My mind went blank as I hear Dr. Duazo's words. My heart hurt and I find it hard to breathe.
"Lia, I'm sorry to say this but there's nothing else we can do. The more frequent your attacks will be, the less your pain reliever medicines will be effective."
Why??....
"As you can see here, this part of your brain is slowly deteriorating. More damaged cells are occurring everytime you drink your medicines. And I can't even tell you to stop drinking it because you might not be able to endure the pain and somehow can affect your heart, you'll go into cardiac arrest."
I'm going to die....and there's nothing we can do. Even my pain relievers are killing me. There's no escape from this. This is my destiny.
"I've already called a friend of mine at the US to check on your case to see what he can do with it since he's also an expert to it. But he still haven't replied on me yet."
I'm going to die....
That's what's on keep on ringing inside my mind when Dr. Duazo told me all of those information. I came here hoping for some good news. But luck isn't on my side right now. The walls in my heart shattered into pieces as I hear him explain my condition.
I am a hopeless case. I--I get it I am going to die very soon.
I wiped all the tears and focus more on every details Dr. Duazo is telling me.
"Lia, I can only advice you to stop doing stressful works and avoid any strong emotions that can somehow affect you too much."
"I-I understand doc. How much time left do I have doc?"
"I'm afraid to say this but your condition is ticking your clock at its fastest rate. I'm sorry but you only have approximately around two to three months left if I'm not mistaken. I'm sorry about this Lia. I wish I could help you." she held my hand, as if it could sweep all the fears away inside of me now.
"Well, I guess, I'm still lucky to have that much time left doc." I said trying my best to make the conversation bright. I tried to smile at her.
She's intently looking at me now. She's trying to read what's on my mind. Her eyes are full of questions. Maybe because of my sudden bravery with my last statement.
I don't want to give in. I will bleed more if I'll see pity in her eyes.
"Just text or call me doc if there's any news about your friend. Thank you very much for your help."
I grab my bag and went out from her office. Instead of going back to my car, I went and look for a comfort room and when I saw the sign that it was located at the left wing of this clinic, I went inside and locked myself inside a cubicle.
I closed the cover of the bowl, sprayed some alcohol on it before sitting down. There I poured out all my frustrations, all of my fears and anxiety inside that cubicle.
How can the heavens be this cruel to me?
I don't deserve this!
Or maybe I'm just this unlucky huh?
I silently weep and cry by myself. I have no one else to talk to about my condition and I don't want anyone else to find out about it. It's confusing right? I want someone to talk to about my condition but at the same time I don't want anybody to know about this. They'll feel sad and they'll start to feel pity on me. Or they'll say things like everything's going to be okay when I know it's far from it. I don't want to hear false positivity just to uplift what I'm feeling because I know it will never help me.
Feeling calm after almost an hour, I went out and washed my hands. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I look like a mess. Bloodshot puffy eyes. Big bullets of sweat around my neck. My hair is messy with all the crying. Tear stains on my cheeks. My face definitely screams disaster.
I turn on the faucet and wash my face. I grab a tissue and wipe it all over my face. Erasing all the evidence from the pity party I had a while ago. I open my bag and get my make up for a retouch. Leaving no trace behind from all the crying I did.
I went out and drive myself to my office. My life goes on even if everything is shitty right now. Even when it's starting to go down. The cruelty of my reality can't stop me from doing all of my responsibilities.
I was greeted by all of the employees when I arrive. I went immediately inside my private elevator where my secretary is waiting for me.
Tailing behind me, she informed me about all the things to be done just for today.
My remaining morning hours were spent inside my office. Checking and analyzing all of the proposals and the possible new investments. I busied myself and just forget about all the things I heard at the clinic.
I know it's bad to runaway from the truth but I need this right now.
I was disturbed with a knock on my door. I waited and watched my door open. There I saw my secretary holding a flower and a paper bag.
"Miss, a delivery for you miss."
I glanced at the things she brought when she put it on my round table inside my office.
"Where is it from?.."
I saw her scratched her back. She looks confused.
"There was no indication to where it came from miss...."
She was looking at me nervously while I stared at her.
"Ok. You can just leave it there and you can go back to work now."
After she left. I sighed and stood up. I grab the bouquet. Sunflowers. My favorite flowers. Hmmmm...smells so nice. I look for a letter or any but there was none. Maybe this was from Dean? I should text him right now.
"Thank you for these flowers." I clicked the send button and then closed my phone.
I put down the flower and open the paper bag. There were three containers that contains food in it. I brought it all outside and saw that there was a note underneath the paper bag.
"Don't starve yourself."
I read the note twice. I open the containers. I was overwhelmed with how the food smell so good. My stomach grumbles at the sight of it. I look at my watch and saw that lunch break is nearly over. I want to eat this. This looks so delicious.
I was about dig in on the food when my phone rung. I saw that it was Dean who called.
"Good morning Lia. What flowers were you talking about? As much as I want to send or give you, I'd rather do it personally."
So it's not from him?
"Oh..I--I thought it's from you. I'm sorry Dean."
I heard him sigh.
"Are you okay?" I asked. I can't help it but ask him if he was okay.
"Yeah..."
"You don't sound okay Dean. You can tell me. We're friends right? I'm here."
I heard him sigh again. Maybe he has some problems too or maybe he's tired from all his schedules. I heard he's very in demand in the industry that's why he's schedules are always full. He's a rising star on his industry.
"Maybe next time, Lia. Can we meet after this trip I'm going to?"
"Where are you going?"
"Cebu. I have a shoot over there."
