Caleb's POV
(6:38am)
Shy's parting words kept running through my mind on a loop as I walked out of their apartment building.
"You can't be vulnerable to Ruth, or be devastated by her ever again if she is no longer there in your life, right?"
That was what I had wanted, wasn't it? To not be as devastated as I had been when Ruth had hopped onto that plane without a backward glance.
And this was the only logical way to avoid that. Right? But then why did her sentence not sit well with me? Why did I feel like I was not understanding something that was too obvious?
The sidewalk that stretched on either side of the building was wet from last night's downpour. It had slowed down to a light drizzle now, but the puddles were still filled up with murky water wherever chunks of stones were missing.
The sky was slowly brightening, but it felt like a dark cloud had descended over me. I looked around, trying to locate my car, but then remembered that I had taken a cab here last night owing to the state of my drunkenness.
Should I commend myself to have atleast gotten one thing right yesterday of not driving while being drunk? Nope, right now I didn't feel like commending anything.
It was a humble neighborhood with many old warehouses that were turned into apartment buildings. The roads were empty, save for a few people loitering about, and since it was so early on a Saturday, the cabs were out of question. I resigned myself to walking a few blocks to the nearest bus stand.
As I walked, bits and pieces from last night came back to me. And along with it came some regrets. Like, how I shouldn't have purposely gotten drunk, or that I shouldn't have come to meet Ruth when I could barely keep my eyes open.
But it had felt important. And logical. Almost as logical as stopping us from going all the way last night. A memory poked at my brain.
".... Besides, we still have a lot to talk about before going there."
I stopped in my tracks. I had wanted to tell her something. But what? The memory hovered at the edge of my conscious, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't grasp it.
"And I so love you, Ruth Brooke."
No. No, that can't be it. Besides, its not like I had waited until morning to say that.
Maybe that's why I had drank so much. To have the courage to say whatever it was I had planned to tell her. Come to think of it, maybe that's why I had even gone to her house despite knowing that I was too drunk to talk. In my inebriated state, I wasn't afraid that she'll flat out tell me to get lost.
Some liquid courage every once in a while was fine, but was I a coward who had to get drunk to even talk to someone? I didn't relish that idea at all, and right then and there vowed not to get drunk again. Especially when I thought I needed it.
A cold wind blew, cutting into my skin and I realised that even with dry clothes, I was not dressed to be out and about so early in this cold. I started walking again, rubbing my palms together as I went to ward off some of the cold, and noticed the bruises on my knuckles. That must be the result of my fights with Leo.
Another shot of guilt spiked through me as I remembered my behaviour towards him yesterday. Despite all that I had said and done, he had still come to find me all the way here.
Then again, if he hadn't touched Ruth, this whole mess could've been avoided. My brain flashed to that moment when I had entered the cabin and found them both within a kissing distance of each other.
Even now, my blood boiled at the memory, especially when I remembered her sitting on that same corner of the desk where not so long ago, I had kissed her senseless on the night of Halloween party. How could she sit on that desk - on our desk - with another man touching her?
I looked up at the sky, and took a few deep breathes. No, I won't let those thoughts poison me against Ruth or Leo. I won't let—
"Should I be worried at this habit of yours to stop and zone out in the middle of the street?" A deep voice broke through my thoughts. I looked up, instinctively knowing that the call was meant for me, and found - yep, you guessed it - Leo leaning against the passenger side of his car, arms crossed over his chest.
And turns out, he was right. Lost as I was in my thoughts, I had stopped walking in the middle of the street crossing that could've been fatal had it been any other time of the day.
His black eye looked more prominent in the light of the day, though for the life of me, I couldn't remember when he had gotten it. Even though he had a tiny smile on his face, he looked tired, his shirt wrinkled and still slightly wet.
Fresh guilt rose up within me again, but I tamped it down. It was his fault for touching Ruth, I reminded myself. He knew me better than anyone, and should've known better than to touch her after all.
I ignored him and crossed the road, walking past him and saw the bus stand looming another block or so away.
"Need a ride?" He called out after me, with a slight smile in his voice and some of the anger left me.
This was Leo after all. The guy who knew me - and probably spoilt me rotten - since I was born. He always had my back, always looked out for me and always - always - forgave me, whether I asked for forgiveness or not.
So, I turned around, and marched back to him, noting the smirk on his face as I replied, "I would rather walk."
But still kept walking towards him with my hands stuffed into my pocket and maintaining a stoic face. He pushed himself away from the door, and walked around to the driver's side while I settled into the passenger seat and pulled on the seatbelt.
"How're your clothes all crisp and dry?" He asked with a slight outrage in his tone as he buckled in, and I fought back a smile.
"They have a washer—"
"No, they don't—"
"—in Ruth's bedroom." Leo swore, pulling at his uncomfortably wet shirt. And I knew that just like that, all was forgiven and forgotten, atleast in Leo's mind.
