Green: I know you're a good cook and all Yosif but that doesn't look edible.
Me: What are you talking about, it's perfectly fine.
Poney: It smells nice but is soup supposed to be green?
Me:... Maybe? Look i'm making medicine and it being a soup is to help with the taste. Come on you three, this is for you.
Kurome, Natala and Gin reluctantly take the bowls of slimy goop that i made which is a combination of the grinded bloom with kvass and vegetables. It has the texture of slimy cow shit but hey it's healthy for you.
Kurome: I... think i'm good
Gin: Why don't you have first taste Natala?
Natala: Uhhh... Why don't you try it Gin? Ladies first.
Akame: Take the medicine Kurome, Yosif spent a lot of efforts making it.
Kurome: If big sis says so *sips* Hey this taste alri- BLLEEEUGHH!
Kurome after taking a single sip has collapsed to the ground vomiting in front of the horrified faces of everybody present except me. What scares them is that it isn't just digested food coming out but also blood and an inky black goo. Kurome continues to violently throws up for another 5 minutes before going completely still.
Cornelia: I-is she d-dead?
Gin: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU PUT IN THERE!
Me: Calm down you bunch of wusses she's fine.
Akame: *check Kurome's pulse* Explain... NOW!
Me: You know how the empire has been forcing them to take drugs?
Guy: Yeah?
Me: Well the drugs have a side effect of significantly shortening your lifespan. What i have just given Kurome is the strongest antitoxin i could find made from the parts of an ultra class danger beast. The "shit" you called disgusting has the ability to cure all known diseases including withdrawal effects and even extending your lifespan by a few years. I wouldn't be surprised if you have to attend Kurome's funeral before having a family of your own Akame.
Gin: U-U-ULTRA CLASS?
Me: Stop stalling and drink the goop!
Natala: *gulp* here goes nothing *sips* So when is it go- BBLAAARRRGHH!
And so Natala joins Kurome on the floor as Gin's eyes start to dart between us and the forest. Knowing that she would try to run, i have everybody dogpile her and force-feed her the concoction. The sounds of Gin's retching soon echo through camp and she too fall unconscious. I look at the amassed pile of poison, blood and other bodily fluids and sigh exasperatedly. I'm tempted to just leave it like that but i'm pretty sure it's not safe to do so. Begrudgingly grabbing a mop, i start to tidy up while the now silent elite seven checks on the unlucky trio who had just taken their medicine. 20 minutes later and they slowly wakes up groaning in exhaustion.
Me: Oh good you're up earlier than i expected. But then again go back to sleep, you're not joining the fight.
Everybody else: WHAT!
Me: What? You think detoxing is instant? Look at the amount of blood they just lost! It will take at least 2 weeks before they can properly run let alone fight.
Gin: YOU TRICKED US! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FULFILL OUR DUTIES!
Kurome: S-sis d-does this mean i-i'm useless now?
Akame: Kurome don't say such things *hugs Kurome*.
Me: i did that for your own good, health is more important than killing some jackasses. Oh and i'm throwing away all of the remaining drugs.
Gozuki: I understand what you're doing but how would i explain this to command? They invested a lot in those performance enhancing drugs.
Me: If there's anything i have learned about them is that they only care about results, nothing more. They want money and they don't care where that money came from or how did they get that money. As long as we don't fuck up this mission which i highly doubt, command wouldn't bother with those three.
Cornelia: Wait... did you just say earlier that you killed an ultra class danger beast for that cure? *everybody deadpans at me*
Me: It was already dying when i found it, it's no big deal really.
Before anyone could further questions that statement, Akama abruptly lunge at me without any visible reasons. Then she got on her knees and bows her head with actual tears running down her eyes. The reaction short-circuit everyone's brains as nobody including Kurome who has never seen her cry like that except for Gozuki when he saw her waved goodbye to Martha but it was only a few drops instead of choked sobbing. I didn't know what to make of the awkward situation hearing Akame's incoherent gratitude at me going through such troubles to save Kurome so i just pat her on the back and excuse myself to thoroughly clean my armor. I'm changing a lot of crucial events as of it, the future may be entirely different from canon. There's going to be a lot of unexpected shit shows but with my body back by then i would gladly take them on for a happier ending.
Gozuki: I think i would never understand your reasonings Yosif.
Me: Huh? Gozuki? What are you following me for?
Gozuki: I'm just curious Yosif... I'm curious why you would disregard your safety just to help others in need no matter how crappy the odds are.
Me: There's no such thing that is impossible Gozuki. All you need is a little determination and a whole lot of pain tolerance.
