I knew Caelyn would never let me go to the gig Ron had invited me to, so I needed a major school-related excuse. Only studying with a friend for finals would offer me reprieve from my grounding. I tried not to feel too guilty about my deception, promising myself I would study vigorously after seeing Ron play for one magical night. I would go have my fun, and then seriously put my nose to the proverbial grindstone. I knew I was seriously breaking the rules…and lying…but I also knew that in about two weeks I would go away, left unable to see the boy I was falling in love with—there I'd said the word—for who knew how many months? I refused to believe the separation might even last a year. Yes, I was definitely due that one indulgence.
So I worked up the courage to ask, intent on going, even if I had to sneak out of my room.
But it turned out such extreme measures would be unnecessary.
"Just so long as it isn't one of the girls in on that swimming prank, okay?" she'd merely said when I'd asked her. "Junior year is important, and I want you to do well. It'll make a difference when you're applying to colleges."
I felt a pang of guilt. College was not only a dream for me of my mother's. Furthering my education had been a planned part of my future for myself for as long as I could remember. I really would have to get back to studying after my night of fun.
"I won't be with any of them, Mom; believe me!" At least there was a little bit of truth I could offer.
Ron's band had landed a gig when another band had canceled at the last minute. Granted, the venue was far from glamorous–they were playing a fraternity party at the university. Shane was friends with one of the brothers at Delta Tau Delta, who'd just happened to come to some of their rehearsals in Shane's garage. Ron had been hesitant to take the gig, feeling they were nowhere near ready to play outside the confines of the makeshift rehearsal space, but Shane's unsquashable enthusiasm had won out in the end.
"You'll see!! It'll be great!" He'd wrenched an arm around Ron's neck excitedly, almost pulling him to the school's cafeteria floor when he gave him the news. Ron still looked worried, but I'd begun to see the overcautious perfectionist in him. Shane was probably right, and Ron was worrying for nothing.
I'd been standing nearby, taking the whole moment in, excited for their chance to play in front an audience consisting of more than a handful of friends. I hadn't been lucky enough to catch a rehearsal yet, but I knew they would be amazing—despite Ron's worries.
Ron's dark eyes grew alight with excitement then. "Maura! You have to come!"
"Of course!" I exclaimed, feeling so good to be included and wanted. So much so, it took almost twenty full seconds before I could feel my face fall and utter a small, disappointed, "Oh…"
Ron understood immediately. "Oh…your mom."
"Yeah, my mom." Drat it all.
Merina piped up and saved the day…well, the night. "Just tell your mom you're studying with me." She had that impish grin on her face that was starting to break my heart. Because soon, I wouldn't see her smile again. I had to fight hard to hold the tears back, so we could appropriately celebrate her revelation of genius proportion.
"I think that just might work! Mom can't say no to studious activities!" I grinned back at her. "Good thinking, Merina!"
"That's why I love you, Baby!" Shane was exploding with excitement. "Beauty and brains." He kissed her fervently, his eyes radiating happiness, and she blushed in response.
Ron reached over and pulled me close into a clumsy hug. And so it'd been settled.
Saturday night, Merina showed up on my doorstep to walk me over to her house. Of course, Caelyn had emerged from her office to meet my new friend. She grilled her a bit, asking about her family, what she liked to study, what she did in her spare time.
I finally interrupted. "Mom! Stop giving her the third degree." Although I could understand her reasons, I could see that my new friend was growing uncomfortable. "We'd better go get some studying done. There's too much to go over!"
My eagerness must have set off some mom alarm in Caelyn. She eyed me suspiciously, as only she could. Those eyes of hers weren't only catlike in their color. I was ready to be out from under her scrutiny before I cracked and said or did something really stupid.
I picked up my black and red backpack, laden with books and a change of outfit more suited for a frat party than the totally boring study costume I had on at present—some of my more-tattered jeans and a Gorrilaz t-shirt.
"It was nice to meet you, Merina," Caelyn said in earnest. She must've been as impressed with the girl's shy sweetness as I. "See you in the morning, Maura." She kissed the top of my head. Only I could recognize the panic at the back of her eyes. Was her worry more for me, sleeping in a strange place, or for her, rattling around the house by herself for an entire night without me to fret over?
