If absence makes the heart grow fonder, it also wounds in the process. I'd grown far too used to Skype allowing me to let me see Ron's face. Since he had only a few precious moments to give me, I was like a drug addict going through withdrawal. I'd observed the process on TV and in movies, and our separation felt just as hard. He texted at least once a day, most days, but the mode of communication just wasn't the same.
I was having a particularly morose day, late in October. Susie was in full cheer-up mode. She even resorted to flicking a french fry across the table at Amanda, a very quiet brunette. Our friend squealed as the greasy bit bounced off her cheek and fell into her top. Most of the lunch room turned around to look, and Amanda flushed a red that was dangerously close to purple.
"Susie!!" she hissed, careful not to let the volume of her voice draw further attention. She fished for the fry, digging deep into the v-neckline of her purple sweater.
The two guys in our group, Kevin and Daniel, both howled with laughter, and I had to giggle a little. Susie had gone to such effort, after all, even if I did feel contrite over Amanda's embarrassment.
"You can't be mad." Susie batted her light-colored lashes at her friend. "Look; you got a giggle out of Maura."
"Ewww," was all Amanda said in response. She dabbed at her chest with a napkin and shot Susie a venomous look. Kevin and Daniel laughed harder.
Megan, the last member of our group, put her hand on my shoulder. "You haven't been smiling enough lately, Maura. It is nice to see, even if Susie did have to resort to such lengths." She shook her finger at Susie, like a scolding mother. Megan was a walking school-teacher stereotype. She wore either red or black, thick-rimmed glasses, depending on the color of her clothes, her straight, shiny dark hair twisted into a knot on the back of her head. She was perpetually studious and unobtrusive, with the occasional sarcastic flare.
"Thanks." I smiled at all of them, trying to show how grateful I was to have friends who cared about me.
"Hey, do you guys wanna meet down at the skate park after school?" Daniel asked. "I think I've finally taught Kevin how to stay on his board." Kevin immediately flicked Daniel, hard, on the ear.
Susie waited until the ensuing, short-lived scuffle was over before she answered. "Maybe for a little while, but I'm going to take Maura out for dinner, so we won't be staying long."
I opened my mouth to protest, but the bell rang, and Susie ran off to class, wearing a smug smile while waving goodbye, before I could say a word.
"Okay, Maura, Mexican or Chinese?"
"Huh?" I'd been deep in thought as Susie and I were walking down Sixth Street. She'd hooked her arm through mine, and I'd happily been lead along so I could better concentrate on the image of Ron's face in my head.
"Do you want to go to Hon's or Taco Del Mar?" She turned so she could rap on my skull with her free hand. "Hello? Anyone awake in there?"
"Sorry." I smiled repentantly. "Are tacos okay? And I can buy my own dinner!"
"I was hoping you'd say that! About the tacos, I mean… I'm still treating you tonight."
"But..."
"No buts." She gave me as stern a look as she could muster with that cute, round face of hers. "A girl can take her friend out for a gourmet, extravagant dinner at Taco Del Mar, can't she?"
I laughed. "Okay, but I owe you one. And you can at least let me buy you a Starbucks after." Susie nodded as we crossed the street to the restaurant.
I knew Susie had readily agreed to coffee after dinner because she wanted to talk. I didn't talk much while I was eating. My friend knew me well enough by then to know there wouldn't be much dinner conversation while I had food in front of me.
"Wow…" Susie remarked as I polished off four beef tacos with a huge side of rice and beans. I'd even eaten some of Susie's salsa and chips she'd so graciously offered. Susie'd told me a while ago she was in awe of my seemingly-bottomless stomach.
"Oh my…that was sooo good!" I patted my finally-full tummy appreciatively. "Thank you, Susie!"
"Hey, I'm just glad you came out with me tonight. You ready to go get that coffee?" That translated to: "Okay, I'd like to talk to you now." Funny how she and I had an unspoken communication after such a short time.
"Well, you're lucky Caelyn had a work meeting tonight." My mother liked for me to be home on the nights she was there as well.
"Yeeeeaaaaah…" Susie let the mystery of her sarcasm hang in the air. She flitted quickly to her feet and was halfway to the door before I got out of the booth.
"Hey, wait up!" I moved after her as fast as the heavy meal would allow.
After we'd waited for our beverages—there was an unspoken rule that we started no conversations until seated—Susie found two cushy chairs in a back corner.
Her nose crinkled up in delight as she sniffed at her Cinnamon Dulce Latte. The drink suited her, with that sprinkling across her nose. The flecks somehow made her even more endearing, like you could trust her with any secret, maybe even your life. I'd always wanted freckles, so I envied her that perfect little dusting. But my skin was unmarked paleness. I didn't possess a single freckle or birthmark—not even a mole.
I sipped at my regular coffee. I was trying to learn to like the beverage…drinking it made me feel more like the adult I was becoming. I still had to put in some sugar and a hefty amount of cream.
