"Memories By Evangeline Summers
Memories...what are they for you?
How much do they mean to you?
For me; memories are precious fragments of my past. Good or bad, no matter how much pain the memory brings it's precious nevertheless. My memories used to be so dear to me, but now they're inconsequential and hold absolutely no value. There was a time in my life where I'd fear waking up the next day without remembering anything, but now I wish that I could forget my entire existence. I wish that I could forget everything; about myself, my friends, my family.
Maybe if I forget who my mother is, then maybe my heart wouldn't be aching so much. It feels like someone has cut my chest open and sliced my heart, the worst part is; I can feel it, I can literally feel someone slice my heart over and over again. And no matter how much I beg that invisible force to stop, it isn't going to. Not any time soon.
But after re-reading the note I found in the locket dangling from my neck, this 'invisible force' has began to rub salt into my wounds. My mother committed suicide, or that is what I think since it sounds like a suicide note. A part of me wants to hand the note over to the police but then it would be inevitable. The fact that my mother has died, has left this world and is now in a better place would be inevitable. And I don't want to believe it, even if someone continuously bashes my head against a brick wall threatening only to stop when I accept it, I won't.
A little part of me believes that she is alive. That she is breathing, smiling, laughing, crying, that she is alive not a dead.
But that reignites the urge to forget everything, moments with my family, Carter even Dawn and Max -despite them turning out to be bigger jerks than Hitler- moments with Chance and Lisa.
Moments with mom at the lab, playing tennis or just watching those boring documentaries that leave me perplexed with tons of questions at the end. Moments with dad at the surgery or with Carter when he taught me how to play the guitar. The memories I made with Dawn at karaoke, or just simply sipping Starbucks and talking about boys, school and our notoriously boring teachers, or when we went full on out toilet papering every house in the neighborhood including ours -we don't want to seem like potential suspects- or when we'd have our weekly sleepovers slash study sessions. Even moments with Max at our extra cliché, corny dates. I want to forget the moments that once meant the world to me. I want to pretend that they don't exist and have never occurred.
"Are you ready to go?" Logan asks and I simply nod climbing into his SUV accompanied by Dax. The two of them had offered to give me a ride home as they were on their way to re-check the scene of the accident. Besides there is no other way to more clues about my mothers sudden 'accident' then to search the scene of the accident.
"Officer Logan?" I call out and he hums in response his eyes remain fixed on the road in front of him "did they find my mothers corpse?" I ask a tinge of hope in my voice. If the corpse wasn't found then I'd have to wait at least three to seven days to confirm my suspicions. My mom drove off a cliff and into a river, if my mothers body isn't found then it'll take at least three days to surface and I don't have that much time on my hands. They're planning on sending me to Middletin in two days and delaying it isn't an option.
"Nope, we haven't left a single stone unturned. Yet we still haven't found your mother's corpse. The river isn't that big nor is it that deep", he responds and I bite my lip, now there is the possibility of my mother having staged her death. She might've committed pseudocide. But for what reason?
"So?" I question suggestively "what do you think about it, was her death accidental or is there something more?" I want to- I need to know what they think about my mothers death, I can smell a rat and it smells bad. Or maybe someone farted.
"We're going to keep our theories under wraps", Dax interjects. Ugh...dude please, do you have to be so annoying. First at the station and now. When killing people becomes legal -like two hundred centuries from now- you'll be the first person I'm going to kill.
"Come on, can't you tell me a little bit?" I plead with my best doggy eyes, which is a massive failure since they're all red and puffy from the excessive crying and never ending waterworks. I probably look like a dog high on drugs.
Dax shakes his head and I pout "just let me in, on a little bit, pwetty pwease?" I emphasize on the 'little' trying to act cute throwing away whatever little pride I had left.
Dax rolls his eyes finally giving in "you're really adamant, chocolate", and I nearly choke on air from his pathetic nickname for me. That is far by the weirdest nickname I've ever been called since third grade when my teacher called me a 'cockroach.'
"Chocolate?" I scoff in disbelief "its Evangeline weirdo."
