Chereads / The Edge of Desire / Chapter 5 - Four White Walls and a Straight Jacket

Chapter 5 - Four White Walls and a Straight Jacket

I honestly was not sure what to expect when I got off the plane. I could be walking right into a trap. I was channeling my inner Akbar It is a trap! Just to prepare for the worse. I had only a backpack with some personal belongings that I wanted to take with me. There was not much I wanted to take with me because it only caused pain. I sported a flare dark wash jean, long black shirt that brought out my curves. They also covered my scars and sores from the world. I looked like a druggie honestly but did not want the stares. My hair was in a lose bun with a few strands coming out, I could easily blend in with the crowd and disappear.

I reached the entrance of the airport and saw a short stubby old man holding a sign with my name 'Mia Hart'. It was my idea to no longer go by Millie, so Mia it was, I joked about changing my last name, but Jim felt it was extreme. I figured if people wanted to find me, they would look me up. I approached the man and introduced myself. A man of few words, he grunted and shut to door of the car as we entered it. He took off to The Center without a word. It was the longest drive to the place but man I was impressed.

Shorty dropped me off at the gates and took off, not even waiting for the gates to open. So that made me feel all the better about this. Jim did not mention to me that this place was a freaking mansion, it looked like a scene from X-Men. Pretty sure there was a jet hiding somewhere, maybe an underground hideout too. I slowly walked up the driveway once the gates opened, eyeing the beautiful gardens and shrubs lining the walkways.

A tall man in a dark suit walked out of the door, he looked like Keanu Reeves but maybe older. His voice was deep and sounded powerful, his hand extended and shook mine. "Hello Miss Hart. I am Robert Knapp. I run the house here. It's nice to meet you."

"Thank you for the opportunity. It means more then you know."

"It's no biggie child, please I'll show you to your room."

As we entered the home it opened to a giant foyer, yup literally almost like X-Men. There was a giant staircase with wooden stairs, at the top it formed a T. We took a left at the top and maybe a few doors down we stopped at a purple door. It made me look around to see all the doors were different colors.

With a raised eyebrow "Really color-coded doors?"

"Better to remember then numbers." Mr. Knapp opened the door to reveal and apartment like room. It was fucking huge! I centered on the giant windows, a door revealing a deck and a beach view. To the right here was a king size bed in the corner of the room. Next to the bed was a giant desk that was set up for clearly a student. I could see books and a computer that sat neatly in the center. To the left of the room was a door that led to a big walk in closet, there had been clothes added into it. There was not many variety due to there being a dress code to follow. Various colored and styles of shirts rested on the hangers, they were mostly t-shirts and tanks. I was not too fond of that since I was now sensitive to my scars and sores. On the shelves were yoga like pants and some shorts, under there was shoes. Some accessories hung up too but nothing fancy.

Next to my closet was big bathroom, there was gray tile that matched the floor of the whole room. Black and white filled the room as well. I came up to a giant black tub that had jets and next to it was a shower that was a walk in. There were cupboards full of towels and various toiletries. Part of me was excited for the shower and tub.

Mr. Knapp cleared his throat while I walked around in a trance almost "They daily schedule is on your desk and Emmet will start your orientation tomorrow. You will not start everything until next week, so these few days can be used to get settled in. If you need anything my office is downstairs, welcome to The Center Mia." He nodded and walked out shutting the door.

I walked to my desk and grabbed my daily schedule.

Monday-Friday

8:00 am Breakfast and medicine 3:00-5:00 PM Study

9:00 am exercise 5:00 Pm Dinner

10:00 AM- 12:00 PM Classes 6:00-8:00 PM Free time

12:00 PM Lunch 9:00 Pm Lights out

1:00 PM Group sessions

2:00 PM Break

Friday evenings we show movies in the theater room. Saturday and Sunday are meant to socialize with your peers. There are various activities that are on site. Offsite activities are reserved for good behavior.

Well then this should be fun. I was super unsure about this. A knock shortly came to my door. I opened the door to reveal a scrawny dark boy with deep chocolate eyes that almost matched his twisted hair. Hey, had a lip piercing and eyebrow piercing on the opposite sides of each. His smile was contagious "Hi sweetheart. I am Emmet. I will be showing you around tomorrow. I was just seeing if you were doing okay. I understand this can be a lot to take in."

