I was 13 when I had my first boyfriend, he was really amazing, I was shy around boys at the beginning of my 6th Grade and around my 8th Grade year, I was with 2 of my friends you know casually and it was 2015 when it happened, I was recently diagnosed with depression, self harming and eating disorder, I have been trying to recover from it by going to Therapy for a while now which it kinda doesn't work, but I'm just going to make my mother feel better. It was after school, this boy came up to me and started talking to me then he said,"Oh yeah and I like you" I stood there completely shocked like I didn't know what to say, I was speechless and again I didn't know what to say, so he walked away after I said that I need to think about it and a couple days later, it was around the same time, after school and before he was about to get on the bus, I was hesitating to tell him because I was only 13, I didn't know how to tell him, I was incredibly shy. He was walking away and I ran to him telling him that I liked him then walked back to my friends shaking like a chihuahua on the inside because I didn't even get a chance to see the look on his face, we didn't get to talk about it and again, I was only 13, everything was new to me and it was a rush doing that, literally and figuratively,"Sabrina, how'd it go"
"I have no idea, I don't know if he still likes me" So when I went back to my house, as I got on the bus with one of my friends, Maddy, she told me about this boy, Mychael that she likes and he has a girlfriend, so that's always a bummer when the guy you like and he has a girlfriend and of course when you're 13, there's nothing you can do about it except to just deal with the constant agonizing pain that grows and eventually when you get older, you learn to go through it, of course I didn't know it then, but we'll get to that. I threw my bag on the floor and opened up Facebook
Facebook Conversation
So you told me that you liked me, is that true
Yeah it's true
Do you wanna go out with me
Yeah
Cool
Facebook Conversation Ended
The next day, I had instant butterflies when I saw him walking towards me, we had our lockers next to each other, we sat next to each other in Study hall, it was perfect for me and during the weekends, we spent time with each other, we went to the park together, well I thought that it was gonna be our time alone, but he ended up bringing his friends along with us which was disappointing for me at first until I got to know his friends which weren't all that bad, his little brother was actually fun to talk to when my boyfriend, Tristan went with his friends to get something for us to drink, but another one of his friends stayed behind, I never got a chance to know what his name was until at the end of the day, his name was Miles, he was really sweet, even though he had a stuttering problem, but I managed to piece things together with him. So a week later, my boyfriend invited to come to a festival with him and so I accepted to come with him.
So the festival wasn't all that bad, I mean it was new, I never really went to one, but other than that, it was really fun. We walked around, looked at some weird ass things, it was fun though' my mother approved of him thank god, Tristan was an amazing boyfriend, but then he started planning our future at 13 years old, that freaked me out like a lot, we weren't even together for a week and he was already planning our so-called future, honestly I didn't want to break his heart, so I ended up going along with it, well what can you expect from a 13 year old girl? So Miles and I did talk a little more, he was really nice, really laid back, his parents just let him do whatever he wanted, except he doesn't do a whole lot, well not anymore anyway, he told me that he lost his virginity to a girl older than him, it wasn't really my place to hear about that, but at least he was honest, that was one of good qualities about him. I think around him, I felt like I was able to be myself, but around Tristan, I feel like I have to be this 13 year old girl that is currently planning her wedding with a boy that isn't even old enough to have a low voice and doesn't have the hormones kicked in yet, hey I'm just saying here. "Sabrina, I know you're Bi, but I don't want you to kiss another girl"
"Tristan, I wouldn't do that, you're my boyfriend" He asked for a kiss, it was only a peck, he wouldn't even let me be around my friends, he was so afraid that I was gonna make out with another girl, even I told Miles that and he said it was stupid, he knew that we kissed, but I didn't want to tell him that it didn't feel right, it was like a kiss that you'd only kiss your grandmother, anyways he eventually became my confidante, but there was a reason why he gained my trust and I knew because I didn't want to let go my best guy friend: He had a crush on me, I'll be honest here, even then I knew that he wasn't gonna be in my future like beyond High School, maybe I just wanted to enjoy what time I had with him, even if he became one of those guys that blocked out his relationships for his current girlfriend, I still wouldn't forget him.