Before Dax can counter Logan interrupts our petty argument "we'll have to wait at least three days before theorizing anything, if we didn't find your mother's corpse it should resurface in at least three days and if not a week."
But I don't have that much time, I need to know whether her death is accidental, she staged it or committed suicide. And I hope with all my heart that her suicide is not related to the emails and letters she'd been receiving a week prior to the accident.
"Isn't there like a 75 percent chance that she might be alive, I mean, our neighborhood is safer than a shady alley in Iceland, my mom isn't a reckless driver but she managed to 'accidentally' swerve the car off a cliff and into a river and now her corpse has mysteriously vanished. It's a bit too suspicious for my liking", I summarize.
"So you think she committed pseudocide?" Logan asks arching a brow as his stormy grey orbs lock onto mine through the review mirror.
"Precisely, but why? People commit pseudocide for so may reasons; to claim insurance, escape a criminal conviction and the list is endless. But my mom's record is cleaner than an unpainted canvas and I doubt she did it for the insurance money since I'd end up with it anyway...unless..." It has something to do with the emails and letters my mother had been receiving. They were letters from the TACAM. Whenever I inquired mom simply brushed off the topic. What if they were threats? I bite my lip shaking my head, I shouldn't jump to any conclusions.
"I didn't know kids these days were so smart, chocolate you should join the TAC-" Before Dax can complete his sentence the car unexpectedly swerves cutting him short and I pop my head out the window to look for the thing responsible. But there was nothing in sight, not a single soul, car or creature. Just the endless darkness that seemed to spread for miles on end eating up anything in its path. Furthermore it is too late for anyone to be lingering around, no animals either since it is the middle of a city for crying out loud. So he did it on purpose to get Dax to stop spewing everything like a parrot high on sugar.
"Jesus Christ, I thought I was going to die", Dax mutters placing a hand over his heart trying to calm himself down.
"Sorry", Logan apologizes. He doesn't sound very sorry, though. More like relieved. Mom had always taught me how to analyze people, whether they were friends, family members or even random strangers. She had taught me how to differentiate when someone was lying and when they weren't. At this precise moment I believe that it'll come extremely handy.
"You did that on purpose, didn't you", I confront and he looks away avoiding eye contact. Bingo! Mom said that when a person lies they will; avoid eye contact, itch their face and blink excessively and that is exactly what Logan is dong right now.
He's an FBI though, aren't they usually the ones who read people and can perfectly tell when someone is lying? So isn't he supposed to be able to conceal the fact that he is lying?
"I didn't, I just thought I saw something", he clarifies but I'm not buying that.
"And...how am I supposed to believe you? I for one don't see anything except the endless darkness that's eating up the world outside this car?"
Dax snickers nudging Logan, another dead giveaway that Logan was lying and I can't believe Dax is in this too. 'TACAM' Dax said that but stopped midway when Logan swerved the car. The TACAM were sending my mother emails and letters presumably threats since she was sheet white after reading them. Do they belong to the TACAM? Why is the TACAM involved in my mother's death? Are they behind it? But if they killed my mother what do they want to do with me?
"I already know about the TACAM, mom was receiving letters and emails from them." Did the TACAM abduct my mother? "Dax what if the TACAM were blackmailing my mom and when she didn't listen they killed her?"
"Highly-unlikely. But you sure are sharp for a kid."
My breath hitches in my throat, he completely avoided the topic and sided with them. Is he from the TACAM. I need to get out of this car RIGHT NOW.
"You're from the TACAM aren't you? Where is my mother?"
"Woah, woah chocolate, you've got it all wrong. We're just doing our job protecting innocent civilians", Dax chuckles nervously.
"No! The truth is irrefutable, the TACAM are behind my mothers death and you two are from the TACAM", I conclude my heart racing like the beat to a techno song. I need to get out of this car but the damn door is locked.
"Gee, we got caught. You mom used her last resort, pseudocide so why don't we do the same. We'll kidnap you and hold you hostage. That ought to do the trick of getting her back."