Gozuki: I've been meaning to ask but... you're not normal are you?
Me: Hmm?
Gozuki: You have never shown your face or eat with us once for the past months not to mention how you didn't bleed at all when you brought Cornelia back. The others may haven't noticed but i sure did.
Me: It's that obvious?
Gozuki: I've been an assassin for a long time Yosif. Being observant is a standard for that.
This is bad. If i refuse to show my secret to Gozuki then it would leads to distrust that will eventually spread to the others. I can't help everybody if they start keeping me out of the loop. But if i do reveal it, how will i get Gozuki to keep it to himself? There's not much options if you're stuck between a rock and a hard place huh? A lot of people has failed for lacking faith and i will not make the same mistake, i have faith that Gozuki will be honorable.
Me: Well i guess i could show you but keep it to yourself or no deal.
Gozuki: If it's within reasons then sure.
Me: That's not very encouraging you know?
Gozuki: So is your procrastination.
Me: Touché. The reason for my recklessness is that i have already seen the face of death. *remove helmet*
Gozuki: What in the? What in God's name happened to you Yosif!
Me: Would you believe me if i say that i have no idea?
Gozuki: W-wha B-but how can you just be like that?
Me: Like i said, i have no clue how this happened. But does it really matter though Gozuki? I'm using this blessing AND curse for the betterment of everybody instead of trying to rule the world or some shit. I don't give a damn about what others think but all i know is that i'm following the Lord's teaching and that's enough for me so judge me all you want, i don't mind.
Gozuki: It's just... i'm afraid that you will lose your sanity to time.
Me: Perhaps, but that's what you guys are for isn't it. As long as i'm not lonely for like a decade then i'm sure i'll stay the same me.
Gozuki: Yosif there's something i would like to ask of you but knowing you then i bet that you already know and agree.
Me: Yea i think i know what you want though i can't guarantee ALL of their safety at all times.
Gozuki: I wouldn't have it any other ways, only through hardship will they truly grow.
Me: I think we should call it a day, gravekeepers to kill in the morning and all.
Gozuki: Should i tell Akame or anyone else?
Me: They'll figure it out by themselves or i'll tell them myself in the future. You go ahead Gozuki, i still have this sticky shit that needs to be cleaned.
[At the tomb of the first emperor, Putra]
I separated from the group before the rendezvous point to gather the knights, i'm planning to save the flashy magic for Weneg to make him shit his pants before death. The group was warming warming up before the start of the assault and Gozuki was planning ahead with an asshole named uncle Bill.
Gozuki: How's the situation so far?
Bill: Terrible! We had just lost contact with another team.
Gozuki: On another note though, does that team have females in it?
Bill: Yes... I didn't take you to be that kind of man Gozuki.
Gozuki: No it's just that the gravekeepers abuse them as toys and we could make save them if we attack now.
Bill: Hah! You're really going senile aren't you. We don't know jack about our enemies not to mention how you took the dark squad off their medication. Are you really that dense in the head you arrogant fool.
Me: Another word out of that filthy fucking mouth and i'm ripping your tongue off!
Bill: And who's this useless cripple, your ace in the hole Gozuki?
Gozuki: Yes as a matter of fact.
Me: Just to confirm something Gozuki... Is Remus dead?
Gozuki: That name sounds familiar... Isn't that one of the kids you recruited Bill?
Bill: That bumbling idiot who gets distracted at a drop of a hat? Not for long sh-
Me: Finish that fucking sentence i dare you! If you bloody lay your slimy fingers on a single strand of her hair i'm going to fucking castrate you!
Bill: Hahahaha! A mere cripple threatens me, do you know who i am?
Me: An absolute moron at math. Last i check, 9 beats 1 and it would be 12 if i tell the kids on how you plan to kill one of their only friends in this cruel world. Your pathetic guards couldn't swing a sword like a real man, what are they compared to my 44 knights each capable of killing a class 1 danger beast. Do you need me to teach you how to count again?
Bill: I-i-
Me: Oh stop stuttering you illiterate dimwit, i'll make this even easier for you to understand. Gozuki is taking over all of your operations caring for Natala, Gin, Kurome and Remus since you're obviously too incompetent for it and i'll personally hunt you down if you refuse.
I heard a cough from the side coming from Gozuki pointing to the kids who are starting to look this way at the heated yelling. I'll kill this bastard one day but now i have a bigger fish to fry. I have the knights go first and begin the long await slaughter.
[Inside the tomb]
Guy: My god there's like 45 of you in here Yosif, they're so similar it's starting to freak me out.