"Honestly, Maura, I don't see how you stay so slim. You eat like a lumberjack!"
"Good metabolism?" I shrugged my shoulders. Must have been, because I hadn't gained an ounce in the last six months.
"Some of us are just lucky, I guess." Susie sipped thoughtfully at her drink. She had her hands wrapped around the cup, drawing in its warmth. Fall was good for that, accosting people with that first chill, prompting them to seek out all the warm things that transformed the season into cozy and comfortable.
"So, your mom had another work dinner, eh?" Susie asked. She had a funny look in her eyes.
"Yeah…so?"
Susie leaned in, conspiratorially close. "You want to know what I think?"
"Well, I'm sure you're going to tell me, right?"
"I think your mom has a new boyfriend," she finished triumphantly.
"What?! No! You don't know how impossible that is!" I shot back. I regarded Susie as though she were a mental patient concocting a theory of impending zombie apocalypse.
"Oh, come on, Maura! Think about it… Who schedules work dinners on the weekend?"
"Some of her clients come from out of town. They stay for weeks at a time. There's just no way…" My mind was reeling at just the idea.
"Well, that does sound reasonable…" Susie seemed less sure of herself then. Then, she voiced her next thought. "But she didn't do this in Pennsylvania! You told me she just started working on weekends since you two moved here. Don't you find that at all strange?"
"Okay, yes, but it's a different country and different clientele. Vancouver's a much bigger city…" But I had to admit I'd started to mull over Susie's suggestion. She'd successfully planted the seed of doubt.
"Has she started dressing differently? Like better, you know? Does she get her hair done a lot, wear more makeup? Anything like that?"
I laughed at her line of questioning. "Oh, you don't know my mother! She always looks spectacular—her hair and makeup are always perfect, and she's always dressed up. Millionaire clients to impress, remember?"
"Well…has her mood changed at all? Is she forgetful, dreamy? Happier?"
That word made me start. Could a man be the reason behind Caelyn's upgraded mood? No, it had to be the new job, the change of scenery.
"Did I strike a nerve there, Maura?" Susie looked quite pleased with herself.
"Take it easy, Sue-lock Holmes!" She giggled at that. "Like I said, you don't know my mother. Okay…yes, she has had a definite mood turnaround, but if you knew her the way I do, you'd know that a boyfriend is, simply, an impossibility for her."
"How long's it been since she was seeing someone?" Susie kept up the sleuthing.
"She never has," I said. My voice came out weird and strained because the conversation was bringing up the whole Dad thing in that raw spot reserved for him inside my heart.
"So your Dad…?"
"Was the last guy she had in her life, yeah." I couldn't help wincing. I'd tried not to think about my missing father. The absence of Ron was sufficient to deal with.
"Wow…" Susie's face was frozen in a mask of awe. "Now, that's true love!"
"Yes," I answered softly, "and she's never stopped being miserable over losing him. She's only told me a little bit about him. Even talking about him hurts her too much. She doesn't like love songs or romantic movies. And I guess, now, I know how she feels. I don't think it's possible for her to be interested in someone new." I was speaking about myself at the end, as well as my mother.
"Still…" Susie's richly-green eyes were focused on some imaginary thought hanging in mid-air. "…seventeen years. That is a very, very, very long time to be single, don't you think? Maybe the move, the new surroundings have gotten to her somehow? Or maybe she just had to meet the right guy? Isn't it even remotely possible?"
I pondered on all that for a moment. "Okay…remotely, infinitesimally possible," I admitted. "But even if she is, there's no way she's going to tell me. Well, not unless it gets to a very serious point, anyway." I knew my mother well, and that kind of thing would definitely be on a need-to-know basis, like if she were getting engaged or something. I knew her guilt over depriving me of my father… I could tell she felt, at least, partly responsible…so she wouldn't bring a new man into our lives unless there was a rock-solid future there. "Guess I'll just have to wait and see."
"No, you don't!" Susie interjected, a wild light in her eyes. "You know where her office is, right?"
"Yes..."
"The next time she has one of her dinner meetings, we'll go downtown after school and follow her." She appeared quite satisfied with herself.
I thought about her suggestion for a couple of minutes. "I don't know…" I finally answered. "That seems pretty sneaky…and intrusive…and dishonest."
"Okay, point taken, but if she is seeing someone, who was the first one to be sneaky, intrusive and dishonest? Okay, not so much intrusive." Susie chuckled.
The thought that Caelyn could be doing what Susie had suggested behind my back started to make me a little miffed. Even if she didn't want me to meet men she might date, and that I could understand perfectly, she could at least be honest and tell me she was dating again. She had to know how much I worried about her relentless grief over my father's loss.
"And you'll go with me?" I asked meekly. I'd only been downtown once, to see my mother's spectacular new office. She'd driven me. Given my summer, living like a hermit crab, I hadn't tried out the SkyTrain yet. Hey, any new thing was a bit scary.
