That morning I woke up in a state of bliss. My eyes hung a little low since I stayed up most of the night with Bentley. We learned a lot about each other last night. I learned that his favorite color was orange and that he had a little sister named Cynn.
Also, I learned that his father was not around much so he was the man of the house. He was much more open with me than before. For some reason his honesty and vulnerability made me trust him even more. He was actually two years older than me. He had just turned sixteen So I guess we were really not that far from each other after all. All I could think about was Bentley.
"You two have a good night?"
My mother asked with a curious smile as she quickly put together a simple breakfast before school. Lizzy groaned slightly as my face started to fill in with the color red. I started picking at the eggs in front of me while my mother placed a small cup of coffee in front of Lizzy.
You kids and your underage drinking; it seems like you guys will never learn. She shook her head and turned towards me with a smile.
"So, how did it go with Bentley?"
She slowly sipped her coffee while peaking over the rim of her glasses.
I gulped some orange juice and smiled.
"Bentley was gentle, sweet and kind.. very kind, in every single way. He also asked me out for ice cream last night and he kissed me on the forehead."
I patiently waited for my mothers' response.
"Kissed you on the forehead." she giggled,
"Bentley seems like the smoothest thing around. I would love to meet him. What time is the date?"
Anxiously, I replied with more information on his plans for today to fill my mother in.
"Oh yeah, he's driving!"
I quickly tried to walk out of the room but my mother was quicker. She placed her hand firmly against the door as her chest slowly moved indicating her tiredness but need to slow down.
"How old is Bentley, Angel?" She placed both hands on her hips.
"Bentley is sixteen. He has a permit or whatever." I confidently announced. My mother snorted and shook her head,
"You say a permit or whatever like you actually know what you're talking about. The fact that he is sixteen makes me nervous about everything now. I will meet him tonight and the parent or parents of him as well."
Without arguing I simply agreed with her and encouraged her that everything that she wanted to happen would happen. Lizzy and I headed to the car for school with that. The ride to school was somewhat silent. My mother was stuck in her head about Bentleys' age and she was sure to stay that way for a while.
We waved goodbye silently and headed to class. Even though the agreement with my mother bummed me, the fact that Bentley and I were to see each other soon lifted my spirits instantly.
My mom never technically never said technically said no about the date, she just simply said that she was nervous but Got I prayed that Bentley did not screw this up.
Lord if he had any sense he would not screw this up. I looked up at the sky and gave God a wink. Bentley walked in just in time to see my wink rise to Heaven.
"So, I got you talking to God about me?" He smiled and lightly chuckled while taking a seat next to me. I cocked my head and chuckled.
"No, actually I was praying to him that you didn't screw this up tonight." Instantly my reply caught his attention.
"Screw what up? Meeting your mom?" Surprisingly I replied yes only for Bently to shrugged it off confidently.
" Mothers and I get along, she will love me...I promise." I stared at him and then turned towards the board while mouthing what he said to me back to myself. What the hell did he mean by that?
"In other words, your mom will appreciate the young man my mother raised. I have manners, understanding, patience, and mature characteristics."
He placed his hand on mine with slight hope reflecting in his eyes that what he just said gave me peace. In some way it did, however, my mother could see through anything.. even things in people that I couldn't see, and Bentley was no different.
For the rest of the class, Bentley tried his hardest to convince me that everything would be fine. Instead, overthinking kicked in causing me to show the thoughts onto my everyday facial expressions. The bell ringed.
I gathered the rest of my things along with a few extra pieces of homework. One sheet of homework just never satisfies a teacher. Bentley kissed my forehead and attempted to ease my worries before heading towards his group of friends and of course I trotted towards Lizzy; patiently waiting with gleaming eyes.
The end of the day couldn't have gotten here any faster. Lizzy could see my uneasiness for the situation and couldn't help but laugh hysterically when I told her the confident words that Bentley had.
Even she knew my mother was a force to be reckoned with. However, with laughs, she pulled me into a half hug throwing her arm over my shoulders and giving me the sisterly love I needed.
***
I stood in the mirror of my bathroom for almost forty-five minutes just overthinking, my mastery. Every minute I stayed was every minute the reflection starring back at my needed.
She was starting to blink on her own without my assistance. "I think it is for the best if you stop starring at yourself in the mirror."
My mother leaned on the bathroom door and smiled. I nodded me headed as I slowly started to inhale and exhale with my mothers' instructions;
"Everything will be fine."
She kissed me on the forehead with a reminder that Bentley would be here any minute.
Lizzy couldn't help but smile as I made my way down the stairs. However, the creeped out face reflecting towards her smile said it all.
"Seriously, why so smiley?" In this case, no one was laughing but Lizzy still kept her smile knowing that this was something big for both of us.