Screams of agony echoes through the wall of steel that is the skeleton knights ferociously hacking their way through enemy lines. The actual danger beasts they turn into aren't even a real problem for my knights to begin with so having the ability to transform into them is the equivalent of the useless machine. The elites are severely overrated. Arathi's nails broke it hit the knights' armor, Jamo was useless with his squid transformation, Kimatsu who i think is kinda nice since he originally stop Jamo from sexually assaulting Gin in the manga but i lost all respect for the man when i see him get shot down by swords like a clay pigeon, Ragu just fucked up entirely by trying to go for me instead of the others and i introduced him to whack-a-mole only that i used a sword instead of a toy hammer. Umber was the gravekeeper with the most useful transformation not counting Weneg since he's the leader but poison against undead is akin to using a puny hammer on a Nokia.
Akame: Are those knights... okay?
Me: Hmm?
Kurome: What sis meant is that how is the knights taking direct damage like nothing?
Me: Oh they are only slightly weaker than me as in they can kill an Earth Dragon on their own. The danger beasts these weakling turn into aren't even comparable to a rank 2 let alone rank 1. I'd be surprised if 1 of the knights actually die in this raid.
Gin: THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE THE ROYAL GUARDS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL!
Me: If you think is impressive than wait until you meet my apprentice. Anybody hear that sound?
Najasho: It seems to be coming from that room over there.
At first it just sound like the wind howling but remembering that we're underground that's definitely not the case. What's odd is that it's directly behind a wall. Well if there's no door then i just have to make a door. Knights, catapult position. *BAM* *CRASH* Walking past the horrified looks on everybody else's faces and the rubbles on the ground, i see a dim light coming from inside illuminating the floor which has chains sprawled across it. The "wind" turned out to be the gagged cries of the captured scouts that were sent in chained to the back of the room. Cornelia, Poney and Tsukushi help untie them before Gozuki suddenly draws her guns at a dark corner with something hiding there.
Tsukushi: Enemies detected!
Scout: WAIT! Don't shoot them
Tsukushi: Huh?
Scout: They are victims same as us here. The women who refuse to reproduce or object Weneg's orders are sent here as well to be used as toys. Please, they didn't do anything wrong.
Green: To think they would stoop that low...
Shining a torch in the corner, it was revealed to be 4 barely dressed girls huddled together shaking in fear. I didn't expect shit to THIS fucked up but oh well they're my responsibility now i guess. I have the knights get some robes off the the dead gravekeepers to cover them up a little bit before escorting them outside. I am so going to enjoy gutting Weneg. It didn't take long before i run into the bastard either sitting in a cheap ass villain cliché throne in a large room that would've been considered a boss arena. Only that i will be the boss instead of this prideful dumbass. Blah blah blah boring ass monologue, ugly as fuck transformation to Nubis let's get this shit over with.
Weneg: FEEL THE DIVINE FLAMES OF NUBIS INTRUDER!
And i thought my flames were average, if a skeleton knight pyromancy scores 50/100 than this guy gets 28/100. Truly disappointing, i stood in the entirety of the attack for a whole minute despite the others desperately pleading me to dodge it. Opposite of everybody's expectations, i walk out unperturbed at shitty attack and shows him what a real fireball looks like. The impact from the fireball punches a hole clean through his torso.
Weneg; HAH! YOU FELL FOR IT *activates curse*
I stumble a bit from the counterattack but it's not like i used all of my strength in it so it felt like giving myself a slap. I make the ending a little bit more... interesting one might say. Instead of instantly shattering him after icing him like Esdeath would in a normal fight. I do it by bit and every time i would rip off a small chunk while also constantly cooking him with flames so he can't regenerate. It takes another 20 morbid minutes before i'm done with him and killed him by literally cutting his dick off and chokes him to death with that. Everybody has varied reactions regarding my moves. Gozuki was caught off guard but otherwise collected as he already knows about me not being normal. Green and Guy is vomiting together with Gin while Najasho and Natala slap each other to see if this is a dream. Poney looks at me with admiration but what terrifies me is that straight up yandere grins on Akame, Kurome and motherfucking Tsukushi of all people. *rumble* *rumble* oooh right the whole is place is coming down on top of us, better skedaddle before i get sandwiched.
(the total inventory will not be used until Yosif regains his original body)
Total inventory:
Grenade launcher
Venus Magnum
Ascended Wraith set
Primordial's wrath: Damascus
Diadem of supreme arcane might
15 copper 53 silver 38998 gold
Current familiars:
- Sergei the Armor Demon
- Victor the Soul Of Cinder