"Of course! We'll just go take an innocent peek. Either we'll find out your mom is telling you the truth and has been schmoozing her fingers to the bone, or…well, you know the alternative." Susie cut off at the end, seeing my pained expression at the thought of that outcome.
When I got home, Caelyn still wasn't back, so I popped on Skype to see if Ron might somehow, magically be available. He wasn't online, but Merina was. She hadn't been on much lately, and every time I'd looked at her offline status for the past few weeks, I'd cultivated a knot of dread in my stomach, making me wonder if there might be a troubling reason why she was staying away.
Nervously, I clicked on the call button. Merina answered, but she didn't look overly happy to see me. The knot doubled, tripled, making me feel nauseous, as always, when I felt that level of dread. I tried to slow and deepen my breathing so I could keep down the dinner gift from Susie.
"Hi, Maura." Merina spoke the words timidly like she was afraid her words were dangerous weapons. The trepidation that filled me made my blood icy in my veins.
Better to cut to the truth, and whatever was bothering her in such an obvious way? "Merina, I can tell something's wrong…and you haven't been around for such a long time. Just tell me. No matter how bad it is, it can't be as horrible as being left in the dark wondering, not knowing the truth. Would you want me to keep something from you about Shane, even if it was terrible? Wouldn't you want to know the truth instead of feeling like an idiot for believing something that was a lie?"
I was referring to that other girl; I supposed because Merina had been the one who'd revealed her existence in the first place, but then I had an even scarier thought. "Oh my god, Ron's mom… Has something happened, Merina?"
"No, no! She's doing pretty good, actually. Shane and I went to see her yesterday. She's still really weak and everything, but she's better than she was even a week ago." Merina had become a little more animated while relating the good news, but once she finished, she dipped her head. I knew she did so to avoid looking me in the eye.
"Come on, Merina." I sighed and bolstered myself up, prepared to hear the worst. "Out with it already."
Merina glanced up, and she had a fire in her eyes then. When she spoke, there was fury in her voice, and she found her courage along with it. "I just hate to see you get hurt! You're too sweet to have someone treat you like this!"
Oh boy, the news must've been bad. "Ron, right?"
"Yes Ron! He's a jerk, Maura. I know he hasn't been talking to you much. I asked him myself!"
"You did? You talked to him? Okay, what's going on?" What had he done that had upset Merina so much?
"Yes, I saw the snake. We were coming back from getting some dinner—me and Shane—and he was out on the steps of that frat house…you know, where we went to the party?"
"Yes, yes…" I nodded impatiently, wishing she'd get to the part where Ron was behaving like a reptile.
"Well, he was sitting on the steps with her. The same girl from the pizza place. Shane said she's in one of his classes. Her name is Natalie."
I didn't care at the moment what the girl's name was; I just wanted the rest of the story. I grasped the edges of my computer desk in white-knuckled fury and implored Merina with my eyes…which felt as though they were bulging out of their sockets.
"He was sitting there with his arm around her, rubbing his hand across her back. He stopped when we walked up, like he felt guilty or something. I was so furious! I asked him if he'd talked to you lately, right in front of her! He even had the nerve to say he'd been really busy with his mom and homework, so I said to him, 'Well, you seem to have some free time now!' Then, I walked away, even leaving Shane there by himself… I was just so angry! And the way he acted like it was nothing…like he wasn't doing anything wrong."
I was hung up on a particular set of her words. "You said he was rubbing her back?"
"Yes, he was!" Merina spit the words out. I could tell she'd been bottling her anger regarding his actions. "But like I said, he stopped when we walked up…like he knew he shouldn't be. Jerk!"
"Well, I guess I know the real reason he hasn't had any time for me. He has something else to take up his time." I felt like the biggest fool in the world, making up all those excuses for his lack of attention. Why couldn't he have just told me? At least that would have been a truth I could respect.
"Oh, Maura." Merina's anger melted away in an instant. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you. But Shane said I had to...and I knew he was right. It's not fair for him to keep deceiving you. And I thought he was a good guy." Her voice quavered.
"Yeah, I did too." I was fuming. I didn't usually lose my temper to such a degree, so it was an unfamiliar feeling, being so enraged—being made such a fool of. At that moment, my phone vibrated, making me jump, I was so on edge. I picked it up to read the text lighting up the home screen. "Oh, it's Ron." I sounded much calmer than I felt, but it was a bitter, dangerous calm.
"Really? What did he say?"
I read his text aloud: "Maura, I'm at the hospital right now, but I need to talk to you. Can we Skype once I'm home? Give me an hour."
Merina got angry again. "Damage control, huh?"
"Yes, he has to know you'd tell me. The last time, he didn't know you saw him, did he?"
"I don't think so… Are you going to give him a chance to explain?"
"Not tonight. I'm too mad to even see straight. I need some time to cool down before I say something too unpleasant. His mom is still in the hospital."
"Maura, you're too nice," Merina chided. "Not that I don't wish I could do the same if I were in your shoes."
I heard the front door open, to my surprise. "Oh, Mom's home?" I questioned no one except myself.
