I can't believe these stores in fucking "villages" sell mayonnaise and sour cream, guess the people of this world do have good taste after all. Packing away the beef, onion, potatoes, garlic and other ingredients of Stroganoff that cost a total of 19 silver, i heard someone calling out to me from behind. I recognize that voice belonging to Cornelia so naturally i turn around to greet her back but my words died in my throat when i see that Gozuki and the rest of the elite seven are there. Something is telling me that i wouldn't like the upcoming conversation. No matter, i will just have to try and be friendly with one of the harshest and cruelest teacher out there.
Cornelia: Excuse me Yosif do you have a moment?
Me: Cornelia? Of course i do, i trust that the zefir tasted fine?
Cornelia: Oh so that's what they're called, how did you make them?
Me: I could show you if you can spare some time but i believe i'm not yet acquainted with your friends over there.
Cornelia: Oh let me introduce them. The girl with red eyes is Akame, the guy with glasses is Green, Poney is the girl over there wearing a jacket with Tsukushi next to her, Guy is the degenerate with the scar and grumpy boy with silver hair is Najasho. Oh and the man is our daddy, Gozuki.
Gozuki: *sigh* i thought i told you not to call me that in public.
Cornelia: Sorry i just can't help it.
While observing them, i notice a tiny detail that doesn't add up. Gozuki wasn't a cold hearted piece of shit that i thought him to be by the looks of it. In fact, Akame seems rather close to him instead of distancing herself. Which is abnormal considering the fact that he forced her to kill Martha, or am i in an alternate version of Akame ga kill where some people are not the same. Either way, they're definitely onto me somehow and i'll have to start playing offensive, let's see how much this will startle them.
Me: Huh, like father like daughter though are all of those necessary?
Gozuki: What are you implying?
Me: The fact that you "ordinary" travelers carry around 7 of the 8 shingu and the infamous One Cut Killer: Murasame.
Gozuki's eyes nearly popped out of his head at my statement and the elite seven was shocked by it was well. They all have their weapons sheathed and hidden away so well to the point that it's impossible to notice it even if you're experienced unless you get really close to them which i'm not. I've only known that from my knowledge of the show and was banking that they would be cautious enough to carry their weapons with them at all times. Great, now that i have their attention and hostility, i better come up with a believable excuse.
Me: Why so tense? Cat got your tongue?
Gozuki: Who... are you?
Me: Just a travelling chef.
Poney: Bullshit! No chef has the ability to detect concealed weapons.
Me: Ah well, i was a guard at some point and had countless battles before that so i'm more of an expert than you would think.
Gozuki: You used to work for the empire? Why are you a chef now?
Me: That's personal. Maybe i'll tell you later but at least not in public. Now if you excuse me, i have another dish to make, you're welcome to join me if you would like to.
And with that said, i proceed to the camping spot where i baked the zefir to make some Stroganoff. i was glad that none of them tried to kill me outright but then again we were in public. Well shit i just made an extremely risky gamble didn't i. Being alone in the woods with 8 elite assassins being suspicious of you isn't ideal but it's not like that they can permanently kill me, worst case scenario is that i get my blown off by Prometheus or Crushing King.
[When Yosif is out of sight]
Akame: He's dangerous.
Najasho: Such power is a double-edged sword.
Poney: Something feels off about him.
Tsukushi: I don't think he mean any harms but we should still be careful.
Gozuki: This man is either neutral or on our side so we should join him at his camp, maybe we will uncover more about this enigmatic individual.
Green: How can you be so sure father?
Gozuki: He knew who we were before we even met him, if he was working for the revolutionary then he would've killed Cornelia when he encountered her.
Cornelia: I think he's here for other reasons than cooking.
Gozuki: Mind explaining how you came to that conclusion dear?
Cornelia: Well i noticed how he purchased his groceries. He bought way more than one person can eat. It was as if he knew both our identities and our locations beforehand and he knew for sure that we would join him for meals. I'm certain that he has more knowledge concerning our situation and it would be beneficial if we can get him to open up.
Gozuki: It's settled then, we're following him.
[At the camp]
That was a lot easier than i thought, making Stroganoff wasn't so difficult after all. I only needed to cut up the beef, onions and mushrooms before frying them separately. Only that the pan with mushrooms and onions has to be cooked more with added flour before i add the already cooked beef in, another layer of flour then a metric fuck load of sour cream and mayonnaise. All the while boiling a full pot of potatoes. Placing the bay leaf on the first portion, i can hear multiple footsteps approaching. Well they sure decided quickly. Setting the first plate of Stroganoff on a relatively clean tree stump nearby, i clean the pots and pans for the next batch. I don't even need to turn around to know that Gozuki and the Elite Seven are standing there so instead i keep cooking like nothing has happened..
Me: You decided awfully quickly.
Gozuki: What can i say, you piqued our interest.
Me: It's just that i'm pretty sure you should consider more about the option of falling a mysterious character who knows every bit of classified information about you.
Gozuki: I did, why did you think that all of us came here?
Me: Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer... remember that.
Tsukushi: Mr Yosif can we try those?
Me: It's just Yosif kid and sure, dig in. We'll talk when i finish cooking.
And so began one the most bizarre picnic there is of 8 professional killers laughing and playing without a care in the world. Well save for Gozuki boring a hole into the back of my head while i was cooking but i'm not going to let that ruin the joyous atmosphere. Cornelia chats with Poney and Tsukushi as they eat together while Guy is desperately trying to strike up a conversation about women with Najasho. Akame and Green were well... more enthusiastic than the rest with Akame chasing Green like a bloodhound for his plate of Stroganoff with the other climbing up a tree to hide. I quickly finish off the final bits of Stroganoff mostly made for Akame's monstrous appetite before cleaning up and facing Gozuki.
