It's funny how deceiving the heavens can be. When you want something you want to keep....they will try their everything to reap it away from you. Leaving you broken and sad. And when you've finally moved on and happy....something will happen that will somehow confuse you. Just like what happened at the garden a while ago.
I wasn't attentive at the party anymore. My mind is somewhere else far away from here. I know that somehow what happened at the garden woke up some of my most hidden thoughts and forbidden feelings within me. That I know shouldn't happen. This is so wrong in so many ways.
My head is slowly starting to hurt from overthinking. Is it? Or maybe because the past few days had been so stressful.
Breathe Belia! Breathe! Stop thinking! Breathe!
I focused on my breathing....not letting the thoughts distract me.
Feeling calm now, I stop thinking about it. It'll only just hurt me more if I will dwell on it. I opened my purse to check if I brought my pain relievers. Seeing that it was there, I secretly get two pills then secretly put it in to my mouth then I drink my water.
It was very late when the party was over. My parents stayed a little bit longer while I excused myself and proceeded to my hotel room up at the 45th floor after I took the pills. I was anxious that it might come back that's why I went out first.
Standing and waiting inside the elevator my mind starts to wander. I wonder why he said all those things? Had he gone mad? I'm mad at him for saying those things! How dare him say it when at the first place he was the one who cheated and the who broke what we had! I should've have known that he was like this.
I should avoid him at all cost! If I want a peaceful remaining days of my life I should stop this madness! I have a lot of things to prioritize more than him too.
Sitting at the balcony here at my suite I watch the city lights twinkle like the stars from above. Can't you believe it that you can still find beauty in this chaotic world. The loud horns coming from the cars... the loud music coming from the clubs. It's amazing how lively the city looks like during this time. Amazing to know that somehow in every chaotic and dangerous place there's still a little bit of beauty within if you just try to see every direction of it.
The cold breeze of December is finally here and I'm loving it! I fixed my hair in a tight bun as the cold wind sways my long brown hair.
I should go to the mall tomorrow have a relaxing day. Go to the spa or buy things that I love. I should start doing the things I scribbled on my notebook. I should not stay inside my comfort zone and just mope around. I should explore more. I thought to myself.
I once told that once you achieve your dreams, have the financial stability you so want in life will give you happiness. Yes it does! But just for a little while. It doesn't give you the genuine happiness that yourself deserves.
In achieving your dreams, you sacrifice a lot of things. You lose some of your closest friends on your way to your success. You compromise a lot in order for you to succeed. You focus your time doing all those big things that you forget to do the small things. All you ever do is appreciate those big things that you tend to forget that there are those small things around you that will somehow give you the truest form of happiness you want.
That's what I did. I forgot to appreciate time and fun. I focused my whole life achieving success thinking that I still have a lifetime to enjoy it. But the heavens deceived me. They reap me my lifetime and gave me less than a year to live. Too cruel but that's my reality.
I should've said yes to my friends when they invite me to their parties. I should've travel to enjoy and not to attend some business meetings. I should've....Oh geezz!! Here you are again Belia blaming yourself. There's nothing you can do but to accept your fate. You can't turn back time. This is what you have, you should accept it now.
The one thing that I did not regret doing is writing those books. It was my escape to this reality. Creating different characters carrying your should've beens of your life. Deciding their fate and destiny. Writing gave me the power to decide and make one's life and destiny. It's like I'm one of those in the heavens who decide our fate.
I laughed at my thought. Gosh! Belia! What a weird thinking you have!
Ignoring all the stares I get from these people here inside the mall I hold on to my shopping bags and went inside Louis Vuitton shop. Finally! I can cross one item from my to do list. Spending a day on the mall and go shopping on my own.
I woke up very late a while ago. I had my brunch at a restaurant outside my hotel and went directly here at one of the malls here at BGC. I never do shopping before. Or maybe I've tried it one time with my mama but I never tried it doing on my own. I usually ask my secretary to buy my clothes. She knows what my likes are and since she started shopping for me, I had no problems with it.
I am wearing a very casual outfit too for today. Unlike my usual go to outfits like suits or formal attires...I am currently wearing a denim shorts, plain white cotton shirt and a Gucci sandal. I also didn't put too much make up on..just a powder and a lip tint and I'm good with it.
This day will be just about me! Me buying bags, clothes, shoes..going to the spa....go to a salon for my hair and my nails. Today will be just about doing the normal things.