But Merina answered, "It is after eight there, shouldn't she be home?"
"She had a work dinner… She usually isn't back from them so early is all." I thought about the possibility Caelyn could be lying to me too, and I became incensed all over again. "I'm going to go check it out, okay?"
"Sure, Maura…and, Maura?"
"Yes?"
"I'm really, really sorry I had to tell you that."
"No. Thanks, really. At least I can trust you to be honest with me." I ended the call. It was time I started standing up for myself. I couldn't help but wonder if I was the reason people were dishonest with me. Was I projecting myself as a doormat?
Caelyn came into my room before I could venture out to find her. "You're home early." I tried to keep any kind of negative emotion out of my voice.
She crossed the room to me. "Maura, are you okay?"
I still didn't want to tell her about Ron. She'd already reacted with too much caution regarding my involvement with him. I didn't want to give her any more ammunition in her quest to prevent me from getting my heart broken… I guessed somewhere deep down I was hoping Merina might be mistaken. But, given what she'd described to me, coupled with Ron's secrecy and avoidance, I didn't see how she could be.
"Yes, I'm just tired. I had a lot of homework."
She saw the open Skype screen. "Looks like you were talking to Ron."
I let her believe that. "Aren't you home early?" I pointed the fact out again.
"Oh, the dinner meeting!" She said as if she'd completely forgotten to mention her appointment to me that morning. I grew more mistrustful. "Something came up at the office, so I had to put it off until tomorrow night."
"Oh yeah, what came up?"
Caelyn looked rightfully taken aback. I rarely asked her about her work. She eyed me with suspicion when she answered. "Some samples that were supposed to be in today got shipped to the wrong location. I had to pacify the screaming client when she showed up at 4:00, and I had nothing for her. Then, I had to track the samples down. Luckily, they were delivered to Calgary, which is close enough for the courier to deliver them to me by 7:00 AM tomorrow." She raised her perfect eyebrow at me. "Why the sudden interest, Dear?"
I knew I had to be more nonchalant if Susie's plan was going to work. Caelyn would never slip up if she thought I knew something was amiss. Her overprotectiveness would outweigh her own happiness, as it always had. That thought softened me up just a touch, so I could pull off acting more normal.
"I don't know. It just feels like you're never around anymore, and even when you are, I never ask you about what you do when you're at work. I guess I just think it's time I started showing more interest—like you do about my schoolwork. And, I mean, you seem to really love what you do. Who knows, maybe that's what I'll end up doing too." I shrugged at the end, looking at her with what I hoped was innocent curiosity.
She walked over and hugged me, and I breathed a sigh of relief— imperceptibly. "Wow, Maura, you really are growing up, aren't you?" She pulled away from me and gazed into my eyes, her own glistening. Instantly, I felt guilty and lowered mine.
"Thanks," I muttered softly.
My mother seemed thrilled to find I could be interested in interior design. I'd sentenced myself to an evening of animated discussion, focused around what she did on a day-to-day basis. She even went into her office and brought out some tile and curtain samples to show me. I feigned interest and gave Caelyn my full attention until it was time for bed. I figured that was my penance to pay for lying in the first place…well, not a complete lie. I did think what my mother did for a living was cool, and learning more about her job had offered me a chance to tuck the whole Ron situation into a back recess of my brain.
When I was lying in bed, I sent a text to Susie.
Mom canceled dinner tonight. Is tomorrow too short notice to go downtown?
In just a couple of minutes, she answered.
No way! Tomorrow is perfect! : )
I was happy Susie didn't have other plans. I was hoping to prove her wrong and put the whole scheme behind me. But what if her suspicions congealed into fact? I tried to quiet the muddy thoughts seeping around in my brain, keeping me awake.
I had no idea what time I finally fell asleep. Ron had texted a couple of times, but I had no desire to read them. I had zero energy left to deal with anything. When I did drift off, my dreams were full of my mother.
She appeared in several different places…waiting in a restaurant, walking down a city street, sitting on a bench in a park. In every location, she was with a man—I could tell by his stature—but in every scene, he was shrouded in darkness, his features indiscernible. It was like his own personal shadow followed him, obscuring him, no matter how the light fell around him—which gave me a sense of deja vu I couldn't quite place. Caelyn was speaking, enthusiastically, but her companion remained a mystery to me. He was left in the dark, just like me. But I was the only one standing on the outside.
When morning finally came, I felt as tired as I had when I'd gone to bed the night before. I dragged my feet into the kitchen where Caelyn was making a pot of coffee. The dark liquid smelled delicious. I wondered, since she'd remarked on my growing up, if she would share.
"Mom, can I have some coffee? I didn't sleep good." My voice came out with a touch of whine…definitely not good for achieving adult status.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Mink." Caelyn was rushing around, smoothly, getting ready for work. She'd always limited, and most times restricted, my sugar and caffeine intake.
"But I'm so sleepy!" And cranky.
