My mother's decision to move had been brought on abruptly, so we were moving into an apartment for a while, affording us the luxury of taking our time to find a more permanent option. As well, the house back in Pennsylvania hadn't sold yet, leaving Caelyn a bit short on down-payment funds, despite her higher-than-average salary.
The apartment turned out to be perfect. It was a spacious two-bedroom corner suite, smaller than our little house in Pennsylvania, but just enough to have a cozy feel. Caelyn even let me have the bigger bedroom, though I'd protested vehemently.
After we'd arrived and everything started to be a little less about leaving Ron behind, I tried to find purpose—I was hungry for distraction. It was still early June, with more than two months remaining until I could find myself lost in the world of a new classroom with an ocean of assignments to drown in.
For the moment, my mission became ensuring the internet was up and running as soon as possible. Our new carrier was a company called TELUS, and they had an internet-based TV service Caelyn wanted to try. That meant new wiring, which ultimately meant a delay in service…or in my world, a delay in emailing Ron. Caelyn's company was snail-mailing her a new cell phone with a Vancouver number, which meant we didn't need a home phone. I could've called Ron, but I knew that would be expensive. I'd attempted to once, at one of the few remaining pay phones in North America—the 7-11 around the corner. I'd desperately fed the slot change so that I could continue to hear the sound of his voice, but that hadn't lasted anywhere near long enough. Oh well, at least he knew we'd arrived safely. And after the operator had come on to ask me for the last lingering coins in my palm he'd stammered, "I-I-I love you, Maura."
I hadn't even had time to answer him, and that was eating away at my very soul.
Which was probably why I followed the TELUS guy around our apartment, asking not once, but twice, how much longer he would be. Caelyn had obviously picked up on my obsession and ushered me, quite unwillingly, out of the house. I followed her sullenly around the local mall, positive I could have been emailing Ron at that moment if we'd just stayed home.
I hadn't even noticed we'd gone into a TELUS store until Caelyn slapped an iPhone into my palm.
I looked up at her in shock, and she rolled her eyes. "Here, Maura." She added quickly, "On one condition! You stop moping around once you can talk to him again."
I was gaping at her, unable to speak.
She stood behind me and started tapping the screen. I'd never had a cell phone before. I tried to follow the movements of her nimble, practiced fingertips.
"He has one too," she said softly. I felt my eyes mist over. "See, I already put his number into your phone."
I felt my eyes light up.
"For texting! International calls are expensive, so we'll discuss any of those before you make them. Am I clear?"
I nodded like a bobble-headed idiot. The generosity of my mother was breaking my heart all over again, but in a warm way. I clumsily managed to compose a short message and hit send. I felt a tear escape, right there in the middle of the crowded store, when Ron texted back.
I 'm glad you feel that way too! : )
The rest of the summer was pretty uneventful. Caelyn and I fell back into our normal old routine. Me, hanging around the house cleaning, watching anime and video gaming, and my mother working away most of her waking hours. The seasonal temperatures were quite noticeably milder close to the ocean in British Columbia, but I still preferred staying indoors.
I took over the kitchen again, once my mother saw that I was adopting her protein-packed menu. I enjoyed walking up to the Safeway, which was about two blocks from our house and bringing home a bag full of bloody beef. I'd taken to sneaking raw steaks, drinking the blood from the Styrofoam trays when the meat was all gone, like a child finishing the milk from an upturned cereal bowl. Of course, I was the only one home when I consumed my treat. I felt horrified by my actions each and every time, but the taste was so heavenly I couldn't stop. I thought maybe I understood how a drug addict might feel because it seemed impossible for me to go more than a week without one of my fixes.
Caelyn was adjusting well to the new office and clientele. She must have been a little stressed, though, as evidenced by the bundle of energy she'd become. She was always on edge, pushing herself even harder, working far into the night and running on very little sleep. It was a good thing she'd picked up an addiction of her own—Starbucks. But only high-test, not the fattening, fancy lattes. Caelyn had always been careful about her weight, not that I'd ever noticed an ounce of weight gain during our time together.
The major difference in my life came in the form of missing someone. Of course, I'd always felt the emptiness brought about by my father's absence, but there wasn't a clear picture in my head of the someone I had to do without. With Ron, the situation had played out entirely different, getting to know him, and then having him disappear from my daily routine, which made learning about email, instant messenger and texting—things I'd never really had a need for before—necessary parts of my survival. When my mother introduced me to Skype, I thought I might just be able to survive the summer.