"Don't worry, Mom; it'll be okay." I kissed her smooth cheek. "I'll be back to annoy and pester before you know it." I smiled at her, and she ruffled my hair like she always did. Then, Merina and I escaped out into the night.
The frat house was within walking distance from my own, as were Shane and Merina's. So ironically sad it was that since I'd made new friends I could hang out with at any time, I was leaving them very far behind. It was my life, so yeah, that figured.
We were stopping by Merina's place first to change and, as she put it, "get pretty." I hoped she didn't have too much prep in mind. I was eager to get to the party and see Ron. We'd both been in school yesterday, so with no classes together, the day had been both long and boring. He'd insisted we follow my advice of the day before and spend the afternoon hours, before my mom came home, studying. Caelyn had insisted she and I go out to dinner, probably to prevent any chance of Ron joining us again. So, after the day's equally-tedious, mostly-Ronless school day I felt like I was having withdrawal.
Merina was quiet as we walked, probably wrapped up in thoughts of Shane, herself. But she became animated once again when we arrived, beaming brightly as she indicated the cute cottage-like house before us.
"Here we are! That's my room up there." She pointed to a small balcony outside a pink-curtained window. Attached to the railing was a trellis with yellow roses winding their way throughout. I could imagine Shane climbing that.
"Wow, that's like something out of Romeo and Juliet."
She nodded, and I could see a deep blush blooming in her cheeks by the light reaching from the front porch. Then, I was fairly certain Shane had climbed that trellis and had to let a giggle escape. We both put on more appropriately serious expressions as we went through the front door to face her parents.
"Hey, Mom and Dad, this is Maura," Merina addressed them simply. They both rose to greet me, but what stood out for me about them was their relaxed state. Neither seemed plagued by the anxious demeanor Caelyn carried around constantly. Both put their hands out to take mine and we exchanged "nice to meet yous."
Merina looked a lot like her mother, but her big hazel eyes came from her dad. They all had the same black-brown hair, but Merina's was straight like her dad's, while her mother's hung in tight curls that touched her shoulders.
"Shane must be so excited?" her mom asked. I envied the fact Merina didn't have to lie to her parents.
Merina grabbed her mother's hands in her own excitement. "Excited is a gross understatement!"
Again, I felt a pang of envy. If my mother knew where I was going that night, excitement would not be one of the emotions anyone would be feeling…well unless you counted the excitement brought on by fear.
"Come on, Maura!" Merina grabbed my hand and tugged enthusiastically. The mention of Shane had gotten her moving. I was awash with emotion at Merina's casual grasp at my hand, like we'd been friends forever. She didn't even comment on the strange iciness my skin had seemed to take on as of late. Caelyn had dismissed the chill as a need for more iron in my diet.
"Are you girls going to eat dinner?" Merina's mom called after us, as we were flying up the stairs, Merina in a panic to get ready then.
"We'll get something at the party, Mom!"
"Okay, Sweetie." Wow. Caelyn would never let me get away with that.
Merina's bedroom was very different from mine. Far more girly. Stuffed animals—gifts from Shane? He was wickedly skilled at amusement park games—half-covered a lacy pink bedspread which matched the curtains. I had a shelf of collectible figurines from video games and anime; she had one populated by elaborately-dressed dolls. I was kind of surprised to see Merina's wardrobe had a slight Goth flair I was afraid I could never pull off. There were three clothes dressers in the room, and one of the sliding closet doors was open to reveal its bursting-at-the-seams status. Given the variety of clothes Merina wore to school, I'd already figured out she had far more clothes than I did. I'd never seen her wear the same thing twice. I just didn't have as much imagination when it came to my own wardrobe…plus, I was picky. Most of my clothes came from eBay since I could never find my particular style displayed along the racks with the other cookie-cutter items at the mall.
Merina was following my eyes. "I want you to wear something of mine tonight, okay?"
I looked at her with a doubt-filled expression. I had to be a full three inches taller. But then she produced a pair of one-size-fits-most leggings from one of the dresser drawers. I was intrigued. The outer sides had a full two-inch strip of black lace from ankle to hip. I had time to wonder briefly if Ron would like them before she went to the closet and produced a shirt to go with them. It was a long, red, tunic-styled shirt with a black skull-and-crossbones stenciled across the front. I almost protested the garment wasn't really my style…but we were going to a rock concert of sorts, so I figured I should probably break out of my shell and try something besides babydoll dresses and Mary Janes. Well, the babydoll dresses anyway. Turned out Merina and I were not the same shoe size.