"Mink, I said no." She ruffled my hair as she whizzed by. "It's a bad habit."
"But you're drinking it." I pouted.
"I'm too far gone for help." She winked as she emptied the pot into her travel mug. "Have some eggs, okay? That'll jump start you." She hurried off to the bathroom to finish doing her hair.
I moved like a sloth over to the cabinet to grab down a bowl, so I could whisk up some scrambled eggs. I was careless, and when my arm came down with the heavy object, I sent Caelyn's handbag flying. "Crap!"
Of course her purse was open…and, of course, it landed upside-down, more than a little annoying given my drowsy state, but I quickly got down on the linoleum to scoop the contents back in. Luckily, even though it was a pretty roomy bag, Caelyn traveled light. When I turned the Italian leather over, though, the plain brown envelope that was the trademark of the Canadian Government caught my eye. I'd been watching for an envelope like that to show up in our mailbox for weeks.
It had been opened, so I could easily peek inside. There were two health cards, one for me and one for my mother. The mailing address on the letter inside was for her office downtown. My head reeled as realization sunk in. Caelyn must have asked for them to be sent there, while she'd had me checking our home mailbox for weeks. And how long had she had them? Could it be possible she'd been so busy she'd forgotten to mention they'd arrived? She knew how worried I'd been. I felt dizzy with all the insufferable questions spinning inside my head.
I knew my mother would be coming out of the bathroom at any minute. At first, I was tempted…very tempted…to thrust the envelope in her face and demand an explanation. I was shocked to find my mother had been hiding my health card from me—which she claimed was the only thing stopping me from going to the doctor for a checkup. I was livid. I looked the envelope over. The postmark date made me see red—July thirty-first!
Susie must have been right! The only explanation had to be that Caelyn was dating a new boyfriend and was so distracted she couldn't even remember to give me my health card. Or she was too busy, juggling a more exhilarating career and a new love life, for sparing a moment to care about me anymore?
I heard the tapping of her toothbrush against the porcelain sink and knew she was finishing her morning routine, so I quickly stuffed everything back into the purse, including the telltale envelope. Trying to focus on Susie's plan, I went to the fridge to retrieve the eggs. All I had to do was hold back my temper for a few more minutes, I told myself, and my mother would be out the door. If I confronted her then, I knew everything would come out once we started shouting at each other. Even if I didn't spill the beans about my other suspicion—one that seemed far more plausible at present—Caelyn would probably stop seeing the guy, just to be careful. I wanted the whole truth.
Like clockwork, my mother emerged from the bathroom at precisely the same time she did every morning. I concentrated on making sure the eggs were blended together perfectly, with no clear gobs showing through, when she came over to kiss my cheek and tell me goodbye.
"Have a good day, Mink."
"Mmm-hmmm."
"Be careful going to school."
"MMMM-HMMM."
She sighed heavily. "Maura, are you really that upset about not getting any coffee?"
My phone rang. I glanced over but could tell by the ringtone, Muse's "Endlessly," Ron was calling.
"Aren't you going to almost break your leg to get that?" Caelyn asked, surprise in her voice.
"Nope," still concentrating on the eggs, trying not to be enraged…at either of them.
"Are you two fighting?" I wouldn't look over at her, but I could tell my mother had her eyes narrowed in utter suspicion.
I thought fast. "No, he's being stubborn. He didn't want to wait until tonight to talk, but I told him I don't want him wasting the money. I know they don't have much right now."
"Oh! I didn't know that. Are they going to be okay? Do they need some help?" The concern in Caelyn's voice softened me up, but it also made me speculate why someone who had such a great heart would do anything to bring me harm. I started to wonder if she could, possibly, have a valid reason for hiding the health cards from me. If so, what could that reason be?
"Ron's playing a lot of gigs, so they should be okay." I finally turned to face her. "I don't think he'd take any kind of handout anyway."
"Yes…" She turned her eyes heavenward, thoughtfully. "He seems like that type of person." I knew she was thinking back to the time she'd offered to pay his tuition, as was I. How could someone as generous as Caelyn want to hurt her own daughter? My quick temper had cooled quite a bit, but I was still feeling very confused.
Mom looked at her watch. "Oh no! I have to run, Mink! Don't forget, I'll be at a client dinner tonight, but you tell Ron that if he needs any help…"
I shoved her purse at her. "Yes, yes! I will. Here. Go…go!" My attempt at shooing her out the door and avoiding further, dangerous confrontation worked. She kissed my forehead and told me to try not to worry, before sprinting out the front door.
*She's still lying to you…about several things,* a little voice in my head reminded me. My phone started ringing again. "I guess her apple doesn't fall far from Ron's tree," I countered, aloud.
"Well, if she's doing what you think she's doing, I'll have no problem confronting her about the whole thing, including the health cards," I told Susie as we rode the SkyTrain downtown that afternoon. I'd waited until we were safely away from the school to tell her about the morning's discovery. None of our little group knew I was having health problems except Susie, and I wanted to keep it that way.
