The waves gently lap the sand. A deep scent of a salty ocean carries its way to anyone near. The sun slowly rises its bright rays blinding those willing to stare right at it." Other couples dot the large expanse of the beach, little ants in a large anthill. I turn around in Damon's arms.
"This is beautiful."
The sky is a mix of orange, yellow, pink, purple, and blue hues. It's a sight for sore eyes. Little puffs of clouds add a pure white color to the mix, a sharp contrast from the colorful painting in the sky.
"Before college, I would go surfing with a couple of my buddies from high school. We would get here before the sun would rise and suit up so we could hit the waves as soon as the sun was high in the sky. Even if we didn't catch any waves that day, I still considered it a successful morning because nothing beats the view of the sun breaking through the night's darkness to greet us all into a new day."
"That sounds amazing. Do you still talk to those guys? I think you should get back out there with them and I could watch you guys. I wouldn't mind seeing this view more often."
He looks down then, a faraway look in his eyes. "No, they all ended up moving away. It's been years since I met them. I think one of them is married now."
"Why don't you have a reunion? You could all catch up with each other."
"After high school, I took over my father's business for a while, back when we were going bankrupt and it took over my life. I never had time to hang out with them anymore. I don't blame them for cutting me out of their lives because I basically did the same thing to them. I couldn't risk anyone getting hurt."
My heart breaks for him. He cares so much about other people that he would risk his own happiness, his own safety, to help those around him. I glance at him, the sun's rays gently reflect off of the planes of his face, giving him an angelic glow. He looks godly.
I love you.
My heart stutters, but for a completely different reason. Did I just really think that? It's too soon. We only just started dating. We just met a month and a half ago. How could I fall in love with someone so quickly?
He did come to your rescue when you needed him most. He takes care of you even when you don't think you need to be taken care of. He shows that he cares.
There is no way that I love him this soon. It's not possible. How could I fall in love with someone so irrationally when my parents did the same thing and they ended up killing each other in the end? How could I let my heart do this?
Seeing my zoned-out look, he smiles and gently shakes my shoulder.
"Look. The sun is finally up."
I face forward and it's true. The sun has risen and it is a new day. My feelings haven't changed from ten minutes ago. Where is my clean slate?
Down the beach from us, one sand dune away, a young boy wraps a young girl in a blanket. She smiles at him gratefully. It's cute, such a candid moment. They are so lost in each other that they don't even realize the seagulls right above their heads or the sand blowing near them from the chilly breeze.
Why am I not cold? Even Damon has a sweatshirt on. The answer is pretty clear, I realize. His warmth is emanating onto my back and there is the oddest warmth in my chest that I have never felt before. Am I getting sick? Do I need to see a doctor? I refuse to believe that it is because of the boy behind me.
"Are you cold?"
Before I can answer, he wraps his arms tighter around me and pulls me into his chest, not that I can go anywhere.
"Actually, I'm warm for once."
A smile parts my mouth as I snuggle to get more comfortable against his firm chest. When I realize what I'm doing, I try to discreetly scoot away. His arms hold me against him like iron bars in a prison. I need to get out. I need space. I can't do this. What if he leaves me? People always seem to leave me.
"Are you alright?"
Continuing to squirm in his arms, I nod. "I want to feel the water."
He looks hesitant to let me go but reluctantly does. "It's going to be freezing. You won't even last thirty seconds."
The challenge is clear in his voice, sparking my own need to win. I can do this.
Casually walking down to the low-tide, I mentally prepare for the temperature of this water. I have no doubt it is going to be freezing, especially with the chilly weather, but I need to cool out.
I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't realize my hand entangling with Damon's until the cold water covering my bare feet shocks me out of my mental pep talk.
I can't do this. Stepping back one beat back onto shore, his challenge rings through my ears. Gritting my teeth together, I bring my lips into my mouth to muffle my chattering teeth and hide my pink lips that I'm sure are turning blue.
I count to thirty in my mind, wishing for time to go faster. Why does time always seem to go so slow when you want it to just be over, but so fast when you want a moment to last forever?
"Thirty," I say, the tremble in my voice clearly audible in just the two syllables that passed my lips.
"Good, now let's get you out of this water and warmed up."
I wrap my arms around myself. I was only in there for a couple of seconds and only my feet were wet, but a chill made its way through my body and was there to stay.
"Stay here, I'll be right back."
He jogs past the blanket where I plop down, huddling inside of myself to save body heat. He returns seconds later, a large blanket in his arms. He drapes it around my shoulders and returns to his position behind me.
"I know you're always cold. I figured we would use it at some point, I just didn't think it would take this long. Are you okay? Do you feel sick?"
If only he knew that he was the reason I was so warm earlier.
"No. I feel fine, maybe I just got used to the temperature. Thank you for bringing the blanket, it was thoughtful of you."
How could I not love this boy when he goes out of his way to make me comfortable?
I mentally curse when it registers that I admitted to loving him again. I have to stop doing this; it cannot become a habit of mine.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Out of all the times he could have asked, why did it have to be now? I scramble in my mind for something to say? What do I say? I can't tell him that I love him. It would scare him off and all of this would be for nothing. I can't lose him.
"Uh…" I stammer for something to say. Just say anything. "My feet are cold." Except for that.
As I expected, he moved his body so I was no longer leaning on him. He drops in front of me, the sand squishing under his weight, and picks up my numb toes in his warm hands. Carefully cradling them, as if they would fall off or break if he held them too tightly, he moves my toes around in his hand. They collect all of the warmth from his hands. Satisfied that the left toes are safe from hypothermia, he moves onto my right. I stare at him. So gently. So kind. Again, the question pops into my mind. How could I not love this boy sitting in front of me? He is everything I have ever dreamed in a man and more.
"Is that better?"
I don't hesitate to say "yes." Of course, they are better, he just sat there warming my feet up in his hands for the last twenty minutes, patiently waiting for them to thaw.
Needing to think of anything else, I ask, "do you come here often? I know you said you used to in high school, but what about now? It's only an hour's drive away."
"Not as much as I would like. I spend more time in the cabin now. I miss coming here."
"I don't know how you stay away. I would be here every other week if I could."
"Then why don't we make this a bi-weekly thing? We could get away for a day or two, just you and me, and spend the day here?"
Before my mind can catch up with my mouth, the L-word slips past my lips and his face becomes a blank slate. What did I do?