The doctor came in, Amber squeezed my hand a bit tighter, I looked at her, her eyes expressed pain, I look towards the doctor, it's written all over his face.
"Amber, do you want us to leave?" I asked "No please stay, if his facial expression is any indication, what I think it means, please stay and support me"
"Of course we will" both dad and I mentioned at the same time.
"Amber, I am afraid you are correct that I have come with bad news, I am glad you have support here at this time, this part of my job it never gets easier, it's unfortunate that we have done all we can, the kidney transplant has failed. The test results from this morning are back, confirming the body rejecting the new kidney, it is the start of organ failure. Her body has begun shutting down. We have given her everything we can, to try and get her more time and make her comfortable. We don't know how long that will be, could be a day, a week, a month, maybe two, with these lab results it realisticly is less, I have a info package here on organ failure and treatments, pain management, resources including hospice and yes our package includes details on what happens after a loved ones death of hospital protocol, I know it can be overwhelming to get through the package and in there is the numbers for social workers and others that can help you through it, I am so sorry Amber, she has been a delightful patient."
"Thank you doctor North, you have been so sweet since the start" you could tell she was trying not to cry, yet I could hear the crack in the tone of voice and see the lump in the throat.
"I think I already knew" she deeply sighed, "How bad are these lab results? is there a chance she may not make it though the night? If possible I would like to stay with her, keep her comfortable and keep her company" still sounds like tears could flow at any moment but I see her silent bravery. I know it from us losing my mom, I saw it with dad again with me in ICU, I had just seen in the Children's wing.
"I am afraid the simple answer is it could be tonight or a week, any time with the antibiotics and other treatments we have her on, it is up to her and how much fight she has left."
"With your help Dr North, she has had 4 years of fighting and I am grateful, I feel like mom is tired but holding on for me, I don't want to lie to her to say I'll be ok, when I am not sure I will be." her own words seemed to open the gates as she finally released some tears, we hear the doctors pager go off and he apologized again for the bad news and that he needs to go he'll check in again soon.
Since she became my physiotherapist I feel like we have also become very good friends, she never went into details of her mother's condition just here and there needed to reschedule times or miss a day completely explaining only her mother's health issues required her attention, like moving my time from 1pm to around 5 or 6 pm to take her mom to an appointment.
Dad starts talking, "4 years, impressive fight you're mom has done." I can tell he is thinking of mom he doesn't realize I notice the way he moves his wedding ring, it seems so small but important.
"Best role model I could ask for, strong, intelligent, strict but fair, had her fun side. I am who I am because of her guidance, her support, encouragement and inspiration. Dad died when I was twelve, she had to shift some lifestyle around, never really knew what she meant by that but I think I do now." I open my arms as I invite her into a hug.
I don't know how long we embraced, the hug felt like something we both needed, we end the hug when we hear a weak "water please" her mom is awake.
Amber gets her some water and introduced Dad and I as her friends her Mom smiles, "they seem like good ones to have sweet heart" she takes a drink slowly, "they are mama, they helped fix my car", a big smile showed up on her moms face, "He's a good looking young man" wow I know where her mom is taking this, "mama" Amber says in a embarrassed tone.
"I know I'm dying kiddo, no shame in hoping you can be with a good looking, caring man, see grand babies from heaven" I think I am blushing a little, my mom also expressed before passing that it was a shame she didn't have a chance to be a cool grandmother.
The doctor comes back, but this time we are asked to leave, we ask her to text us if we need anything.
I had a strange feeling rush over me, a strong pull to return to the Children's wing, I get there and many of the kids rush to me, a group hug and surround sound of them expressing, "his dying" "our friend is dying" tears flowing I go from walker to the floor, and just keep hugging, I hear the sounds, "the staff here got me back, let's pray together that they save him too.
"He asked for you" the nurse signals me over, the kids help me up so we all move quickly, with their walkers and IV poles, they helped me, we all gather hand in hand around his bed, "Thank you all" he said very weakly " I am sorry dear friends it's time to say goodbye" he looks at me " Did you see heaven too?", I think so, we aren't supposed to remember if we are staying here, I remember hearing my mom tell me to go back, not yet" teats are flowing all around, this is what it looks and feels like when obituaries write surrounded by love.
"promise me a special fundraiser to honor me, please, so my death matters to save others like my friends here"
"I wish you would stay and create it together" his uncle speaks up "He gave me that job, after you left he felt this coming and with us planned it" he gived me a flash drive his parents get into the bed with him, the staff step back alitte they did all they could and got him enough time to say goodbye in the most, I am not sure of the word to use here, he is calm, smiling, the hospital friends whisper "good bye" "well miss you" and "high five Jesus", what is this feeling?
"I promise but not goodbye, save me a cloud to race you with when we meet again"
"Deal, love you all, thanks for everything" faintly spoken but heard, hugged and kissed by his family, he closes his eyes, embraced by light slowly breathing till a flatline, and silence lingers in a Children's wing as we witness a angel called home.