There are days I feel like I have no words to convey my emotions to myself or others, days where I don't understand the people around me, days where I wonder if this life I live is real or is it just a figment of different dreams woven together to create this thing we call existing.
What am I living for? Why am I alive? How am I alive? From what Ambrose is describing to me it is obvious that I should be dead and not here breathing.
All of which still makes no sense to me, it simply is not possible because that is not how things are supposed to be.
"Your body system was failing drastically and we had a suspicion that seeing Dion put you into shock, you must have really loved him deeply without realizing it to react in such a manner. We had to call in our doctors but they could do nothing to help your case."
Listening to him feels like everything is a lie, I am alive and well, a little weak but alive which is contrary to what he is saying, how did I even feed?
The thing he said that shocked me the most is that I stopped breathing but my heart was beating, how can my heartbeat without breathing? Doesn't the air in my lungs help my heart to pump blood through my veins?
"I had to take drastic measures and call in a witch who practices black magic, it was with her help we were able to sustain you and keep you alive, she said it would take time for you to wake up we were just not expecting it to be this long."
"What?"
"Before you say anything, I know the rules set in place against black magic and how it is frowned upon, but I couldn't stand there and watch you slowly die, she believed it had something to do with the ritual, do you know the purpose of that ritual?" How can he ask me that? Of course, I know why we carry out that ritual.
"Yes, we take it to give us certain attributes from those animals and have them flow within our veins without much trouble, no one has ever fainted or experienced what you just described to me, I still have some doubts in me about what you are telling me but I want to hear everything you have to say." Maybe I am trying to stay here and listen to him also because of an inexplicable bond I feel I share with him, am I going mad? Am I making sense?
"This is very strange, I will like you to accompany me into my study, I want to get to the root of this, there has to be a reason for this, maybe I can find something there." I too want to get to the root of this and know what exactly is going on.
If I were with my family they would have known what to do I am sure of it, in this exact moment that is when the thought hits, and an awful realization comes to me.
"What about my family?" His face turns away from the window he had been looking out of the entire time to meet me with sad blue eyes. No, I refuse to receive any bad news, but his facial expression says it all, something is terribly wrong and I can feel it deep within my soul that the news will crush me. I pray to Boreas and Khione that I am only being paranoid for no reason.
"While you were unconscious five years ago a few weeks after you went into that state where we wondered if you were alive or dead, Dion mentioned to us of your family and something about a promise he made to take you to them at the foot of the mountain I believe." He looks as though he is thinking hard as he pauses, so I choose to clear the air for him.
"Yes, I was supposed to meet them at the foot of the mountain." I choose to ignore the mountain that is before me which is the fact that he said five years ago is gnawing and ripping my heart into shreds without even trying.
"Well, I objected to him taking you away because you are yet to wake up and what if you do when you both are alone your reaction to him could be worse, so I instructed him to go with a few of my guards to the desired location and bring your family here." He takes in a huge breath of air and he releases it heavily through his lips and I just know that I won't like what I hear next.
Regardless I sit there next to him quietly and eagerly waiting for him to deliver the blow to my heart, "He spent about two months away to return and with the news that he could find none of them, Dana said he should go back and stay longer maybe they got there earlier and left but they might return to wait for you.
So return he did, he spent five months there and came back with the same news, it was obvious that your family could not be found, so we decided to shelter you, Dion, and your wolf or canis as he calls it. I am deeply sorry but we did all we could." That's not true.
That is a big lie! It is not possible! They did not try hard enough or maybe they didn't go to the right location at the foot of the mountain.
It suddenly feels too hot to sit here, it feels like someone is drawing out the air in my lungs, this is not possible.
Wait maybe I should calm down, they are alright, maybe they are somewhere else and Ambrose meant a different location, they probably have been going to that place and maybe they thought I was still back at home and they went back for me.
Then maybe when they got home they didn't see me so they sent out search parties to find me but because I am here and because Dion went to the wrong place they thought we are dead or something and they are probably heartbroken.
