My mind can't stop replaying the event I witnessed earlier during the sun time of the day.
I can't help it, the way his body glistened with sweat, the way his face twisted in noting but pure pleasure, he looked like he was having a time of his life, he wholeheartedly agreed that he doesn't care about me, and he didn't even notice I was at the door.
Am I invisible or am I just too plain to be seen? If I had attended my lessons with the elders would I have been better? Would I have bloomed earlier? Will I ever bloom? Why am I this slim? Slim? I think I am nothing but skin on bones.
Maybe Dana is right, I should make my feelings mutual.
If he doesn't love me then why should I love him? After all, he is nothing more but my guard who had been instructed by my uncle to help me get to the foot of the mountain.
However, I want to put it I can not lie to myself, I want to bloom now I am tired of waiting, I am tired of looking like a child, I am three years of age away from being eighteen years of age. An age when a lot of wolfwomen marry the wolfman of their dreams.
At my years of age, a lot of wolfwomen already have a wolfman who is working hard to build a home for when they will marry and settle together, a place they will raise their wolfchildren together.
Meanwhile, I am here crying over a wolfman who doesn't care about me.
There must be a way to bloom quickly, a way to get my breasts bigger and round, a way to get my buttocks bigger and a way to get wider hips.
I will ask Dana if they have a medicine for it, I hope they do because in Pohjola we had no such known medicine that would make a wolfwoman bloom fast, we all naturally bloom before fifteen years of age.
Everyone except me.
I roll onto my back and look up at the roof above my head, it is painted white, the room I was given doesn't look anything like my room back at home.
At home my walls were made of kia, it has a natural sparkle that came with it, but here the walls are covered with red and white roses, it is beautiful still and makes the room smell nice. There are some wooden objects in this room that I have never seen before, so I have no name for it and I can not find words of my knowledge to describe them, however, I pulled open one and found folded clothes in it when I first stepped into the room after I was left alone.
I turn my head to my left and look out the window, I see a crescent moon hanging in the night sky surrounded by tiny sparkling stars.
Soon it would be a full moon, I would be forced to shift once more to be with Boreas and come back the following morning having nothing in my memory about the previous night.
Why must we only shift into our wolf form on the night of a full moon? Why can't we shift whenever we want? At least we would be able to defend ourselves better, maybe we could have fought those attackers, and we wouldn't be in this predicament, I am sure a lot of my people died that night, I don't know why I feel so numb about the whole ordeal, anyone would be crying right now but apparently I am so different to the point I can't cry or grieve the death of those killed. Especially Felicity.
Felicity may have not been my favourite wolfwoman, but she did take care of me, wake me up every sunrise, gets my me ready for the activities of the day, make sure I do as I am needed to and I never made it easy for her.
Now I wish I hadn't let them go, Dion and Felicity could have both died, if they both died where would I be? Probably dead too.
Even if I managed to get out alive where would I have gone? I don't know anywhere outside our borders. I wouldn't have even known where to meet my family, I would have been totally lost. Boreas! I wouldn't have known where to meet my family.
I can't continue to be this helpless, always needing another to save me, I should learn to be stronger, not just for me but also for my people.
If I were ruling I would have been such a weak Queen, who would want a weak Queen and can't defend herself? Who would want a weak ruler? A coward who runs at the sight of trouble, one who isn't serious with learning about her subjects and her land, one who lacks the knowledge of the world beyond her borders.
All the more reason I am not capable of ruling when things get back to normal I will give my crown to Troilus, he is more ruler material than I would ever be. Ruling is not for me.
Rulers are supposed to be regal in every way and wise, but I am not, even in this land their handsome king looks like one that would be ruling them right.
Ambrose looks like everything a ruler should be, and he is beyond gorgeous.
His beautiful blue eyes make me feel like he can see me for what and who I am like he can not be deceived, does that mean that he knows I am royal?
I don't even know why I am hiding my identity in the first place but it is my instinct that urges me to. I just hope I am doing the right thing by staying here a bit longer.
I didn't have it in me to say no to Ambrose, he is a king, to begin with, and refusing the request of one could lead to horrible consequences, that is how it is at home and I think it is reasonable for it to be the same here, I have the right to think so because of the way the fairy that presented me to them spoke to me.
He may have been overly rude and it wasn't called for but I understand one thing from that interaction, and that is they reverence their king and hold him in high regards.
This can only be possible if he is a very good king, and he has done so much for the people that they love him and respect him and will not tolerate anyone disrespecting him or because they fear him and would not want his wrath on them, so they are forced to respect him to avoid unnecessary punishment.