I slipped into the clothes and assessed my reflection in Merina's full-length mirror. I was pleasantly surprised to find I liked the look on me. The dark leggings made my legs look even more long and slender, but the loose top, flowing almost halfway down the thigh, made me feel adequately, safely, hidden. I wasn't one to offer my body up for ogling eyes… Baring my skin made me vastly uncomfortable.
"I love this!" I exclaimed, the anticipation of the night claiming me as well. "Thanks, Merina!"
"No worries." She smiled approvingly. "Ron will love it; this is such a great look for you!" She went back to the closet to claim her own outfit. In a few moments, she was clothed similarly. But her leggings were white, overlain by a similar black and white top, sporting an ornate gothic cross.
Next was make-up, and Merina framed my already-dark eyes in heavy black liner and murky eye shadows. She finished my look with deep-red lipstick before teasing and fluffing my long hair into nearly double its volume. I almost didn't recognize my reflection once she was done.
"Wow, Maura, you look amazing! I am a genius. Hehe." I agreed. I could almost pass for one of the college girls at the moment.
"I love it. Thank you!"
Merina finished her own hair and makeup, since I wasn't equally talented in that department, and we were ready to go. To my surprise, Merina's mom didn't blink an eye at the way we looked as we left. I was relatively sure Caelyn wouldn't have allowed me out of the house.
I felt a strong pang of hunger, almost painful, as we waved goodbye and exited. I hoped we really would get to eat at the party. Suddenly, I was starving.
There were people packed in from wall to wall of the frat house basement. I immediately felt uncomfortable. So many people and so much heat... I wasn't completely confident with my new outfit... Where was Ron... *I'm so hungry!* my stomach roared to my brain. I felt slightly nauseous and swayed slightly on my feet.
Strangely, Merina picked up on that. She put a steadying hand on my shoulder. "Hey! You okay?" Her brow furrowed the way Caelyn's did when I was sick.
I blinked and tried to focus on keeping to my feet. My skin felt clammy and slick, but very cool on the surface, and I wondered briefly if I might be coming down with something. "I think so." I tried to flash a very convincing smile at her. "Just too much excitement, probably. Remember; I don't get out much." I was immediately embarrassed at the unexpected revelation and put my head down.
But she seemed to understand and patted me gently. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel a little dizzy myself! I've never been to a frat party before!!" She whispered that last part, conspiratorially, and I felt better. It was a wonder what real friends could do for your self-confidence.
I resigned myself to Merina's wisdom. It must be the overexcitement, probably coupled with the fact we hadn't eaten, the hour rapidly approaching 8:00 PM. We'd been there almost an hour waiting for the guys to get their gear set up so we could talk to them before they went on.
Merina grabbed my hand again and pulled me toward the stage area. She reminded me of a playful, eager puppy when she went into motion, wanting to be somewhere else. I loved it. Her enthusiasm was absolutely contagious. I had another rush of regret, tinged with the desire to stay put in the town I'd lived in all my life, but only recently begun to enjoy. I wondered if there was any way to talk Caelyn out of the move? I set myself the goal of at least one valiant attempt when I got home the next day.
"Hi, Shane." Her whole being lit up as he turned toward her. "Maura isn't feeling so good, so we're going to go scout some chow, okay?"
Ron was standing beside Shane, plugging his guitar into his amp, but his ears pricked up at Merina's words. He immediately turned and grabbed both my hands. "You okay, Maura?" His eyes grew deep with the concern flooding them.
I felt all warm and melty inside from his attentions. "Oh yeah. I'm just kinda hungry; that's all." That was a gross understatement. I was starving, my stomach growling in werewolf proportions. "And it's really hot in here."
"It's definitely not an ideal Maura environment." He winked in a knowing way. "I really appreciate the effort."
"It's nothing! I'm dying to hear you guys play."
"By the way," he added, eyeing me up and down so my cheeks grew hot, "I love the new outfit." He winked at me, making my blush deepen.
"It's Merina's," I admitted, looking down at the toes of my black Mary Janes.
