens. Maybe after I sleep everything will be all better. This may just turn out to be a dream.
"Later," Damon stresses to Brandon after feeling my body recoil into his.
Taking me out of the kitchen, I watch as Brandon stares after me. His face is a mask of confusion and helplessness.
"Alright. This is my bed-" I know that. "-you can just lay in here and sleep. When you wake up we will be in the kitchen if you want to talk. Or eat. Or… or just sit there. We are here for you, baby."
He walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him. His bed is comfortable. Soft, but firm. I hear them talking in the kitchen, their voices are only murmurs, but I can only imagine what they are talking about. It probably has to do with me. Do they think something is wrong with me because I won't talk?
My eyes droop. I'm so tired. I need to sleep. Turning on my side, I snuggle into his pillows and duvet. It smells like him. I feel safe. He will protect me. Pushing my nose further into the comforters, I take a deep breath in. My eyes peacefully shut and all of my thoughts halt as I'm surrounded by peaceful darkness.
I wake up with a start, my body is drenched in sweat and my breaths are coming out in pants. I look down at my waist. I swear I could feel his arm there. I shutter and scramble to turn on the light. Nothing can hide in the darkness.
I feel calmer when I see I am alone. He isn't here. I look down at my body and grimace at the feeling of how sticky my skin is. How long did that nightmare last? How long was I sleeping for? I look out the window, everything is dark. The moon is still high in the sky but covered in clouds. I breathe out. I need to shower. Now.
Sneaking out of his bedroom, I try to stay quiet. I don't want to alert them of my conscious state or wake them up if they are sleeping. My hand is on the doorknob when I hear Damon call me.
I tense and turn around. So close.
"Where are you going?"
I know I have to talk. How is he supposed to know that I need to shower if I don't say anything? I struggle, my eyebrows creasing together.
"Hey. Hey. Easy. It's alright. Just point me in the direction of where you are going and I will take you there."
I'm grateful he is being so patient. I walk into his bathroom and point at the shower. He nods in understanding. "Why don't you take one here? I can get you your own clothes if you would like."
Once again, I helplessly nod. At least I can communicate a bit. I walk up to him and tug his shirt. He looks confused and hesitant. "What are you doing, baby?"
I tug his shirt again and he finally takes it off. I fold it and place it on the counter. I move onto his pants. He must have changed before he picked me up because he is wearing his sweatpants that I always steal when I sleep here. I pull on his waistband, but his hand is immediately holding them back up. I look back into his eyes and pull on them again. He lets go. They come off quickly and I fold them before placing them with the shirt. He's left in only his boxers and I feel guilty for only a moment. I need his clothes more than he does.
When he notices that I folded them and then stepped away, he asks, "is that what you want to wear?"
I try to smile, but it turns out to be more of a grimace. My nod has a little more oomph in it.
"Okay, then. I'll leave you to shower and I'll get some new clothes."
He leaves the bathroom, but not before I catch the small smile on his lips. Does he know why I took his clothes?
Turning on the shower, I check the temperature to make sure it's not too hot before stepping in. The water feels refreshing and the film of sweat leaves my body. I feel relaxed. I feel clean, like I'm, washing his touch off of my body. It's relieving.
I grab Damon's shampoo and squeeze some in my palm before putting it in my hair. Using my conditioner (which I previously bought for situations where I would stay the night here) I untangle my hair before washing my body with his body wash. When I'm finished the bathroom smells like him, my fruity conditioner lost under the mint and wood scent of his soaps.
Drying off, I put on his clothes. It may seem gross that he was already wearing them, but they are the only clothes that will smell like him. His clean ones smell like laundry detergent, nice but ineffective.
Walking out of the bathroom, a could of steam follows me out. It feels symbolic in a way. I was just reinvented and now I feel like I can talk about what happened. I feel safe, clean, and calm.
Damon is sitting on his bed when I enter the room. He stands up and wraps me in his embrace. I snuggle into his chest, a content sigh escaping my lips.
"Hey. Do you want to talk about it?"
I manage a raspy "yes."
His smile is brighter than the sun at hearing my response. He guides us both to the bed to sit down.
"So, you know that I have been studying late these past couple of nights. Tonight wasn't any different, obviously. Anyway, when I walked into the library earlier I thought that someone was following me. There was a guy who was holding a camera that looked to be pointed towards me. I dismissed it thinking I was being paranoid or stressing myself out because I've constantly been running on little sleep and a lot of stressful adrenaline.
"When I finished studying it was late and no one was really around anymore. I was walking to the parking lot to text you that I was done. I knew you would be there soon and I just wanted a few minutes to enjoy the fresh air. However, I never made it to the parking lot. When I was passing the alley, the gap between the buildings before the parking lot, a man reached out and grabbed me.
"I don't know what he wanted with me, but he wanted me to go somewhere with him. I started to panic. I mean, no one expects to be grabbed. I was reaching for my pepper spray when he grabbed my arms. I don't know why I wasn't screaming. Since I couldn't use the pepper spray, I used self-defense by kicking him between his legs and then smashing his nose against my knee."
"That explains the blood on your pants."
I don't answer at first, my mind preoccupied with the memories of what happened next. Taking a soothing breath, I continue on, trying to block everything else out.
"He got back up after that, blood pouring from his face. He called me a bitch and then lunged after me. I didn't know what to do. He started pulling me further into the alley and I was trying to reach for my phone to call you but touched the pepper spray instead. I sprayed it into his eyes and took off running. Then I hid and you picked me up."
We stay speechless, neither one of us knowing what to say. Damon pulls me into his chest and plays with my hair, whispering soothing words into my ears. My body leans into his and my eyes get heavy. The last thing I remember is him whispering how he would never let something like today happen to me again.