It has been almost one year about to pass by after my 15th birthday and I have almost forgot about the weirdly specific dream I had. The dream and the the memories might have left me, fading away but it left the worst possible residue back in my life for my whole life very prominently effecting my life showing its once upon a time existence.
I was very thankful for the realization it gifted me with. I was so glad that I can realize how mean ans selfish were people been around me ever since i knew them and how wrong and stupid I was thinking that they loved me unconditionally. But that same gift caused me to be sick to my stomach whenever I came across people and realized how fake and planed their smile and decorative words were. It was disgusting how people could be such liar with such a subtle and calm mind as if they are speaking the truths of truth.
I tried my best to act polite and stay calm. But needless to say it was not working. I tried my best to see the positive side in people around me but that only left me more hurt and broken and my regular night time night became crying myself to sleep realizing how badly I was brought up surrounded by a bubble of lies.
Days passed by and I grew desparate to find a way to get myself an easier way to cope up with the toxicity going on my life. Finally I thought that I might have found out the solution after so many months of hardship. The solution actually came to me one day as my mom was going on a rant about one of our nehibour who was very rude and a bad person.
"You should not be so polite and keep quite when the person is behaving so rude. You should also reply to him rudely as thats the tone of speaking that suits him." My mom said to my dad.
And my mind worked and suddenly I had a light bulb glowing on my head moment. 'TIT FOR TAT' I thought to myself and I was over the top kind of happy that finally I found the solution to my problem. Now the only things I was gonna do was 1.Avoid 2.Fake smile and 3.Sweet fake words. I can only tackel the situation if I follow the same way the world is working around me, that is being fake.
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It been a lot of days. I am currently 16 years 11 months 30 days old and a lot has changed in these years. A lot of changes a lot of updates has happened that is hard for me to not note down on my diary. It was the night of my 15th birthday that I last shared my heart out on my diary and after so many days I was feeling The extream need to pour myself all over the white pages.
So I again opened my diary on the night before my 17th birthday.