"Well, Merina's good taste looks great on you." He grinned and squeezed my hands.
I felt Merina tug at my hand again. "Come on, Maura. Let's get some food in you so you don't pass out before the first set!"
"Okay," I said, still unable to tear my eyes away from Ron's. My mind flashed a brief image of red, raw meat at me, and my stomach growled aggressively in response. I didn't know quite how to feel about that, but I turned away, somewhat reluctantly, and let myself be dragged up the staircase, through the living room and into the small kitchen of the house. There was pizza on the table, along with several bowls of chips and dips. My stomach flip-flopped with joy as I inhaled the scent of cheese and pepperoni deeply. I'd had always been a hearty eater and refused to apologize for my appetite.
I was wolfing down my fourth slice before I even looked up at Merina again. She was staring at me a little wide-eyed. "Wow...you are hungry."
I looked at her sheepishly, unfailingly tearing away at the slice. "Sorry; when I get nervous, I get hungry."
She laughed my strange behavior off and picked up her second slice of vegetarian. "I'm just envious; that's all. If I ate that much, I'd gain a zillion pounds!"
I took it easy after that, casually picking at the chips, though I felt like burying my head in the bowl. I used the distraction of the guys coming upstairs to wolf down another two meat-laden slices. Merina was busy, lock-lipped to Shane, and, as far as Ron was concerned, that was the first pizza I may have eaten. An image of me with snout and curly tail flashed in my brain, making me smile up at Ron a bit more feverishly.
"Wow, you're really happy tonight...and somehow different," Ron remarked.
"Too much excitement!" I was going to play that one for all it was worth.
There were two others standing with Ron. I'd noticed the lead singer and bass player putting all their equipment into place, but I'd never met either. Ron noticed them, following my stare.
"Maura," he indicated the first of the two moving up toward the spread of food, "this is our lead singer, Chad."
Chad wasn't as tall as Ron, but he had a huge smile and mischievous green eyes. His dirty-blonde hair was long, hanging far past his shoulders. "Hey!" was all he got out before shoving pizza in his mouth.
"And our bass player, Mike."
Mike was tall and very quiet. He merely nodded in response to Ron's introduction. He had a vicious look about him, and his profile somehow reminded me of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. I felt glad, while I was shaking his hand, he couldn't read my thoughts. His short-cropped black hair and small, darting blue eyes had a somewhat dangerous feel about them.
A tall, lanky frat boy—Greek letters displayed across his chest—approached us and tapped Ron on the shoulder. "Hey, guys, it's time for you to go on."
"Showtime!" Shane declared loudly. Ron sighed and pressed his full lips together, tightly. I guessed he was committing himself to the performance, ready or not.
His hand clamped over mine and pulled me along. The part of me wanting to stay and wolf down more protein-covered pizza warred with the other eager to see Ron's band in action for the first time. I honestly couldn't believe how hungry I still was. My stomach growled again as if attempting to convince me to stay put.
The sound was loud enough for anyone around to hear. Ron laughed lightly and said, "Don't worry, Maura. We'll come get some more food after the first set. And if your stomach roars like that again, I'll even take us all out after the show's over." He grinned and poked at my belly through the roughed-up cotton texture of the shirt. I rolled my eyes in mock annoyance in response.
Once down the stairs and in the basement, the guys took the makeshift stage. I felt little flutterings of butterfly excitement in my gut…or was that too much pizza? No, definitely the band. In an instant, the small, overcrowded space came to life with the music. When Ron started strumming his electric guitar, I felt myself go weak in the knees. He almost seemed like a different person. There was no self-doubt in those moments, only unshakeable confidence and undeniable skill.
Most of the songs were familiar. It was clear that Death Moon was predominantly a cover band. They also played three original songs, impressing me, and everyone one else in the room it seemed, with their talent. Their first song was a Muse cover—one of my favorites, in fact. I felt lost in the music, noticing that Ron really opened up when he played.
They all put on a good show. Chad's voice was perfectly suited for the music they chose. He sang high and strong, pushing the crowd into a near frenzy. Shane kept perfect time, and Ron played up his role to epic proportions, causing the girls in the crowd eye him in a way I couldn't help but feel uneasy about. But who could blame them? So, I focused on being the lucky one he would walk over to after all the rock star stuff had come to an end.