"So, how are you doing, anyway? Anything else weird happen?" Susie queried lightly. She knew I didn't like talking about my condition, that the effects made me feel powerless. I was much happier forgetting about it entirely when I could.
"Well, I'm still starving all the time, weird cravings"—I'd never revealed specifically what those were—"and sometimes my senses seem like they're on overload…"
"In what way?" Susie asked.
"Well, it's like I can hear things I shouldn't be able to hear. Some stuff I eat…well, if it's something I really like…it's like my taste buds are ridiculously amped up—not a completely bad thing. And when I am hungry, I can���t help eating those things; I have no choice…or control…"
"Like sweets?"
"Like meat…actually." Susie raised an eyebrow at that, and I felt like a freak again, antsy and fearful of rejection.
"Hmmm, the meat craving could mean your body needs some iron. Or some other vitamins and minerals. Maybe that's causing the other things to malfunction. I've read a lot about how you can be lacking in a certain vitamin, and how it causes all sorts of bad stuff to happen."
"That could be it." I���d never considered such a possibility before. "Thanks, Susie. I have to admit I've been skipping the fruits and veggies of late. I bet you're right!" I felt a new sense of relief course through me. "Hey, I bet that causes problems with teeth too. I mean, we are still growing…for a little while longer anyway. My diet has been too meat heavy. Milk, fruits, veggies and multivitamins. I bet that's the fix!" I needed her suggestion to be the fix. My whole mood brightened, considerably.
"Yep, I'm a genius." Susie beamed back at me. "Wow, but the protein must be super good for your hair! It's so gorgeous." She ran her fingers down one thick, shiny strand.
"The next station is Burrard. Burrard Station," the SkyTrain speaker announced.
"Well, her office is on Pender, so that's us!" Susie stood and looked at me expectantly. I rose and followed her to the doors.
Lucky for us, there was a Starbucks right across from my mother's office building. I felt twitchy, being so close to her without her knowledge, so I ordered a hot chocolate instead of a coffee. I didn't believe Caelyn would actually consider that choice to be much better. We settled into a window seat, both sets of our eyes locked on the revolving glass door of the tower. Even when we talked to each other, we didn't turn away.
Ron's ringtone sounded again, shortly after we'd settled in—so exasperating!—so I turned the sound off on my phone and, with an afterthought, the vibrate mode as well. Spying on Caelyn set me on edge, and I just couldn't have any other distractions at the moment.
"There she is!" Susie thought my mom looked like an elegant Italian model and was always talking about how beautiful she was after they'd met. I knew, before I locked eyes on my mother, Susie wouldn't be mistaken. We'd been waiting for over an hour, since we'd walked straight to the SkyTrain from school, but Mom was still leaving work a little early.
And she wasn't alone.
The days grew dark early in October, so the sun was well on its way to slumber. Long shadows were thrown across the paths of the people passing on the sidewalk across the street. The tall man had come out after Caelyn, and we'd been so focused on her, neither of us had gotten a good look at him while he was still inside the well-lit lobby. Outside, he fell in beside her—of course on the side farthest from my and Susie's prying eyes. He was enveloped in the deepening shadows of the buildings, reminding me of my dreams.
"Oh! I can't see him at all!"
"But…there is a guy," I sulked.
"Clients can be guys." Even though the whole thing had been Susie's suggestion, she seemed to be rooting for my team once she'd taken note of my expression. "Come on! Before they get away!" She leapt to her feet, dragging me by the hand as she made for the door.
Once we crossed the street, I noticed my mother and Mystery Man were barely in view. As if reading my mind, Susie squealed, "Hurry, let's get closer!"
We ducked through the crowds, excusing ourselves in quiet voices and shortening the distance between us and the pair ahead. My mother had on a long, cream-colored sweater, so it was easier to keep track of her amid the sea of dark coats in the mounting gloom.
A dark shape moved into the small of her back…the guy's arm. I, unexpectedly, felt a bolt of possessive resentment. "Hey, did you see that?!" I fumed at Susie. "He's got his arm around her."
Susie grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Calm down. Any guy doing business with your mom is going to try to touch her. That doesn't mean it's welcome on her part."
"Yeah…you're right." That brought back memories of the wormy client back home. Poor Caelyn!
That line of thought disappeared in the next moment. Caelyn turned toward the stranger and tilted her face up to him. He stopped walking and brought his face to hers to kiss her…on the mouth! She allowed the intimacy. Susie and I stopped dead in our tracks, too.
The kiss lingered for a moment, and then they walked on, that time hand-in-hand. I thought flames might shoot out the top of my head at any second.
"Ow! Maura!! Don't squeeze so hard!" Susie was trying to wrench her hand from mine. Her face was contorted in pain.
I released her immediately. "Oh god, sorry Susie!!" She held the hand close to her chest, rubbing it gingerly with the other.
"Geez! You don't know your own strength! I think it's broken." Her expression appeared wounded, as well.