Lizzy stepped up and pulled me into a hug causing me to more so fall into her arms as I skipped the last step.
"You look beautiful in your shorts and a t-shirt."
Her disapproval laced her tone but the acceptance was all I needed. The ringing of the doorbell pulled us out of the small dramatics that was taking place.
"Ladies, get yourselves together." My other exclaimed with a smile as she walked over to the door. Her heels announced her entrance at best. My mother firmly opened the door revealing a smiling Bently.
From the looks of it, he heeded my warning a little too late. He was not ready for the hurricane Marsha was bound to release. The air suddenly became thick but no storm was keeping me away from Benetly, not today.
We sat in silence for thirty seconds..I was sure of it.
"So, you drive?" My mother questioned slowly but Bently was even faster.
"Yes, mama. Usually to work, school, and practice. I told my mom about my first date and she allowed me to drive alone." He smiled a little and looked up.
"She figured it would make me look cooler." My mother nodded and smiled. She shoed us off with warnings and love. The excitement was boiling over and I was loving every minute of it.
***
The night was young and the wind softly blew through my hair.
"Your eyes are alluring." Bentley turned towards me.
"Yeah, the stars. I find that I am able to connect with my father under the stars."
That was my personal way of coping with the death of my father. No one needed to know that. In my heart, he heard me and was looking down on me.
Bently silently continued to walk near me, brushing his hands against mine gently. I wanted to grab it. Hold it. I was scared.
"Come with me.." Bently said excitedly as he pulled his hand away from mine. He took off slowly down a dirt path and made two quick turns. One right and one left before completely coming to a stop in an open field.
The sight before me blew my mind. A small pond away from everyone. Small bubbles escaped into the night as fish silently came alive to eat the creatures of the night.
There was a tire swing to the right of the pond. While an outside swing hung on a tree to the left. How could no one in this town visit this place? It was oddly vacant too vacant for my liking but too beautiful for my curiosity not to boil over.
"We can go in the water if you would like." Bentley slightly smiled as he pulled me towards the bridge at the opening of the pond.
I hesitantly followed with threats that my mother would kill him if he tried anything. Yet instead of colliding with water, my feet collided with pedals.
"This was my grandfather's pedal boat. It was given to my father and he now shares it with "us" his family." Bentley looked off into the distance as if the childhood memories of the pond held much more promise than now.
I quickly picked up on his motions and started pedaling.
"So what's the real story about your mom and dad?"
A question left in the air for me to grab or allow free. Instead, the choice of answering was made freely.
"My father was sick..cancer; to be exact. It sucked everything out of him, my mother and I." The words flowed as musical notes in a musical movie.
"My father went from being the strongest physically to the weakest in the house in just a matter of months after chemo. My mother however became the strongest mentally and physically. She transformed into a woman I had never seen before." I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh.
"The fear she held in her eyes as she now had to carry her man on her back was replaced with integrity, love, devotion, and promise that she would be by my father's side until his dying day." Bentley continued to pedal while nodding his head giving me the confirmation I needed that he was listening.
"Honestly, she never gave herself enough time to grieve. Moving was her way of walking down a path of recovery but you can't recover from the reality you haven't accepted." I shook my head and allowed silence to fill the space in between us as much as possible.
My heart was now reflected upon my sleeve with a free unconscious will and now I had nowhere to hide it. Bentley out of all guys being that he is the only guy to ever get the VIP exclusive to my true inner soul sat silent.
I could only hope that what was revealed was accepting and more so understood. We stopped pedaling in the middle of the pond. The pressure was still intense and high lingering in the heat of the night.
My heart started to erratically beat against the sleeve of my shirt. Bentley turned his eyes towards mine with slight curiosity but understanding.
"You are very strong. Your mother as well. I know my father is in and out due to his job and I make it a big deal. However, you and your mother actually experienced loss." He shook his head but never broke eye contact.
"You saw the rose in the garden give life one last fight before wilting away and I myself lack the strength to do so." We stared at each other in silence as the sounds of the crickets grew. Another long and peaceful silence.
His words held strength that wrapped their arms around me, kissing me as if it was to give me some kind of comfort. Something that I could give my mother..almost enough to keep me going.
Almost.
***
That night we ended in a newness. Something in the atmosphere between us changed that night. A wall that was supposed to be in place was no longer there. This particular situation made me angry. More so mad at myself for opening up about something on the first date.
I knew better and yet the urge to finally allow someone other than the heaven to see. I just needed someone to understand me. I needed someone to understand just how much my mother and I fought to stay afloat. I just couldn't wrap my head around why my heart would choose Bentley. That would always be one unanswered question lingering around in my head.
Why Bentley?