We always called our Skype conversations 'date night.' And I was as fussy with my hair and choice of clothes as if the chat were a real, live date. I would've loved to be able to see his face and languish in those deep, green-brown eyes every night of the week. But after a five-night run, Caelyn had stated I was becoming obsessed, so we committed to a three-night schedule…with lots of texting in between.
As much as I looked forward to Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights when I could see his face again, saying goodbye at the end of an hour—a time restriction also in place to appease my mother—left me feeling hollowed out inside. I was sure I knew just how jack o'lanterns must feel.
Caelyn kept saying life would get easier, but my melancholy only seemed to grow worse. If I went too long without speaking to him, the image of his face burned in my mind like a hot iron, pushing through my brain and demanding my full attention. He made an appearance in my dreams every single night.
When August was drawing to a close, I had to face the fact that my hermit-style existence, with which I'd grown quite comfortable, was coming to an end. I dreaded the new school, the sea of unfamiliar faces. Ron noticed the change in me.
"You aren't saying much tonight," he pointed out. It was the last Saturday before school started. Usually, I felt jubilant when summer was finally coming to an end.
"Sorry!" I tried to perk up. "Hey, how's your mom?"
He lost his smile, and I wished I hadn't brought the subject up. "It's not good," was all he would say. Over the course of our summer conversations, I'd found out his mother had cancer. He wouldn't talk much about her illness, but I got the idea the disease had been caught much too late.
"Sorry," I said again, scarcely above a whisper, casting my eyes down into my lap.
"It's okay, Maura. It's very sweet of you to think of her." He changed the subject quickly. "But, hey, have you seen your new school yet?"
"No." I couldn't help the sullenness tainting my tone. I didn't dare look up.
"Ah, so that's it!"
My eyes shot up to screen level. "What's it?" I widened my eyes in false innocence.
"The reason you aren't yourself. You're worried about the new school."
"Not really," I tried to lie, averting my eyes.
"Nice try." He smirked. "I know you too well now for that to work. It won't be that bad. You've got to at least give it a chance."
"Easy for you to say. You don't even have to go back to stupid high school.�� I pouted. "You get to start college." I wished he'd been able to take my mother up on her offer and start at the University of British Columbia. Then, I might be a little happier about attending a new school. With a whole slew of strangers, in a new country. Okay, probably not.
"I've heard that Canadians are very friendly people, so I'm sure you'll love it." He offered me a smile tinged with sadness. "And my course load is really heavy, so you shouldn't envy me at all!" He ruffled his hair back out of his eyes with one hand and chuckled a little, but it sounded tense. I wished, for the millionth time, we were back in Pennsylvania so I could be there—and not just on a computer screen—to help him with all he was going through.
"Hey," I realized, "you never told me what your major's going to be." The hour was quickly coming to an end. I wanted him to focus on something positive before we had to say goodnight.
His smile became genuine. "I decided to go for Music Ed."
"Wow, a music teacher! Very cool." I offered my best smile in return.
"Yeah, you know, in case the whole band thing doesn't work out." His grin spread.
"And miss out on all those groupies?" I raised an eyebrow.
His eyes softened. "Maura, you're the only groupie I want."
"Maura!" Caelyn called from the kitchen.
"I know; time's up!" I shouted back.
"Actually…" She stuck her head in the room. "…I was going to see if you want to order pizza. But you are right; time's up." She grinned at me mischievously. "Hi, Ron." She waved at the computer screen.
I stuck my tongue out at her while they exchanged pleasantries. "Pizza sounds great! With lots of meat," I added.
"No problem." She mussed my hair, and I made a small sound of protest. "We can celebrate your last bit of freedom before school starts."
I made a sour face, and Caelyn made a hasty exit.
"Awww, come on, Maura, cheer up. I want my girl to be happy."
I would've been happier if he'd been bringing the pizza over himself, but the claim of ownership made me smile in spite of everything else.
"That's better. Now, come here and kiss me goodnight."
We both leaned in to kiss our computer screens. Nowhere near as good as the real thing…but far, far better than nothing at all.