My feet fly out of the bed and onto the floor with the intention of getting out of here as soon as possible to return to my home and reunite with my family.
They must have been worried sick about me if it really has been five years. I must return to them, oh poor grandmother her heart must have bled each time the wolfmen who went out to find me came back to them with negative news about my whereabouts.
Before I can fully process what is happening the moment I stand up from the bed my legs feel so weak that I fall but instead of hitting the floor in a heap of my own body, a hand holds onto mine and stops me from falling.
I look up to find Ambrose on his feet standing next to me with me in his arms, he looks genuinely confused and as I look into his eyes I find pity in them, it stirs anger from within me which causes me to rip myself away from his hold.
My body is obviously too weak to even hold its own weight so I let myself sit down on the bed with my feet touching the floor, I look up to Ambrose with fear evident on my features because only then do I realize how fast he caught me when he was only sitting on the bed which is too far to reach out and catch me.
He is also standing in front of me, it is not normal for any being to move that fast, only vampires are known to move as fast as lightning.
Not winter fairies, oh Boreas what is going on here? My breathing accelerates greatly and I feel my head begin to sound like there is a cave of kia in my head and wolfmen are digging them out of the rocks.
He makes a move to touch me once more and I unconsciously shift away from him, I realize this when I notice the sadness in his eyes, Boreas what is going on? What are all these? What is going on here?
"Aadya please don't be afraid of me."
"What are you?" He sighs audibly with his eyes closed then he opens them to look me in mine then says, "I don't know if Dana mentioned to you about our father's involvement in black magic…" He watches me carefully, probably looking for a reaction of some sorts.
When he sees that I will not say anything to him concerning the statement he just made, he continues to say, "Well, one of the special… Qualities that I obtained from those sacrifices is the speed equal to that of a vampire and I know I scared you, I didn't intend to do such a thing but I couldn't just watch you fall to the ground, I had to do something to help you."
The only response I can give is a nod with my head.
He moves to sit next to me, this time my heart rate has calmed down a bit so I let him sit next to me but I make sure to have enough space between us.
He doesn't move to close the distance between us which I am grateful for because I want to think and digest this new information properly. So technically he said that he has some abilities that should most likely be outside of the usual winter fairy ability, things that would be considered as odd to their kind.
But it doesn't mean he is any different, right? The same Ambrose I met is still the same Ambrose in front of me, the only difference is that I had just witnessed him display an ability his kind shouldn't have in the first place but he has it due to his involvement with black magic.
After all, I met him after he had become this and he seemed normal to me before.
"You have been awfully silent, what is wrong? Are you afraid of me?"
Am I afraid of him? I look at him then I shake my head as a no would be the message he would receive to the question he just asked me.
"Ok, I am glad you don't fear me and please never do."
"Ok." It came out as nothing more than a whisper through my lips.
"Where did plan to go when you stood up from the bed?" Should I say the truth? Can I trust him?
What am I saying? Of course, I can trust him or at least give him the benefit of a doubt because after all, he saved me literally.
If what he said is true and all those things happened to me then I owe him my life, so I can trust him with it, right?
"My family would be worried about me and I want to get to them as soon as possible."
"So that was why you almost flew out the bed? Please next time be careful and you can not go out to search for them." The words I heard from his mouth is that I can not go to see my parents.
"I will leave to search for them! They must be worried sick why on Mu would you say I should not go to look for my family?!"
"Because they are dead." No, I heard him wrong; I didn't hear what he said properly because that is not possible at all.
"I don't think I heard you properly, please what did you say just now?" He tries to wrap his arms around my shoulders in an embrace but I shift away from him because I don't want him to touch me.
He looks at me sadly and this only further irritates me so I find myself yelling at him, "I said what did you just say?"
His head hangs low on his shoulders as he looks away from and says words that shatter me, words I refuse to accept because it is a lie!
"Your entire family is dead."