Regardless of any issues I had with Leo, if there was one thing that I had always admired the most about him, it was his inability to hold a grudge against anyone. Especially me.
In business, he made his adversaries pay dearly for causing him even the slightest bit of distress, but with me, he neither asked for apologies, nor waited for amends.
It was water-under-the-bridge for him within a few minutes. Maybe he was like that with everyone he considered to be a part of his family, but I wasn't sure. At times, being with him felt easier than being with myself.
Now, my ability to hold grudges was a different story altogether. Leo went quiet after that, letting me stew over my thoughts.
"What do you think about that flower shop? They are just opening up. Those roses on their display are really beautiful, don't you think?"
He asked after driving for a few minutes. We were on a more commerical street now, the shops were setting up for the day to begin, and sure enough there was an elaborate bouquet of blood-red roses on display at one of the shops he was pointing at.
And this was why I preferred not to be around him despite all his other virtues. He was just, plain weird.
"Leo," I looked at him patiently as he presumptuously parked the car at the curve of the road that was directly opposite to the flower shop.
"There is no need for flowers. Besides, you know that I'm not a flower kind of guy." I let him down easy, not wanting to disrupt the peace we had just managed to establish.
"Huh, that's true. Well, how about some chocolate cake or cupcakes then? There's a bakery right next to—" he started again, but I cut him off, losing my patience despite myself.
"You know, I don't like anything chocolate," I snapped at him this time. Well, that wasn't exactly true. I seemed to like the smell of chocolate when it was mingled with that unique scent that radiated from Ruth. Come to think of it, I even liked the taste of it if it was smeared on her—
I squeezed my eyes shut, and pinched my nose bridge to rein my thoughts in and back to the present.
"Look, there's no need for apology gifts. Let's just go ho—"
"Apology gifts?" He cut me off, sounding confused.
"Or apology," I amended, opening my eyes and looking back at him with what I hoped was a forgiving expression.
"I forgive you for yesterday, alright? No need to buy me flowers or choc—"
"Buy you flow— YOU forgive ME?" This time when he spoke, it was on a note of utter disbelief in his voice. And then, that disbelief turned into a mockery.
"So, let me get this straight," he turned to face me and started ticking the points off his fingers.
"You behave like an asshole to me and Ruth, then pick a fight and throw punches that pushed Ruth to resign. Then you disappear for hours, only to come back and pick a fight again because Ruth resigned, duh."
I opened my mouth to defend my actions, but apparently Leo wasn't finished. He held up a finger to indicate that he wasn't done and continued.
"Then, you go and get drunk, nearly knock Ruth's door down, scare her roommate, refuse to leave until you've spoken to her, get to spend the night in a warm bed, get to walk around today in dry clothes. And, after all the shit YOU put everyone else through, you think YOU deserve an apology?"
"Well, I didn't —"
Maybe it was the day when my words were destined to be cut off. Before I could gather my thoughts, Leo's eyes widened.
"Wait a minute, did you ask for an apology from Ruth as well? Is that why you're here and not with her right now? Did she kick your dumb ass out?"
"What? No, she didn't. I sne— uh, walked out on my own." Leo narrowed his eyes in disbelief, and I felt myself get defensive.
"What? Its true. She didn't kick me out. She was still asleep when I left so-"
Leo covered his mouth like a drama queen that he was and gasped.
"YOU SNEAKED OUT ON HER?"
"I wouldn't call it sne—"
"Caleb Marley Cross!" I winced at his use of my middle name. He knew I hated it, and that was exactly why he had used it.
"I thought I had legally gotten rid that middle name," I grumbled, but Leo wasn't listening.
"Have you lost your mind? Do you love to complicate your life for no reason? Can you not digest something good happening to you without a struggle?"
"Leo—"
"Just yesterday, you were distraught at the very thought of losing her for ever. And rightly so, after the way you behaved. But she still forgave you. Hell, I think she wasn't even mad at you, even though your antics not only made her lose her job, but also the reputation she had worked so hard to build for years before you even set foot in that place. And now you—"
"She left, Leo!" I burst out, unable to sit passively and talked on over anymore.
"She ran away from Boston. Don't you remember that? She hopped on the first flight out of state and was gone before I had even returned to the cottage. And yesterday, she left again. What if I fall in love with her and she decides to leave? I can't make myself that vulnerable again."
"What if? Caleb, you're already in love with her."
His words froze me in my place.
"And I so love you, Ruth Brooke."
The words rattled in my mind and I felt my hands tremble so bad that I was sure even Leo could see it.
But if he did, he ignored it and continued, "You have been in love with her for a long time now, Caleb. I know it, you know it. Hell, the whole office knows it. And that's why you're running."