"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I asked quietly, not wanting to wake anyone else as well.
"Dunno, thought I heard a groan," Leo replied around a huge yawn, his bones creaking as he sat up and looked around groggily. His movements made a small throw-pillow to fall on the ground and I walked towards him to pick it up.
"I didn't realise I made the sound out loud," I mumbled, handing the pillow back to Leo.
"Its okay, I obviously need to move around a bit. What are you doing up at this hour? What hour is it anyway?" Leo asked as he stood up and walked towards the kitchen sink, stretching his arms above his head as he went.
"Couldn't sleep. Its not all that late really. Not even midnight yet. I just wanted to check on you guys out here," I replied watching him fill up a glass of water from the sink.
He turned to look at me with a raised brow mockingly, but didn't comment on my total lack of hospitality as he sat on a high kitchen stool, sipping the water.
I blushed in embarassment but kept quiet, not sure what I can say to save face, and at long last Leo took mercy on me and sighed.
"Don't worry, honey. We were both fine. Well, there was this slight issue of space and stuff, but we struck a bargain. Your little friend got her bed and I got her comfor—" he cut off mid-word when his gaze landed on Shy.
I saw him frown and followed his gaze to see that Shy had now wrapped her arms around her torso as she unconsciously tried to ward off the cold.
"Well," Leo cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked back at me.
"As I was saying, don't worry about us. Its just for one night anyways... She—uh, I mean, we will survive. You and Caleb alright in there?"
I nodded, "he's fine. Sleeping."
"And you?" He eyed me with concern and I shrugged, not understanding why he was concerned about me.
"Why won't I be? Its not like I am the one who's been having trouble sleeping."
I knew I had already asked too much of him today, but still at the thought of Caleb and his bruise-like dark circles, I couldn't resisting asking, "Leo, why has he not been sleeping well lately? He looked like he hasn't had a restful eye-shut in weeks."
Leo was back to staring at Shy's crumpled up form but at my question his eyes snapped back to me and his frown deepened.
"Lately? As far as I can remember, Caleb has always had trouble with sleeping. Especially after the accident."
"Accident? When was he in an accident?"
Was it when he had disappeared for 2 weeks? Was it why he had disappeared? The thought of Caleb being hurt and alone didn't sit well with me.
"Long back... When he was 16 or something," Leo said vaguely, frowning as if he was trying to piece something together.
"How can you not know about Caleb's sleeping problems? You've spent nights with him and I know first-hand that he isn't exactly quiet about it."
Usually, Leo's choice of words would've made me blush, which would've made him laugh at his own innuendo. But right now, he looked genuinely confused. Like he couldn't understand how I could've shared a room with Caleb more than once, but still not know this key information about him.
So I shrugged again, deciding to take his otherwise suggestive words at its face value.
"Well, there was this one time when I woke up to find him walking around, looking kinda confused back at that cottage in Boston. But other than that, I don't remember him having any sleep-related trouble."
Now Leo openly gawked at me.
"You mean you've never heard him talk in his sleep? Or, walk around, struggle? Or.... I don't know, cry out and flounder? Nothing but 'kinda confused'?"
I shook my head. Honestly, I had no idea what he was talking about. I briefly remembered that morning long ago when I had found Caleb standing near the pool very early in the morning, looking lost and confused.
His feet were cut up and bleeding, but he hadn't noticed it until after I had noticed the blood smeared all over the floor. Sure, that had struck me odd, but considering what moment that had led to - or should I say, nearly led to - I had assumed he must've simply not noticed.
Infact, until now I hadn't even considered why he hadn't felt his feet getting stabbed and bloodied. At the time, he had looked disoriented. Can it be that there was something more to it than an occassion nightmare?
"Huh," Leo looked just as dumbfounded as I felt and for a few minutes, both of us were quiet as we each digested a few realisations of our own.
I was pulled out of my thoughts at the sound of Leo's muttered curse. I looked up to see him get up from his place, grumbling low to himself as he walked up to Shy.
On his way to her couch, he grabbed the comforter he was using, and jerkily threw it onto her, making sure to cover her from shoulder to feet before straightening and turning around.
It was such a typical Leo gesture that I couldn't help but forget everything else for a moment and smile. Shy stirred, her muscles visibly loosening under the comforter as she buried herself deeper into the couch, but otherwise remained asleep.
"What?" Leo demanded, noticing my smile when I looked up back at him. His frown turned menacing and he planted his fists onto his hips as if daring me to comment, but I simply smiled bigger and shook my head.
"Absolutely nothing,"
"Damn right, it isn't," he replied, trying to look intimidating by narrowing his eyes, but the effect was somewhat hampered by the carefully low voice he kept so as to not wake anyone up.