"You do?! Oh no…I'm so sorry! Let me see." Instead, she shook it, curling all the fingers.
"I think it's okay." She was still wincing. "Seriously, though, have you been working out?" I noticed the darkening, already, under her pale skin which heralded the advent of a nasty bruise.
"I—I…"
She shook the appendage one more time, looking up. "Crap! We're going to lose them. Hurry!" Susie didn't take my hand again but dragged me along by my wrist instead. My mother and her secret lover were strolling along slowly, so it required little effort to catch up.
We kept a safe distance, but I could still see enough details, by the shop window lights, to put two and two together. Caelyn was leaning into whoever-he-was, and she turned to smile at him quite often. Any worry I'd had about being discovered quickly melted away. My mother's attention was too fiercely captured for her to catch on to being followed. I couldn't help but feel deeply betrayed, even though some part of me could understand why she might want to keep the relationship a secret from me for a while.
I stumbled over my own two feet at the unadulterated shock of it all as I walked along, uncharacteristic for me. Susie was very quiet at my side. Finally, the couple turned into a quaint-looking little restaurant which more closely resembled a cottage. The sign overhead read 'La Gavroche.'
"Oh! I've heard of this place!" Susie exclaimed. "It's supposed to be one of the most romantic restaurants in Van…" She stopped talking when noticed my scowl.
"Let's cross the street and see if they sit by the window?" Susie suggested.
"No, I've seen enough. I want to go home." The tone of my voice sounded almost as miserable as I felt.
Susie ran her hand over my back in a gesture of comfort. "Are you okay?"
I simply shrugged, completely beaten down…by my mother, by Ron, by life in general.
"I hate to say it, Maura, but it was bound to happen sooner or later, ya know?"
I couldn't help but glare at her.
"Oh, come on; think about how happy you were with Ron, right? Don't you want that for your mother? I'm sure she has every intention of telling you, once she thinks the time is right. I mean she always seems like she's so worried about you, and I can tell she's not a bad person."
Curiously enough, I'd been having precisely the same thoughts that morning. "Yeah, I don't want to admit it, but I guess you're right." I sighed in defeat.
There wasn't really anything to get angry about…that could be justified anyway…and I'd never been one of those teenagers who flew off the handle at every little imagined crisis. The words Susie had spoken started to burn in my mind.
"Oh yeah, Ron. I guess I should talk to him too." I fished in my pack for my phone.
"Yeah, maybe it's time you asked him about that girl. Are you calm enough to do that, though?" Susie looked pretty motherly herself at that moment. She wrapped her hand around my arm as I brought the phone up out of the bag.
"Maybe. I just hate the way things are… Oh my god!" I'd hit the home button, and the screen showed me the list of things I'd missed. At the top was a text from Ron. I squealed with excitement as I turned the phone around to show Susie.
Maura! Natalie is my COUSIN!! I've been trying to talk her out of leaving college because she's homesick. I knew Merina would give you the wrong idea and I wanted to tell you with a call, not this way, but I guess you were mad? Can we Skype tonight please??? You know you're my favorite girl.
Susie squealed almost as loudly as I had.
"So, she's really going out with someone?" Ron winced on my computer screen as he spoke.
"Well, Susie did point out that it's been seventeen years… I guess she's due?" I hated admitting she was, even as I was reasoning the whole situation aloud to Ron. I guess I'd always hoped, somehow, by some unlikely miracle, the father I'd never gotten to know would find his way back to my mother and I.
"I guess so…" Ron answered. "But I know you well enough to see you aren't completely on board with the idea. Am I right?"
"I just always wished… I know it's stupid…" Allowing myself the luxury of playing out my lifelong fantasy hurt a lot, and I was dangerously close to tears.
"You want your dad back. Believe me; I know. When mine died, I might have been young, but that's all I wanted for the longest time and still do. But you never got to know yours at all. I think that's way worse." Ron was being very generous, especially being faced with the very real possibility of losing his remaining parent. At least I'd always had my loving, if overprotective, mother and was in no known danger of having her disappear from my life.
I just nodded, my eyes in my lap. I hated crying in front of other people, even my own mother.
Ron knew me perfectly well. He changed the subject. "So, are you going to confront her about the health cards? I still think you need to go see a doctor, and I can't imagine why she'd want to keep you from going. Maybe I could talk some sense into her?"
My mother and Ron having a discussion about my well-being. I was horrified at the thought. I knew exactly how Caelyn would take that—as insulting, at the very least. "No!" The word came out more vehemently than I meant it to. "I mean, believe me, my mom does not appreciate parenting advice. I've seen people try, and nothing gets her back up more. I don't think it would help. But, I have a plan."
"Oh, you do?" He smiled in a sly manner. "I should've known. You're always full of good ideas. My clever beauty."
I couldn't help but blush and look down again, but quickly gathered my composure. "Thanks…but yeah, I don't want to reveal anything yet. I need to catch her off guard. I can't really be around her, because if I am, I know my curiosity will get the best of me, and I'll have to ask about the guy. If we start fighting about that, I'll lose my temper and start screaming about finding the health cards."