Merina was squealing excitedly beside me throughout the set. She was obviously enjoying watching Shane play as much as I was Ron. I couldn't fathom what he'd been worried about. They were truly amazing. And the crowd at the frat house party thought so too. After every song, raucous applause and shouting filled the room. After a couple of songs, I happily noticed Ron really start to relax and become completely overtaken by his role as lead guitarist.
I felt someone bump me from behind. I half-turned and did a face plant into the chest of a boy I didn't know.
I looked up…way up… He must have been at least six-foot-seven. His lips parted in a drunken, silly sort of way, and his words slurred out a "Hey, want a beer?" His arm extended too far to offer the beverage, and amber liquid sloshed over the lip of the clear plastic cup making a large, alcohol-soaked spot on Merina's borrowed shirt. I was horrified. I hoped she wouldn't get in trouble because of me.
"You're soooo pretty. Wanna beer?" he slurred again.
I had no intention of adding underage drinking to my list of crimes that night. "No, thanks." I took a step back from him.
"Awww, c'mon." He slung a big, heavy arm across my shoulders and pulled me to him. I could see Ron stiffen on stage as my eyes darted to his position instinctively.
"No!" I pushed with all my might, but he was bigger and much stronger. He dragged me along with him as he shuffled toward the stairs. Merina seemed to be frozen in place, her face a mask of panic.
"Stop it!" He'd moved his arm down around my waist so he could haul me up the stairs. My brain started to become as panicked as the expression I'd seen on my new friend's face.
"Let's get some air."
That's what I thought he said as he dragged me across the kitchen. Even in my state of fright, I could smell the pizza, distinctly picking out fragrances of bacon, ham, pepperoni and beef as we moved past. *How can you possibly be concerned with food right now??* I thought to myself, incredulously.
Once out the back door, I began to grow genuinely afraid. We were out of sight of all my friends, and even if we hadn't been, Ron was trapped playing a set. Not that I would want to wreck that for him. His first gig… I gathered my resolve to handle the situation as expediently as possible, by myself, so I could get back inside and save the moment. *He's obviously drunk; how hard can this be?* a voice inside my head asked.
That was about the time I comprehended the guy was completely harmless. Other than practically kidnapping me from the party, he really didn't mean any harm. His blue eyes widened innocently as he released me, offering his beer again. "Wan' some?" He smiled in a hopeful manner.
"Ummm, no, thanks. I'm really not old enough to drink."
"You sure?"
"Quite." I watched him shrug his shoulders and chug half the beer. I took a couple of steps back, and he didn't try to stop me. I was pretty certain he'd gotten caught up in the moment, wishing for someone of the female persuasion to drink with.
"Hey, my boyfriend's playing in the band. And…he looked pretty worried when you hauled me up the stairs just now," I explained.
"Oh, wow…sorry." He lifted the cup to his lips again but lowered his eyes repentantly.
"Sooooo, I'm just going to go back downstairs again, okay?"
"Sure." He kept drinking, and I turned to go.
"Wait!" He reached out to grab my wrist as I walked away. He probably just wanted to put in a last ditch effort to keep me there, but after being forcibly taken up the stairs, some instinct in my body took over.
"Let me go!!" I didn't speak but, instead, roared at him. I slid my arm forward through his grasp to push his chest and throw him backward. In that moment, I was infuriated. Angry beyond reason. Even though I knew down deep he hadn't meant any harm, I was incensed he'd brought me outside against my will, worrying Ron and Merina. Some part of me, as if looking at the moment from outside my body, was horrified that I wanted to actually hurt him. But that part of me was small and powerless to stop what happened next.
I gnashed my teeth together, so hard they hurt, with the force of my rage. I realized a second later, the pain stemmed from my lower lip, into which I'd sunk my left canine. The rich taste of blood flowed over my tongue, doubling the anger exploding through my head and branching down into my chest.
The coppery scent of blood hung thick in the air, as well. I realized I'd shoved the boy so hard that he'd cracked his skull against the stone walkway at the back of the house. The right side of his head bore an ugly gash, at least three inches long. Typical of most head wounds, the cut bled profusely, the boy left unconscious. Instead of reacting with horror, as I should have, my stomach cramped sharply with insatiable hunger once again.