I leaned against the door frame, cracking a smile. "Actually, I was surprised I wasn't given a strait jacket and that there aren't padded walls."

"Nah that's a few houses down." His smirk matched mine then.

Have you ever met someone and realize that you would just be best friends? Because Emmet became my bestie within the week. Not being able to go anywhere helped you learn about someone quick. I learned quickly that we shared almost everything in common. Between our back stories to our taste in men we balanced each other out. That Saturday I began my detoxing and thankfully I had someone because that shit was worse than drugs. All the meds I had been on masked the detox, but I was at the end of it. Emmet offered to stay with me while I detoxed, he never left my side unless it was to bring me food or liquids.

"Bloody Hell this shit is just bullshit." I was laying in my bed shivering with five blankets on while Emmet stroked my hair.

"Darlin' that sentence made no sense. But it is very true. We just gotta prey that you don't make new cuss words from it."

"Please tell me you aren't the Jesus freak type?" A shiver seeped up my spine.

"I am far from it! Mama said He hated me for my choices in the bedroom. You know what? Fire the shit words out." Clearly Emmet was trying to make me feel better.

"Mother fucking ass you're right I will."

Monday, I started the schedule, it was a struggle because I was still detoxing from everything. I would not say a word to anyone except when Emmet was with me. It was that way for a good couple of weeks. During free time Emmet and I gossiped like schoolgirls. I painted his nails while we discussed the future on what we wanted. I had not thought too far ahead since starting this journey. I had no clue on where to begin. I must have looked scared because Emmet chimed in.

"Hey, we don't have to worry about that. I've got my contract up with this and we can take on the world."

"Contract?" I had finished painting his nails and come up to curl against his side.

"Once I completed my rehab, mind you it was awful for me." Emmet had told me that upon his arrival he came in swinging. At one point he punched Mr. Knapp and destroyed his room. "Robert presented me with an opportunity to help someone who was just like me. So, I agreed upon a two-year contract. I had a job, income, and free room. However, I am ready to venture on to newer things. I will be 21 soon and think it is time to get out there. Plus, you complete me."

"Okay Dr. Evil." I chuckled "but what do we do once I am done?"

It is amazing what can happen in six months. Especially when you literally can go nowhere! The Center had an on-site recreational area. Saturdays Emmet and I spent time tanning on the beach, evenings were either bowling or watching some cheesy movies. I had introduced Emmet to my nerd world, he became my padawan with it all. He in return introduced to me to cheesy movies. On my mental day we binged rom coms. Princess Bride, 10 Things I Hate About You and Mean Girls. To describe our relationship, he was my Damian and I was his Janis. In almost every way too.

While our friendship grew, I slowly became comfortable with Julie my personal therapist. It took two months or sessions before I caved and let her in. She was the only one who heard it all, Emmet knew some of it, but he knew I was still skittish on admitting my past. I even told Julie about the baby, that had surprised her when I mentioned only a few people knew about it. Julie had gotten me to realize forgiving everyone in my past would lead to me moving on. Forgetting about everything was the worst anyone could do. Our past was merely lessons in life. If we forgot how to breath, we would not be able to continue. One day Julie must have been on a philosophical kick when she expressed that Emmet was my default man. However, I was protected from the heart ache because he was gay and did the opposite of what previous guys in my life did. Shit the woman was not wrong.

Six months into therapy sessions I referred to him as my brother and I guess in his sessions I was his sister. Julie had told me it was a huge break through for us both to admit we had each other. Her and Emmet had put together a ceremony for me when I completed my high school courses and got my diploma. A simple pizza party made me feel accomplished. Having Emmet there made me realize he was the only family I had. I do not remember what triggered my next break through, but Julie had seen an overly aggressive side to me and realized I suppressed every little thing. Due to years of it, it had become second nature to do the 'fake it until you make it'.

This influenced a smash party with a few people. The backyard court had been set up with various items that were meant to be struck by metal bats. There were old computers, vases, paintings, and radios. Julie attended so she could walk me through every little detail. Emmet was my moral support, Mr. Knapp observed out of humor and Eden. She was new to The Center; poor kid had gotten addicted to meth after a car accident that left her mute. Since she could not express anything, I agreed to share this day with her. After smashing things, which felt amazing, Julie showed me pictures that were taken. One was of me in the hospital with Lana and Jim, I looked very sickly and my smile was fake. The next one was while I was smashing things, my smile was genuine and true. It certainly showed the changes I made.