"Oh. I see. You take care of yourself there Dean. And don't forget about my souvenirs."
I heard him chuckle on the other line.
"You take care too Lia."
I called my secretary through my intercom.
"I need you to throw this away."
"Bu-but.." not waiting for her to finish.
"If you want it then you can have it. I need you to find where this came from. And also call the usual restaurant for my lunch." I said sternly at her.
My secretary looked hesitant but obeyed my orders. I can't just eat it. It might contain poison. Anyway, I went back to my table and sat on my swivel chair. I open the blinds behind me and turn my chair around and look at the view outside from my office.
I massage my temple. My head is starting to throb. It maybe because I haven't eaten anything since this morning. I need to finish everything for this week so that I can take my vacation.
My whole afternoon was full of different meetings from different departments. I raised my hand as a sign of dismissing my last meeting for today.
When everyone was out, I stretched my arms upward. I had a very long and tiring day. So far so good. I didn't have any attacks today just some mild throbbing on my temple but nothing else.
A while ago after taking a break after my late lunch, I searched online the different healthy ways that I neglected on doing but now I ought to do it.
It may seemed to be too late now but maybe there is still a chance though...
The next morning, my secretary brought me another set of flowers accompanied with some chocolates. Still no indication where it came from. Unlike yesterday, today the note says, " bittersweet us".... I cringed at that. It sounds corny. I crumple the paper and toss it on my trash bin. I also gave the chocolates to my secretary.
I also told my secretary to never accept anything from anyone.
Maybe I am assuming things but I kind of think that he's probably the one sending me all of this. But we never know. Gosh! Belia! You sound pathetic!
I said I don't want to ever think about what happened to us during our last meeting but I can't help but feel a little bit sad.
I know I blurt all those things but I felt sad because I also considered him as one of my treasured person but stop it Belia!....don't do it!! You're crossing the line!
Never heard anything from him after that night. Never even saw him. Maybe he went back to the States?.. or duuhh!! You should not care at all self!
I watched my reflection as I combed my hair. Today is Wednesday and that means that today or rather let say tonight is the party Michel once told me.
I decided to join last minute. I went home early from work. Knowing that my parents went abroad for their one week trip around Europe, I decided to join the party rather than stay here at home. It'll only just let me overthink things.
I wore a black spaghetti strap cocktail dress I partnered it with a black Prada shoes and I'm ready to go. I went for a dark make up look for tonight and just decided to just let my hair hung with its normal waves of curls.
I grab my purse and went downstairs to go to the car that's waiting for me outside. I decided not to drive tonight and just have my driver to accompany me. I'm going to have fun tonight!
I arrived at the club where the party will be. I went inside. I was welcome with the loud sound of the music and bass, the smell of alcohols mix with the strong scent of perfumes and cigarettes. I scratch my nose. I went further inside and saw...familiar faces. I look around and there I saw Agnese. I went to where she is. The look on her face when she saw me was priceless. She looks shock and surprise. She squealed and run towards me and embraced me.
"My, my, my, what a surprise Lia!" She said. Her breath smells tequila. I guess she arrived early.
"Get your hands off of me Agnese. You stink!." I smirked at her.
Funny that after I said that she move away from me and sniff herself. She angrily looked at me.
"I am not!"
I just laughed at her.
I sat down beside her. She offered me tequila and I gladly accepted it. I decided that tonight will be just being me getting loose and just having fun.
I was told to never drink but knowing that even my pain reliever medicines wouldn't take away my pain and heal my disease, then I should drink. It is never too late to rebel against the precautions.
I drank the tequila straight up, sip on some lemon and put some salt of my mouth. Two more shots and I find myself enjoy and not regretting my decision to come here.
Agnese is talking loudly about how her father is trying to push her to go to the blind dates set up for her.
"I can't believe that my dad would actually do this to me!"
I just listened to all her curse about the right age blah blah marriage blah blah.....
I drink all the drinks that are coming to me. Agnese looked at me.
"Woah! Are you poisoning yourself Lia?..."
Instead of answering her, I drink another shot.
"What's the problem Lia? Come on you can tell me. Is this about work? Your ex? Or anything?..."
I looked at her coldly. If you only knew Agnese...if only you knew....
Feeling a little bit hot with all the drinks I drank, I find myself wanting to dance.
"Come on Agnese let's dance!"
She looked at me like I had grown some weird thing on my face. One last shot and we went to the dancefloor.
I pushed someone's shoulder just to go in the middle of the dance floor. Not minding all the sweats sticking on my body, I dance and dance like I never danced before.
I look around and I can't find Agnese maybe she went back to our table. Oh well....I sway my hips with every beat the DJ makes. The tequila is controlling my body and I'm loving it.
Someone grab my waist and danced with me. Hmmm...he looks handsome and he smells like mints. I love it. I held on to his shoulders and we danced.
Who are you stranger? Why so handsome? He looks at me darkly. Hmmm...I touched his face. I can't seem to focus because of the lights inside the club and my eyes are blurry maybe because I'm feeling a little bit tipsy. I rested my head on his chest as we dance slowly. Feeling so tired and I'm dizzy right now. He hugged me tightly. Protecting me from the other people dancing here at the dancefloor.
Oh the irony...the beat is fast however we are slow dancing with it.
"Let's go out from here..." he whispered to my ear. He sounds like he's singing me a lullaby.
When I was young I was taught to never talk to a stranger but here I am feeling so comfortable with him. I nodded my head in response.
He wrapped me in his arms, guiding me outside the club.