I felt horrified then, but only with myself. I wanted to consume…to consume him! I'd never wanted to eat so badly before….ever. My thoughts, not borne of my own will, turned from the food in the kitchen. My mind rejected the normal offerings, driven by some auto-pilot impulse. I found my eyes pulled, by animal instinct, to the boy lying on the ground. My stomach flip-flopped with desire when I watched the blood slide onto the ground beneath his head.
If anyone had asked me to explain what I felt I'd ask them to imagine being hungry. As hungry as they've ever been in their life. As if they hadn't eaten for days. As if their favorite dish was laid out before their starving body, tempting every sense, uncontrollably.
That was how I felt as my eyes fixated on his seeping wound. My brain pulsed, flexing like a muscle and sending a memory burning through my head. The picture was from that night in the shower when my own blood had flowed into my mouth from an injury hauntingly similar to his. I recalled the perfectly satisfying flavor, the ravenous way the taste had twisted my stomach before the shock of what I'd been doing had taken over.
There was no shock strong enough to stop me then. Just a greedy, driving impulse pounding through every cell. I was hungry, and I wanted beyond all wants, to eat. A red film pervaded my eyes, turning the world crimson. My pulse screamed inside my head, exiling all other sound. And the boy's blood called to me, drawing me down to my knees on the ground beside him.
"Maura!" From somewhere very far away, part of me acknowledged Ron's voice. The reverberation was enough to draw me up, up, up from where I was, at present, drowning in gluttony at the taste of blood. Not quite enough though; I continued to lap at the side of the nameless boy's head.
"MAURA!!" Ron's voice was much more forceful then—a force to be reckoned with—and rife with shock. But he didn't settle for shouting at me. I felt him behind me, hooking his hands under my shoulders and jerking me to my feet in an instant.
He whirled me around, roughly, and I found myself staring blankly into his face, trying to focus. "My god! What are you doing?!!" He was shouting at me, his face not an inch from mine, but I still couldn't come around from my bloodhaze completely. I wanted to shove him away…violently…and reattach my mouth to the bloody wound at my feet.
"Stop! Leave me alone!" I fought against him until I saw Shane coming through the door after us. He stopped short and stared at me, his mouth gaping open with shock, fear in his eyes. Ron pushed him back inside, slamming the door in his face.
He turned his attention back to me and shook me forcefully. "Maura." My name came out a rough whisper. "What's wrong with you?!!"
He wiped the back of his right hand across my mouth. The left came up after to cover my mouth and nose, attempting to sweep away the bloody mess with his fingers. I heard from that small, not-in-control part of my mind again. A tiny voice wondering exactly what was happening. The part in control didn't care about anything except his exquisite scent. He smelled better than the pizza, better than the boy's blood… I struck at him, precipitously, like a viper. He narrowly avoided the sink of my teeth into his skin.
I had to give Ron credit; he only looked frightened for a moment. In the slice of an instant, he composed the look on his face, bravely took another spit-laden swipe at the corner of my mouth and jerked the door back open.
He hauled Shane out by the front of his shirt and then slammed the door shut—that time in Merina's astonished face—once again.
Shane's eyes slid toward me, then flicked quickly back to Ron's face. They stayed there.
"Shane." Ron said his name with calm and quiet. "This guy fell and hit his head." He inclined his own toward the figure sprawling before us. "Maura was trying to help him by cleaning up the wound." He said those words with such weight, as if he were burning them into Shane's head with a branding iron. "You got that? She was helping him." When Shane didn't respond he shook him firmly, as he had me before. "Do you understand?"
Shane snapped out of the trance he'd seemed trapped in. He looked from Ron's face to my own, blinked a couple of times and then nodded his head. He licked his lips before he spoke. "Yeah. Yeah, I've got it." He shook his head to clear it, and Ron released his grip on Shane's shirtfront.
At that moment, my head snapped around to the left corner of the house at the sound of approaching footsteps. Caelyn glided into my view, as smooth as silk in her tight black-leather jacket. The expression on her face was enough to render my knees incapable of supporting my weight. I slid toward the ground, but Ron hauled me back up immediately. I tried to form words, but my vocal cords didn't seem to be working. My head was starting to clear to the fact that Caelyn was going to kill me, slowly, painfully… I looked up to Ron, fully mindful he had no power to save me.