Dear Diary~
It's been almost two years now since I last shared my heart with you. I have mixed feelings about how I am feeling right now. It seemed to be like all the feelings that I kept captivated for almost two years just came rushing out as if it knew no bound.
These years seemed to pass so fast yet so slowly to kill me bit by bit every day. It was painful in so many ways. The only thing that kept me sane was the little memory of the seven angel like boys that came in my dream once again on the night of my 16th birthday. I saw them only two times in two years yet so small like a speak of dust in a pile of sand due to the lot of toxic incident that kept on crawling in my mind.
But unlike any speck of dust they kept themselves ever so prominent like air which always stays around you no matter what the situation is.
It was once again the beautiful bright morning, birds chirping and branches of the tree beside my window knocking on my window to wake me up and sock in the beauty of the morning. I opened my eyes to see the beautiful face of the boy who had that cutest bunny smile this time. It was a beautiful view this time as well. Unlike last year this time I was more comfortable with them. They were still strangers but felt more family than ever.
I did not wanted to be busy to keep wondering about who they were and why I see them. I wanted to enjoy and cherish each and every moment I had with them till it lasted because I knew I am not gonna be with them for long. I felt a strange calmness around them. It was as if they were purifying the toxic environment around me. I was actually happy in about a year to be around them. But as I thought it was literally just a fews minutes that felt more life just a second before once again the tall man with the dimples came to me among all the happiness.
"Ahana, people are fake around you but if you also try to become as fake as them to keep up with the situation then what is even the point of you being you. You are special...don't let the toxicity take over you....u have to suffer because you are precious babygirl.....just two more year"
And then again my eyes open with the same irritating chaos surrounding me almost chocking me. It felt like I entered a room filled with poisonous gasses from a lavender garden and I was suffocating. I could not explain how badly I wanted to go back at that moment and stay in the unknown warmth and safety of those seven angel like men. Its just a few more weeks before my 18th birthday and I am so excited to see them again.
Anyway, I am going to bed now as it's almost 2:30 am at night.
I hope to see them once again to serve me the strength of living for one more year.