I decided to go inside the salon for my hair treatment after I bought from Louis Vuitton shop before I drop of my shopping bags. Both my hands are holding shopping bags from different shops.
I was greeted by their staffs when I went inside.
"Belia! It's been a long time since you personally visited my salon!" My friend Michael or should I say Michel, the owner of this salon said to me.
"My gosh! Michel! You're still annoying as ever!" I rolled my eyes at her.
"I just missed my friend!"
She escorted me to her VIP room.
"What have you been up to lately Belia? It's very unusual for you to do normal things like this." he said emphasizing the normal things.
"I just want to destress Michel. And I just want to try doing this too."
"Well then if you want to enjoy...can I invite you to a party this Wednesday?"
Wednesday? It's a working day but maybe I can do something about it.
"I'll try. Just text me the details. I'll check on my schedule first." I said to him before settling myself inside the VIP room.
"Whoa! Really?" He looks surprised with what I said.
"Yeah....Stop doing that weird face. You are just being dramatic and overreacting!" I jokingly slapped his shoulders.
"I am not being dramatic or whatsoever. This is so not you. I thought you would say that 'I can't, I'm too busy' or 'Sorry maybe next time'. Which by the way never happens. "
I just ignore her ranting about how weird I am now. Or maybe I was possessed or something. I grab a magazine for me to read while someone is fixing with my nails. I can still hear my friend saying 'miracles do happen' before going out of the room.
Am I not that sociable with them? Maybe I am. I never had to do stuffs when I was still in college. My friends usually go to places every Friday or every after major exams to have some fun. While I on the other hand, I usually just stay at our home, watch movies, chill at the pool or go to my studio and write.
More so after what happened to me before, after the break up, I stayed at our home and isolate myself with work. After the stunt I did at our home, I got traumatize. That's why I swore that I'll never let myself get drunk.
I am currently sitting at a restaurant still here at BGC. Enjoying a peaceful dinner by myself. After my shopping spree and my pampering self agenda this afternoon.....I went home first to drop my bags before coming here for my dinner reservation.
It was tiring doing all those things by myself but I am enjoying it and I'm learning little things about me. And it surprises me that I still don't know myself very well.
I was busy looking at my surroundings when I saw a person coming inside the restaurant. Why on earth is he here? Is the world getting smaller? I asked myself.
Pretending that I did not saw him, I just stared outside the window of this restaurant. Maybe he did not saw me here. Maybe this was all just a coincident and he's here to meet someone. Gosh Belia! You're paranoid again.
My attention was caught by the sound of the dragging of the chair in front of me. No! It can be! Please tell me it's not him! Shit!
When I look at the person in front of me, Bastien is here! He's definitely here! I couldn't help myself but snap at him.
"So you're my stalker now eh?"
"Hello to you too Belle!" he mockingly said at me.
The hell with this guy! The nerve of him to smirk at me! Unbelievable!
I rolled my eyes at him. I've been doing this a lot lately.
"So are you waiting for someone Belle?"
"Yes! So?" still glaring at him. Though he's expression turned dark after what I said. From the smirk he had it turned dark stare and his lips are in a grim line.
"You're waiting? Where is he? Why did he let you wait for him?"
As if it's his business whether I'm meeting someone or not.....but on a second thought....Hmmm....I might play with him tonight.
"Yeah. He's still coming and I got excited when he told me we can have our dinner together."
I smiled at him. Feeling amused by his irritated look. He's cold eyes are back like the ones I saw at the club during our reunion.
"Oh why are you looking at me like that now?" I teased him. Hahahaha....It's payback time Bastien!
He was silent as the minute goes by. We were both silent until it was interrupted by the sound of my ringtone. I never been so excited ever when someone calls me but tonight might be the first. I quickly answered it.
"Hello!" I exclaimed.
"Wow! Hello to you too Lia!"
From the sound of it, it looks like Dean is calling me just on the right time.
"Dean, what's up?" I asked.
"Hmmm....what's with my Lia tonight? You sound so excited and chirpy tonight.
"I am excited!"
I heard Dean laugh on the other line. While I was listening to Dean, I can feel the dark aura coming from the person in front of me even without me looking at him.
"I am free for tonight. Where are you? Can we meet tonight?"
"Yes, sure we can. I'll text you where, okay?"
"Okay Lia. I'll wait for your text." he said then chuckled.
I laughed after the line cut off. I sounded so weird and off. I glanced at the person in front of me and smiled.
"It looks like I have to go now. Goodbye Mr. Ciervo"
I stood up and left the restaurant without looking back at him.