He confessed his feelings to me and you know what? I thought fuck it, so I said the same thing to him and that time, Tristan was grounded and I assumed that his parents took his phone away. But Miles and I spent the entire day together, he was extremely chivalrous, I knew that he would be a great husband someday, yes yes I know what you're thinking: You're only 13, it's not going to last. Maybe deep inside I knew, I was only naive to hear of it, he was my bad boy and I loved it, he broke the rules for me, I broke the rules for him, we wanted to be together, it felt like it was one of those relationships that could last for a long time because he was so gentle, so kind, humorous, he was my first kiss, my first real kiss, it was locking lips and then a french kiss. It send me tingles down to my legs, my heart was pounding like crazy, my entire body froze with just extreme excitement, it was like….euphoria, but the story behind it was amusing. He was walking me back to my house,"So that kiss with Tristan, how was it?"
"It was bad"
"Really?"
"Uh huh"
"Well do you want to kiss now?" We stopped for a second, the moon was out and the stars were shining bright, it felt perfect, of course my inexperienced ass had to ruin it, our faces got close, he had his tongue out and my lips were closed, we pulled away,"I'm sorry"
"It's okay, have you ever french kissed though?" I shook my head,"We can try, do you want to Sabrina?" I was scared at first, I was really, but when he put his arms around me and I had his jacket on, that...was when everything went to a whole new place. I blushed like crazy and it was amazing, my mother was wondering about Tristan, but she also knew that he was only temporary, but she did like Miles. It was the most amazing day with him, but the problem was the next day which was school
Tristan flipped out on him and I, he was harassing us,"My mom grounded me, but you still could've texted me. Can't believe that you went behind my back, dating my best friend and you french kissed him" He brought his posse for this while Miles and I were just sitting there thinking it was pointless since he was trying to pick a fight with him over me, Miles was trying to keep the situation under control, so we spent the day being with each other alone and avoiding the posse, but during lunch was gonna be difficult since we had different lunch periods, so Tristan harassed me with my friends as well, I was ignoring him because I didn't want to make it worse,"He's going to break your heart!" Like you wouldn't? At that age, I didn't care because I knew that it was going to hurt me that much like at all, so Miles and I ended up being closer than ever because back then, the buses never exactly kept track of the kids that got on as long as they got home and shockingly, my stop was close with Miles' stop, so he brought his skateboard, I brought him home when my mother was home of course, but it wasn't like I was gonna take him into my room. We did watch movies, more like Final Destination 3, but he was into horror movies which is one of the main qualities I look for in a guy, we made out yes and it always felt like it was the first time, but a little more better. Every day with him was a dream, he even made it feel like one as well, he was….a fantasy, every time he talked, I always loved the sound of his voice, even though he had a lisp, but I accepted that; every time he smiled, it was a gift to see someone I loved then smile like an angel, he always seemed to make all my troubles go away; every time he held my hand, he seemed to make everything in the world go away and it was just the two of us right there in the moment, I didn't have the words then, but I do now. He was my Johnnie Guilbert
Miles, you were my first boyfriend, my first love and I don't think anyone can change that, not even the boys, girls, men and women that I'll be with in the future. Even though you seemed to forget about us, but there's an obvious reason about that and I'm willing to accept that because maybe I didn't matter to you as much you did for me or maybe we were just a Middle School Relationship, but you know what? That's okay and I'm sure whoever that you're with as of this moment, whether it's in High School or College or who you're getting married to, they'll love you more than I did. I just want to say thank you, for getting me out of a bad relationship, for giving me hope that guys like you don't just belong on TV. You did break my heart, you did, but that also meant that I really did care about you, I just wished I could've done better in our relationship, but then again, we were only 13. I just want to say thank you Miles