Wedding days are usually the days most brides are stressed about. Simply because they want everything to go perfectly for them, never mind the groom. It's all about making the bride happy. Right?
But Selene? She was indifferent and just wanted to be done with it all. As her maids fussed over her trunk chests, they hurriedly yet neatly folded vital garments knowing when she would arrive at Mu a new set of clothes would be tailored for her. All of which would be the attire of the royal family of Mu.
Despite the abuzz, her thoughts drifted far from the preparations of the day and settled on a quiet place where images of Andreas didn't exist. Where her sense of duty didn't suffocate her. A place where she could feign ignorance.
Her two wedding outfits were hung on wooden stands before her. One was a flowing white and gold wedding dress with layers upon layers of fabric carefully arranged to drape around her. The dress was exquisite, every inch of it shimmered with golden threads and stones in ornate patterns.
It had no sleeves which left her shoulders bare with a long cape that trailed behind, it would surely sweep the ground. Just by looking at it, she knew she would look absolutely divine in it.
Her eyes swept over to the other dress, a red royal hanbok woven with intricate golden designs, it looked and felt exotic and oh so foreign. She couldn't help but reach out and run her fingers over the fabric.
It was unlike anything she had ever worn; modest yet richly detailed that it took her breath away.
The material was soft and fluid under her touch, it seemed to be designed to move like water and would make the wearer look gracious. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she admired the delicate craftsmanship and wondered how her seamstress had managed to pull it off.
"Tell my seamstress she did a wonderful job with the hanbok. It's very modest but still so beautiful. I really like it," her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke but they still heard her.
One of her maids stepped forward and bowed her head. "The dress was brought from Mu, your Majesty. The prince gave it to us yesterday after the dinner."
Selene's brows shot up with surprise that broke through her stoic expression. She hadn't expected this. "And he gave us this as well your Highness." Another maid stepped forward and presented a finely crafted wooden box.
Selene didn't take it from her hand but carefully flipped it open. It revealed a golden headpiece that was unlike anything she had seen before. It looked delicate yet strong to the touch.
She couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt.
How thoughtful of him to send these gifts but here she was rushing thoughtlessly.
A marriage she had pushed forward specifically for her selfish desperate need to escape.
But she had to escape Arcadia, escape her father's rule and escape the pain Andreas wedged into her heart.
Perhaps if she hadn't met Andreas, maybe if she hadn't let herself fall for him like a fool.
Then maybe, just maybe, she would have looked forward to taking her time to get to know Prince Kang Dae. There's something about him that made her believe if her heart weren't occupied she'd have been genuinely interested him.
Instead, here she was using this union as a damn shield as a way to hide from her own pain.
With a flick of her wrist, Selene signaled for her now empty plates to be cleared away while she chewed on some mint leaves. She had eaten her fill even though the food had tasted like ash in her mouth.
To her it was merely another day of duty, she had to take another step toward a life she had no control over.
Last night, after Sameer left her room, she had collapsed into bed and sleep claimed her almost immediately. Perhaps it was because she had already exhausted herself with thoughts and tears of Andreas or perhaps it was because she had nothing left to give.
Despite her somewhat detached demeanor, the morning sun was bright as it streamed through the large windows of her chambers. It casted long shadows across the floor. She could faintly hear the bustling noise from the palace and the distant hum of excitement that came from the city.
Arcadia was alive with the thrill of a royal wedding, it was the first in over two decades. She could almost hear the whispers that would follow her once she officially appeared before them all publicly, it would be much like the gossip she had grown up with about her own birth.
They always told strange stories of her mother marrying while already pregnant and giving birth to Selene a year later after the said wedding.
Whispers of scandal that no one dared voice above a murmur yet she heard everything loud and clear.
Despite being surrounded by her six maids who fluttered around her like nervous birds Selene felt utterly alone.
It dawned on her that she had never felt this way when Sameer was around.
Even though he was usually silent, he was someone who truly saw her beyond her title and the expectations placed on her.
With him gone, would this constant loneliness be her new reality?
Unfortunately, her thoughts drifted back to Andreas.
The heavy ache in her chest had her made the feeling of regret pull her under her sea of angst.
The room around her seemed to close in, the opulent walls and luxurious furnishings that displayed her heritage now felt more like a cage.
It all seemed to mock her.
Oh what a fool she had been! But how would she have known Andreas had only being playing her for a fool for over three years?
She sighed softly and pushed back the wave of regret that threatened to overtake her. She couldn't afford to think like that, not now.
This was her path, whether she chose it or not, it were hers to walk.
Selene's maids moved around her once she arrived in the bathroom, with the precision of long practice their hands moved gently as they worked to undress her.