My next break through was when Julie asked me a loaded question. "What do you want to do once you leave?" I had expressed that Emmet and I were already set up to do online classes for our associates degree. We were also looking into jobs already.

"You know that's not what I mean Mia." She was scowling while looking her not pad. Oh, I know what she meant. "What do you want out of life and college?"

"Oh, I know what you meant puddin." That got another scowl from her but this time she looked at me. My first week with her I had stated she looked like Harley Quinn before she went all psycho. So, I made joked about it all. Her face did soften when she saw my leg was bouncing and I began fidgeting with my fingers. My anxiety ticks had begun, just great. "Honestly, Julie, I don't know. I didn't think I would make it this far."

"You do have some talents Mia. I have seen your photography before."

At four months in I offered to snap pictures and edit them for the company Facebook. Mr. Knapp saw them and was impressed so I became the temporary photographer for ads and personal memories. I really enjoy it, something about take a picture and showing all the different views that could provide a new look. Scenery had been the best to express my point of view. A cave may be dark and creepy; but I took it and showed that a cave took years to perfect the grooves, moss was able to grow even in the dark and sometimes caves formed beautiful rocks.

"Actually Julie, I think you are on to something there. I really enjoy it and it has been very therapeutic on a different level."

I got the nod of approval from her. It was a simple act from her, but it made feel better about it all. I felt proud for myself. I was six months clean, graduated, ready for college, an idea for a path in life, a roommate once we moved out, application started for a beach front condo and looking for jobs. Things were looking up.

11 months, two week and three days clean

11 months and three days since moving into The Center. I had done amazing her, and it was almost time to leave. Emmet and I had been given the okay to move out a month early due to an increase in new kids entering. Mr. Knapp set it up to visit us weekly for our first year out to assure we did not relapse or get into trouble. Apparently 19-year-old and 21-year-old have a reputation of getting into partying while they are in college. This was why Emmet and I opted for online schooling. We would be able to avoid the parties or temptation.

I was lying in bed with my mind wandering. I focused on the waves crashing from outside my room, this usually helped calm me down. I was starting to sweat, even with my sloth pajama shorts and gray tank top. Why was I sweating balls now? I could hear snoring as well. I looked to my right and saw Emmet sprawled along the bed. We had to bunk due to the increase. He had his hair tightly pulled back, no shirt and sweatpants on. His head was buried into his pillow while he snored away. I looked back at his hair and was envious of how good it looked while mine was a mess, but I learned the routine he had was a bitch. It was why wanted to go into cosmetology so there were more people who could work on African American hair.

I honestly was grateful he slept in here with me at times. One night a nasty storm rolled in and honestly for some reason I had a breakdown. Emmet was there to comfort me during this time. We established that storms were a trigger at times due to my attempted suicide. When Mr. Knapp came in, he saw that we created a fort of blankets to help me. Plus, who could pass up a fucking blanket fort?! Another night we had joked that I would be the only girl to ever share a bed with him. Heck even half naked girl was crossed off since I would be in pjs.

I gently nudged him to wake him up. "Hey Emmet" Nothing. "Emmet it's time to get up."

"Meh it can wait." Not even eight in the morning and I had the eye roll going on. Extreme measures were needed now.

I sat up onto my knees in the bed and grabbed my pillow. I bit my bottom lip with a smirk. Oh, he was going to be pissed in a minute. I raised the pillow, brought it down to his back and shouted "Hookah it's time to wake up! It's moving day!"

My ass got tackled and pinned in seconds. Half a foot taller than me and he spent the past year he spent working out. So now my scrawny Emmet was ripped. Six pack with V that trailed down. He had said I needed protecting in the world because according to him he would be beating the men off me.

"Bitch I am awake!"

"Took you long enough! But seriously our truck will be here by ten."

Those few hours were a blur, but we were loaded up and ready to go. All our things were able to fit into the back of a truck Emmet had purchased a couple of months ago. We did not need any furniture because Mr. Knapp had been generous and furnished our new condo. We hugged Julie, Mr. Knapp, and Eden goodbye. As Emmet and I buckled up he grabbed my hand, squeezed it tight and did not let go as we drove off. Our future was officially real.