I blame it on him. He makes future commitments with me, he's always sweet to me and takes care of me. He always does things in my best interest. I finally hit the last straw, which was apparently very short since I only realized my feelings for him about two hours earlier, but that is aside from the point.
He continues to look at me with an emotionless face.
How do I fix this? How could I fix this? Maybe I can take it back? I quickly reject the idea. I can't do that to him. Maybe… Maybe…
I come up with nothing. In a desperate attempt, I string words together in what is probably an incoherent ramble. "Oh jeez. Uh… I don't- I'm really not sure what I should say. Um… well, you definitely don't have to say it back. I mean, if you feel it too and want to say it then you can say it, but please don't say it because I just said it. Really- I didn't mean to say it. It's not that I don't love you because I do, but I didn't mean to well, uh… just blurt it out like I did, I guess." There's a long pause, I attempt to gather my thoughts while he stares at me. In a moment of defeat and anger, I muster, "I'm sorry, but can you not- can you not stare at me like I have three heads? I mean, so what? I told you that I loved you and I won't take it back. Let's just move past this. I get it, you don't feel the same."
For two tortuous minutes, nothing (and I mean nothing) happens. We both silently sit there, the air clouding with tension than not even a knife could cut through, maybe an electric hacksaw, but not a knife. And then, my world explodes for the second time.
In a blur, his lips slam on mine. Completely caught off guard, it takes me a second to respond, but once I do fireworks go off and everything seems okay again. The tense minutes we just shared, him possibly not loving me just disappear like they never happened in the first place.
Our lips move in rhythm with each other, I tilt to the left to get a better angle. His hands entangle in my loose locks. I gently caress up his face with mine, settling on the side of his cheeks. I pull him closer. I need to be closer to him.
As if he can read my thoughts, he picks me up and moves me on his lap, one hand going around my waist to keep me in place. His tongue snakes out, asking for entrance. I don't hesitate to open my mouth. I am his, as much as he will have me.
He invades my mouth, exploring every inch before dancing with my tongue. I moan at the same time he groans. I don't want to stop.
All too soon, he pulls away. We both gasp for air. I don't know how long we kissed for, but it felt like only seconds when I wanted it to last forever.
Our pants are the only sounds on the beach, everyone already gone into their hotel rooms to catch a little more sleep before starting their day.
Coming back to reality, the weight settles back on my shoulders. Why would he kiss me? Does he love me back? Why won't he say anything? I need to know; the anticipation is killing me.
"I'm sorry, but I can't wait anymore. What did that mean? Why did you kiss me? Can you say something?" My voice steadily increases as I speak.
This man drives me nuts. From the first moment I met him, he has done nothing but get in my head, my dreams, and, eventually, my heart. My empty and broken heart. He's my glue. What am I supposed to do without the one thing that's holding me together? I need him to love me.
He picks up my chin with his index finger, staring into my eyes, staring into my soul. "I love you. Hell, I'm in love with you. I have been since the first moment I saw you. Well, maybe not the first, but I have loved you for what seems like forever.
"I didn't mean to not answer, to scare you. I- I just didn't know what to say. The person I love just told me that she loved me. Me, of all people. It seemed too good to be true. I was in shock. Then I panicked. What if I'm not good enough for you? I know I don't deserve you but hell, baby, I'll work my ass off to be the man you deserve. Always."
Tears spill over my eyes and flow down my cheeks. This is why I love this man. He may look tough and show everyone this tough exterior, but inside is a beautiful man who truly lives his life to bring meaning and life itself to those around him.
"I love you."
"I love you so much more."
Pulling me in for another kiss, this one is slow and passionate, full of unsaid promises, a future, love, desire. It's all of our feelings enhanced to create a perfect kiss. This moment will be ingrained in my mind forever in the small "Damon" section of my brain and my heart.
Breaking apart, a chill runs through my body. Still on his lap from our first kiss, I snuggle into him. He rests his chin on the top of my head.
"I will always love and protect you."
I look up at him at that moment, his eyes, once so guarded now fully expressive. They shine, no glow, with his feelings. Smiling broadly, I kiss his chest, his chin, his neck.
"I will always love and cherish you."
When I was a young girl, I would read romance stories and think about how cheesy the "I love you" moments always were. I would scrunch up my nose and immaturely stick out my tongue. Now, I finally understand why there was a whole chapter for the "I love you" moments. They are monumental. The warmth feeling in your chest, the butterflies roaming throughout your body, the weight you didn't realize was there, lifted.
With another kiss, he stands up, never once letting me go. "What do you want to do today, my love?"
"Will you be disappointed if I say that I want to be alone with you today?" I want to revel in this feeling.
"I was thinking the same thing."
The walk back to our room is quiet, the gentle movement of his body swaying mine back to sleep. Laying my head on his shoulder, I yawn and kiss his neck. I don't think I have ever been so happy in my life. Despite the last couple of days, I would not want anything to change since I met Damon. Not the way we met, not the car chases, not the attempted kidnap, not the movie nights and breakfasts. Nothing. If this is what everything was leading up to then I am grateful everything happened the way it did.
Closing my eyes, I feel myself drift between reality and sleep. I quickly open my eyes. What if this was all a dream? For once my reality is better than anything my imagination could come up with and I don't want to waste a second of it.
"Can I walk?"
The last thing I want right now is to be out of his arms, but if I plan on making it through this walk and the rest of the morning, I need to wake up.
"No, I want you to stay up here."
I groan but settle back against his shoulder. Maybe if I talk to him.
"The sunrise was beautiful. The sky never looked so pretty." It's a weak attempt, but I'm desperate to try anything.
"It was, but what came after was even better."
I can't help but hum in agreement. We were surrounded by this bubble of our newly stated love. I'm not sure anything could break it. It's almost as if we are finally in our honeymoon phase.
Making it back to the room, he settles me on the bed. I'm tempted to stay laying down but decide against it. I must stay awake!
"Do you want something to drink?" His voice carries over from the small kitchen near the entrance door. It's small and only one person can stand in there at a time, but it has a decent amount of counter space and he is the only one that cooks.
"Coffee, please."
He is silent again. It makes sense since I cannot stand the taste of coffee, love the smell, but the bitterness of the taste is pungent on my tongue.
Walking into the bedroom, he looks at my tired body slouching against the pillows in a sad attempt to stay sitting upright. He moves over to my side, pulling the covers down before laying me back down on the bed. Pulling the blankets over me, he kisses my forehead.
"Sleep, my love. We have all the time in the world."