Lights, nothing but lights. Why is it so dam bright?! This is not the light at the end of the tunnel, they were legit mother fucking lights. What cruel joke was this? I could feel things and it was pissing me off. Wait? Emotions, I was feeling things and it was gross. I could hear voices and beeping, it was not fast, but it was there. There was a pinch in my arm followed by a warming sensation that went through my body.
"Amelia could you tell me what happened?" It was a deep husky male voice talking to me.
"Her BP is dropping." The mousey female voice was afraid or concern in it? Who cared about me? It was pointless
A sharp prick hit my chest Ow! What the fuck? I thought I said it out loud but was all in my head.
"She's stabilizing for now." I t was the husky voice again. "We should be good until we get to triage."
"We'd be there sooner if she didn't do this during an ice storm. I admit she was thinking about it all." Must have been the chick, although I give props for recognizing my plan.
Darkness crept back in and I felt so many dam things. Scared was right up at the front of it all.
I literally felt like I got banged up physically and I was also confused as to what happened. The lights were dim but still hurt like Hell. The air smelled of bleach and staleness. Beeps and roaring were all around me, voices coming across from my room and it clicked. I was in the hospital, well shit. I suck at life and could not even end it. I went to adjust myself but realized I was strapped down, wrists and ankles. Wires and hoses were everywhere over my body and bed. The opening of a sliding door caught my attention.
"Ah sleeping beauty rises finally." The voice was young, and I could tell he was tall from his shadow.
"How long?" I coughed, my throat was dry and scratchy.
The man approached my bed and began removing the restraints. "Well I believe you were out for thirty-eight hours since arriving." He raised my bed so I could sit up and see more. As he handed me the water, I could see the name Dr. Roberts on his badge. He was bright blonde hair with deep brown eyes with a baby face. He hair was slicked back like he got out of the shower. He pulled a chair next to me and handed the typical hospital water jug. I could see he did not fit the sexy doctor bod you saw on tv, but his face was sure as screaming apology and for some reason it made me nervous.
"Amelia, I have some questions for you. I understand you may not want to talk but please know it will help you, Brandon, and Tom. You are all safe, but I want to make sure I got things right." He looked straight at me as serious as one could be and asked. "Do you want me to say what I know? Then you just nod if I am right?"
All I could do was nod; my throat was dry, and I could barely say two words. A cop entered the room, fear must have been all over my face because Dr. Roberts chimed in "Amelia he's only here to help with your side."
"Okay" I squeaked.
He started with once the EMTs were called, explaining how my mom was notified by dispatch a friend was a concerned for my health. That did not help me because I knew who that friend was. She had confirmed to the EMTs that there were pills in my room, and I overdosed. He listed off what was all in my system after running some tests, he explained how colorful that list was. I had confirmed the cocktail that I took, and he expressed that I got lucky because a whole bottle of Aspirin alone was deadly.
He paused before asking the next questions, he looked down holding my letter. Curious as to how he got it and what was in it because I could not remember what I wrote. "Amelia, did you dad every hurt you or your brothers?"
A burning sensation began behind my eyes and the tears slowly fell. I just nodded as I wept. He placed his hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch at first. He gently asked, "Do you want me to continue on what we know?"
I hesitated at first and slowly nodded. Dr. Roberts had essentially been my Harrold. He explained that an officer came out with my 911 call due to the roads and fear the EMTS would not make it. When the EMTS had gotten me loaded up he asked some question and they had seen some bruises on my mom's arms and Brandon's neck. They removed the boys that night and searched the house. Apparently, Phillip had been into some harsh drugs and showed his true nature to the cops. Either he was high or coming down from it, but he struck my mom then decked the cop. Both of our parents were arrested and stripped of their rights for the abuse and drugs in the home. My misery had saved my brothers from their war path. The judge had felt no one in the family was fit to take them, even me if I cleaned up. Dr. Roberts had explained the judge was also not happy that my whole family ignored everything they saw so he place the boys into foster care.
"Now Amelia a friend of yours explained something to me and mentioned the life you were dealt. What if I told you I could help you get somewhere to start fresh?"
"That sounds cool and all doc, but I haven't completed school yet. I was set to graduate this summer." Despite being drugged up I was still able to keep my grades at an okay level. The door opened and it was then that I noticed the cop had left but then his spot was replaced by a nurse and a woman.