"Right, and no one wants to be on the receiving end of that." He grinned in a knowing way.
"Hey! I said I was sorry for ignoring your calls!"
"I know. I just couldn't help teasing you about it again." He was enjoying my guilt far too much. "But, please, continue with this plan for your poor, unsuspecting mother."
"Poor unsuspecting! She hid my health card from me and is dating some man in secrecy!" I crossed my arms over my chest with a huff of angry breath.
"You're so cute when you're angry." He smiled disarmingly, making me giggle. "Okay, now continue."
I realized he knew completely how to push my buttons, alarming, but still effective. "Okay…" I gave him a mock look of warning. "So, tomorrow, I need to do two things. The first is to stay away from her, so nothing slips out."
"Does she have another dinner? I thought she didn't do those back to back?"
"No, so I have to get out. I'm going to see if Susie will go to the library downtown with me tomorrow night."
"Downtown?" I could tell by his expression he didn't like that part of the plan. "I hope she'll go, because I don't like the idea of the two of you there at night by yourselves. So, you going alone is definitely a bad idea. You should just go to the library in New West."
Who was being overprotective then? I decided to ignore his concerns. "Well, that would defeat the second part of my plan. I'm going to 'steal' my health card out of Mom's purse and go to the clinic instead. I have to go downtown because the one in New West is closed for renovations."
"Oh wow, so you're going to the doctor behind her back." He thought about my idea for a moment. "Well, I can't say I'm against the idea. I don't know why your mom would put it off, but I can't see a good reason for doing so. You might be right, and she's too distracted by this new guy to see how badly you need to go. I mean, if nothing else, for your own peace of mind…and mine, of course. I don't want anything to happen to you… I can't lose you." He actually looked fearful when he said that.
I was desperate to quell the spark of fright in his eyes. "Another great reason to do this my way. Don't worry!" I unconsciously brought my hand up to the screen, wishing I could touch him across all the stupid miles between us. "I'm going to have them do all the blood tests in existence and check everything out, those weird, sporadic headaches too. It'll be okay." I was reassuring myself in addition to Ron. Facing the eventuality of going to the doctor made the chance of getting bad news a rock-solid reality.
"Oh! She's home!" I heard Caelyn's key turn in the lock. "Let's cut the anmay and octorday talk." I winked and smiled at my own joke.
"Cool." He gave me a thumbs up.
"Mink!" my mother called out as she came into my room with a small knock. I fumed at her with my eyes, and she remembered she wasn't supposed to use my nickname in front of others—any others—especially that one. "Sorry! Maura, is that Ron?"
"Yes!" I couldn't help but transmit back happy; I was so glad everything had been straightened out between us. Having Ron back, after I'd felt like he was being torn away from me, had delivered a good chunk of calm amid all the other storms raging inside me.
"How are you, Dear? How's your mother?"
"She's a lot better, thanks, Ms. DeLuca. I'm fine too, just studying and playing a lot."
"Well, don't you wear yourself out too much." I noticed Caelyn's eyes had a misty, dreamy kind of look to them. Her dinner date must have gone well.
"I won't," Ron promised.
"And if you need anything, anything at all, you let me know, okay? You have my cell number. You can call anytime."
"Thanks, Ms. DeLuca." Ron looked a little uncomfortable. I knew he didn't like the suggestion. The pride in his voice, when he'd told me how he'd been paying all the bills not covered by his mom's disability check, told me he felt good about being able to take care of himself.
"Well, don't stay up too late, okay? I'm going to bed, but, Maura, we can have dinner tomorrow, spend some time together. Do you want to go out?"
"Actually, Mom, I can't." I couldn't help but notice Ron squirm onscreen, out of the corner of my eye. I shot him a quick look I hoped would remind him to stay cool. "I have a huge paper due next week, and I have to go to the library downtown tomorrow night." I had a weird, swirly kind of flitting in my stomach…the product of lying to my mother's face with her wide green eyes set upon me.
"Downtown?" She didn't like my plan; that was apparent in her frown and the troubled furrows on her brow. "Why can't you go to the library in New West?"
Apparently, my skill at concocting untruths on the fly was improving. "Because that library sucks! Susie and I went there after school, and they have nothing! Come on, Mom; Susie's going with me."
"Okay…" She paused, thinking. "But only if you two meet me for dinner after."
"Mom!"
"That's the only way to get a yes, Maura Maxine!"
"Mom! Not the middle name!"
Ron chuckled. "Maxine, huh?"
I turned briefly to dart my tongue out at him. "Hush, you!"
"Well, do we have a deal?"
"Alright, alright!" I was running numbers inside my head and realized I'd have plenty of time to get to the clinic before I had to meet Caelyn. And by the time I did, it'd be too late for her to stop me. If she just wouldn't discover my missing health card... I sighed. It was going to be another sleepless, restless night..