Who was I before? I was in the womb of my mother before 9/11, frankly she never did tell me that much about it until I was 11 years old and as time went on, I started getting these familiar feelings that wasn't mine to begin with, now here I am as a Senior slowly trying to find my purpose so I can continue with this life and find closure. In order to do that, I would have to go back and find who I was before.
Chapter One•The Kid
I don't exactly know who I was before or what drove me to drugs, but I know what happened and what I did to myself was terrible, so this is my story well from my past life, I'm guessing on account of the flashbacks. When I was a child, I remember my parents constantly fighting to the point that I would stay in my closet, I remember having a brother named Jim, he never really helped me with anything really. I remember spending my childhood in fear and when I ran, it felt like I could run anywhere, one thing that somehow helped me get through it was listening to The Beatles or The Eagles on my Cassette player. I wanna say that maybe I was your average girl born in the 70s, Middle School going into high school, but before I was shy. I didn't know how to exactly talk to people since I was very closed in as a child, I never really talked to anyone because I was taught about social skills, guess that carried on into this life right, shocker there. Anyways, this film, The Shining came out then, that was when I knew that I wanted to be an actress for horror movies, but all that changed when I didn't get a part in a play when I was 10 years old, so I just gave up and continued on with life. I remember when Saturday Night Fever was hot during the late 70s, every girl was screaming for John Travolta because then, he was our Christian Slater, hell even I had a massive crush on Christian too. I dreamed of the day to dance with John in that club, he looked like an angel on that disco floor, it was like he could dance on the clouds of the dance floors in heaven and the angels would beg to wanna dance with him all night long and all day, at that time when I told my mother, she laughed at my dream then because she said by then, dance would be out and obesity would set in. I was only 8 years old and I was terrified of gaining weight, so I would do exercise videos and a year later, Grease was a hot new musical with John Travolta and Jeff Conoway, John was a step closer to Elvis Presley and that was what made him dreamy. At that time, I wanted a guy who was going to sweep me off my feet, a bad boy who was gonna be up for absolutely anything that was gonna get us in trouble but we wouldn't have to worry about it as long as we were sneaky enough. I believe as a child, I never really did much except watching TV which we didn't have cable, so we just ended up renting movies which is exhausting and some of the time, we didn't even have movies to rent, so it was just home videos and they were god awful boring. When I went up to Middle school, that was the beginning of my hell years began.
I didn't talk to anyone in my 6th Grade year, I guess what the teachers called it was severe anxiety, today it would just be considered anxiety, they were trying to figure out on how I can cope with this, their first thought was to take medication to keep my anxiety down before I go into shock. When my mother found out, she was not very happy with it, but she also knew that if she got mad at me for it, it would just make everything worse, you see I was only a kid, I was only trying to find my way through life and especially how to cope with shit like this then. Basically when you're a pre-teen and headed off to middle school, it'll feel like you're being thrown with the sharks when really….you're just in the pond of fishes with nowhere to go, but to get picked off one by one as soon as you go to High School, but we're not gonna head there just yet. Let's say New York is the worst place to grow up, especially when you're on the borderline of the bad side and the good side, and do you wanna know what my name used to be? You can't know because even I don't know, but my name currently is Sabrina Jensen-Radcliffe, but normally I go by Sabrina Jensen and I live in Seattle, Washington.