Helpless by: Chance Miller
It's raining today. It isn't the calm drizzle kind of rain, it was the kind of rain that would hurt if it were to be bombarded on someone's skin. I know this because the sound of pitter pattering on the window pane is getting louder by the minute, the seconds tick away on my wrist watch as I patiently wait for Hailee's arrival. I observe the rain as it pelts down on the sidewalk, the previously dark gray disintegrated pavement turning into a shade of ebony. I watch as the wetness puddles in the crevices of the uneven concrete ground.
"Mr Miller, Miss Grey is waiting for you", Megan, the bubbly blonde haired receptionist informs me as I sent a wink in her direction to which she rolls her eyes in response.
"Mr Miller, great to see you again", Hailee smiles sarcastically. Cut the act Hailee, its pathetic.
"My mission", I cut to the chase.
She scoffs "you burnt down an entire building, 12 lives were lost, 19 were critically injured, you lost important data and let the possible suspect slip away. How can I hand you another mission when you previously failed", Hailee Grey aka deputy CEO of the TACAM (Teens against crime and murder) stares at me with her infamous poker face.
My mind races to process those words. Fail? I never fail. If I don't succeed I am nothing. That is my motto, so how? "This was your last warning, this is your last warning", She purposely emphasizes on the is. "As a TACAM agent, you must be well aware of the responsibilities your post brings, am I correct?", She stares at me through her butterfly rimmed glasses, her gaze intensifies as she continues "I'm grieved to inform you that you will be replaced Agent 2. You are well aware of the amount of hard work you had to put in to receive this position and now all because of one silly mistake, you've lost it all Agent 139."
Her words spin around me like a dark abyss, taunting me. I can't move nor can I muster a word. I didn't make a mistake, I swear. It wasn't even a solo mission. So why can't I say anything to defend myself? Why can't I alleviate my punishment?
"You'll be sent back to Middletin. Helia Andrews will be your mentor and mission briefer and Mr Richard Summers will be your supervisor", she continues unfazed my by confusion or silence. That name sounds so vaguely familiar.
"Mr Summers, is my girlfriends father. Please tell me he's not involved", I blurt out, regaining my voice.
"Yes he is", those words hit me like a brick wall, a train at full speed or like a punch in the gut meant for somebody else. Did Ev even know that her dad is a TACAM agent? I helplessly watch as she fires me from my position, recruits another agent and figuratively throws me out of the TACAMHQ.
I want to yell that its all a mistake.
But is it a mistake?
Some mistakes are reversible. When you misspell a word, you can always use the back of your pencil to neatly erase the scrawl, when you forget to buy something, there's always an option to buy it again or when you miss the ball when playing a sport you can always get it back. However this mistake was larger, almost enormous and irreversible. It can't be erased, forgotten or forgiven.
"Mr Miller, need I remind you where love took you the last time, think twice about the choices you make and how they might affect you."
I rudely walk out, slamming the door behind me. The tension that hangs thick in the air is suffocating. Guilt consumes me when I think about the possibility of reconnecting with her. The girl I secretly admire. There are few words in the English language that come close to describing the intense feeling of being in love, falling in love. There are even fewer words to express the unbearable torment of heartbreak, and heartbreak from ones first love? Exactly what I felt when we had to go our separate ways.
I'd run away from love because I wasn't ready to embrace my real feelings and after my dad left all was oil and water. I hardly trusted anyone till she showed up in her chocolate haired glory and meadow green eyes.
From the moment I saw her, I felt this pull towards her. She was beautiful, absolutely stunning. She had this innocent aura around her that captivated me. I felt something in my heart, in my ice cold, closed off heart. It felt like life and warmth. Every time I touched her, I felt a spark some sort of electricity between us. An indescribable feeling. I felt hope, I felt like I had a chance to feel something warm, to feel love, to be loved. She was innocent, kind and quiet but also stubborn. She seemed shy but had a raging fire in her, I felt a connection with her, I felt drawn to her. Drawn to her innocence, to her kindness and to her adventure thirsty eyes. I liked the feeling of being around her. From that moment I realized I needed her, wanted her. At that moment she was mine.