The scent of jasmine and lavender filled the room and mingled with the sharp tang of incense burning in a small brazier by the window.
As she sunk into the warm bath filled with milk, lavender and olive oil, the faint beats of temple drums echoed through the walls.
A distant reminder that the world was preparing for her wedding.
While two maids worked on washing her body two more worked gently on massaging fine scented oils into her hair.
Selene sat rigid as their fingers combed through the golden strands.
The warm water spilled over her scalp and down her neck but she was still too lost in thoughts to notice.
Soon she was lifted out of the water and they began to dry her with a soft cloth.
The preparation continued, the maids' hands moving over her skin with sweet smelling oils to add a fine glow to her skin and for a moment Selene closed her eyes, letting herself drift.
The sensations were of small comfort but they couldn't chase away the storm brewing inside her. She'd thought marrying Prince Kang Dae would bring her relief.
But now, on the cusp of entering this new life, she was filled with a different kind of dread. "Am I running away from my problems only to imprison myself in another problem?" she asked within her herself as she let her mind wander.
One of the maids suddenly laid out a soft carpet before her and Selene blinked and pulled herself from her reverie. "What is this?" she asked, her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Your Majesty," the maid said gently as she bowed her head, "please lie down and open your legs. We need to prepare you for your wedding night."
A hot flush of embarrassment spread over Selene's cheeks as her heart hammered in her chest. She felt suddenly exposed and vulnerable in a way she hadn't anticipated. The reality of her impending marriage and the physical closeness it would require, crashed over her like a high wave.
Her body tensed involuntarily, her fingers curled into her palm. "What would it be like?"she wondered as her thoughts raced. "Would it hurt? Would Prince Kang Dae be kind and go gently on her?"
She remembered Andreas's words that whispered in her memory, he promised her pleasure and assured her that it would hurt a bit but she would begin to enjoy it later on.
"But Andreas had been a liar, a slimy snake. Could anything he'd said be trusted? He probably said it like that to coax into his bed."
A surge of anger mixed with fear twisted her stomach. "How could I have believed him?" she thought as her hands trembled. The idea of Andreas in bed with her made her feel sick like a bitter taste in her mouth.
She was grateful that at least she hadn't given in to him. She had been so close but something had stopped her. Was it her intuition or just luck?
Her mother's absence unexpectedly hit her then like a sharp aching void. "If only Mother were here," Selene thought as her chest tightened with a familiar pain.
Her mother could have guided her through this, she could have shared wisdom or at least some comfort. But she was alone in this just as she had been in so many things. She blinked back the tears that threatened to spill.
Her mother wasn't here to help her and she had to face this day without her.
When the maids had finished the wedding night preparations, they helped Selene to her feet. She moved like a marionette, her limbs heavy and her heart even heavier. All while they wordlessly dressed her up.
She finally caught sight of herself in the full length mirror, the layers of her wedding dress fell around her like a waterfall of white silk and gold. She was beautiful but the sight still filled her with a strange hollowness.
Her fingers lightly brushed over the intricate golden embroidery, she felt the coolness of the silk against her skin. It was a stark contrast to the heat in her face. The small loose sleeves she hadn't noticed before hung delicately around her arms.
As she stood there, her maids begun to complimented her beauty, their voices were soft and earnest and their eyes were filled with a kind of reverence. Selene's lips twitched as she tried to hold back the flood of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her.
A knock on the door broke through the maids' voices of admiration and a voice called from the other side, "Your Majesty, everyone is present at Hera's temple and they are all waiting for you to arrive to begin the ceremony."
Selene took a deep shuddering breath, her lungs burned as if she had forgotten how to breathe. "I have to be strong and be done with this," she told herself as she tried to summon the courage that always seemed to be just out of her reach.
Yet even as she thought the words, a small rebellious voice whispered in the back of her mind, it was full of doubt and yearning.
"What if I had rebelled this union? What if I hadn't been so quick to cower from my pain? Could I have found something real with Prince Kang Dae? Or perhaps someone else?"
But these were dangerous thoughts she couldn't afford to entertain for long. They were misleading. She glanced one last time at her reflection, she straightened her spine and stood a bit taller, she forced her features into the serene mask she had worn for so long.
She looked at her face like it weren't her reflection but someone else, "You're the Princess, Selene," she spoke to herself within her mind. "You can do this. You will not falter because you are a brave woman."
Once satisfied with her little confidence boost, she made her way towards the door with deliberately slow and fluid steps.
And with that, she was escorted with long line of royal guards to the temple with her heart a storm of conflicting emotions as she prepared to face the man that awaited her at the altar.