I think the strangest thing about this thing called life, is the fact that so many people can take it away from others. Sometimes it's the people we least expect; who takes away the most life from everyone around them...including you. The ones we love, the ones we will die for....kill for...the ones who hold so much power over us, and yet, that's not enough..
Maybe it was never enough..
***
"Angel, honey we're here." My mom said as she tugged on the earbuds placed in my ears comfortably.
"This is our new home.. let's go in and check it out before unloading the boxes."
I nodded in response to my mothers' words and followed her into the house. "Come on in honey. Go check out your room, the house is so much bigger in person. The pictures on the website give this house no justice at all."
She laughed and trotted into the kitchen; the sound of her heels echoed loudly behind her as she disappeared. I traced my hand along the shelf in front of the fireplace slowly leading to the staircase.
My other hand brushed against the wall while the other gripped the stair rail. I walked to the second door on the right and pushed the door open slowly. As I stepped through the room dust particles immediately shot in the air showing its disapproval of disturbed years of peace.
A mirror hung on the back of the door catching my attention due to the startling of my own reflection. To the right of the mirror hung a shower curtain leading to another door begging to be opened. Slowly, I opened the door peeking through as if someone was standing inside waiting to strike me aggressively against the head.
The anxiousness developed by overthinking thoughts eased immediately as a personal bathroom revealed itself with the flick of the lights. I smiled and scanned the area only to spot a closet door sitting to the far left of the toilet.
My smile instantly grew as images of my room set up completely danced along the tip of my brain. "What do you think?" My mothers' voice boomed as I grabbed my chest and jumped.
"Yes, mother I actually love it." We both laughed as she motioned for me to follow her downstairs.
"Let's unpack and then go into town to get some more house supplies. I kind of want the living room and our rooms done tonight. Mary and your cousin Elizebeth are coming over tomorrow."
"Ahh, that's nice," I said as I picked up a big box and carried it into the house. "They're staying over and if things work out Elizabeth may be staying with us for a few. You know how Mary goes on those business trips and stuff."
I listened to my mom ramble about her sister who we all knew was not attending any business trips. If anything she was chasing after men who already had businesses of their own. By six-thirty, we were done with the living room and the rooms upstairs.
"Hey, let's go chick." My mom said as she trotted out of the kitchen and into the living room.
"I need some cleaning supplies and fresheners for the house." I sighed as I closed the journal I was writing in.
During the drive we were silent. I believed it was because my mother was thinking about my dad. I mean, I guess it was understandable. I tried to start a conversation with her but it went nowhere so I eventually left her alone to her own thoughts.
I was young, yes, but I could not imagine loving someone for so long and then having to learn how to live without them. Only because they were taken by spiritual will and not the will of their own.
"So, when are Mary and Lizzy coming over?" I stared at my mom as she gripped the wheel slightly.
"Uh, yeah. I think they're coming over tomorrow morning and spending the whole day with us."
I nodded my head and smiled, "Ah, okay..about school. When do I Start?" She smiled and turned into the store parking lot.
"You start on Monday and we have to go meet the principle on Sunday." She parked the car and turned towards me.
"What do you think? I know this is going too fast but I feel like once everything is in place and we are all settled, it will be okay." She put her hands in her lap and stared at me with her big round almond eyes, while patiently waiting for me to respond.
They held tiny tears in them reflecting mini images of me waiting to fall at any minute to the mention of my father in any way. False hope was all I could give my mother, it was all I could give myself.
So, that's exactly what I did. I gave my mom the false hope that everything was going to be ok.. that starting over, picking up and leaving our lives behind.. that throwing me into a new life could help us forget about dad.
"Mom, everything is okay. We are fine and everything will work out for the better. I'm actually ready to meet my new principle and see the school I'll be attending as well." I smiled and grabbed both of her hands still placed in her lap perfectly.
"Stop worrying so much mom, you're doing everything right...now let's go in here and get what we need so we can get some rest."
She stared at me and gave my hands a motherly squeeze filled with love and admiration.
"Thank you so much baby, thank you." I smiled, rubbed her hands, and started to get out of the car just as my mother did.
We spent over a good hour if not more walking around the store, causing us to find more than the few things we needed for the house.
"Do you want to order pizza?" My mom asked from the living room as I unpacked some goods from the store in my room.
"I was kind of thinking Chinese.." I mumbled to myself.
"What about Chinese?" My mom said as I grabbed my chest and stared at her standing in the doorway of my room.
"I was just thinking that."
I smiled, "I know. That's why I said that. You have the best ideas." She leaned on the door frame and laughed.
"Ew mom, go away. You're so strange." I shook my head and started laughing as I hung up one of my new shirts. "I get it from you, you sexy thing." She winked and walked out of the room.
***
"Are you nervous?" My mom asked as she devoured a bowl of fried rice. I shoved a piece of beef in my mouth and shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't know. I mean, high school is high school..right?" My mom nodded and turned her attention back to the tv where a mom found her daughter having sex with a boy from her school.
"You know, I would kill you if you were to ever do any of that mess and I caught you." She glared at me over her glasses showing the seriousness that she refused to express with her words to the fullest.
"Yeah, I know. I know mom but I am a virgin and I don't plan on having sex anytime soon." I smiled at her and leaned back on the couch.
"Maybe we should have a sex talk, you know.. You are going to a new high school and you know.. maybe cutter boys and bigger temptations."
She shrugged her shoulders slightly while exaggerating her words and the genuine motherly love behind it.
"Uh, ok mom..no," I said as I jumped off the couch and grabbed her plate and mine.
"Besides, I'm a virgin and I plan on being one for a very, very - very long time," I shouted from the kitchen as I cleaned off the trays and placed them in the drying rack.
"Mom. I-." I stopped mid-sentence when I saw my mom laying on the couch sleep. I grabbed the throw blanket off the back of the couch and placed it on top of her.
"Only you could fall asleep this fast woman," I mumbled as I shook my head and headed upstairs to my room.
The living room disappeared behind me leaving a silent sound from the tv and dim lights in the room as well. When I reached my room I turned the shower on and prepared myself for bed.
I checked my phone and opened a message that was from my friend Abby and Tisha. They were holding signs that read "We love and miss you!!!!"
I wiped away a warm tear that fell down my face as I replied back to Abby. After my shower, I threw myself onto the bed while quickly shutting my lamp off.
I allowed all the soreness, stress, and held in emotions to cover me like a blanket with hopes that maybe tomorrow would be better.