Dear Jonathan Moose,
If you are seeing this I have died, it is my request, my dying wish and hope I suppose, that you will receive this and consider this.
I feel like my death will not stop me being a big fan of yours, I know you already raise money for the Children's hospital network but could you add awareness of organ donation to your list and host a special race event complete with thrill show in my memory and hope?
A invitational, across all series, fan voting, 30 drivers same car, skills will be showcased, road course is preferred, that's what I enjoyed watch the most and I wanted to grow up and race you.
I know you may not be able to race much any more, that was a really bad wreck, my whole family was there thanks to the tickets you gave us all, I don't know why you never till people, it could inspire other fans to make a difference like you, you could hashtag something like take the #Moosechallage or #Donateyouragebirthday just to suggest a few.
My point is is my gut feeling is right, why not go from driver to planner? Become a race event coordinator and host a series of invitationals around the world, hope belongs to everyone and many hospitals like ours needs help, you gave me and my friends hope, toys, tickets and most of all you hang out with us, gave us prayers and hugs as needed you gave us encouragement.
Shift gears and inspire more to be like you, be the change you want to see in this world, and mention me so in some way I am a part of that change, that I can not make any more in human form, but these parting words my family is typing for me.
It's all here on the rest of the files on the flash drive, with your connections I know you can do it.
Sincerely your fan Daniel. Thanks again for being a part of my life.
This package they threw together from my visit before heading upstairs to visit Amber and her Mom to me having a feeling I needed to be back with the kids, this was detailed like a professional.
When it isn't so fresh I will ask exactly want illness he had and help promote the awareness as requested but first we all need to grieve, to feel sad and angry, this amazing boy who loved life, who I would've enjoyed helping into the racing community and with these plans will do a invitational with.
The downside to the death of a fan like Daniel, I am feeling some overwhelming survivor's quilt, why did I live and not him, and if that was after a transplant you know a family out there is mourning a loss of a loved one, will they grieve again when they learn the recipient died too and the staff, how much they care, losing patients at any age is hard but kids like him, a sweetheart, kind, polite, compassionate and there for the other kids, why me? why am I still here? Do I make a big enough difference to be worthy? If not then my mission to be worthy starts here, for Daniel's Dream Invitational.
It's time to go home and hope Amber's mom can hold on longer, I feel I need to be here for her, I can't help any one if I don't get some rest.
Getting home was a blur, even dad seems drained, we both seem to just head to bed.
The shower feels cold, I can't stand to be in it very long, so I dry of fast put on pajama pants and get into my warm bed, yet it was a restless sleep, full of tossing and turning, to the point, I started to journal to release my feelings, it helped a little but still felt exhausted on all levels of being.
Daniel's suggested logo designs race in my head, it's like I see the event happening in front of me. I turn back to the journal and write which logo I am leaning towards with a few improvement points and the graphics designer on our race team who can do it, Norman is the best, I hope he agrees to my suggestions because I feel that is the way Daniel invisioned it.
I make a list of contacts, I feel a few pages with extra ideas, Dream Come True essays could some how be a lead up event, maybe help more people, I wrote 5 pages maybe a couple more before yawning and started to drooze off at my chair and desk.
I barely make it back to bed before a deep sleep, I smiled as it was a sweet dream, Mom and Daniel at the invitational smiling and laughing, loving it and proud, "Good job" said together, "I'm sorry, that you didn't get more time" I am crying in dream and real, "Hope you really feel how deeply sorry I am, and that these starts to honor you and others, that bond us in grief but truly bind us in hope and love."
"We do, Our Creator, knows to" that is when I work up and started to over analyzing the dream, the saying.
I do my daily laps, in a daze feeling a mix of emotions and still some what exhausted, not sure how hungry I am so I head up stairs and get dressed, journal my feelings more, then head back down stairs, Dad's making pancakes.
"Dad? Do I appreciate you enough? tell you enough?.." he cuts me off with "Yes son I know, you love me and appreciate what I do and yes Mom knew too, you have always made us proud, with out seeing it, whatever it is on that flash drive I am in"
"Awesome, thanks Dad"
"Love You Always Son"