Dr. Roberts smirked "Well Amelia this won't be easy at all. There is a rehab in California that helps the youth in your situation. They help get you clean, graduate from school, and get you on the right path. There is not anything like this in Iowa, plus you are considered an adult so you would be on your own. That alone sets you up to fail and I do not want that for you. For now, I will let you think on it." He pated my shoulder again and got up to leave. He signed somethings, spoke to the nurse and the other women. I learned very quickly that she was a shrink. Oh joy.
She asked many questions and jotted down on her note pad. After a brute hour of twenty questions she finally stopped. "Well Miss Hart, you're a brilliant smart woman.: She paused looking over her glasses as they set on the bridge of her nose. She was and older women and put off a librarian vibe. "Your diagnoses are definitely a colorful one."
"I think it would be easy to just say I am crazy doc."
That got a glare from her. "Miss Hart this is serious. Clearly you have an addiction issue, depressions, PTSD, anxiety, and potentially dissociative disorder. All of those are a struggle by themselves. I'll prescribe some medicine and require you see someone." She shook my hand and left.
Well just fuck me running. I was clearly stuck in a situation with no help except from people who I had no clue on who they were or if they really intended on helping me. I was more alone then ever but felt something different. I felt hope, for what, I had no ideas. I was not running from problems but given a chance to better everything. Dr. Roberts came in frequently as well as the mousey EMT Lana, was her name. Her voice matched her all together, she was tiny brunette with bright green eyes. She may have been five foot even, but you would not fuck with her. Lana and Dr. Roberts would come in off and on to just sit with me. I was not sure why they took a liking to me, but they always showed pity and I was not too fond of it.
Lana would watch the daytime soaps with me as we talked about how horrible the acting was. I learned she was twenty-five and lived for the EMT life. She also was one of the people who saw the bruises on my brother and me. Despite being on a strict hospital diet due to watching how my body reacted to detox, she would sneak me in some Arby's. Dr. Roberts would feed into my nerd side, which made me realize I was a shell of myself over the past couple year. It was on my second day awake that I learned his first name was Jim. Oh yeah, I made the 'Dammit Jim, I'm not a doctor' joke a lot. We would watch X-files and Doctor Who whenever we could. We also watched SNL every Saturday. One night he commented on how deep of conversations I could have for someone who was eighteen. He admitted that it showed how hard my life was without saying a word.
I was into my second week of the hospital stay when Lana and Jim brought me pizza as a treat for handling the changes well. I was fidgeting in my bed and biting my lope, my tells that I was nervous.
"spill it Amelia, clearly you have something on your mind." Lana was the first to see my tell.
"The nurses tell me you've been making a list of pros and cons for California." Jim bit into his pizza.
"Those snitches! I was going to tell you guys about it." I picked at my ham pizza and looked away. "I was just scared."
"It's really a big step." Lana confirmed a fear.
"However, it's a fresh start. With no questions asked." Jim reassure my pro
"So, it's like witness protection?"
"Lana needs to quit watching those police shows with you." Jim chuckled.
All three of us busted out laughing. There had been times where Jim did find us watching cops or Law & Order at three in the morning. He had told Lana it was not helping me chose to go to California or even get my rest.
"Actually guys, I think it's for the best if I went. I cannot get that kind of help here. Plus, there isn't anything else left for me here." That last part hurt like a mofo because it was true. The events of everything caused a family war over my parents and brothers. No one had come to visit at all, so it only solidified why Lana and Jim visited me. I was able to call Eli to let him know what happened. Jim suggested reassuring him I was okay; he knew Eli was my supplier and enabler. But he knew that Eli did really care for me in his own way. One weekend Jim met Eli when he brought some personal items from my home for me. I guess Eli had to told Jim that he really needed to push me to California. He understood it was my ticket out of here and a chance at a better life.
Mandi was hard to each though, she was mad at me for what I did but she also explained that she dropped a bombshell on her parents. She came out as a lesbian, was not a shock to me as I had her on my messenger as closet lesbo. She explained how she was cut off from everything at first because her parents were angry, but they were coming around. So, it was a no brainer to the fresh start.
"Honestly, Jim, all my cons are stupid fears. It would be dumb of me to not go." I admitted
"Well then," Lana started as she raised her pop "To a new start."
We all cheered to the new start; I would be moving to California but then it hit me. "Jim where exactly would I be going and when?"
He placed his drink down and had the biggest smirk on his face. "Oh, it's a facility in Santa Rosa that's on a private beach and gated. You leave tomorrow night. "He chuckled. "I was just waiting for your stubborn ass to agree on your own terms."