But then he tilted his head as he looked at me with a contemplating look on his face, bringing us back to our original discussion.
"But Caleb not getting his ages old night terrors around you is something. It is definitely something...." He trailed off, his narrowed eyes looking thoughtful this time.
"Nobody said he doesn't get them 'around me' specifically," I replied, feeling the need to point that out. For some reason, the thought of having someone that affected by me was burdening.
"Maybe he is just healed," I continued, thinking along the lines of my suggestion.
"You said he had the accident when he was 16. It was a long time ago. Maybe defence mechanism, or healing mechanism, or whatever it is called kicked in and he just got over his trauma. Time heals wounds, right?"
I turned my back to him and walked up to the sink to fill a glass of water for myself and hoped Leo was done with his contemplation. I was actually low-key freaking out without even knowing why, and I wished Leo would stop this line of conversation. But instead of reading my discomfort and dropping the subject, he just shook his head and continued.
"No, he isn't 'healed', as you put it. For one thing, nobody knows how to help or heal him. The doctors call it subconscious guilt. And Caleb doesn't remember what he feels guilty for so its kinda difficult to treat him. When you don't even know what kind of wounds you have, or where they are and how you got them, it gets all the more difficult to heal."
"And for another thing?" I asked as I finished up my water. Subconscious guilt? Curiosity was getting better of me, but then any information about the mysterious Caleb Cross was bound to raise my interest.
"Well, for another thing, he had night terror attacks after returning from Boston. Remember when he was away from work for two weeks? That was after you found him being confused? I know for a fact that he got them then, because I had stayed over at his place a few times, and like I said, he isn't exactly quiet when he has them."
I rinsed my glass, and watched over my shoulder as Leo planted himself onto his makeshift bed again, still deep in thought as he continued.
"But he didn't have any when he was with you in Boston. Come to think of it, I didn't hear peep from your room that night when you two stayed over after the bonfire. And he definitely didn't have any nightmares tonight. The only conclusion is, something about your presence calms him enough to not have these attacks."
And I so love you, Ruth Brooke.
His words from earlier that evening came back to me, and I swallowed hard. No, it can't be right. They were just some meaningless words mumbled by a drunk and sleep-deprived man who was running high on the intense makeout session we'd just had.
But even though I was the one who came up with that explanation, it didn't bring me much comfort. Because I knew I was falling for Caleb. Or maybe, I already had fallen for him without even realising it.
But the thought of Caleb waking up tomorrow morning and rubbishing his words from tonight was a very high possibility. He was drunk and out of his senses, afterall.
And I was scared to death at the thought of getting my hopes up by his incoherent words, only to be crushed when he was back to being Caleb Cross, as sharp as a knife again.
As much as I wanted to believe that I was as special to Caleb as he was to me, the thought of getting rejected by him was more than I could bear. Better to not get my hopes up, so that the blow - whenever it comes - is easier to endure.
"Earth to Ruth," Leo's voice pulled me out of my thoughts again, and I saw that he was back into his semi-horizontal position.
"We can't solve the mysteries of Caleb's brain in the middle of the night any more than his doctors can, honey. Best to get some sleep. We've all had an eventful day."
It was true. Worrying over my impending rejection at the hands of Caleb was going to do me as much good as lingering over his drunken confessions of love. Instead, I focused on the things that can do someone some good.
Filling up another glass of water, I fished out a couple of Tylenols from a cabinet above the sink, and decided to leave it on my bedside table, incase Caleb wanted to cut his loses and make a run for it before I could wake up tomorrow morning. Whether I was preparing for that or hoping for it, I had no idea.
As Leo wiggled to get comfortable in his highly uncomfortable sleeping arrangement, I tried to remember if we had another comforter tucked somewhere in the house. There was probably a tatty, old one in the lenin closet, but I had no idea whether Shy had thrown it out on one of her monthly cleaning spree or not.
"I can get you another comforter," I offered to Leo, gesturing at the one he had returned to Shy. If push comes to shove, I will give him my own considering the fact that it was way more cold out here than inside the bedroom.
"Nah, I'll be fine. Your little friend needed it more than I do anyway, being so tiny and all. Besides, I'm a big boy and its just for few more hours anyways. Once the rain stops, I'll let myself out."
"You sure? Its pretty cold out here and—" I started again, but Leo simply flapped - or was it a wave? - his hands and said, "stop fretting, I'll be just fine."
I sighed, then started to walk back to the bedroom, but stopped at the threshold when I heard Leo call out.
"Oh, and Ruth?"
I turned to see him smiling at me, a brotherly smile instead of the teasing, humorous one he usually had on as he said, "Happy Birthday, honey."