Me: I'm sure you have a lot of questions.
Gozuki: We do and we will take turns asking you.
Me: Go ahead.
Green: Did you know about us before coming to Deng Zhi?
Me: Yes, though i didn't expect my informant to pick you up on his radar, it was a pleasant surprise.
Cornelia: i haven't seen any cooking style such as yours, you're not from the empire, are you?
Me: Nope, though i will tell you this, i'm no tribal hunter or anything of the sorts.
Najasho: I sense great strength from you almost like father. Who trained you be that skilled?
Me: i'm self-taught kiddo.
Guy: What are your thoughts on women?
Me: No comments.
Poney: Are you with the revolution?
Me: No, i'm not a reckless idiot who thinks all problems are solved with violence.
Tsukushi: So are you with the empire then?
Me: I'm going to have to say 50/50, my apprentice works for them and i want to protect the people there but the government is a massive pile of shit.
Gozuki: Hmmm... What caused the end of your imperial career?
Me: Didn't i tell you it was personal? I'm not sharing about my secrets if you're not sharing about yours.
Gozuki: I'm guessing you won't willingly talk about how your "informant" tracks us are you?
Me: secret for secret Gozuki, no can do.
I expected Gozuki to order the others to attack me and force it out or straight tries to stab me but instead he just huddles up with Akame alone whispering something. This is definitely no the normal Akame ga kill universe. The rest of the elite seven were also puzzled by this action though they don't openly question it. Finally after a few minutes, they seem to have reached a conclusion before Gozuki turns back to me.
Gozuki: So it can't be helped then, my secret is that i once spared a rebel spy's life without permission.
Me: Huh? I must say i didn't expect something like that, mind going into details?
Gozuki: Very well. There was this eatery in Rousei village owned by a woman named Martha. The empire used her to train the Elite Seven and even the dark squad. She was close to Akame and the kid smiles a lot around her too. I was happy that such a relationship could exist to relieve some stress from jobs but that quickly died when i found out she was a spy. My superiors even ordered me to have Akame be the one to kill her. It was cruel, but i couldn't go against orders so i complied. Turns out, Martha really did care for Akame and didn't even deny or fight her when Akame asked if she was a spy. I really didn't expect to see Martha comforting a heartbroken Akame when i checked on the situation. I couldn't bring myself to hurt Akame further and so i faked Martha's death. Since this was just one spy, my superiors didn't even check the body to confirm and now she's hidden away in a small mountain village with some of my old comrades from my mercenaries days.
Green: Wait you didn't kill Martha?
Cornelia: Oh i knew daddy wouldn't do something so cruel.
Tsukushi: To think the higher ups are that irresponsible...
Gozuki: I have told you my secret so it's your turn now Yosif.
Me: That was respectable and understandable, i don't your insubordinate. My secret is that i resigned being an imperial guard after an "accident".
Gozuki: I see... WAIT THAT'S IT?
Me: Do you know what the accident was?
Gozuki: Well... no.
Me: You see on my first day, i patrolled the slums to help any people that might require assistance. Things were relatively calm until i came across 3 guards beating a small boy to death for stealing a singular piece of bread. Those BASTARDS even had the AUDACITY to ask me to join in on the "FUN". So do you know what i did?
Poney: You killed them?
Me: Oh i didn't just "kill" them. I chopped off their limbs one by one until all three of them were a quadruple amputee bleeding pathetically on the ground before impaling them through the hearts like a human shashlik. I even crushed, maimed all of the remains until it was nothing but red mush one the ground. They tried to arrest and kill me alright. But their courage dwindled out as i challenged and annihilated a total of 32 captains and 4 royal guards. After that, i see no more purpose in serving those corrupt swine so i moved on to be a chef.
Gozuki: 32 Officers and 4 royal guards consecutively?
Me: Their only strong point was how flashy their armor was, those amateurs couldn't even properly parry a simple hit. Since my secret wasn't that much useful to you, i'll humor you with some classified information.
Gozuki: What is it then?
Me: There's a big target painted on all of your backs right now. The revolutionary wanted you dead so they hired a group of assassins known as the Oarbrugh famous for their use of the wrigglers danger beasts and the limiter removal technique.
Gozuki: *gasp* How did you come across such intel?
Me: I have my ways, i can tell you who they are but that would not help whatsoever.
Tsukushi: Why is that?
Me: They don't know that you're expecting an attack so they'll proceed with their plans as usual. Use this opportunity to defeat them instead of alerting them making them plan another unexpected attack. Oh and Gozuki...
Gozuki: Yes?
Me: Keep an eye on the kids, they're the main targets not you. And never let anything bad happen to Akame, i see a lot of potential within her. Now head back to your inn, the assassins would get suspicious if you're gone for too long and i believe i have to pack up as well.
Gozuki: Thank you for the warning Yosif.
Me: No... thank you for reigniting my hope in the empire.
[After Yosif left]
Akame: Should we trust his words father?
Najasho: He's still hiding more secrets, i can feel it.
Gozuki: It doesn't matter, Yosif's held no deceit in them. We're truly hunted right now and i expect you to keep your guards up at all times. If we can get through this attack unscathed then i believe that we have made an invaluable ally.
(the total inventory will not be used until Yosif regains his original body)
Total inventory:
Ascended Wraith set
Primordial's wrath: Damascus
Diadem of supreme arcane might
15 copper 53 silver 38998 gold
Current familiars:
- Sergei the Armor Demon
- Victor the Soul Of Cinder