I hope it is because he is good that is where the reverence is coming from and not the latter if not I may be in big trouble if I ever refuse of him anything he requests of me.
Dana may not protect me from him if I were to ever get on his wrath directed at me, it would be best to keep away from him as much as possible, interacting with him will open doors for him to question me further, and I am not willing to lie to him, I feel like he will know.
I still don't know what they would be getting out of me staying here with them, I am not required to do anything other than be here, my companionship is all that they want. As much as I like hearing his voice I know he will ask me questions about and my identity and I am not willing to lie to him, I feel like he will know.
I still can't believe he considers me beautiful, Dana as well.
They are beyond strange, how can you want the companionship of a stranger?
"Miss please wake up, Princess Dana has requested your presence." I open my eyes and I met with a short fairy, she looks to be many years of age, probably forty or so.
When did I fall asleep? I don't remember sleeping, but my body says otherwise as it stretches on its own accord on the soft white bed.
"I'm sorry please what did you say?" I watch her as she goes to the cube-shaped wooden object on the right side of the room close to the wall, she opens it and takes out some clothes similar to the one Dana wore yesterday.
"I said that Princess Dana has asked me to fetch you for her because she has requested me to obtain your presence." Oh.
"Alright, please where do I find the bathing fountain?" She turns around to look at me like I have spewed the most bizarre thing out of my mouth, she looks at me like I am strange and doesn't know what to make of me.
I try to ignore the feeling I am getting from being looked upon in such a manner.
"There is no bathing fountain, we do not bath in our fountains." They don't bath here? How do they stay clean and not smell?
"So if you do not bath in bathing fountains how do you all get cleaned?" Her expression doesn't change and I have a strong feeling that she is looking down on me like I am an animal or something that is yet to evolve.
This causes a frown on my face, can she not hide her thought and not fully express them shamelessly on her face? Yes, I am different from their kind but that doesn't mean I am less than her, she is a maid, and I am royalty she shouldn't even be disrespecting me in such manner.
With scorn on her face, she replies, "We use bathtubs and showers, not fountains, the door on your left will lead you to the bathtub."
I get up from the bed and make my way towards the door on my left, I open the door to see a giant white bowl, some things are at the edge of one side, it looks like it is made of silver.
At the corner of the room, I see a very strange looking object that seems attached to the floor, I walk closer to it and look into it to see water in it, do they store water for drinking in here? I reach into the bowl with my hand to drink the water because I am a bit thirsty.
"Please step away from the toilet, I will show you how to use it later, but first come sit in here let me bath you." I watch her as she turns something round that is connected to the thing that looks like a silver pipe.
I suppose that is the handle, water begins to flow out of the opening and water flows into the giant bowl that the maid refers to as a bathtub.
Do all bathtub look like this?
We both stand there silently and stare at the bathtub and watch the water fill it up, I watch as she pours red rose petals into the water, OK at least that is not strange to me, we bath with flower petals.
"Alright step into the bathtub." I walk forward and I lift my leg to place into the bathtub.
"No take off your clothes first, do I have to tell you everything?" I frown at her tone and this time I don't bother to hide my distaste for her,
Are all of them this mannerless and unkind? First, it was Aoife, then the male fairy who took me to see Dana and Ambrose and now the maid that has come to get me ready for whatever day's activity Dana has planned.
Why are they being unkind to me? Have I done something that should warrant such treatment?
Nonetheless, I take I silently take off my clothes and step into the bathtub. She picks up an oval looking object, puts it in the warm water and rubs it all over my body, it creates bubbles like how our petals at home create bubbles when bathing.
That means this that the object in her hand is their soap. It must be, after all, it is serving the same purpose as the petals at home.
She rinses me off with the water in the bathtub, leaves my side and returns with a big red cloth.
"Please step out let me towel dry you."
"Huh?"
"I mean let me dry you off with this towel." She brings the fluffy cloth closer to me, so that is what they call a towel? So many strange words, but at least I am learning fast.
I let her dry my body, she then leads me back into the room and picks up a black trouser that looks like it would swallow me whole, I can not complain because this is not my home, so I stand there and let her wear me clothes that would fit my fat grandmother.
"Follow me." I let her lead me down the hall that I am beginning to grow accustomed to.
There are two guards in blue and white clothing, I believe that is their uniform. One of them opens the door for us, the maid steps into the dining room takes a bow while I stand behind her as she addresses Dana.
"Good morning your royal highnesses King Ambrose and Princess Dana, I have brought your guest."
Wait! Did she just say, King Ambrose? I thought she said it is Dana that requests for my presence?